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Amy Sedaris was on the ninth hour of the Today Show this morning to promote her new book, Simple Times: Arts & Crafts for Poor People. Kathie Lee Gifford, of course, was completely drunk, and Hoda Kotb had that perpetual look of confusion on her face that suggests she’s overly familiar with the many ways in which one’s life takes unexpected turns and only in brief but startling moments do you realize with cold shock that you have no idea how you even got to the very spot in which you were standing. Meanwhile, Amy goes on and on about whatever it is that she is always going on and on about. Pot holders? Drawing on shoes? White wine stretching? Who cares. I could seriously listen to Amy Sedaris go on and on about the phonebook and I would love it. She’s the best. Can we all vote Amy Sedaris in 2012? No one does it better. Whatever it is.
Marry me, Amy! Just kidding, you seem like kind of a mess in the That Stuff Department. How about we just become very good imaginary friends. Better. (Via ONTD via Rich.)
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I don’t know if it’s only this way on my browser, but I don’t remember Amy Sedaris looking quite so…Chinese. Or sailor-y.
Yeah, her dress-which I loved so much-does not look the same…
Makes her look like a boat. Or something.
Still: she is my all-time favorite.
Same thing here. Though I suppose nothing is out of the realm of possibility.
I had the same problem. You just need to eject the floppy disk and reinsert it. All better!
Should I blow into it before I put it back in?
Definitely. And make sure you push it straight down into the slot–no sideways action (TWSS).
You should get permission from your mother first, but yes.
Oh…wait. I know what happened. I pulled a Kathie Lee and got drunk this morning. False alarm, everyone!
I don’t remember her looking like a bunch of republicans….
Shouldn’t her book be called Good Times?
Let’s be real, Amy, aren’t ALL arts and crafts for poor people?
Apparently you have never been to a scrapbooking store in a weatlthy neighborhood. It’s like 20 bucks for a packet of little cut out paper pizza slices, beer glasses, and dart boards to remember the night your husband had some drinking buddys over in the basement one night.
CHINESE SAILORS WERE RESCUED AT SEA!
SHE SAVED THEM! AMY SAVED THEM ALL!
That bare-assed bullfighter has no resemblance to Amy Sedaris.
I’d appear drunk also if I was asked to pronounce Kotb more than four times aloud.
Also, if I was mother of Cody Gifford, wife of Frank Gifford. Total lush face then. Who am I kidding, I’d just be a beat old hag.
“Well since it’s here…” *Swig*
Soo, it’s ironic. Because on THIS show, Kathy Lee is a user, a boozer, and a loser.
I didn’t get Chinese Sailors! I got a matador whose pants split when he was in the ring, thus “exposing his bare buttocks, which of course we can’t show you.” You’re so coy, “Today Show”!
Hmm…seems like Gabe is trying to sneak the “real news” in under the guise of giving us Amy Sedaris. Nice try, Gabe!
A MATADOR FIGHTS BULL WITH SPLIT PANTS!
I can’t watch the video at work, but I suspect it’s amazing. Could someone do me a solid and make a gif of Jerri Blank doing the “read between the lines, pussy!” bit? That would be pretty great!
I watched it and there was just fuzz and then a skull laughing at me and then I heard a voice that said, “Soon you will be with us.” And then I heard screaming and saw terrible things.
I’m a little worried about NBC, guys.
Animalcrueltygum?
Kathie Lee and Hoda did not even appreciate Amy’s greatness! The whole time they were kind of condescending. It’s ok, Amy, I plan on buying your book and getting WASTED while crafting.
Also, you guys should check out Amy’s other book about dinner parties/entertaining, etc. It’s great!
Yeah, what is up with them?
they couldn’t be bigger condescending bitches. It makes me so happy that Amy DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK.
Recently I’ve been trying to think of long-term goals I would like to accomplish. I came up with “marry into the Sedaris family.”
I cal dibs on David.
Will you allow him to keep reading me bedtime stories?
Did anyone do a “moist as a snack cake down there” joke yet…? Not yet?
Why can’t Amy be my girlfriend? Why do I always fall for the Jennifer Petkovs and Andrew Shirvell’s of the world?
Well, I learned something today.
Out of context “Strangers With Candy” quote thread, anyone? I’m having a rough week and that’ll help.
I’ll start: “I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. And then I laughed. Really hard.”
All right, anyone who doesn’t not want to avoid passing the midterm exam, raise your hand now. Okay. Those of you who raised your hands will fail, as you requested.
Also:
Let’s do something girly, like…..paint our clitorises.
BOEHNER NEEDS TO LISTEN TO THE PEOPLE.
So I clicked on the video, expecting to see me some Amy Sedaris when I was literally four minutes into a 14 minute clip of this dude named ‘Boner’ talking about politics before I realized it was NOT Amy Sedaris OR daytime talk show. FOUR MINUTES.
That’s your Amy Sedaris clip.
Instead of Amy, I also got a Boner video. I like “We need to listen to the people”, it’s not quite “We will listen to the people” or “We are listening to the people”, but it’s nice. It’s like “I need to stop drinking”, instead of “I will stop drinking” or “I stopped drinking”.
I can listen to the people any time I want.
I fixed this for you monsters.
MSNBC’s media player = the worst.
at first i was like – hoda’s laffing b/c amy is so funny! and hoda said “twist it twist it” just like jerri blank said “fight it fight it”. hoda LOVES amy and it’s just nervous laughter from being near her idol!
THEN hoda said “are you still talking” and i was all:
I don’t know if anyone else clicked through to watch the Cake Boss interview, but talk about a puff piece! I mean, if you’re going to bring up the death of Buddy’s father the least you could do is follow it up with a question about the cake scarab. Or, you know, ask the guy about the time one of his cakes achieved sentience.
Ugh.
Seriously! And how could they NOT ask him about his ability to see into the future?!?!?
Did she have a cowbell dangling between her legs? That’s the only way I’m able to recognize her…