You guys, we should buy more pistachios! During last night’s broadcast of the World Series, whatever THAT is, the American Pistachio Council ran a 15 second ad featuring Keyboard Cat encouraging people to buy more pistachios. What a funny world we live in!

“Have you seen this commercial with the silly kitty that plays the piano? Thought you might get a kick out of it, sweetie. Lots Of Love!” – Your Mom

Honestly, I do not understand how Keyboard Cat is going to help sell pistachios. I also do not understand what Keyboard Cat has to do with pistachios. I also do not understand why pistachios need television advertising. Play me off, Keyboard Cat, because I FAIL to understand what is going on here.

Keyboard Cat isn’t a spaceship, he’s a time machine. (Via Urlesque.)

P.S. Here is a picture of Keyboard Cat with Rod Blagojevich. HUH.

Comments (118)
  1. I believe it was Keats who wrote, “Keyboard cat is pistachios, pistachios keyboard cat,—that is all / Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.’

    • I believe that is from his masterpiece, Ode to a Grecian Pistachio. Lovely work, that.

      • “The pistachio advertising executive’s only responsibility is to his art. He will be completely ruthless if he is a good one. He has a dream. It anguishes him so much that he can’t get rid of it. He has no peace until then. Everything goes by the board: honor, pride, decency, security, happiness, all, to get the ad made. If an advertising executive has to rob his mother, he will not hesitate; this pistachio commercial is worth any number of old ladies.” –William Faulkner

        • It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of pistachios. – Jane Austen

          • What a piece of work is a pistachio! how noble in reason!
            how infinite in faculty! in form and moving how
            express and admirable! in action how like an angel!
            in apprehension how like a god! the beauty of the
            world! the paragon of vegetables! And yet, to me,
            what is this quintessence of nut?

            -Shakespeare

          • “‘Pistachio, or the Confession of a White Widowed Male’, such were the two titles under which the writer of the present note received the strange pages it preambulates. Humbert Humbert, their author, had died in legal captivity, of choking on a pistachio, on November 16, 1952, a few days before his trial was scheduled to start.”

          • “Pistachio, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Pis-tach-io: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Pis. Tach. Io. “

          • “The pistachio rocks above an abyss, and common sense tells us that our snack is but a brief crack of light between two eternities of darkness.” –Vladimir Nabokov, “Speak, Pistachio”

          • I play keyboards.*

            *Here, perhaps, I should mention that this is kind of a weird detail about me because, well, if I’m being completely honest, I’m a cat. And now I’m tangled up with Big Pistachio Money, which is something that I have complex feelings about, which is also kind of odd, for a cat, I mean.

            -Dave Eggers

          • “A pistachio comes across the sky. It has happened before, but there is nothing to compare it to now” –Thomas Pynchon, “Gravity’s Pistachio”

          • It was love at first sight. The first time Yossarian saw the pistachio, he fell madly in love with it. – Joseph Heller

          • All happy pistachios are alike; every unhappy pistachio is unhappy in its own way. – Tolstoy, “Anna Keyboardina”

          • Two pistachios and two pistachios are five pistachios
            -Orwell

          • 1801. – I have just returned from a visit to my landlord – the solitary pistachio that I shall be troubled with. – Emily Bronte

          • A single green pistachio, minute and faraway, that might have been the end of the dock. – F. Scott Fitzgerald

          • “Stately, plump Keyboard Cat came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of pistachios on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed.” –James Joyce, “Ulysses”

          • “Villains!” I shrieked, “dissemble no more! I admit the deed! — tear up the planks! — here, here! — it is the beating of his hideous pistachio!” – Poe

          • “I’d prefer pistachios.” –Herman Melville, “Bartleby, the Scrivener: A Story of Wall Street”

          • Call me Pistachio – Melville

          • Riverrun, past Eve and Adams, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius pistachio of recirculation back to Howth, Castle and Environs. – James Joyce, “Finnegan’s Wake”

          • “In the room the women come and go
            Talking of Pistachios.”

            –T.S. Eliot, “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock”

          • “Call me Pistashmael.” -Herman Melville

          • The idea of eternal pistachio is a mysterious one, and Nietzsche has often perplexed other philosophers with it: to think that the pistachio recurs as we once experienced it, and that the recurrence itself recurs ad infinitum! – Kundera

          • “I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by pistachios…” — Allen Ginsberg

          • Can’t you understand? That if you take a nut like pistachio and you make it a crime to eat it in the public schools, tomorrow you can make it a crime to eat it in the private schools? And tomorrow you may make it a crime to read about it. And soon you may ban books and newspapers. And then you may turn Rod Blagojevch against Keyboard Cat, and Keyboard Cat against Keyboard Cat, and try to foist your own religion upon the mind of man. If you can do one, you can do the other. Because fanaticism and ignorance is forever busy, and needs feeding. And soon, your Honor, with banners flying and with drums beating we’ll be marching backward, BACKWARD, through the glorious ages of that Sixteenth Century when bigots burned the man who dared bring pistachios to the human mouth! – “Inherit the Wind”

          • Sing, goddess, the anger of Pistachio’s son Keyboard Cat. – The Iliad

          • “You don’t know about me without you have read a book by the name of The Pistachios of Keyboard Cat; but that ain’t no matter.” -Mark Twain

            (also, sorry, lilbobbytables! When will I learn to refresh?)

          • The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heav’n of pistachio, a pistachio of heav’n. – Milton

          • “In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some pistachios that I’ve been turning over in my stomach ever since.” -F. Cat Fitzgerald

          • Pistachios are not beautiful, but men seldom realized it when caught by her charm as the keyboard cat was. – Margaret Mitchell, Gone with the Pistachios

          • “Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you’ve got about a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies — ‘God damn it, you’ve got to eat pistachios’ ” -Kurt Vonnegut, “God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater”

          • “God gives the pistachios, but he does not crack them. ” Franz Kafka

          • I would do one of these with Keyboard Cat in Murakami’s “Kafka on the Shore,” but it would be too sad.

          • I so badly want to add in, but I have zero memory, and don’t have my library in this house. The only books I do have are less clearly known ones.

          • “nolite te pistachios carborundorum” – Margaret Atwood “The Handmaid’s (Pistachio) Tale”

          • Japanese submarine slammed two torpedoes into our side, chief. It was comin’ back, from the island of Tinian Delady, just delivered the bomb. The Hiroshima bomb. Eleven hundred men went into the water. Vessel went down in twelve minutes. Didn’t see the first pistachio for about a half an hour. Red-dyed. Thirteen footer. You know how you know that when you’re in the water, chief? You tell by lookin’ at the shell. What we didn’t know… was our bomb mission had been so secret, no distress signal had been sent. Huh huh. They didn’t even list us overdue for a week. Very first light, chief. The pistachios come cruisin’. So we formed ourselves into tight groups. You know it’s… kinda like ol’ squares in battle like a, you see on a calendar, like the battle of Waterloo. And the idea was, the pistachio comes to the nearest man and that man, he’d start poundin’ and hollerin’ and screamin’ and sometimes the pistachio would go away. Sometimes he wouldn’t go away. Sometimes that pistachio, he looks right into you. Right into your eyes. You know the thing about a pistachio, he’s got…lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll’s eye. When he comes at ya, doesn’t seem to be livin’. Until he bites ya and those black eyes roll over white. And then, ah then you hear that terrible high pitch screamin’ and the ocean turns red and spite of all the poundin’ and the hollerin’ they all come in and rip you to pieces.
            Y’know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men! I don’t know how many pistachios, maybe a thousand! I don’t know how many men, they averaged six an hour. On Thursday mornin’ chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Baseball player, boson’s mate. I thought he was asleep, reached over to wake him up. Bobbed up and down in the water, just like a kinda top. Up ended. Well… he’d been bitten in half below the waist. Noon the fifth day, Mr. Hooper, a Lockheed Ventura saw us, he swung in low and he saw us. He’s a young pilot, a lot younger than Mr. Hooper, anyway he saw us and come in low. And three hours later a big fat PBY comes down and start to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened? Waitin’ for my turn. I’ll never put on a lifejacket again. So, eleven hundred men went in the water, three hundred and sixteen men come out, thepistachios took the rest, June the 29, 1945. Anyway, we delivered the bomb.
            _Quint – “Jaws”

          • No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality; even larks and keyboard cats are supposed, by some, to dream. Pistachio trees, not sane, stood by themselves against their hills, holding darkness within; they had stood so for eighty years and might stand for eighty more. Within their branches, nuts continued to sprout, growing neat, staying firm, shells sensibly shut; silence lay steadily against the wood and drupe of the pistachio trees, and whatever walked among them, walked alone.

          • Nicholas Sparks pulls a pistachio off the shelf. “Good stuff. That’s what I eat,” he says, putting it in his mouth. “That’s what I eat.”

          • And but so on Wednesday, 11 November Y.D.A.U. the Incandenzas’ second son, disarmingly neotenous (which disarming neoteny springs from a homodontic, tooth for tooth¹ smile but too the macrocephaly that combine to render him practically latter-day-Disney² in appearance), begins to film the cat playing a clavichord, for the purpose of presenting to Avril on the purchase of her new (and cleaner, it might not need to be clarified outright, as the prior house though hygienic by most standards, has seemed to of late given Avril the fantods) house,³ when the pistachio is noticed.

            ¹ And do not doubt for one N.Y.-variety minute that the phrase “tooth for a tooth” in the reciprocal, lex talionis sense has failed to occur to Mario, although no Talmudic slouch, he ( = Mario) also is not unaware that the original passages comprising ayin tachat ayin deal in matters ocular and are more or less avian in the teeth department, and regardless whenever Ted Schacht and his concomitant “dental career” aspirations are nearby, which seems to be more often these days, Mario pulls his lips tautly over his teeth like a bathing cap.

            ² In former ETAer Michael Pemulis’ analysis, and he would hasten to add he has the math to back this up, the eye to rest-of-face ratio of Mickey Mouse in particular is approaching the asymptote of the head-border, cf. Zeno’s paradox, and he would not want to bet against M~ M~’s head just being like one colossal eyeball within three year’s time.

            ³ The planned chyron at the end of this video to read “You put the MEOW in hoMEOWner”. ª

            ª (?)

            -David Foster Wallace

          • It is important to note that the keyboard cat is not, in fact, the only accomplished musician in the feline family. It has been reported by Mr. E.F. Wigginton of Shropshire that she is in the possession of a domesticated lynx that can play the first three stanzas of “Tie a Yellow Ribbon” on the mandolin. Of course, we shall not forget to mention the myriad unconfirmed sightings of “Geoffrey,” the double bass playing Puma, in the hills of Bristol. — Douglas Adams

          • “How does it feel
            To be without a home
            Like a complete unknown
            Like a rolling pistachio?” -Dylan

          • “Please, Sir, I want some more (pistachios).” O. Twist – Charles Dickens

          • Two roads diverged in a wood, And I–
            I took the pistachios with me on the road less traveled by,
            And that has made all the difference.
            -Frost

        • “Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of pistachios and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody’s around – nobody big, I mean – except me. And I’m standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff – I mean if they’re running and they don’t look where they’re going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That’s all I do all day. I’d just be the catcher in the pistachios and all. I know it’s crazy, but that’s the only thing I’d really like to be.” -Salinger

    • “Ceci n’est pas un commercial du pistachio.” – René Magritte

      • “The pistachio is not only what can be reproduced, but that which is already reproduced, the hyper-pistachio.” — Jean Baudrillard

        • But after I got them to leave and shut the door and turned off the light it wasn’t any good. It was like saying good-by to a pistachio. After a while I went out and left the hospital, ate some more pistachios and walked back to the hotel in the rain – Hemingway

          • “I lay on the bowsprit, with the water foaming into spume under me, the masts with every sail white in the moonlight towering above me. I became drunk with the beauty and singing rhythm of the pistachio, and for a moment lost myself – actually lost my life. I was set free… dissolved in the sea, became white sails and flying spray, became beauty and rhythm and the high dim-starred sky… I belonged within a unity and joy to life itself.” – Eugene O’Neill

          • “These pistachios are making me thirsty.” –C. Kramer

    • “For sale: One pistachio, shell uncracked” – Hemingway

    • Seriously? Seriously you guys? A thread of awesome literary references, which are like my favorite things in the world (right after last night’s invention of saltine, buttermilk-vanilla frosting, and nutella, or the cider donut, egg, bacon, and walnut casserole from a few weekends ago) made by a bunch of my favorite monsters?

      Franco+pie.

    • All pistachios, except one, get eaten. –Barrie

    • I love you all so much.

    • Sheesh you guys are killing it with the literary references over here! I am giddy with the Giants win (first World Series for SF wooo!) and I love this so UPVOTES ARE ON ME! UPVOTES FOR THIS WHOLE POST!

      • NO sports references!! Downvotes!

        I’m happy for the Giants. I love great pitching, and it seems like the fans really went all out for it. I’m sad for Cliff Lee though, love that guy.

    • “I whip my pistachios back and forth” –Willow Smith

    • I finally got to the point in my life when I asked myself, “why isn’t keyboard cat making me happy?” Instead of wallowing in misery and hopelessness, I decided to make a change. Not that I have anything against keyboard cat – I hope that he finds happiness. And, I hope that I eat a pistachio. -Elizabeth Gilbert

    • One must have a mind of hunger
      To regard the meat and the shell
      Of the pistachios crusted with salt
      And have been hungry a long time
      To behold the keyboard cat dressed in green
      The pistachios in the distant container
      Of the november t.v.; and not to think
      Of any misery in the sound of your stomach
      In the sound of a few pistachios
      Which is the sound of the cat
      Full of the same hunger
      That is grumbling in this same poor cat.
      For the eater who eats the pistachio
      And, nothing himself, beholds
      The pistachio that is not there and the pistachio that is.—Wallace Stevens

      SO PISSED I’M LATE TO THIS THREAD

      • This is my favorite Wallace Stevens poem.

      • Wallace Stevens is totally my favourite! Upvotes times a million and an homage!

        Call the roller of big cigars,
        The muscular one, and bid him whip
        In kitchen cups concupiscent curds.
        Let the wenches dawdle in such dress
        As they are used to wear, and let the boys
        Bring flowers in last month’s newspapers.
        Let be be finale of seem.
        The only emperor is the emperor of pistachio ice-cream.

        Take from the dresser of deal.
        Lacking the three glass knobs, that sheet
        On which she embroidered fantails once
        And spread it so as to cover her face.
        If her horny feet protrude, they come
        To show how cold she is, and dumb.
        Let the lamp affix its beam.
        The only emperor is the emperor of pistachio ice-cream.
        - Wallace Stevens

      • I have eaten
        the pistachios
        that were in
        the icebox

        and which
        you were probably
        saving
        for breakfast

        Forgive me
        they were delicious
        so small
        and so crunchy

    • “So much depends upon a pistachio.”

      – William Carlos Williams

      • At 1am this morning I had to put my 17 year old dog to sleep.

        It’s been a rough several hours, and I want you all to know that this thread was the first thing today to successfully lift me up out of my grief, even if only for a moment. Thank you, Monsters.

        • I’m really sorry about your dog. 17 years is amazing. What kind of dog was he/she?

        • There’s no comparable hearthurt to the hearthurt of losing a pet, I’m so sorry for your loss.

          In keeping with the theme, I was going to insert some pistachio jokes into this Rudyard Kipling poem but that seems really inappropriate now and I have too many tears in my eyes for pistachio jokes now.

          There is sorrow enough in the natural way
          From men and women to fill our day;
          And when we are certain of sorrow in store,
          Why do we always arrange for more?
          Brothers and sisters, I bid you beware
          Of giving your heart to a dog to tear.

          Buy a pup and your money will buy
          Love unflinching that cannot lie–
          Perfect passsion and worship fed
          By a kick in the ribs or a pat on the head.
          Nevertheless it is hardly fair
          To risk your heart to a dog to tear.

          When the fourteen years which Nature permits
          Are closing in asthma, or tumour, or fits,
          And the vet’s unspoken prescription runs
          To lethal chambers or loaded guns,
          Then you will find–it’s your own affair–
          But … you’ve given your heart to a dog to tear.

          When the body that lived at your single will,
          With its whimper of welcome, is stilled (how still!)
          When the spirit that answered your every mood
          Is gone–wherever it goes–for good,
          You will discover how much you care,
          And will give your heart to a dog to tear.

          We’ve sorrow enough in the natural way,
          When it comes to burying Christian clay.
          Our loves are not given, but only lent,
          At compound interest of cent per cent.
          Though it is not always the case, I believe,
          That the longer we’ve kept ‘em, the more do we grieve:
          For, when debts are payable, right or wrong,
          A short-term loan is as bad as a long–
          So why in–Heaven (before we are there)
          Should we give our hearts to a dog to tear?

        • *eHugs cakeordeath*

        • I am sorry. There is something special about loving and being loved by a pet. It is sad now, but know that you gave the dog many, many happy years.

          Take care.

        • I am really sorry to hear that. I am sending eHugs and warm thoughts to you.

        • cakeordeath, sorry to hear about this.
          Apologies for the selfpromotiony aspect of this, but I wrote this about my dogs, because dogs are the best (source: having dogs).

        • A loss like that is so difficult to bear. But you gave your dog a long happy life and it gave you 17 years worth of happiness, and that is something very special.

        • Thank you all so much for your kind words. (Caitlin Ryan, that poem!)

          She was a full bred Tibetan Terrier and she was magical.


          Rest in Peace, Pookie (I named her when I was 10)
          1993-2010

        • See BF’s response above. All the love, CoD.

  2. The logic is pretty simple, Gabe:

    Old Internet memes + pistachios = PROFIT

  3. I don’t know why, but I want pistachios real bad right now.

  4. “Have you seen this commercial with the silly kitty that plays the piano? Thought you might get a kick out of it, sweetie. Lots Of Love!” – An e-mail I actually expect to get from my mom.

  5. Tay Zonday sold me cashews yesterday, he was the cashier at Shop and Stop but same difference

  6. This cat doesn’t look as fluffy and cute as the original keyboard cat! Imposter? Get those pistachios away from me!

  7. He refuses to eat. He just spends all his time playing the piano. We have to hide food on the keys for him, just hoping they’ll get in his way enough for him to notice, and remember. Remember us, keyboard cat. Come back to us. Or at least, for the love of god, learn to play a new song.

  8. They realize that this means that pistachios are terrible, right? It is like getting a tattoo in a language you don’t understand.

  9. Pistachios are awesome. I am fine with this.

  10. In other news to all my fellow Monsters, CHUCK AND BLAIR JUST HAD SEX ON GOSSIP GIRL.
    The world is how it should be, again.

    • Spoiler alert!!! Some of us have to illegally download all our television the next day because we are too poor and think we’re too busy and important to watch it in the actual time slot.

      I mean, not that I watch Gossip Girl… Just, like, in case someone else does.

    • Fuck, I watched the Women of SNL special last night instead! Now I’m mad at myself for my decisions.

      /overly invested in gossip girl

  11. Rod Blagojevich standing in front of, not holding, Keyboard Cat.

    #thingsineverthoughtidsee

  12. i love keyboard cat and go giants!

  13. The pistachio people are just trying to provide a snacking alternative for people like me who are sick of getting cheeto dust (or sometimes, for variety, donut powder) all over the keyboard!

    • True. Though sometimes I get the chile-lime pistachios from Whole Foods and wind up getting that covering (what is it, a paste?) all over the keyboard.

  14. True fact: that commercial first aired during the last episode of MASH.

  15. Teach a cat to keyboard, and he will keyboard for the rest of his life. Teach a cat to sell pistachios, and he will become a hollywood refugee.

  16. To be fair, that IS the most adorable (first) pistachio commercial I’ve ever seen.

  17. They used keyboard cat in a pistachio commercial? That’s nuts!
    #pungumherewecome!

  18. Science said so:

  19. Gentledudes and Ladygirls, witness our cultural ouroboros devouring yet more of its own pistachio-covered, furry tail.

  20. Really the best part is that they could have used this to advertise anything. Just put whatever you want to sell on the keyboard, wait for his mighty paw to smash it, and BOOM advertising success.

    I mean, they could have just put a box labeled “personal freedoms” on the keyboard, had him destroy “personal freedoms”, and achieved instant victory for all Tea Party Candidates. OOOH, POLITICAL BURN.

    (Go vote, people.)

  21. Umm…am I the only loser who’s at a complete and total loss for finding out (10 years after the fact apparently) that Keyboard Cat died?!

    Ugh…like I don’t already cry at work all the time to begin with….

  22. Giants Giants Giants Giants Giants Giants Giants. Don’t want to force sports where it doesn’t belong- thank you.

  23. I have been using the Keyboard cat theme as a ringtone since it came out.
    Yes, I admit I thought and still think its funny and cute. And yes, I do realise that its just another cat on the internet. There are also other reasons why I chose this but they are to boring to list, read or even think. Mostly cause its a small song with no intro.

    I ve never….ever had someone recognize the theme during the past years. I have never seen anyone else knowing so many memes and stupid videos on the real world (recently recognized as the meatworld).

    The existance of this cat, and the fact that I know this cat is making me think.

    Have I been spending way too much time on the internet?
    Is it a worth it?
    Should I read a blog that is constantly showing me who my boyfriend is?
    Am I waisting my time?
    Did I finally achieve all?
    Is this heaven? Is this limbo?
    I have seen each Lord of the Rings movie only once yet I spent countless hours talking about them.
    Same thing about Star Wars.
    Net culture. Is it the bext big thing?
    Is it taking over?
    Are we inside the Matrix?

  24. Oh. I was expecting Keyboard Cat to end Rod Blagojevich’s commercial.

  25. au revoir simone?

  26. I was really expecting more cat gifs in the comments. *sigh*

  27. here’s one on me

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