Anchorman had a secretary named This Clip. This Clip had a secretary named Anchorman. Coincidence or COSMIC FACT?! Stay classy, everybody. (Via HuffingtonPost.)
I think those are the guys Newy was talking about.
In other news: ITS MY BIRTHDAY!!!
and I just wanted to say you guys are my favorites
Happy Birthday paperstreetsoap!!
I also want to add that your avatar brings me so much happiness and I always laugh when I see it!!
You are great my friend!!!
Happy birthday, PSS. I like your face and your name. Your comments are also great. I got you an upvote as a gift.
Our top story this evening— Are your children using their birthday wishes to GET HIGH???
Happy Birthday paperstreetsoap!
Have a happy birthday! I got you a present:
OH GOD WHY?!
“OH GOD WHY NOT?!” — Former Marie Claire Readers
Carnie Wilson is your mom?
This is my favorite.
Who invited Artemis?
Happy birthday! As a special present, I wrote your name in for every office on my ballot today.
Wait, your name is George W. Bush, right?
my name is Yes on Prop 19
My birthday was on election day in 2008. So you can have this one! (Also, happy bday!)
Happy Birthday. This morning, I voted for the Constitutional Amendment to give you a pony.
Not to steal your thunder Mans, but you have voted for a pony gift, but I’m a few steps ahead of you.
Oh come on!
Now that it is back, I just look insane.
Someone hold me please. I think this is the first stage in my lapse of sanity.
FINE! If I can’t post a picture of a goat balancing on something, balancing on a wire, while a monkey does a handstand on top, then what I cannot make up for in numbers, I make up for in badassery:
Look at that tiger riding that horse! That tiger is stone-cold pimp. Look at him with his mouth open as if to say, “I am a boss. Take me to work, horse.” Pimp.
Teacherman, I bet that when your students break down, frustrated, shouting “I’m just no good at this! I suck! This sucks!” you are wicked good at finding ways to praise them and keep them going.
Hahaha…that’s a great comment, pt. I like to think I am (although I am also good at the breaking-them-down-till-they-shout-i’m-just-no-good-at-this-i-suck).
Well how are you supposed to indoctrinate them to your philosophy without breaking them down first? Education — it’s like the military! or a cult! or being friends with me!
Happy Birthday sir or madame.
I found this Vonnegut quote for you: About astrology and palmistry: they are good because they make people vivid and full of possibilities. They are communism at its best. Everybody has a birthday and almost everybody has a palm
I think he is telling you to have a wank, for your birthday.
happy birthday! i don’t have a clever comment or picture to go with it, just lots of well-wishes!
Happy Birthday! Today is my mom’s birthday, too!
Go fuck yourself, San Diego.
I am slightly better at life than these people are at their jobs–slightly. Except the last reporter, she is clearly wicked good at her job, knowing she has to block the cameraman’s shot of the woman in the landspeeder.
It’s like the Tea Party of newscasts: just organized enough to fool you into thinking they know what they’re doing.
Meh, still better than the Daily Buzz.
I’m? Steve? Fiorino?
This cut away just before they threw it back to the weather man, standing backwards in an orange tuxedo in front of a map of pangaea predicting “All kinds of dinosaurs tomorrow.”
Cloudy with a chance of Ty-rain-osaurus. Rex.
Well, I tried.
Midday Train-osaurus Wrecks.
This reminds me of that SNL sketch where the teleprompter breaks down, and Will Ferrell tears the head off of David Alan Grier’s weatherman character.
Blank screen…no words on it…got to think…must think…
This week: it’s 2007-2009gum and I like it.
I like how the camera just looks away in shame. “No, I cannot film this. For the love of God.”
I know, and I love how the reporter tries to get back in the shot and the camera is just like, “nope, you’re done. Filming traffic now.”
I’m pretty sure these two were behind the camera (both cameras).
KGTV producers immediately became suspicious and realized that the should have further vetted the resume of their new midday director, Mikey McGillicuddy, age 10.
Hello news team. Look at your papers. Now back to me. Now pan over to the news anchors. Now back to Steve. Sadly Steve doesn’t know the date is the 12th of September. Look at Lisa. Lisa, look at the teleprompter. Now stop talking. Steve be sorry. Look down. Back up. You’re at the border crossing with a cameraman. Stare back at me. It’s Jackie Wynn. Look again. Jackie Wynn is now Adrienne Moore. Anything is possible when you report a protest at a border crossing. Look at the border crossing. Now back at Adrienne. Now back to the border crossing. I’m on a mobility scooter.
I think your new avatar has made you funnier. I didn’t think it was possible, but, well, see above.
Thanks, teacherman! Maybe it’s my new avatar, but all I know is Godsauce left, and around the time that his presence was dwindling, everyone else on here got REALLY funny. I think that ‘long cat’ stand-up comedy thread really blasted out all our monster comedy sinuses or something. Because since then everyone on here has been nailing it, just fucking SHOOTING IT IN THE HEAD AND KILLING IT every day.
I’m just trying to keep up!
Your comment reminds me of this:
Listen to this guy, news team! He knows what he’s talking about!
Oh, thisismynightmare, you are stupid bitch (man, I hope people get this reference.)
Steve Fiorina did say he’s sorry (0:29), which was the right thing to do. Will his wife Carly do the same?
at least there were no threats of chicken fucking.
That guy wasn’t threatening, he was commanding.
I really liked the part where he didn’t know his co-anchor’s name and that she totally misread his cue and provided the date instead. That was a very good part!
Yes, but there really were no bad parts. It was like a lip-dub of a terrible broadcast or something. So perfectly executed.
It’s nice when everyone has their shit together. People working together to make things happen. Everyone’s on the same page and you’re like, “Whoa! There is maybe not enough room on this page for all of us,” but then there is and perfect harmony reigns everywhere.
If I had to guess, I’d say that’s what happens when one of the anchors tells a camera operator’s wife that he’s cheating on her. Those mofos stick together.
This is how I like my news, quick and to the pointless.
That’s my local news team! Sadly, this is not unusual. But luckily for us, it is not unusual.
Wait, what? This video is no longer available? AHHHHHHH!!! I hate working! I hate living on the West Coast! I hate my life!
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