Ian Ziering

Ian Ziering, best known as “Ian” on the hit show, 90210: The Old Class, has a new job as a representative for an anti-aging cosmetics company. Fair enough. We’ve all got to put food on our families. Admittedly, it’s a little weird that he refuses to name the company he works for and that he uses terms like “galvanic current,” but FOOD IS EXPENSIVE. From MorrisTownGreen.com:

Actor Ian Ziering, who played Steve Sanders on Beverly Hills 90210, appeared at Suzi’s Salon & Spa in Morristown today to pitch a line of “anti-aging” products that includes a battery powered device designed to pump “galvanic current” through your pores.

Ian’s ground rules for the interview asked us not to identify the publicly traded company that markets the gadget, gels and cleansers because he said that would undermine other area sales reps.

Identifying the company you work for would undermine other people that work for that company? I guess so! I didn’t go to business school, so what do I know about the gadget, gels and cleansers industry. The whole thing just sounds VERY legitimate. Of course, selling these products in Morristown is in addition to acting, right?

“This is in addition to acting,” Ian, 46, was quick to point out. “I found this to be a great way to leverage my success to help other people. As an actor, you know that every act has a closing curtain. I’m always looking for additional revenue streams. This represents the cutting edge in (anti-aging) research.”

AS AN ACTOR, YOU KNOW THAT EVERY ACT HAS A CLOSING CURTAIN! Holy moly. This guy could sell a glass of water to a man drowning in his own vomit. “I’d like just enough anti-aging cream to get me back to just before you said that.” Hey, here’s a quick question, does this whole thing get way weirder and way sadder? (Answer: yes.)

Ian (pronounced Eye-on) said he takes acting lessons to stay sharp and he has enjoyed stints as a producer, director and writer for CSI: NY. Re-married in May, the newlywed said he hopes his next production will be hosting a reality program that pumps up men’s marriage proposals.

During a 90-minute presentation at Suzi’s for salon employees and local businesswomen, Ian said it was possible, with an initial product investment of $300 to $1,200, to earn millions by building a huge sales force.

He showed slides of “heat maps” of “youth gene clusters” and suggested that this line of skin treatments– ingredients include mushrooms and pomegranates, he said–can promote better sleep and higher energy while restoring mental acuity and flagging libido.

“When I look good, I feel good, which translates to confidence,” Ian told the small gathering. “If I can create greater skin quality, and make people feel better about themselves, I feel good about that.”

He still takes acting classes? He’s running what is clearly an anti-aging Ponzi scheme? HEAT MAPS OF YOUTH GENE CLUSTERS? Guys, if you are ever walking by the side of the road and Ian Ziering pulls up in a car and rolls down the window and informs you that there is definitely room for one more, DO NOT GET IN THAT CAR! Now if you will excuse me, I have to go post a letter that I have written to a dear friend.

Dear the Hills,

I am running for you now!

Love, Gabe.

Comments (77)
  1. I think I’ll stick with the blood of virgins for my anti-aging needs. But thanks, Eye-an.

  2. I’m so busy I might not be able to post here anymore

  3. Please fix my flagging libido with your shrooms, Eye-on!

  4. “Leverage success” and “additional revenue streams” = “handwritten resume dropped off at Marshall’s distribution warehouse before going to stand in line for a picture with ‘Dylan’.”

  5. This sounds like a celebrity endorsed pyramid scheme. I’m in.

  6. you guys, i’m worried about kirk’s son.

  7. Ian (pronounced mon-knee grub-bing fame hor)

  8. Be sure to Walsh thoroughly before application.

  9. Does this look like a man who’d lie to you?

  10. In keeping with the Videogum “One 90210 story a week,” rule, may I suggest something featuring Jenni Garth next week? Please and thank you.

  11. Well if I was Jason Priestly running a “cosmetics company” out of my friend’s basement, I wouldn’t want Ian Ziering to identify me either.

  12. Is “youth gene clusters” what they’re calling Justin Bieber concerts now?

  13. Scene from Ian Ziering’s “Pumping Up Men’s Marriage Proposals” :

    Ian: Have you tried just screaming “WILL YOU MARRY ME?” That would be very pumped up. You know what else needs to be pumped up? Your pores. Betty, get me my electro-machine.

  14. “As an actor, you know that every act has a closing curtain” — Ian Ziering

  15. It’s nice to know that Ian Ziering’s star power can still draw a small gathering

  16. Is this how they got the 30 year olds to BELIEVABLY play high school students on the new 90210 show?

  17. galvanic current is your cutting edge technology.

  18. Oh, Ian, if only this anti-aging plan worked, maybe people would still care about you!

  19. Ziering is the new Zizmor.

  20. Gabe ends his post by stating his preference for The Hills? Are Heidi and Spencer really that much better than Steve Sanders? I’m confused, but not sexually confused.

    Plus, when Ian says every act has a closing curtain is an homage to Roger Sterling / Don Draper’s shared line, “The day you sign a client is the day you start losing them.” Which they both privately acknowledge is a cliche they just say to the account boys.

  21. apparently, being a writer/producer/director on CSI:NY isn’t as financially lucrative as I thought. SO LONG DREAMS!

    **flushes telecom degree & spec script down the toilet**

  22. So, uhm, I used to date this girl who had a roommate? And this roommate started dating Tucker Max? And then left Tucker Max to marry Ian Ziering?! WOOF. Sometimes life is just TOO MUCH.

  23. Last week, Ian Ziering pulled up to me in the supermarket parking lot and asked me if I wanted to buy some speakers.

  24. I wonder what Steve Sanders will be peddling next…

  25. The first rule of sales is never name the company you’re promoting. It builds the mystery.

  26. Want to look like you did eons ago?

  27. “I’d like just enough anti-aging cream to get me back to just before you said that.” is one of the funniest things I have ever read.

  28. “Anti-Aging” Product is the best anti-aging product in the market!

    -individual results may vary

  29. my comment didn’t post… but i was upset that no one has photoshopped luke perry’s face on the other people in the photo. can someone get on that?

  30. Eye-on doesn’t want to divulge the name of his company because he took his business model from Celia’s line of You’re Pretty! Cosmetics and marijuana has yet to be legalized in the state of California.

  31. I believe the scheme Steve Sanders here is running is a pyramid, rather than a Ponzi, as it seems to require a “sales force” to sell an actual product, whereas the runner of a Ponzi scheme only requires money.

  32. There must be some kind of sciencey joke here about “galvanic current” and the fact that his name is a homophone for the word “ion”? I don’t know. physics class was a long time ago.

    Galvanic current: how does it work? (Pro tip: it doesn’t.)

  33. You guys, this is weird: I was born in Morristown.

    Possibly so was Ian. He lived two towns over in West Orange, before he got famous. Another friend of mine who might have been lying said that while in high school or just after, Ian had some gorgeous but stuck-up girlfriend who he used to have super-loud sex with in the backyard of a house next to where this friend of mine lived temporarily. The friend presented this as though it were horrifying evidence of how low-class Ian was but at 17 my reaction was strict jealousy: Why aren’t I having loud backyard sex with a stuck-up girl RIGHT NOW?? I still have that thought, but now only once or twice a day.

    I bet when Ian was doing that, he never also thought, “Some day, I will be the most famous cosmetics salesman in North America.”

  34. Ten bucks says he’s an Amway salesman.

  35. I can’t wait for the infomercial.

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