To be honest, this week’s Charlie Sheen story is only my fourth favorite Charlie Sheen story of all time, and that’s probably because there are a bunch of Charlie Sheen stories I don’t even know about. My third favorite Charlie Sheen story was when he wrote 9/11 fan fiction to Barack Obama. My second favorite Charlie Sheen story is when he was the first Mr. Cool Disguise. And my very favorite Charlie Sheen story, of course, is when he apologized to Denise Richards for calling her a nigger. Compared to all of those stories, police responding to a call from the Plaza Hotel, only to discover a naked Charlie Sheen in a trashed hotel room drunkenly complaining about a prostitute stealing his wallet is just another day at the office. And apparently, I am not the only one who feels this way. Charlie Sheen also feels this way. From People

Despite a daylong hospital stay, Charlie Sheen plans to be back on the job without missing a beat.

“Charlie will be working this week doing a cameo role, playing himself, in a small movie as a favor to a friend and has every intention of going back to work on Two and a Half Men on Tuesday,” his manager Mark Burg tells PEOPLE. “He’s looking forward to working.”

Haha. “Work.” Sure. It’s almost crazy how hard Charlie Sheen works, you guys. “Boss, why is the Employee of the Month plaque so dusty and sun-faded?” “Oh, that’s because it goes to the same hard worker every month, so it never gets changed out.” Those flame-and-poker-suit-printed silk shirts aren’t going to pay for themselves! Every day Charlie Sheen is hustling. On his grind, for sure.

Comments (83)
  1. pshh. he caused $7,000 worth of damage. he makes that in just the set up of a joke. punchlines, that’s where the REAL money is.

  2. Charlie Sheen also makes around $2 million an episode for 2 and 1/2 men, so take comfort in the fact that this guy makes more money being terrible on a terrible show than you will in all of your combined creative endeavors.

    • By my calculation, assuming a 2 mill payout per episode and 22 min per episode, his 7 thou rampage represents 0.07% of a single episode. For one episode’s pay he could rampage through entire hotels! #noiwillnotshowmywork

  3. Charlie Sheen OR alcohol? Bing is really off its game lately.

  4. On a scale of Charlie Sheen stories I would give this a 2, maybe 2 and a Half mehs.

    *goes to find a noose*

  5. Can we judge, really? Who here hasn’t been found naked by the cops in a trashed hotel room, drunkenly complaining about a prostitute stealing his or her wallet? Let’s not be hypocrites, please.

    • Somebody get me District Commander Colvin!

    • ….on a Tuesday morning…

    • I think that on a sliding scale, it makes sense. Like, when I was young, I thought getting wildly drunk was cooool (for wildly young insert 2 years ago, for cooool insert alcoholism was a valid choice) and making a normal amount of money for a just out of college adult, I more than once showed up to work still drunk, one night even after having been brought home by the police. So if you scale up to the amount of money he makes, I’d say the misbehaving is scaled up too.

      Wait. How old is Sheen?

  6. “a small movie as a favor to a friend”=home video of a birthday party

  7. We never saw it coming.

  8. Is it just me, or does this story actually kind of make Charlie Sheen sound kind of awesome?

  9. Remember when Robert Downey Jr did the same thing but the girl was wearing a wonder woman costume? And then a few years later we all fell in love with him, there’s still hope Charlie, you just have to play a charismatic superhero

  10. He’s the hardest worker I’ve ever seen at making his surname as ironic as possible.
    He should change it to Charlie Tarnish. HEY-O!

  11. If Charlie Sheen is the Keith Richards of sitcoms, does that make John Cryer the Mike Jagger?

  12. Say what you want, the man has an impeccable sense of fashion.

  13. If mainstream America loves you, it seems pretty clear that you are a total freak in your personal life.

  14. “I deeply apologize to all I have obviously offended; especially to Tony Todd, a thieving prostitute, who was my best man and stole my wallet at my first two weddings.”

  15. My palms are all sweaty now, worrying that I will miss an obvious joke. Can someone make fun of his hair for good measure? I think it’s pretty standard 40-something but maybe we could just cover all the bases? We don’t want one of those downhill days Gabe was talking about…

  16. I think my comment was rejected? It was just pictures? has this happened to anyone else?

  17. Apparently his ex wife Denise Richards was somehow involved in this mess. I saw her on some trash TV show saying that she will not be commenting and asked for privacy for the sake of her children. Yes she had to get her hair done, hire a stylist, and get her makeup done to go on a television show to ask for privacy and let everyone know she wouldn’t be commenting. I just don’t understand how their marriage didn’t work out.

  18. I actually don’t think she had anything to do with it. She just felt the need to get done up and go on tv to preemptively assure that she wouldn’t be disturbed about it. You know, normal stuff.

  19. Is it weird this story has me craving Dunkin Donuts? It is, isn’t it?

  20. This was supposed to be a reply to jwormyk. Let me try to smash my bricks in peace, please.

  21. Isn’t this now his dad started out in Apocalypse Now – naked and going crazy in a hotel room? Does Charlie Sheen have to go to Vietnam now?

  22. Guys, this is the part that really confuses me (via

    “Just hours before, the woman reportedly met Sheen’s ex-wife Denise Richards over dinner Monday night, Life & Style also reports.”

    What? WHAT?

    “Hey, honey, you don’t mind if I bring a prostitute to dinner tonight, do you?” —Charlie Sheen
    “Of course not. The whore, the merrier!” —Denise Richards

    P.S. I’m sorry, everyone.

  23. John Cryer: “What did you do this weekend?”
    Charlie Sheen: “Nothing.”

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