LADIES! Sex and the City 2 came out on DVD and Blu Ray today. Of course, you already knew that. Because of your VAGINA. Obviously you already have your copy, which you pre-ordered on opening night after getting home from the theater at two in the morning (opening night meaning the Thursday midnight screening. Is there anything here that is unclear?) and today is the big day! The eVites went out months ago for all your best GAL PALS to come over and watch. (“The best part is that we can finally PAUSE the movie when we need to pee, which women have to do all the time!” Etc.) But just in case you have forgotten any last minute provisions, here are the MUST HAVES that you will DEFINITELY need:

    • COSMOS!!!!!!
    • A bunch of shoes, or something
    • Deep-seated self-loathing
    • CHOCOLATE!!!!!
    • This weird form of inverted homophobia where you refer to gay people as “my gays” not realizing that that’s kind of gross and weirdly offensive
    • Industrial grade insecurity
    • The irrational and desperate belief that a man will somehow “fix” things, which you can’t shake even though you might, as a modern woman, know it is a lie
    • A blind eye towards racist jokes about Muslims

OK! You’re all set, girls. Time to cut loose. ACK! ACK!

Comments (124)
  1. Sex And The City 2? That’s what that is?! I saw the picture on the cover and just assumed it was Old Dogs.

    • What did dogs ever do to you, Facetaco?

    • More like Old Bitches.

      #nailedit

    • Srsly. #1 on Gabe’s list should be PHOTOSHOP.

    • I *really* can’t stand the Sex and the City phenomenon. It’s unhealthy, exploitative, and dim-witted. So I was kind of disappointed to find the first comment on this post a little sexist.

      • It is sexist to humorously compare the appearance of ugly, increasingly middle-aged female movie stars to ugly, increasingly middle-aged male movie stars? This is a new definition of sexist that I have not encountered before.

        • You’re proposing that discrediting an actresses work by calling her ugly is not sexist? You’re telling me there’s nothing sexist about dismissing an actresses performance because of her age?

          I will take you at your word and believe that this is a new definition you haven’t been exposed to and I will explain that sexism is any attitude that promotes stereotypes of social roles based on gender. For example, determining a woman’s worth based on how attractive/youthful she is.

          I can see how the DVD cover of Sex And the City 2 could conjure up the cover of Wild Hogs (the movie staring Tim Allen, John Travolta, Martin Lawrence, and William H. Macy). Instead, the comment pointedly compares the cover to OLD DOGS (staring John Travolta and Robin Williams).

          Let’s assume the commenter confused the movies (they DO seem like the same movie). I’m still uncomfortable calling women Wild Hogs. It seems so….porn-ish and derogatory.

          I’m not saying it’s wrong to discuss someone’s looks. I like having those discussions.There’s so much to hate about Sex and the City. Let’s not be shallow and write it off based on looks.

          • No, there isn’t anything sexist about dismissing an actress’s performance because of her age. Ageist, sure. But I didn’t say anything that would apply to one sex more than another. If The Expendables had come out on DVD today, I could have made the exact same comment. Would you have called that sexist?

            That unnecessary defense having been made…RELAX. This is the internet in general, and a snarky pop culture blog in particular. “Shallow” comments are quite appropriate in this context.

          • Well, discrediting an actress’s work based on her appearance in a context where one would not make the same discrediting judgment for a male actor would indeed be sexist. But you’re projecting about 90% of that implication onto facetaco’s original comment, based on… nothing I can see.

            Maybe it is based on the fact that mainstream culture is often sexist, so we sometimes become trained to look for the subtle potential of sexism in otherwise innocuous things. That is very fair and understandable. But especially on a place as awesome as videogum, I try to give people the benefit of the doubt.

    • Believe it or not dismissing an actress’s performance because of her age IS sexist. As I said earlier sexism is any attitude that promotes stereotypes of social roles based on gender. One stereotype, a stereotype you are perpetuating, is that the younger a woman is, the better.

      Also this: “That unnecessary defense having been made…RELAX”

      I mean I get that…it’s the easiest, fastest way to debate a point on the Internet. It makes *me* look like I’m an uptight, reactionary zealot. Meanwhile, you come off like the cool, disaffected one. Very ‘chill.’ It’s an especially effective tactic to employ when you have a weak defense.

      And make no mistake your defense IS weak. Your reasoning: “I wasn’t discriminating based on gender I was being discriminating based on AGE. Besides *shrug* it’s just the dumb Internet whatevs” lacks credibility. Not to mention being kind of insulting to Gabe. It’s easy justify posting shallow comments on a “snarky pop culture blog” but Gabe routinely writes about homophobia, racism, bigotry and a host of social ills.

      But here’s the thing, if you REALLY didn’t care you wouldn’t have responded. Saying, (essentially), I don’t care only shows how much you do.
      It’s like that ex boyfriend/girlfriend who calls you to tell you that he’s never going to call again. There is no old saying that goes, “if something is unnecessary to defend, you should DEFINITELY defend it.”

      *lest you think I’m entirely humorless, telling me to ‘RELAX,’ in all caps like that, did make me LOL

      • Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

        • I’ve enjoyed this back-and-forth. You’re funny and bright and I appreciate you as a member of the monster community. I crafted my comments in carefully, hoping you wouldn’t feel personally attacked. It seems I have failed:

          “[b]ut okay, you really insist on calling me sexist?”

          I avoided calling you a sexist and opted instead to call your comment sexist. I’m embarrassed to admit but I selected passive phrases like “KIND OF disappointed” and “A LITTLE sexist” in an effort to minimize my irritation. I didn’t want to come off like an irate crusader. I’m sorry if you felt attacked and I apologize.

          as for this: “I never said I don’t care.”

          I know. Which is why I used the parenthetical “essentially.” You responded that your comment was appropriate because it’s just “the internet in general, and a snarky pop culture blog in particular.” Defending your words was “unnecessary” but you acquiesced and told me I needed to “RELAX.” This was flippant and it seemed you wanted to be perceived as not caring.

          I do agree with one of your points. You are 100% right about not mentioning gender in the comment: “Sex And The City 2? That’s what that is?! I saw the picture on the cover and just assumed it was Old Dogs.” There is ZERO mention of gender in that comment. But you didn’t really even have to mention it did you? The picture you refer to is OF FOUR WOMEN. Gender is implied.

          As for this:

          In fact, there WAS a movie called Old Dogs…men…same age…consider that to be sexist?

          I’m aware of this movie. I brought it up 2 days ago in this very thread. And, yes, I do consider the movie Old Dogs, sexist.

          Or do you think this reasoning of yours only applies to women?

          I don’t. No.

          that is saying..a standard that applies to one…doesn’t…to the other…the definition of sexism.

          It’s actually NOT sexist to apply one standard for men, and another for women. Weird right? I know! There are plenty of un-sexist examples of standards for men being different than for women. For instance, the army has different fitness requirements for men and women. But I think I know what you’re trying to say.

          Is it sexist to call someone old, no matter what their gender is?

          I don’t think so, no. Some people are old and describing them that way is simply fact. I get the feeling that you so too which means we agree. Context plays an important role in my consideration because I try really hard to be rational and fair.

          At what point does reference to someone’s age begin to have anything to do with their sex?

          Again it would depend on the context.

          Is the movie Grumpy Old Men sexist against men?

          Still, context.

          Or are you just a little off target with this whole thing?

          Not even a little bit. Not at all.

  2. I already saw this when it was that TV show…Golden Girls.

  3. I believe I quote Huckabeast when I say: I believe in God but this video does make atheism seem awfully appealing.

  4. You forgot yogurt! We LOVE yogurt!

  5. I’ll bring some plastic surgery coupons!

  6. NNNnnnNNNNnnNNNnnnNNNN!

  7. Gabe you forgot to mention that we will definitely need:
    -A karaoke machine so we can all sing “I am Woman” which all women know the words to.
    -Our Laptops or iphones so we can all blog about how perfect our lives our and how our lives relate to shopping.

  8. Who’s up for pre-show MANI PEDIS!? SQEEEE!*

    *barf


  9. Has anyone seen ALL OF THE PILLS? I need them right now.

  10. True story: after this movie came out, someone (and it might have been someone on VGum) called it Puns and Shoes 2.

    Anyway, I told this to Mrs. Wrong, a longtime SATC fan and it was like a veil had been lifted from her eyes. She can’t watch the show or movies now. Once she realized the truth, it ruined the show for her.

    Sorry, Kristen Davis. Your evil works here no more.

  11. Don’t forget your long list of sexual indiscretions!

  12. Obviously, those babies aren’t praying enough.

  13. Can have a slumber party afterwards?!

  14. I have a bottle of Glen Livett left over from the Mad Men party, I believe I’ll need all of it tonight

  15. Jeez, dad, they’re not called my “gays” their my “accessories“.

  16. WHAT’S UP WITH MY FAMOUS BROTHER:

    Since playing the role of “HANDSOMEST CELLIST” in “Sex and the City 2″, my brother has gone on to portray “HANDSOMEST CELLIST” in an HBO miniseries and, more recently, in a Taylor Swift video they were shooting in Central Park.

  17. Favorite Quote pertaining to Sex and the City:

    “Ahh, Hi Miranda!” ” Oh, I’m Samantha, I have sex with… EVERYONE.”

    Thank you Jason Segel.

  18. I seriously don’t know how I would laugh every day if it wasn’t for Videogum. What would I do? Look at webcomics? Nice try, but it’s no longer March 2008, weirdo.

    • my favorite “web comic” (graphic novel? LOL!) of the moment right now is the Vivian Vagicorn on blogspot. rad web comic

      • So is the centipede/dog thing with the beak and the curly parenthetical antenna supposed to be Vivian Vagicorn? If so, this one’s about Vivian Vagicorn getting hit in the head with a throwing star, right?

        And in this one he/she/it is a hooker in Whitechapel getting stabbed by Jack the Ripper?

        As Dana Carvey as Johnny Carson would say, “That, that is some weird, wild stuff.”

        • your interpretation of the second strip is wrong, the vivian vagicorn thing is hiding from top hat man, pretending to be one of those upright structure things next to it

          • Aha, I see. I thought those upright structure things (I’m guessing they’re streetlamps) were other hookers. Your version is makes more sense, and it’s definitely funnier. “Jack the Ripper just STABBED someone! LOL!”

  19. my boyfriend Juan Williams and I are going to watch this. I’m going to be sure to hold his hand when he gets nervous.

  20. A couple of months ago, my wife and I had this conversation:

    She: Me and the girls are gonna go see Sex and the City 2 tomorrow.
    Me: Really? I dunno, I don’t think you guys’ll be able to laugh at this one; it looks so bad. Are you guys at least going to drink a bunch of “margatinis” from Applebee’s again?
    She: It’ll be fine, we’re just going to sneak in some champagne and whiskey.
    Me: Well, good luck…

    Anyway, my only point is that it’s really hard living with a spouse that has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

  21. Deep-seated self-loathing? Here I thought it was ‘deep-seeded’. You learn something new every day. Thanks Videogum!

  22. Do you know who watches this shit? My boss….thats right….. my associate’s degree toting boss making twice as much money as me watches this shit…and loves it…..do you know how depressing that is….working for someone who respects SATC for its artistic merits….ITS ARTISTIC MERITS…..do you…..no…you don’t….only i know this pain….

  23. It bothers me that the name order at the top of dvd doesn’t match match the order of the animated corpses*.

    *(get it?! they’re OLD and DEAD!)

    • I was just about to comment on this! It’s like Cynthia Nixon is too unimportant to put anywhere but the end of the name order, but too unfortunate looking to place on the outside of the group of ladies and risk her being noticed.

      And while on the subject of the terrible DVD cover, is it incredibly disturbing to anyone else that Nixon’s left leg is in between Sarah Jessica Parker’s legs and, despite the fact that Nixon is behind Parker, her left foot is positioned slightly AHEAD of Parker’s? Trying to figure out that cover is my nightmare-jail.

  24. These viewing parties are going to take a depressing turn after the alternate ending in which Samantha dies of alcohol poisoning.

    • wouldnt it be rad if David Cronenberg did the next sex and the city movie, and for like the first two thirds or so its just like a normal sex and the city movie and then towards the last 20 minutes all sorts of gross Cronenbergy kind of bio sex gore shit starts happening to them? I’d be all like, “rad movie, bro”

      • Hi, Fucking Chris Trash here. Steve, did you read Blood Meridian? If so, will you be commentating over at Bookgum? I Hear Anampat is looking for writers and I for one would like to hear Steve’s Rad Book review.

        • I didnt have a chance to read blood meridian but I read Arkansas by John Brandon. Rad book. Trying to read woodwards book on obama but it is more like SNOREwards book on Zzzzzzzbama

        • my original reply comment is awaiting moderation so let me re-phrase in a fashion that will not get stuck in moderator land: No I did not have a chance to read the blood meridian booklet. I read John Brandon’s Arkansas instead, a rad little crime fiction book.

    • From Cosmos to the Cosmos

  25. Don’t forget to bring a notepad so you can jot down your very own convoluted ploy to liberate the women of the Middle East! OMG SHOES AND RICH MEN!*

    *a little piece of my heart died typing that. I’m gonna go read @birdiepup now…

  26. I somehow got so drunk in a movie theater that I ended up catching the last ten minutes of this. I almost quit drinking for good after that.

  27. My little sister, god bless her heart, had a SATC (even writing it in acronym makes me angry) themed bridal shower in Palm Springs. From the pictures it looks like they used Homer Simpson’s makeup gun to apply their faces.

    Also, unrelated – do women have shoe fetishes the way men have foot fetishes? Like just the sight of them makes them aroused?

  28. I’m my own gay.

  29. “No Honey, you may not use the Playstation 3 to watch this.” – Me if I had a wife, a Playstation 3, and balls.

  30. I would bet a lot of money that Cronenberg could only produce a film far less demeaning to women than anything associated with this rediculous franchise. To my SATC 2 Party, I am bringing Cronenberg’s Crash, as well as the Crash of WMOAT fame.

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