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Can we talk about this?!

Justin Bieber is a very talented little boy, I’m sure, but that does not change the fact that he is A LITTLE BOY. I guess what I’m trying to say is that, as a little boy, he is entitled to an incredibly successful music career, and a perpetual place on the Twitter Trending List, and even his own 3D biopic. Enjoy these riches, princess! (I bet he has a race car bed made out of a REAL race car!) But can we cool it with the hard-working, long-suffering, struggling artist mythology puh-lease?! Dude is NINE! Who are these so-called people who said he would never succeed? SHOW ME ONE JUST ONE! And also, wasn’t the time period where he was not succeeding, like, ages 0-5? Why would you say that to a toddler? “Forget it, little baby, it’ll nevah happen. Your diaper is too full of poop!” Give me a break. Oh, and SHAME on that adult who said “he’s doing it on his own.” Because, uh, no he is not? In what sense is he doing it on his own? Pint-Sized has a international tour with pyrotechnics. He’s boyfriend and boyfriend with Usher. WE ARE WATCHING A 3D MOVIE TRAILER ABOUT HIM. At which point is he doing this on his own? Adults say the darndest things.

I do like the part where he’s on a Segway Scooter though. Cool Segway, little dude!

Comments (129)
  1. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  2. Sometimes it’s just nice to belieber in something, Gabe.


  3. I mean he has to be kissed by all these beautiful women but do they really love him for who he is?

  4. A Justin Bieber 3D biopic is what happens when a society’s spectrum of disposable money broadens downward to include 11 year olds. When I was 11, I could buy some skittles once in a while, and someone would give me a nintendo game once a year. I couldn’t fuel the monetary empire of a contemporary like today’s 11 year olds somehow manage to do.

    This isn’t a moral judgement, so far Justin Bieber has seemed to promote being a stable personality, and even though that promotion has been obviously monetized as evidenced by this trailer, there are worse things in the world. Fartz.

  5. I hope this makes it into the movie

  6. “He lives an extraordinarily life, but he’s just like you and me.”

    In fairness, my Bieber knowledge is minimum at best… but I swear before God and my Videogum brethren: Justin Bieber is not like US.

  7. Oh man… *fans self*

    Oh jeeze, it’s in 3D! Oh man. I need to sit down. AH! I’m already sitting down! How do I sit down more?!

    • Can this 3D bullshit end already? Can the idiots of the world STOP buying tickets to see shitty movies transfered into 3D format post-production? Can there be peace in the Middle East now?

      Yes?

      • Only when the 3D starts adding to the movie will I see a 3D movie. Until then, cheep thrills that make me flinch once or twice during an action movie are not enough for me to justify it (Avatar, lookin’ at you).

      • 3D Movies: 100% of the revenue with 50% of the ticket sales!

      • We have placed heavy tariffs on all 3D shipping, and are in talks with the UN to place sanctions on major film studios (Dreamworks in particular) who use this gimmick to further their terrorist agenda. More on this as it develops.

  8. 3 dimensions are not enough dimensions to tell the story of Justin Bieber.

  9. Drumming at the age of four? At his age I was throwing flour around the kitchen at a fifth grade level.

  10. Gotta love the flashbacks from TWO YEARS ago.

  11. I’m going to ignore the fact that I have to share my 21st birthday with this atrocity. I’ll be too hammered to recognize it’s release, thank goodness.

    But seriously, is this just one big circlejerk for him? Like, is it just going to be people singing his praises for two hours? What’s the point? Why would anybody who doesn’t already fanatically agree with what they say want to see such a movie?

    Needless to say, I look forward to Frost/Bieber

    • Give it another year and you will likely be rid of him. If not, just be patient. It is only a matter of time before people change their tune and want to see him burn like so much Lohan.

  12. Well, we have to assume that Justin Bieber’s delivery of “Never Say Never” will go up there with some all of the time great movie quotes. “I coulda been a contender,” “Use the force,” “Freedom,” and now “Never Say NEEEEEEVER!”

  13. Whatever, as long as he stops rapping.

  14. But if you never say never, you are saying never! Twice, in fact! What does it mean??

  15. I want to know who this nebulous “they” is that keeps going around telling moderately talented people that they’ll never be successful and giving them license to paint themselves as the underdog who overcame major adversity and defeated these villainous naysayers, because “they” should really probably cut it out.

    “omg he comes from a small town and now he performs in BIG towns, what an inspiration!”

    • ok so I guess I should actually read Gabe’s full posts before replying. Lock/ban/delete please

      • Wow I failed twice.

        1) didn’t see that you already brought up the “those who didn’t believe in him”
        2) didn’t see that that was basically the whole point of Gabe’s write-up

        Sorry all, I’m just too focused on refreshing the bookgum page, waiting for the next book report to appear! (much nerdo)

      • hahaha I had to post my favorite gif in reponse:

  16. I wonder if they will be showing this in Germany.

  17. This is not a Justin Beiber biopic, this is Justin Beiber documentary. The Justin Beiber biopic will star Macaualy Culkin and will reveal that Justin Beiber was a Ritalin addict.

    • There’s going to be some Intense Scenes when his voice changes DRAMATICALLY during a live performance, and they have to cut over to the pre-recorded track

  18. Why can’t I be smart? The people who are just like me are always people who don’t know any recent supreme court decisions or republican senators, or people who don’t know what the word “German” means. No one ever says, “the great thing about Chebyshev was that he was just like us!”

  19. Disappointed to find out this wasn’t a Never Say Never Again remake with Bieber in the Kim Basinger role. So many Maximillian Largo jokes down the drain.

  20. At least he’s still teaching kids to follow his dreams.

  21. Uhhh. So the movie obviously has no point, but that trailer is exceptionally well put together. I was getting all pumped and then I was like, “Wait, haha, what? This is kind of like Baby’s First This Is It.”

  22. So movies usually end, right? Does that mean this kid will go away after we go and see it?

  23. Who are they referring to when they mention people “not believing” in him. I think they are confusing “not believing” with “not giving a shit.”

    • When I was five and sitting on chairs all by myself, nobody believed that I could one day grow up and work a 9-5 desk job. Their staggering lack of belief in my abilities only drove me further to succeed.

  24. I have long held a theory about Justin Beiber.

    I think one day Usher and Ludacris went to Blockbuster and rented “Trading Places” starring Dan Aykroyd and Eddie Murphy and Usher though, “Yo, Randoph and Mortimer know what’s up.” And then Ludacris was like, “I’ll bet you $1 they don’t know what’s up.” And so Usher found a cool black kid with a beautiful R&B voice and a lame white kid from some stuffy private school and put the cool black kid in private school honors classes and turn the lame white kid into the next R&B sensation. A then defeated and indignant Ludacris reluctantly agreed to rap over the lame white kid’s single in exchange for not having to pay $1 to Usher. In 3D.

  25. they cut out the part where Usher calls him “a modern day Mozart” so as not to make it a puff piece.

  26. I am no Justin Bieber fan, but aren’t we all just jealous that he is incredibly talented and famous at an age when we were pre-self loathing?

  27. To be fair, Notsewfast has had a long and illustrious career, and he has only just turned 2. Justin “Old Man” Bieber is a lil’ tardy to the being-talented-or-whatever-it-is-he-does party

  28. His baby pictures from 2007 are just ADORABLE!!!!!!!!!

  29. Romeo Void knows how he feels.

  30. Cool white jacket, dude. What do those vertical straps do again? Do they make it shorter or sumthin?

    ANYWAY- Ah, there must always be a teen-pop blah blah blah. It’s ridiculous and as an adult I pay it no mind. Enjoy, kids. Gabe, pass the hard candy dish, please.

  31. at first I was like ‘eh’ and then I was like ’3D? Sold! Thanks Hollywood!’

  32. Do Not Say Never. Ever.

  33. So, he’s poised to make a hundred billion million googol dollars at the box office, looking like a 30-year-old lesbian but really being a nine-year-old boy, winning the hearts of millions of teenage girls all over the world, he’s already a hundred-billion-million-googol-ionaire…

    What am I doing with my life? I just don’t know. Justin Bieber makes me have philosophical conundrums.

  34. How are they going to convert those camera phone videos to 3D ™ ?

  35. He’s starting with what he knows best and what he loves in movies….. Himself….. Pretty soon, he will take the next step in the film industry into a either another Peter Pan remake, or a Disney movie where he will perform along side Tim Allen. Whether it will be as an elf, Tim’s son, or Tim’s love interest I’m unsure.

  36. I want to BIEB A PART OF IT.

  37. All snark aside, that’s one hell of a trailer. Sells it perfectly to his fanbase. Going to be monstrous.

  38. IS there one for this movie?

  39. I DONT GIVE A FUCK HOW FAMOUS YOU ARE, YOU STILL HAVE TO DRIBBLE LIKE THE REST OF US

  40. wait… i thought this was about vampyrs?

  41. I don’t know about you guys but I personally can’t WAIT to see THIS in 3D:

  42. “They said he’d never make it.” Who are these jerks discouraging a six-year-olds? Was it other six-year-olds? Don’t frame six-year-olds as villains! Come on!

  43. People: “You can’t live your dreams.”

    Beiber: “Never. Say. NEVEERRRR!”

    People: “I… didn’t.”

  44. Ugh, that was clearly travelling.

  45. I can’t wait to see the part where baby Bieber is playing in the ball pit and he throws a ball at the camera IN 3D!!!!

  46. Bad aspect of being a french videogum reader with low skills in spoken/written english:
    I can’t understand half of pop/cultural/political/whatever references here.

    Good aspect of being a french videogum reader with low skills in spoken/written english:
    I have no fucking idea of who this justin biebers is… And I can get all the cats related threads…

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