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Hey, remember that girl who was on all of the morning talk shows a couple of years ago because she couldn’t stop hiccuping? Ever wonder what was up with her? More to the point: ever wonder if she was MURDERING PEOPLE? From the HuffingtonPost (via @saraschaefer1):
ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. — A Tampa Bay woman whose uncontrollable hiccups brought her worldwide attention is charged in the killing of a 22-year-old man during a robbery.
Jennifer Mee, 19, of St. Petersburg and two others are charged with first-degree murder in the death of Shannon Griffin on Saturday.
Sgt. T. A. Skinner of the St. Petersburg Police Department says Mee lured Griffin to a home where the others robbed him at gunpoint. Police say Griffin was shot several times.
When you’re world famous for having incurable hiccups it’s hard to break out of that box, you know? People just think of you as the Hiccup Girl and don’t see that you have all these other talents. For example, the talent of MURDERING DUDES. Yikes. Needless to say, watching people on the news try to juggle the frivolity of a “hiccup girl” with the seriousness of murder is pretty much entirely hilarious:
“This problem is more serious than the problem of having novelty web-friendly hiccups.” Yes, news. As always, you nailed it. A round of applause for news, everybody! And a round of jail for Hiccup Girl.
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Looks like our little hiccup girl has finally become a hiccup woman.*
holy s!
I picture that line being read by David Caruso as he puts on his sunglasses on his face and cue CSI screaming segway to the theme music
They say that a sudden shock is a good cure for hiccups. Would a 25 year jail sentence be considered shocking enough?
Ugh, can you imagine being in a jail cell adjacent to someone who couldn’t stop hiccupping? “One trip to solitary confinement, please.”
If that had been a storyline on Oz, it wouldn’t have ended well for the hiccupper.
But really, if you’ve had hiccups for that long… I’m surprised it took this long for someone to die at her hands.
No kidding. Ten minutes of hiccuping and I’m usually ready to snap.
“YES, THANK YOU, I HAVE TRIED HOLDING MY BREATH.”
There was a girl in my high school that had hiccups for a semester, I wonder how many people she’s killed.
Weird story, right?
You know what’s also weird? That news lady said that it was a story they’re going to be following ALL DAY. Because she’s Hiccup Girl? Which makes it IMPORTANT NEWS, I guess? Ugh.
I kind of laughed to myself imaging the editor in the news room going into full-on war mode. “GET ME EVERYTHING ON HICCUP GIRL, STOP THE PRESSES!”
I can’t wait for Antoine Dodson’s Ponzi scheme scandal.
Maybe being a murderous HICK UP in Florida caught up with her?
Maybe she’ll get off easy with involuntary reflexive manslaughter!
*ring ring*
Hello? Why, Jay Leno! What’s that? Oh! Of course I am willing to be hired by you to write jokes for you!
You shame me, Werttrew. I was trying to come up with hiccup jokes to post with a CSI Miami .gif, and could think of nothing. Then blammo! Goldmine!
We need to look for a killer with a diaphragm.
A spasming diaphragm.
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!
“Well, when we get this girl, tell the boys at the station…” *sunglasses* “…to get a gag order ready.”
YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Great minds, that’s all I could think of the whole time
By “Great minds,” Steve, I assume you mean “I am a PLAGIARIST COMMENTATOR!!!!” Or possibly “[SOME OTHER IRKSOME CATCHPHRASE]!!!!”
I’m pretty sure manslaughter is what I get every time Mans makes a comment
I salute you, sir or madame.
Still one of the best parts of the UK.
Nice
That’s awful, but at least the Law & Order “Ripped from the Headlines” story of this is going to be awesome.
“Hiccup girl, ‘The Social Network,’ and Bret Favre phone pics must be included. Go make your episode.” -NBC Execs
But I’m gonna need some help translating this into a Hallowmeme costume. This guy know what’s up:
Wait, pause the game!
Small hiccup in their plans, I guess.
(boooo)
The suspect has a long history of not being able to control herself.
Apparently, she was given 5-10…minutes of drinking water upside down.
“BOOOOOO! Get off the stage!” — Monsters
“Thank you! You’ve been a great crowd!” — teacherman
Coming up on ABC Action News, can the amount of hiccuping your child displays also suggest that they might have murderous tendencies? We’ll probably give you a bullshit story after these messages.
Also, what is your child dying of at this very moment? We’ll tell you at 11.
In addition, can uncontrollable hiccupping be linked to homosexual tendencies in your children? Maybe not, but were sure as hell gonna try. Next on Fox News.
And now there’s another DANGEROUS teenage fad. Our own Peter DeSantos has the story.
Peter: It’s called HICCUPING. A teen girl hiccups until she loses control before luring innocent men into a house and murdering them.
Imagine having to be in a jail cell with her. UGH.
Ack! I plagiarized you on accident. Sorry, burgy!
No problemo! Great minds etc. etc.!
They leave out the part where she tortured him before hand by forcing him to drink glasses of salt water while standing on his head.
“i have an iPad”
– female TV reporter
thank god it’s finally cool to call St. Petersberg, “St. Petes”. I thought this day would never come.
Like, MULTIPLE TIMES. And it was WRITTEN as “St. Pete” in the scroll at the bottom!
I was born in St. Pete and I always refer to it as such when talking about it with relatives. As far as I’m concerned, it’s always been cool.
“You have the right to remain silent. Oh, wait….shit.”
Even though she committed murder I have very little doubt that the defining moment in her life will remain the hiccups.
first thought was this, clearly:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rpr2KAj23AE
Two Girls, One Hiccup (The other girl is murder): The Jennifer Mee Story
From Hiccups to Locked Up: The Jennifer Mee Story
Hiccup Stick Up
i want to murder someone after having the hiccups for 30 seconds, so i’m actually kinda amazed she hasn’t committed wanton genocide.
The only girl who would have made a worse robber than Hiccup Girl is Tourettes Girl who constantly yells the N-word.
So I guess it’s only a matter of time until we hear that the Sneezing Girl has joined Al-Qaeda or something, right?
Sneezing BOY. Physically/Emotionally/Spiritually frustrated BOYS join al Qaeda.
Wasn’t that Sneezing Panda? That thing isn’t getting on ANY flights!
Look I’m not a bigot. But when I get on the plane, I got to tell you, if I see pandas who are in panda garb and I think, you know, they are identifying themselves first and foremost as PANDAS, I get worried. I get nervous.
My bad.
“It gets better.” -Al Qaeda
I just don’t understand why she wanted to rob someone. You’d think she’d still be rolling around in all her hiccup money.
I hate to be the Grammar Police, but shouldn’t her name be Jennifer I.
“Two jokes diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the joke less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.” — Robert Frost Jr.
You mean “Jennifer i” — e.e.cummings
“Give me all your” *hiccups*, “all your” *hiccups, “all your” hiccups. “Aw, f*ck it”
Ms. Mee you have been found gui-*hicc*, Ms. Mee you have been fo-*hicc*…………….. Ms. Mee you have been found guilty of murder in the first degree, and I hereby sent-*hicc*… I hereby sentence you *hicc*, I sent-*hicc*, I s-*hicc*, WTF, JAIL BITCH! *gavel slams* *hicc*.
Put your hands in the air. This is a st-hiccup!
Gabe made a hiccup by forgetting to mention there would be 30 minutes of Selita Ebanks’s (granted very beautiful) chest in the video from the previous post.
“Hey, remember that girl who was on all of the morning talk shows a couple of years ago because she couldn’t stop hiccuping?”
No. Are you suggesting there was a way to find absurd videos on the internet before videogum?
Pshhhh. You know she’ll get off easy. Fucking celebrities…
When can we expect to see the “I like Toitles” boy’s cross-country hate crime spree?
It’s ok. He likes zombies now.
If she goes to jail for this it’s going to cause a major hiccup in her life plans. (See what I did there? Nailed it!)
“I had to hiccup 50 times a minute before they called me the ‘hiccup girl,’ but you commit one fucking murder …” -Jennifer Mee
I think we can all agree that the real victim here is the poor court reporter.
She made her choice, it seems.
Stupid fucking people depress me. Poor victim guy. What a shitty way to go. Some stupid woman in league with two bad men coaxing that guy into a bad situation, his LAST situation.
She should be put to death by everything people suggest to cure hiccups, OR they should implant a device in her chest that ensures she will always hiccup.
She would make an awesome Batman villain. By awesome, I mean dumb.
This is the kind of shit Bukowski’s been tryna warn everyone about!