On a recent episode of C-SPAN 2, a discussion by a group of conservatives of a new book to which they had all contributed shot WAY off the rails when your boyfriend, Todd Seavey, started going off on a fellow panelist and ex-girlfriend (your current girlfriend), Helen Rittelmeyer. (“It’s complicated” — The Facebook.) The results are incredible. Watch the results!

Haha. Wow! WOWOWOW! Look, normally I would be against your boyfriend, Todd Seavey’s behavior. It is inappropriate to ambush someone in public with personal issues, even if “public” just means BOOK-SPAN. But I’m pretty sure a woman who would like to repeal the law against assault so that “men” feel constantly under the threat of “more fist fights” GETS WHAT IS COMING TO HER. Which in this case is a punch in the face. BOOM! Incredible! Don’t get me wrong on this: Todd Seavey is definitely your boyfriend. For plenty of faces reasons, and not just his willingness to blow up his ex-girlfriend’s spot on national television (haha, “television”). But it is also possible to sit back and appreciate in the limited circumstances of this instance what your boyfriend did to your girlfriend. I can see why you love BOTH of them so much that sometimes it feels like someone is sitting on your chest. (Thanks for the tip, Howard Beale and Peter.)

Comments (75)
  1. Helen does know that she’s a lesbian, right?…After all, she is my girlfriend.

  2. As a liberal, I definitely feel like I’m supposed to feel sympathy for her sexual humiliation. But as a liberal, I’m also too stupid to figure out why. Someone should probably just punch me in the face.

  3. This makes me not support heterosexual dating and marriage.


  5. I think we finally found a place with more nerds than Videogum. GREAT JOB EVERYBODY!

  6. Well, Todd and Helen have had their say, but I’d like to get the point of view of the HUGE THROBBING VEINS that seem to comprise 40% of Todd’s face.

  7. This is what Jersey Shore would look like if the smarts had won the great culture war instead of the dumbs.

  8. You here that sound? It’s Helen Rittelmeyer eating a bucketful of penis. At Yale. Where she went.

    • I hate to think of the diseases my girlfriend got as she was sleeping her way through Yale. So I don’t think about it and just cross my fingers a lot.

    • Ahhh. That’s “hear” not “here”. Excuse this error, it was written at six o’ clock in the morning. Us uninformed liberals can’t function that early.

  9. The date stamp on this video is wrong or she is 1990s time traveler.

  10. Hah I was just baffled the whole time. What was he even talking about?!

    • Obamacare…duh. And everything he said was 100% relevant.

    • Seriously though. Did she really want to repeal assault laws so the men live under the constant threat of getting the shit kicked out of them without legal recourse? What the hell kind of position is that?

      • LOL: I have heard conservatives argue that everyone should be allowed to carry guns at all times because this would make society super-polite. We’d always be so nice to each other, if we felt that being anything less might get us shot, and this would be a welcome improvement. (And I better note, this argument was not advanced ironically.)

    • Todd Seavey should run for governor of New York on the platform “Helen Is Too Damn Slutty.”

  11. My relationship(s) really work, because the one thing we all have in common is the love of making each other suffer! Just call me Beyonce, because I’m going to put a ring on it (them?)!

  12. I’m pretty sure when she says you could throw a rock and hit a liberal at Yale, she just means that she was forever literally throwing rocks at liberals at Yale. Hence, trying to repeal laws against assault which, to be honest, is like all the way regressive, considering that laws against throwing rocks at people are the most basic laws.

  13. My girlfriend needs a new haircut. I’m worried, because she keeps going to the same horrible place as my boyfriend does (he needs a new cut as well). They are bound to run into each other and then my world will explode.

  14. Yeah, he’s my boyfriend, but I defy anyone to resist a personals ad like this. (Scroll down.)

    • I’ve never seen a personal ad that was so “tl;dr” and also so thoroughly disturbed. I think in those little tutorials about how to set up your online personal ad, it doesn’t tell you to spend 3 paragraphs having a meltdown about your ex standing you up and also preemptively calling your potential dates evil.

      “Bet you thought being a Hitler or a Jack the Ripper would feel a lot different than being you. But it doesn’t. You’re living the being-evil experience.
      - My boyfriend’s wedding vows

    • He does preemptively limit any of us from being his girlfriend, though:

      “Non-monster lady, on the other hand, if you’re out there, drop me a line.”

      It’s like he KNEW this day would come.

    • “Non-monster lady, on the other hand, if you’re out there, drop me a line.”

      I think he just broke up with me? :(

  15. I actually dig what this dude is figuring out while he’s talking:

    conservatives really just take the mean, bully side of every issue. I mean, I know that anyone on any side might be an asshole that will break your heart. but he’s linking her heartlessness toward him to the fact that she’s heartless toward everyone – way to reason and be right this time, dumbfuck.

    like it does for anyone becoming ok, it took going through something rough. here it took my girlfriend breaking his heart. but he might actually be on his way to being a better person.

    of course, not that we really want this fucking dude on our side. maybe he’ll become better enough soon to just shut the fuck up. fucking conservatives!

  16. My girlfriend: “Suffering builds character!”

    Roomful of D-bags: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!”

    Me: *gunshot*

  17. I just can’t stop looking at my boyfriend’s face. It’s this perfect mix of Howard the Duck and Quato. Two of my favorite movie characters.

  18. This guy looks like the conservative bizarro version of werttrew. Jus’ sayin’.

  19. It cut off too soon! I was totally ready to hear what she thinks is beyond the pale!

    “Your duck lips, sir. Your creepy duck lips are what is beyond the pale.”

  20. after being outed as a coniving, heartless, sexually manipulative, sadomasochistic ice queen on TV and in front of a live audience, i’m really curious to know what she thinks is “out of bounds.” why did they have to cut it there!?

  21. does anyone know the name of the book? please?

  22. I would have really liked to know what she thought was “out of bounds.” Blasted Liberal Media Bias!

  23. Todd responds: http://www.toddseavey.com/2010/10/welcome-new-readers-about-that-c-span2.html
    Be careful reading it! The devil mixes his lies with the truth!
    (Just kidding, everyone does that)

  24. Really? You guys took him seriously? He hijacked a live, televised book discussion to humiliate his ex-girlfriend. Nothing he says gets to count for anything because of his complete lack of manners and respect for dignity. You have a problem with someone, guy, you address that someone, not passive-aggressively address the audience listening to you and that someone. What an ass.

    • But he addressed her ideas and the roots of them. He has issues, O Yes He Does, but look: I have a friend whose political ideas are all deranged nonsense about how the world is a kill or be killed place and we need to accept that or we are as but fools — but I also know that privately he hates his job and feels crushed by it and his beliefs as loudly stated are less a respectable philosophy and more the window dressing of a smoldering anger that he is a chubby IT guy with disastrous credit rather than a Viking warlord astride a motorcycle wheeling from star to star accepting the love of our galaxy’s most beautiful women and baskets of gold and myrrh from lesser men. At some point, our politics stem from who we are — they are not formed in a vacuum of perfect reason — and so if who we are is catastrophically flawed then maybe it’s not bad to call this out and deal with it honestly. Now, I am not arguing in favor of ad hominem attacks… but it’s valid, if you feel that someone’s ideas are essentially dishonest, to address that dishonesty. Which he kind of did. So I like him better than her.

      That said, they’re both nightmares.

    • also – whatever. 1. sure, he’s reaaaally pissed, and saying mean things about the way she acted – but you kind of have to take him on his word that she was THAT bad, and I don’t take him on his word. do you really think his side of the story is completely accurate?

      2. whatever she did do that broke his heart, she did it and then she went on tv next to him. her responsibility not to do some part of everything that led to her being in that situation. put my ex that close to me, on tv or not, I’m going to say some MEEEEEAAAN fucking shit! cause that’s what jilted people do.

      I think this is mostly just embarrassing for him. oh, someone dumped you? well, instead of airing your dirt on tv and ruining your own reputation, why don’t you just go reinvent facebook? you stupid conservative fuck

      and actually, don’t put my anywhere near my ex.

      • and, again, this guy is kind of a fucking hero.

        somewhat accidentally connecting the dots between heartless, horrific, narcissistic, sadomasochistic behavior to the conservative ideology on live tv. and it looks like it’s the first time he thought that at that depth, so it just rings that much more true. it’s really kind of beautiful.

        there is hope for you yet, guy who up to now has been a completely retarded piece of shit for your whole life.

        keep going dude! speak that fuckin’ truth!

  25. 1) Todd Seavey skillfully executed a takedown of both his ex’s political views and her girlfriendery. I am impressed.
    2) I LOVE the way Helen says “Liberal-tarian.” It’s going to be my new insult.

  26. AWKKWAARRDD is right! Dear Me! I’m glad I watched this on the main page, so when things got REAL, I could scroll up and off the video to shield my eyes from the awkward. If only Curb Your Enthusiasm had the “Scroll Away” feature, as normally I have to just bury my face in the couch when L.D. gets a room reallll Awkward.

    That being said I still stand by my boyfriend Todd Seavey. That cunt Helen had it coming.

    Also (thanks Eddy Murphy): when your Girlfriend smiles at me I don’t know if I should smile back or kick a field goal!

  27. If he wasn’t my boyfriend already, I would make him my boyfriend because that was awesome!

  28. Wait, did she graduate from Yale or did she just went there?

  29. I used to have dinner with them when they were still together. It would usually go like this.

  30. Replace these two with George Clooney and Julianne Moore, and you have my new favorite Coen brothers movie.

  31. At first I was like:

    But then I was like:

    (that is me)

  32. When tender I lay my head on his chest at night, I hear not my boyfriend Todd’s beating heart (for Helen ripped it clean from its chamber) but instead, the throbbing of giant balls.

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