This weekend, I went to go visit my family. It was a very quick trip, flying out on Saturday and flying back on Sunday, but sometimes with your family that’s what you do. It was like that movie Up in the Air, but without all the grown men crying, and with a lot more eating a celebratory dinner in honor of a special occasion. (Also: I have not actually watched Up in the Air, but I’m pretty sure I nailed it.) The reason I am sharing this fascinating story that I’m sure everyone wishes was a lot longer is to give you some understanding of where I was when I watched this week’s nominee, Nothing But Trouble. I was at my grandparents’ house in a small town in the midwest. It was 10PM. Everyone else was going to bed. The next morning I was going to wake up early for a family breakfast and then head right back to the airport for my return flight to New York. There was no alcohol in the house. The point is: I had literally NOTHING BETTER TO DO than watch this movie. And yet, it was one of the most difficult viewings in the history of the Hunt! Never have I so frequently checked the time to see how much movie was left. I checked every five minutes, no joke, and felt a great, painful disappointment to rediscover just how much of this misery was still to go. At one point, there were only 20 minutes left, and I got so mad. 20 FUCKING MINUTES?! Now, at first, I didn’t think this was really a Worst Movie. That’s not to say it was not Very Bad. As mentioned. But, at first I was thinking that it was a comedy, and comedy is subjective, and on top of that, it seemed like maybe it was an ambitious comedy that just went way off the rails, and it’s hard to get too mad at failed ambition. But the more I was watching it, and basically DYING INSIDE, the more that I decided that comedy isn’t THAT subjective, and that failed ambitions are a) part of what makes a bad movie a Worst Movie, and also b) I’m not even sure this was failed ambitions anyway, because I have absolutely NO IDEA WHAT THIS WAS.

Seriously. Someone. Preferably an adult. PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THIS IS?!

So, Nothing But Trouble starts in the circular driveway of a fancy New York apartment building. Chevy Chase is a Fancy Billionaire, or whatever, who is so rich that he hates his friends. Actually, the first five minutes of the movie are pretty good! Like, you definitely GET the whole Chevy Chase thing. He was so handsome and sarcastic and WASP-y and cool! In the elevator, he meets Demi Moore who is carrying an espresso maker because 1991. She notices a financial prospectus in her hand and loses her mind and runs away, even though Chevy really wanted to get his cigar clipped, if you know what I mean. ANYWAY: Demi Moore is a lawyer, something something about one of her clients being a crook and also firing her? It’s all a little dull and also a little completely unimportant to the rest of the movie in a few minutes. She goes upstairs to Chevy Chase’s penthouse apartment and asks if she can borrow his car to go to Atlantic City to confront her former client. Haha, wait, what? Do strangers actually ask millionaires to borrow their cars? No, they don’t. On the one hand, I kind of like when comedies skip the pretense of making sense and just get the people where they need to go (on the road to Atlantic City) but I’d rather that they both just said “OK, we’re going to Atlantic City for [Insert Stupid Conceit]” rather than him insisting on driving because he doesn’t want to lend her his car which already huhhhhh? Meanwhile, two “Brazilians” invite themselves along. OK, so now we are all in the car heading to Atlantic City and making TON of super-clever New Jersey jokes. Oh, we should definitely pull off the road and have a picnic. This is going to go great. (SIDENOTE: Demi Moore looks like she’s in fucking Twilight 3: The Whitest, and also does she have Benjamin Button disease?)

So, they take a wrong turn in Deliverance Town, naturally, and they get into a high speed chase with the cops, which definitely seems like something a billionaire would do for sure. Why pull over? A fake Brazilian dude who you hate told you to outrun the cops from the backseat of your car where he was eating picnic food, and so you do it. IT’S CALLED REAL LIFE. They get pulled over by John Candy. Who forces them to follow him to Valkenvania, which is basically a dilapidated mansion in a garbage dump (don’t worry about it, it’s about to get way worse) surrounded by a poison moat. There is a “judge” (played by Dan Aykroyd, who also wrote the script and directed the movie, clearly getting high off his own supply of Crystal Skull Clown Vodka) in this “town” who hears their “case” and then HITS A BOOBY TRAP AND SENDS THEM INTO A STUFFED ANIMAL BASEMENT. And that’s about the point that you black out and wait for the angels to welcome you to your cloud mansion in Heaven City because you’re dead because what’s the point of living if you have to watch shit like this?

I’m honestly not really sure how to describe the rest of the movie. They spend an hour and 15 minutes trying to escape, but also making wisecracks? Some other people get arrested in the meantime and are MURDERED? At some point they realize that this “judge” has been killing people for years? [Insert wisecracks.] John Candy plays the town sheriff, yes, but he also plays his own mute twin sister, Eddie Murphy style, except NO FATSUIT NEEDED (R.I.P.).

It’s gross. And endless. And makes no sense. There is shit like this:

And OH RIGHT, THIS:

Good God! At some point they do escape, and hobo ride a train to the capital where they tell their story to, like, a Congressman? (Sure.) He takes them with him and a military envoy to shut down this terrible criminal, only to double-reverse-Sawyer cross them and it turns out this whole thing is sanctioned by the state because the “judge” gets rid of all the undesirables. SURE. UGH. GET RID OF ME NOW, PLEASE. FEED ME THROUGH A SHREDDER ROLLER-COASTER (long story) AND BURY MY BONES IN THE WALLS.

The movie actually ends with Chevy Chase getting so nervous and flustered that he runs through a wall Bugs Bunny style?

WHUUUUUUUUUUUUUT IS THIISSSSSSSSSSSS?!

The whole thing is so unlike anything that I’ve ever seen that I’m not sure how to criticize it other than to say that it’s miserable to watch and deeply unfunny and it certainly answers the question of what happened to Dan Aykroyd. Everyone is allowed to have mistakes in their career and overcome them and return to greatness, but I’m not sure this really counts as a mistake. This is where the ancient term EPIC FAIL comes from. Forget Hollywood, I’m surprised the VODKA INDUSTRY let him back in the door. “Look, Dan, we all love Crystal Skull Vodka, but unfortunately we’re going to have to pass. We’ve all seen the movie that you wrote, directed, and starred in, making it entirely your vision in a way that really says a lot about your vision. GOODNIGHT.” (That is a direct quote from the Board of Vodka Business.)

Of course, the most amazing part of the movie, which I have not mentioned yet because it is so incredible as to defy belief and if I were to have mentioned it to you earlier you would have called me a liar is this part (SPOILER ALERT: brace yourself for this part):


Just to clarify: three quarters of the way through an impossibly wretched “horror comedy” (which is not even a thing, for good reason) DIGITAL UNDERGROUND SHOWS UP AND PERFORMS A SONG, WITH MUSICAL ACCOMPANIMENT FROM DAN AYKROYD IN GARBAGE MAKEUP. Holy cow. Streets ahead, indeed. (Also: did you notice the part at the beginning of the clip when Demi Moore was locked in a cage playing cards with those two fat Hills Have Eyes babies, but talking to them in a baby voice? You know how it is when you’re trapped in a cage playing cards with two fat Hills Have Eyes babies. SO much baby voice, duh.)

Later, Birdie asked to watch the movie to see what I was complaining about. You can read her review here.

I’m still hard-pressed to figure out where this falls on the spectrum of “All Time” that we have established for ourselves, but I’m going to say that this is definitely in the top 10. And if you create a new list for “Worst Comedies of All Time” then this is in the top 2 (before or after the cumulative work of the Wayans Brothers).

Next week: Couples Retreat. As always, please leave your suggestions in the comments or in an email. And if you haven’t done so already, please consult the Official Rules.

Comments (201)
  1. I just like that Taylor Negron managed to get away early.

    • Honestly, as a young teenager this movie scared the hell out of me, and my only comfort was that Taylor Negron managed to get away in the first act. I also knew who Taylor Negron was from his HBO stand up show where he whines, “I just really neeeed you to hold meeee.”

      I was not a popular kid.

      • Not to belabor the point, but I was not easily scared as child. I watched some pretty sophisticated horror movies when I was quite young, but this movie made me very uneasy. I’ll stop now.

        • On a personal note, I’m glad to see you back as Big Papa Smurf.

        • Its ok Godsauce, The murder roller coaster that fed unsuspecting yuppies into a wood chipper was traumatic. This movie was so off putting because it was unclear at first if it was a comedy or some kind of bizzaro Videodrome style body-horror nightmare fuel.

        • AGREED. I enjoyed the Nightmare On Elm Street movies to no end as a wee taquito, but I still have occasional nightmares of this movie. It rates right up there with Tom Petty’s “Don’t Come Around Here No More” video on the creep scale.

          • Finally, somebody that remembers that video with the same feeling of horror that I do. I seriously didn’t even give Tom Petty a chance until a few years ago because of that video.

        • I am late to this entry, but Godsauce, I was so scared by this movie as well. I used to have nightmares that the rollercoaster shredder machine was coming through my town shredding everyone (except I seem to remember it looking like a clown, but this might be me conflating this movie and It, since they both scared the shit out of me, and I saw both while quite young).

  2. Holy shit Gabe. Thank you for making me realize that the 9-year old version of me had TERRIBLE taste.

  3. If Digital Underground had produced this movie they’d call it “Nothing But Nostril”

  4. This can’t be the worst only because the Digital Underground scene which featured the first ever Tupac appearance. Which means, by my math, this movie is responsible for Tupac’s success.

  5. UnrelatedGum:

    I always wanted to know what you monsters do for a living. Because it seems like you guys comment on just about every new post Gabe comes up with for the day. Do you guys have computer jobs, jobs like Gabes. It’s just something I’ve always wondered…

    I guess what I’m really trying to say is..how do I get more upvotes??

    • I’m a ghostwriter of a popular series of books on how to meet European men.

    • I am a teacher. I toss worksheets on my students’ desks and force them to remain absolutely silent while I hover my mouse over the “refresh” button. Then the bell rings. Repeat until kids stop coming in.

      Nah, j/k. I’m an awesome teacher. I check between bells, which usually coincides with when the posts are first up.

      First rule of upvotes is that you do not talk about upvotes.

      • I can’t lie to y’all. Obviously I used to be the cover model for an iconic Derek and the Dominoes album, and now I’m in jail (too much Bieber fever).

        I feel unburdened.

    • I live in BritainLand. We do time differently here.

    • College kid! So basically, I am on here all the time.

    • Starving artist with a useless degree.

    • I am the benevolent dictator of a small group of nearly identical-looking small, blue, humanoid creatures who each manage to encapsulate some archetype of human behavior.

    • I’m really inattentive at my job and should not be paid.

    • I don’t know, but I was at the doctor getting a check up last friday and after waiting in one of the rooms in a lame-ass gown for, like, thirty minutes the doctor finally arrived in the room. He came in smiling like a creep with his eyes fixed on his Blackberry, and I swear I heard him say to himself “Oh man, Winwood is right….She IS pretty”. My doctor is a monster and an asshole.

    • All right, listen, don’t write this down, but I find Milton probably as boring as you find Milton. Mrs. Milton found him boring too. He’s a little bit long-winded, he doesn’t translate very well into our generation, and his jokes are terrible. But that doesn’t relieve you of your responsibility for this material. Now I’m waiting for reports from some of you… Listen, I’m not joking. This is my job!

    • I’m a lawyer in Virginia. I write novels in my spare time and kill game with my bare hands.

      • I guess I am the night watchman at a rural cemetery. I seen something you wouldn’t dare believe. Let me tell you a story…

    • I had assumed we were 90% stay at home moms.

      BOO! I downvote myself!

    • I work on the money making side of art

    • Similar to Baby Friday. I’m an English professor at a small four-year college. Actually lecturing in front of a class, however, takes less than 15 hours a week. So I have a lot of time where I’m sitting in front of a desk, procrastinating on grading essays or lesson planning.

      This semester I’ve been on a satellite campus, however, on Mondays and Wednesday. They’ve got wi-fi but it’s terrible and I basically don’t comment on those days except maybe in the late afternoons.

    • I was a copy editor until I quit my job last week to work on my music. And now I’m painting the kitchen instead of working on my music.

    • i used to have a job where i could read and comment all the time, and i loved it. and then i made the huge mistake of going to grad school, and now my life has been consumed by paper reading, paper writing, and drinking obscene amounts of whiskey. i have blacked out more in the past two months of living in boston that i did the entire time i was living in new orleans. point being, between my homework and my hangovers i never have time for videogum anymore, and it gives me the serious sads. which in turn is maybe sad? point being, i miss all the monsters and the jokes.

      • Chin up, southernbitch. What doesn’t give you Seasonal Affective Disorder makes you stronger. (I moved from New Orleans to upstate NY for grad school many years ago…3-liters of cheap wine were my coping mechanism, but whiskey probably works just as well.)

        • I would say it depends on your timeframe. When I need to become delirious quickly, whiskey is the bike I ride. When I can afford to tease it out, then wine.

          I also drink a lot of coffee, so the alcohol essentially just functions as antidote; I am always either wide, wide awake or on a steep, greased chute into subcoma.

          Come back, southernbitch, we miss you too.

      • Graduate school (and Boston!) has sucked most of the positivity out of my life. I can’t get any work done because I am miserable, I have lost all of the ambition that has gotten me this far in life, and people who don’t have to literally drag themselves out of bed in the morning make me full of jealous rage.

        So…well…no good news here, but at least you aren’t alone in your misery?

        Basically: Nothing But Trouble is like the fever-nightmare manifestation of grad school.

        • There should be a support group: For People Who Moved To Boston For Grad School But Are Miserable Because Everyone Here Is The Best At Being Extremely Awful (Alternate title: I Don’t Give A Shit About That Bar, That Sports Team, Or Your Start-Up).

          • there is no chance you’ll ever see my reply to this, i’m sure, but the idea of that support group made me cackle. for serious, y’all- WHAT IS UP WITH THE SHITTY BOSTON BARS? i have been searching high and low for a decent dive bar for almost three months. THREE MONTHS. also, boston, wtf is up with everyone being so creepily aggressive when hitting on people? shit is making me uncomfortable. also i did almost get in a bar fight over football. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY LIFE??????

      • I hate to break this news to you young scholars, but grad school was the high point for sheer amount of free time for internetting in my life.

    • I’m the E*Trade Baby, but I’ve been dedicating most of my time to this new Ponzi Scheme I’ve got going. With any luck, in a couple of years it’ll be called a Notsewfast Scheme.

      • I’m a European man. I tend to do most of my ball-handling exercises at night (I’m a point guard, people – clean it up!) So commenting during the day is simple enough.

    • Textile designer in the “fashion industry”

    • Promotions assistant at a music venue. I sit in front of my computer all day, and when I have free time, I come here.

    • I’m a former child star who now makes money as a cheesy musician who’s wildly successful with middle-aged (and older) women and complete garbage to everyone else on the planet. As such, I have to maintain a pretty much full-time tour schedule of embarrassingly small local venues, leaving me with a lot of time in a tour van with, again, embarrassingly few groupies. But I do have an iPhone.

    • I work in a really small law office as a combo paralegal/almost-lawyer (damn bar exam, I will conquer you!), and since everyone can see what I’m doing all the time I have to restrict myself to VGing on my lunch hour and after work. Which, since I’m on the west coast, means all the other monsters are already in bed/blacked out from obscene amounts of whiskey by the time I get a chance to comment, boo.

    • I guess you could call me somewhat of a dimensional escort.

      • In all seriousness, I’m a screenwriter (punch-ups, mostly), musician, and freelance drinker, though I’m looking into my options to become a full time Videogum commenter. The LOL(k) plan is amazing.

    • I’m the lead singer in a punk rock band.

    • I’m a graduate student.

  6. He pulls a DVD off the shelf, “Nothing But Trouble” by Dan Aykroyd and Chevy Chase. “Good stuff. That’s what I make” he says, putting it back. “That’s what I make. Also, puppets” – Jeff Dunham

  7. Waaaaait, I think I see a hand inside the Birdie’s Review DVD. Be careful, because it’s possible this movie is the Phantom Zone.

  8. John Candy? John, Get out!!! No, not that way — that’s Wagon’s East! Follow me — I’m heading to Planes, Trains and Automobiles, just south of Uncle Buck…

  9. Wow, I didn’t realize this was coming up on the hunt and didn’t even recognize what it was until I saw the screencap. I feel like I must’ve seen this movie a hundred times as a kid (probably on a single weekend of HBO) and thought it was very scary and very horrible, and I knew they were making these obvious dick jokes with te guy eating a hot dog, but I had no idea what it was supposed to mean. Anyways, I remember that my kid brain thought this was ‘adult-humor’, and that I just didn’t get it yet but that it was obviously something my mom and dad would go see on a saturday night or something.

    The damage that one thought has probably done to my relationship with my parents is unfathomable.

    • This is one of those movies that was always on TV when I was a kid that, when I would think back about it in adulthood, I couldn’t figure out if it was real or if I’d just made it up. It just doesn’t make any sense that this movie exists.

      • This is also my history with this movie. Trying to explain the movie to a friend…the description comes out weird, like I had imagined the whole thing.

    • same here. had no idea it was even called this. or that it even had a name. for a while, i, like everyone else here, assumed it was some horrible nightmare i had, but then it came on tv again, and the nightmare became flesh etc etc

      that fucking rollercoaster. christ. there’s other stuff in this movie that freaked the hell out of me, but thankfully i can’t remember any of it.

      actually i think we may have even rented this, probably because we had enjoyed other, similarly minded madcap hi-jinx as “High Spirits” and “Freak’d” (Freak’d also made turn inside out with fear).

    • Thats Flight of the Navigator syndrome bro.

  10. Oh wow, I thought this was some childhood memory of amalgamated nightmares, I can’t believe my parents let me watch this!

  11. Has anyone else tasted that crystal skull vodka? I tried some at a friend’s house last week and it tasted like rubbing alcohol. $40 rubbing alcohol.

    • It’s really not good. I am also beginning to doubt the paranormal qualities of the bottle.

    • Cheeky bottle design + celebrity “distiller” = that’s how they get ya

    • Yup, I’m with you on the awfulness. Although thanks to the terrible hangover I had the next day, I now have a new favorite name for hangovers: The Curse of the Crystal Skull.

      ex:
      Offissa Pupp: You mouse, what’s wrong? Krazy comes by tempting sin, and you sit on a brick not tossing one bit!

      Ignatz: Curse of the Crystal Skull, Kop.

  12. I think Birdie should weigh in on all of these movie reviews. She really has a way of putting things into perspective.

  13. Birdie’s review was concise, direct, and on point. I think Rodger Ebert has found his successor!

    • Although I wish Birdie the best in the new position, I hope the other noted film critic, ROGER Ebert, will go on writing for many years to come.

      • Umm, actually RODGER Ebert is the most decorated film critic at The Baton Rouge Advocate. Birdie is good, but she’s not read for prime time just yet.

      • Roger Ebert picked “Nothing But Trouble” as one of his worst of 1991 on At The Movies. But when I went looking for his review of it, I found his review of another movie, “North.” He writes:

        “I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.”
        He also calls it “a bad film – one of the worst movies ever made.”

        I have never seen this film, but I trust Roger Ebert, and so I hereby nominate “North” for the hunt.

    • “Two dewclaws up!”
      - Birdie
      (?)

    • I hope I wasn’t the only one who was hoping for a Birdie Tumblr or something when they clicked the “Birdie’s review” link?

  14. Did Birdie eat a rented DVD? I think you owe Mr. Netflix like a 1000 dollars now

    • “No, we’d actually like to pay you $1,000 for your fine work.” -Mr. Netflix

    • It’s alright – statistics state that at any given moment, Nothing But Trouble will be playing on at least eight different UHF stations as part of their FunnyFlickz programming block, giving Gabe ample opportunity to make a VHS recording.

  15. In a related story, I am adapting Videogum into a movie called “Nothing But Birdie”. It is not the terrifying nightmare parade that this movie looks to be. It’s just 95 minutes of Birdie.

    Blockbuster.

  16. i know that repressed memories are mostly bullshit and that a lot of therapists ruined the lives of a lot of decent people back in the 90s when that shit was popular, but i had seriously repressed the memory of this movie and now that it’s been uncovered i’m going to have to work through some real painful shit.

  17. When you put this on the list of upcoming WMOATs, I made the comment that I pitied you because this movie is unwatchable in a way that’s not even remotely enjoyable. I’m so glad that your experience bore out my prediction. This movie is so irredeemable that it makes me angry to have had to spend the last couple minutes typing this comment. In closing, I hate this movie.

  18. I would like to nominate all or any of The Lord Of The Rings trilogy, for the same reasons outlined last week.
    Also Easy Rider that film was boring as batshit.

  19. When I was in high school my two best friends and I rented this movie (back when cavemen used VHS tapes and dinosaurs all logged into Prodigy – it was not yet the AOLocene) and thought it was funny for about the first half hour, and then terrible, and then funny again because it was terrible, and then not funny at all, and then we got to the twenty-minute-to-the-end mark like Gabe did and just felt really guilty about laughing at anything before it. After it was over, it was one of those things that just kind of killed a night of fun, where you all just kind of sit around uncomfortably. Oddly, we made the same mistake about a year later with much the same results. This review, while I don’t doubt a word of Gabe’s description, has made me want to watch it again. Thankfully, though, I am now a married 80-year-old man, and my wife would not let me get past the first thirty seconds. And that’s why I love her.

    • “Thankfully, though, I am now a married 80-year-old man, and my wife would not let me get past the first thirty seconds. And that’s why I love her.”

      TWSS

  20. The penis nose, Gabe. The penis nose.

    • I remember more about the penis nose than really anything else in this movie. Well, and the fact that John Candy in drag reminded me way too much of my great aunt.

  21. I am new to the hunt, but I see a big hole in the movies presented so far and that is Matthew McConaughey. My personal recommendation is “Failure to Launch” because it is really bad and embarrassing to everyone involved (except Matthew McCaughey whom apparently doesn’t mind being awful).

    Others to consider: Ghosts of Girlfriend’s Past, EdTV, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, and Contact. IMDB has a whole slew of others that I haven’t seen but willing to believe are bad (Fool’s Gold, Sahara, Two for the Money). Please fill this void.

    • I second How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. More like How to Lose My Interest in 10 Seconds, amiright?

    • Sahara gets a pass because it is blatantly ridiculous in an awesome way. It doesn’t even strain to have a believable plot. It’s just Penelope Cruz looking cute (and talking cute!), Matthew McConaughey looking tan and bursting out of his “scientist” wear and Rainn Wilson back when the Office was still fresh and new.

      Okay, I’m going to go back to pretending like I watched U-571 for patriotic reasons rather than all that submariner eye candy.

    • Oh em gee, yes! I’ve submitted Fool’s Gold like 3 times already. If that movie is not the OPPOSITE of an enjoyable romantic action comedy, with sizzling chemistry between two of Hollywood’s most lovable leads and a slew of hilarious supporting characters working their way through a solid, well-built storyline towards a rewarding climax, then I do not know what is.

      Also, this is just a normal woman’s body, and NOT an alien from the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull at all:

  22. For the longest time, I thought that Gabe’s avatar was a shouting John Candy. Sorry, Gabe. Sorry, Coach Taylor.

  23. You guys, did we ALL have repressed memories of Nothing But Trouble? Is that what caused the events in our lives to bring us to this website? Can I work both a Mad Men season 4 finale & Lost series finale reference into this sentence before I get hungry and leave to eat some Cheez-Its?

  24. wow…if you replace watching this terrible movie with watching my grandfather sing mildly racist songs while wearing his sleep apnea mask, than Gabe’s Saturday night/family vacation was eerily similar to mine…

  25. Oh my gosh, thanks, Gabe — I am so happy/dead on the inside! I think this is the single worst movie I have ever seen, so bad that it transcends the category “worst movie” and becomes one of the worst experiences of my life. It is no hyperbole to say that it made me physically ill when I saw it, not because of the gross makeup but through a kind of spiritual violence that just damaged all inner balance or whatever it is that keeps us walking upright and thinking the best of our fellow man and feeling glad about sunshine; that stuff took a huge whack that made me want to lie down queasy, gibbering, tearful and hopeless. And I am also not exaggerating when I say that for about the next 8-10 years whenever I thought of this movie, that illness came back. Just at the thought of it.

    It has been another 5-8 years since I last suffered that feeling, but the top photo here, the “sausage shot,” brings it back, a little. My stomach turns. I need to look away. I think less of the world.

    But I feel a little better — I can smile through it — with the validation that Gabe ranks this movie “definitely in the top 10.” I am going to savor that, and take what solace is there. I feel terrible that I lobbied for it, and I thank you.

  26. Did anyone ever find out if Shock G and Humpty Hump were the same person or not? This movie makes a pretty convincing case that there’s two of ‘em!

  27. Rent would be a perfect candidate for WMOAT if not for the ban on musicals.

  28. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  29. as a lot of people have shared their severely repressed memories of this movie, i just want to let everyone know that every few years i have nightmares regarding this movie – so much so that I was CONVINCED it only existed there and was not infact a real movie that starred some of my comedy heroes that just happened to be crude, ugly, and just plain bat-shit crazy.

    for the sake of my sanity, and despite this very credible display of evidence:
    1) gabe has written a review of it
    2) other monsters have experienced much of the same terrors that i have as a result of seeing it and 3) i believe that i am awake and have not been incepted or was on Oceanic flight 815 THAT I KNOW OF…

    shamefully, i must take the same route that so many white americans have chosen before me and continue to repress these very troubling memories and revel in my blissful ignorance. despite all evidence, this movie still does not and cannot exist. it never happend. some people don’t believe in dinosaurs. some people don’t believe in evolution. i don’t believe in Nothing But Trouble. nope. not going to happen.

    • UM. i just was going to post this below, but i feel like i have to do it in response to your comment:

      “which is basically a dilapidated mansion in a garbage dump (don’t worry about it, it’s about to get way worse) surrounded by a poison moat. There is a “judge” (played by Dan Aykroyd, who also wrote the script and directed the movie”
      for serious, i saw that scene as a child and up until right now thought it was just a nightmare i had that stuck with me. nope. it was a movie. written and directed by dan aykroyd. memory is a funny thing!

  30. Gabe, you have exceeded my expectations in describing how awful this movie is (top 10!!).

  31. Also have fun next week Gabe with the homophobic Guitar Hero commercial that is Couples Retreat

  32. DAMN! All weekend I thought today’s movie was “I Love Trouble,” with Nick Nolte and Julia Roberts. That’s a terrible movie I’ve inexplicably seen many times. However this movie, I’ve missed and now will need to screen.

    Future nominee for Worst Movie of All Time- I LOVE TROUBLE!

    Maybe we should not have films with “trouble” in the title. Big Trouble, with Tim Allen- another awful movie.

    That’s all.

  33. R.I.P. Tupac

  34. Good lord, sounds like this also qualified as a TOFTT. I have no idea how I missed ever seeing even a few minutes of this movie, as it seems like exactly the kind of thing that was always playing on TNT when we stayed in motels on family vacations. A++ work, Gabe!

    Also, I would like to nominate “New in Town” and “Did You Hear About the Morgans?”

  35. My 10 year old self hated this film so much, I watched it about 20 times in one summer. I really identified with Chevy’s yuppie character.

  36. Fortunately, I was born in the 90′s and managed to miss some of these wonders of modern cinema. Though I must say, men in slimy rubber fat suits = turn on (“From Beyond”, anybody?)

  37. My terrified, repulsed memories are of that movie with the adult muppets. They had drunk muppets and muppets vomiting and muppets having sex within the first 20 minutes, and my little brother and I couldn’t take any more of it and turned it off. Now anytime one of us says “dirty muppets” to the other, it triggers horrible nausea. Why did they make bad muppets?

    • oh yeah, Meet the Feebles…by mr Lord of the Rings. Peter Jackson also did BrainDead, which google tells me is called Dead Alive in the US. That, believe it or not, is more disgusting than Meet the Feebles, but also funnier and watchable if you like stupid horror films. Perhaps not the part with the giant zombie puppet vag though.

  38. Excited for Couples’ Retreat next week. After I saw that movie I wanted a Couple of bullets to Retreat into my brain.

  39. The first two horror movies I can remember watching are this and Troll 2. Troll 2 made me cry and this one made me change the channel.

  40. I always thought the judge looked like Strom Thurmond in his later years.

  41. Let’s all queue this and confuse the fuck out of Netflix.

  42. From Wikipedia: “The film is based on Dan Aykroyd’s personal experiences. In 1978, he was pulled over for speeding in a rural town in the Northeastern United States. The police officer took him to the local Justice of the Peace in the middle of the night for a trial.” This explains everything.

  43. Vague memories of this movie have been haunting me since I can remember, but I could never describe it to anyone to figure out what it was because I thought it was just a horrific nightmare that I once had (murder rollercoaster? Fat garbage twins? Am I sane?)

    THANK YOU for writing this. I feel so relieved.

  44. We found you, Mr. Frosty!

  45. I also thought I hallucinated this movie. I am appalled to find out it is worse than I remembered, and also glad that Gabe had to sit through it and not me.

  46. Gabe, I know your brain gets tired of worst movies – maybe you could start a Hunt for the Best Terrible Movie of All Time. Or the Least Worst Movie –movies that are bad, but so much fun and awesomeness that you love them anyway.

    I have a long list…

  47. I dunno about you guys… but looking at that picture of Dan Akroyd as an elderly man eating what appears to be some sort of sausage hot dog makes me feel kinda sick…

  48. That’s your generation.

  49. Oh man, can I just say that the scene of Evil-Dan-Akroyd-Gastropod-Nightmare-Death-Machine rockin’ out on the organ during “Same Song” is extra cringe-inducing? Especially the slew of early-90′s-pull-down-the-shades reaction shots.

  50. Echoing the many other sentiments, I was SO EXCITED when this appeared on my RSS feed, as I too had my childhood scarred by this film and have spent years trying to confirm its existence (n.b., typing “john candy garbage monster movie” into Google does not yield useful results).

    However, as pleased as I am, I must point out that horror comedy is too a thing.

  51. This movie has haunted my dreams since 1991…. however, I’m currently too drunk to defend it as a cinematic classic, so yeah, the HFTWMoAT continues. Nothing But Trouble duly noted, duly noted, gabe.

  52. The hunt it over.

  53. wow, 4 words and still made a typo

  54. this is a great movie with lots of one liners…. im sure when the person decided to make this report about how bad the movie was enjoys watching nothing but news channels and forces their 10 year old kids to watch teletubbies instead of real tv

  55. This is by far my favorite movie of all time!

  56. I disagree. This is one of the Best Movies Ever Made. It is totally off the wall extremely funny. Perhaps you just don’t like off the wall movies.

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