Look, kids are adorable and say the darndest things and they are our future, or whatever, and when they grow up they’re all going to be a firetruck. But there’s also the other side of the whole kid thing. You know, the side where they are the worst. I’m just saying, kids don’t know almost anything, they have terrible taste, and they don’t even pay rent. What’s the point?! And now they’re eating tacos made out of spaghetti? Enough. From the New York Times:

On an episode of the hit Nickelodeon series “iCarly,” the lead character’s eccentric older brother, Spencer, makes dinner one night. Glimpsed on screen, the dish consists of red-sauce-coated pasta stuffed into hard taco shells. What could be more unappealing?

That punch line has now become part of American children’s cuisine, fostering a legion of imitators and improvisers across the country. Spurred on by reruns, Internet traffic, slumber parties and simple old-fashioned word of mouth among children, spaghetti tacos are all the rage. Especially if you’re less than 5 feet tall and live with your mother.

Mom blogs and cooking Web sites are filled with recipes from dozens of desperate parents who have been confronted with how to feed their offspring the popular gag. A Facebook page has sprung up with more than 1,200 fans.

Do you see what I mean? Here’s how dumb kids are: they don’t even know the difference between a joke and a real food. (Admittedly, there are lots of adults who don’t know the difference either, and would love to have you over to their “Cuisine of Magnum P.I.” dinner party in Williamsburg to show you just how much they don’t know the difference, but I’m pretty sure these spaghetti taco idiots [idiots=children] are not being IRONIC.)

To make matters worse, kids are also FUCKING LIARS:

After seeing them on the show, Amelia was served the tacos at a friend’s slumber party this year and then begged her mom to make them.

“The mixture of spaghetti and tacos is odd,” Amelia admitted. “But it’s actually pretty good. They’re one of my favorite foods. I guess kids like making them because they think it’s cool to be like the people from ‘iCarly.’ ”

But the real reason, she said, is that “the taste is really, really good.”

No, Amelia. That is not the real reason. Stop lying. And go to your room. EVERYONE GO TO YOUR ROOM. Especially you, Cammie Ward Moise.

Cammie Ward Moise, a Houston mom who featured the tacos on her parenting site, Moms Material, under the heading “Crazy Dinner Night,” said she doesn’t just make them for her kids, but also enjoys them herself. Still, she adds: “It’s a great thing to make, especially when you’re having the food battles at home. It’s a fun way to get them excited about eating.”

Her children, Taylor, 11, and Myles, 9, love the dish, she said. “It’s something their idol is doing,” she said. “They love ‘iCarly’ and would probably eat anything the cast of the show ate.”

“Now,” Ms. Moise said, “we just have to get her to put broccoli in a taco.”

“SHE DOESN’T JUST MAKE THEM FOR HER KIDS, BUT SHE ALSO ENJOYS THEM HERSELF.” Good job, GROWN UP ADULT. Gross. Give yourself a timeout, Cammie Ward Moise. Think about what you’ve done. And if you want your kids to eat broccoli, you should just give them some and tell them to eat it. It’s called parenting. IMDB it. (Thanks for the tip, Beau.)

Comments (138)
  1. Things like “Crazy Dinner Night”, coupled with my rotten uterus, are my main reasons for not having kids

  2. Uh-Oh, Spaghetacos.

  3. Anyone remember the episode of Doug where they combined bananas and pizza sauce and everyone loved it? I tried that when I was a kid. It was gross, and I never did it again.

    • I remember it, and I had the same misadventure.

      However, I am fairly certain that my love of beets comes from that show, so maybe it wasn’t all bad.

    • Doug also didn’t like tofu, the fool.

    • OH MY GOSH THAT EXPLAINS SOMETHING! When I was younger (actually like 6 years ago (which isn’t weird because I’m a youngster)) I ate my bananas with ketchup (the poor man’s pizza sauce) AND I watched Doug (I don’t remember that episode/ any episodes)…. By the way, don’t make pizza with ketchup. It’s nasty.

  4. I’ll have your finest meal stuffed with your second finest.

    Tacos stuffed with spaghetti it is.

  5. This has inspired me to wrap my bourbon in bacon.

  6. “Honey, I don’t know what the kids have been watching on the internet, but they keep asking for pink tacos and all we have are blue corn! Run to Trader Joe’s and see if they have any, will you?”

  7. Why can’t you let iCarly be great?

  8. That’s your Turducken: Spaghetti Tacos

    • I think this proves that we’ve made great progress. No longer are we stuffing one boring poultry with another, but, in a celebration of multiculturalism and the great melting pot that is America, the dish of one great culture with that of another.
      Raise your Spaghetti Taco to progress, diversity, and the American Dream!

  9. “What about the KFC Double Down?” –Kids, in response to this article.

  10. So I guess my idea for lasagna pita might have a chance!

  11. Spaghetti Tacos, you say?

  12. As a boy, I dreamed that I would one day live in an America where the old ethnic divisions would melt away and we would forge a new culture – one without boundaries. A culture where children wouldn’t see things as “Mexican” or “Italian”, but evaluate them rather on their own merits.

    But, as a boy, I was also a kid. And as Gabe pointed out, kids don’t know anything. Now I’m a grownup firetruck and I see that my pasta shouldn’t be served in a taco, because that is some stupid kid shit right there.

  13. spaghetti tacos sound better than the pea puree all the contestants of top chef were so fond of this season.

  14. I bet these little creeps grow up to eat candy bars with a fork and knife.

  15. When I was a kid my brother refused to let me eat dinner because I wanted to put mayonaise on my hot dog. I told my dad and he said “yeah, that’s gross.” I was bitter about it for years, kids should be allowed to be creative and have fun. So I guess my point is…spaghetti tacos sound nasty and those parents are awful.

  16. I’m a child, aged under 12. Everyone tries to market to me — no matter how dumb my ideas are.
    *pulls out iCarly branded Spaghetti Tacos from the chilled cabinet, and pesters to Mom*

  17. “I’d eat it.”-27 year old adult who also eats doritos between 2 slices of Butternut, seriously try it, Caseanate

  18. This reminds me of the time my friend and I decided we were going to try to make a Grilled Charlie (“peanut butter outside, chocolate inside, butter inside, cheese outside!”) but abandoned it in the planning stages because we had no idea how to pull it off. And it would probably be disgusting. In short, don’t get cooking ideas from sitcoms.

  19. “…cooking websites are filled with recipes from dozens of desperate parents… ”

    Really? Desperate? They’re 8-year-olds with moronic taste in food! Open a can of Spaghettios and a box of stale Old El Paso taco shells and you’re done!

    • If you let kids eat with their fingers instead of utensils, they will eat a lot of stuff they’d normally ignore, such as boring old steamed vegetables.

      • For example BROCCOLI. I still remember my dad telling me they were tiny trees and I was a giant… even until this day I love destroying broccoli. As for my 3 year old son all I have to say is “well Iron Man loves them” and blam-o

        • Well, you sir, like your father before you, are a liar and your son is obvously stupid.

          /Father to a 3 year old that won’t eat any vegetables. Except olives (yes, olives). And they’re not even vegetables.

      • My mum told me mushrooms were basically bubble gum. The evidence was irrefutable.

  20. This is basically New York City’s version of authentic Mexican food

  21. One of these moms made a great point. Kids not being excited about eating is a huge problem. More specifically, kids don’t eat enough carbs. We are a nation full of skinny, underfed children.

  22. You know what else gets kids excited about eating? Starvation.

  23. So 11 year old kids are basically the same as stoned college guys now?

  24. “you have GOT to be fucking joking.”

  25. I don’t know about this. It looks disgusting, but in college I had burnt French bread and spaghetti all the time. I assume the taste is vaguely similar.

  26. Just give your kids some broccoli and tell them to eat it. Sure. Or hold them down, pry their mouths open, force the broccoli into their mouths, and then watch as they cough it back up. Simply won’t work folks – you can’t get broccoli into a kid. Sometimes you’re just glad they’re eating their spaghetti taco and not screaming.

    • That doesn’t mean that you, as an adult, have to pretend that this is anything other than a way to placate your kids ridiculous demands. If you are an adult claiming to like spaghetti tacos, you’re an idiot.

    • I don’t know how to do gifs, but there’s a Target commercial with a dad trying to get his son to eat some broccoli (to no avail, obvs). It pretty much sums up my life at this moment.

    • So true. I refused to eat broccoli as a kid (kid = under 30), no matter how much processed cheese my mom poured on it. They tried making me sit at the table until I ate it, but I just put my head down and went to sleep. Turns out my mom should have been feeding me raw broccoli with ranch dressing because I will eat the hell out of that.

    • My parents got me to eat steamed broccoli by drizzling a little tamari sauce on it. It worked so well that once, even after finding a tamari-covered broccoli caterpillar on my plate (my parents grew broccoli in our garden), I still ate the broccoli. But then again, maybe I was just a weird kid.

  27. Childhood food stories: I used to sneak my neighbor the Milkbone dog biscuits because she loved them. My best friend Matt used to pocket the pizzas from our school lunch and then bust them out like 5 hours later all cold and full of pocket lint and dirt, then eat them while we were playing. At school, my friend David used to pour the chocolate milk over his entire lunch tray, mix it up, and then eat it’s barf-looking grossness like stew–everyday he did this. This kid Larry would pick his nose and eat it, and not secretly like most kids, like unabashedly in front of anyone, even on request. I used to eat lip smackers lip balm.

    So I think if the worst kids are doing is spaghetti tacos, then there is much more hope for their generation then ours…

  28. but it might of made it easier on this guy:

  29. I read this on NY Times and pretty much vomited up my dinner last night. Thanks for your intrepid journalism, All the News That’s Fit To Print.

  30. I like how at the end the mom is like “Now,” Ms. Moise said, “we just have to get her to put broccoli in a taco.”
    Yes, mom, you are hostage to the whims of television writers when determining your child’s diet.

  31. Is it really that bad, guys? #anhouruntillunchbreakandeverythingsoundstasty #ihatemyjob

  32. “I want a bean feast!” “Oh, one of those.”

  33. Gum and nuts, your time has come.

  34. fixed/shamed

  35. Also, this is just like that King of the Hill episode where they go to the restaurant with “Spaghetti Sandwiches.”

    “America, you be trippin’.” – every other country on earth

  36. “We need to start serving a pizza with spaghetti on it. Our macaroni pizza just isn’t as popular as it used to be.” – CiCi’s Pizza CEO

  37. somewhat related story: when i used to live in LA, my sister and her friend came out to visit. her friend had never been to the “big city” so she was a bit overwhelmed by everything. the only thing she was looking forward to was Hell’s Kitchen. she kept asking me to take her there. all I could think of was the neighborhood in NY – I had no idea what she was talking about. eventually she explained that she wanted to eat at the restaurant from the Gordon Ramsay show. as in – EAT AT A FAKE RESTAURANT PUT TOGETHER FOR A REALITY SHOW!!! she was unbelievable. so i guess my point is, it’s not just kids.

  38. Dear New York Times,

    You are a legitimate news source, one of the only remaining legitimate news sources left. You are also apparently a fucking asshole. Just because you are able to find a handful of idiots who like spaghetti tacos and there is a Facebook page with 1,200 fans, it doesn’t mean this is an actual trend. Guess what? Children are idiots, and we live in a society where some parents placate idiots with fucking spaghetti tacos. And guess what else: all you have to do to be a fan of something on Facebook IS CLICK A FUCKING BUTTON. How many people in that 1,200 member group do you think actually make spaghetti tacos regularly? My guess is NOT THAT MANY.

    In closing: Why don’t you go watch Family Guy and write a trend story about how dogs are talking, or watch Extreme Home Makeover and write a trend story about how poor people everywhere are having their shitty houses turned into mansions?


    Fozzy the Chair

  39. Does this mean I need to update my avatar to something edgier? Photoshop monkeys, get on this!

  40. Another excellent iCarly idea: making a 3-foot sculpture out of butter. Seriously. It’s from the show.

    Stock up on dairy now before the kids (and by kids I obviously mean VERY GOOD PARENTS) buy it all up to make Bratz dolls out of milk products at their sleepovers.

    Also, try to take a really long nap until 2012 when this will all be over.

    • I distinctly remember that back when I loved iCarly (um, 2 years ago), I convinced myself that I would, one day, become that world’s finest Butter-Sculptor.

  41. Pee-wee Herman once demonstrated how to make a dessert that consists of cake and ice cream mixed together to form a gritty ice cream soup. I decided to try it, but didn’t have cake, so I used bread instead. I have to say, it was delicious!

  42. As a fellow Houstonian, I can proudly say that Ms. Ward Moise speaks for all of us.

  43. Great, now the American atheists praying to their Flying Spaghetti Monster will wind up in hundred-year-battles against the Mexican atheists worshiping their Flying Taco Spaghetti Monster. Much blood – and marinara sauce – will be spilled.

  44. This story seems awfully familiar….like something from my childhood…

  45. I had a feeling that wouldn’t work. Here.

  46. Start Praying Now

  47. I’ve slated next Monday night’s dinner for a Spaghetti Taco test run. Wish me well.

  48. Fuck you you Facist

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.