To be fair, if Christine O’Donnell were elected to the Senate she probably WOULD do what I would do if I was elected to the Senate: walk around in perma-flop sweat, looking really confused and feeling out of one’s depth while struggling to grasp even a child’s understanding of parliamentary procedure and proving almost comically incapable of the day-to-day business of crafting legislation. PERFECT! By Christine O’Donnell’s logic, it’s actually really weird that I’m not running for Senate. I mean, even if Christine O’Donnell represented all of my political beliefs, which she DOES (Wiccan Rights, stricter prison sentences for chronic masturbators, lying about college always), I still like myself better than I like her, so if she’s me and is just going to do what I would do, why don’t I get in there?! AND THUS I ANNOUNCE MY 2012 ELECTO CAMPING FOR GOVERNMEANTS!

Seriously, though, shut up, Christine O’Donnell. (Via TheHuffingtonPost. Thanks for the tip, Andy.)

Comments (89)
  1. Great, Christine. Now you’ve scared away your only loyal constituency.

  2. Chris O’Donnell, however, remains firmly in the pro-witch, pro-masturbation camp.

  3. This seems like a witch trick – is she trying to get me to kill myself?

  4. This call for a little Monty Python
    http://youtu.be/zrzMhU_4m-g

  5. Christine O’Donnell approves this message.
    Christine O’Donnell is me.
    I do not approve this message.

    I feel like the universe is tearing apart right now

  6. I have no idea what I would do if I went to Washington. Visit friends? Go for a stroll in Georgetown? Watch the black and white squirrels frolicking on the mall? All of these things are nice, but one of these things are going to help the country.

  7. She speaks with the same inflection as that of 5th grader doing a school news program.

    • actually, she sounds a lot like me when i’m trying to get into a bar when i’m clearly too drunk to serve, but am trying really hard to sound 1000% sober- wooden face, wooden lines, desperation wafting off of me like cheap perfume.

  8. if christine o’donnell knew what i got into on a day to day basis she probably wouldn’t want to go around claiming to be me.

  9. So, she’s a witch…

  10. Christine O’Donnell is me and I masturbate quite frequently actually.

  11. I am pretty sure that prison is not the right place for chronic masturbators. I think the recidivism rate is pretty high.

  12. Is it fair to say that, if a politician has to begin an ad with the words “I’m not a witch”, their campaign might be in a wee bit of trouble?

  13. In her defense though, most folks in Washington seem almost comically incapable of the day-to-day business of crafting legislation.

  14. Don’t vote for her guys. If I was in office I’d close my office door, play video games and eat junk food ON THE TAX PAYERS DOLLAR! I’d spend more time trying to think of something witty to write on my friend’s facebook profiles than doing politics stuff. Heck I don’t even know what I’m supposed to wear to work! Don’t vote for me… I mean her! I’d do an awful, horrible job.

  15. “Politicians who think spending, trading favors, and backroom deals are the way to get things done.”

    So, you mean adults who think that the government has to spend money on things which they consider important to the country and are willing to reach compromises in order to accomplish their goals? Glad to hear you don’t want any part of that, Christine. Good thing you want to be a legislator, since the job requires none of this, and I’m totally not being sarcastic here.*

    *I realize that the U.S. Senate is not the high-minded chamber we’d like it to be, just saying that she pretty much just declared she will not in any way be an effective representative for her constituents.

  16. Don’t worry! If she is me, then there are far too many closet skeletons for us to be elected.

    Literally.

  17. All we want from Christine O’Donell is something showing she is NOT a witch. If you are not a witch then PROVE IT! You should not be able to become a senator if you are a witch. We need to enforce the laws we have. #Witchers

  18. She doesn’t LOOK like a puppet with a compulsive eating disorder.

  19. 1. BARF
    2. Aren’t our leaders supposed to set an example? I know that politicians have a lousy reputation, etc., but what happened to the idea that our leaders should be people who are educated, experienced, and competent? I don’t want my neighbor running the country, I want someone who’s worldly, open-minded, and knows what the fuck they’re talking about/doing. People in the government should inspire us to meet a higher standard, not pander to the lowest common denominator. Shit.

    • Exactly. There is NO WAY I’d vote for someone who I didn’t think was smarter than me.

    • I completely agree. I honestly don’t understand where this mentality has come from. I’ve only been aware of politics since the Clinton years (and by that I mean that I was in 6th grade trying to figure out how sex could be had orally), so can someone enlighten me as to whether this pandering has been happening for a long time? It seems that intellect has really come under attack in recent years as a tool to suppress “the people.” Since when is being smart a bad thing? There’s a reason why we choose certain people to make important decisions for us. I would say that the main reason should be that they are more qualified and intelligent than you/me/us. I absolutely take zero offense to the idea that politicians are smarter than me. I HOPE THAT THEY ARE! Seriously people. Wake up. There’s nothing wrong with admitting that someone is more capable and qualified than you are. I think people that have a problem with this idea must have some sort of complex about being dumb or something. As they say, if it doesn’t apply to you, you shouldn’t take offense.

  20. Like watching the most half-assed class president speech by the weird kid nobody likes…

  21. “(Via TheHuffingtonPost. Thanks for the tip, Andy.)”
    This means the tip is from Andy Borowitz, doesn’t it?

    BOROWIIIITZ!!!

  22. What is in the background? Is it like…a waterfall or smoke or something? It’s really weird, I feel like she’s trying to hypnotise me. Also it kind of looks like they CGI’ed her face onto someone else’s body Winklevoss style.

  23. If she is me (and you) that means we approve this message. So like then how are we allowed to make fun of the spot if we already approve it? I’m super confused by her witchcraft.

  24. If she’s me, and regularly engages in bondage play, why is she so up in arms about a little masturbation?

  25. I’m sincerely glad that this woman is not from Alabama.

  26. Did Sally Draper become Christine O’Donnell…? Reformed her chronic masturbatory ways…?

  27. I played Judge Danforth in a high school production of The Crucible 7 years ago. I know a witch when I see one!

  28. If you died Christine O’Donnell’s hair blonde in this video, you’d have this:

  29. “We’ve secretly switched America’s regular universe with a parody universe. Let’s see if they notice”

  30. “I’m nothing, you’ve heard.” True

  31. I’d do me.

  32. Needs more nightmare…


    Perfect.

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