It seems like we’re at a point, culturally, where the idea that every woman’s Ultimate Goal in Life is to be married to a man has been pretty roundly dismissed. Yes? That doesn’t mean that lots of women don’t very much want to be married to a man. (Sidenote: if anyone has Freida Pinto’s email, could you please send it to me? I just need to ask her something really quick.) And it doesn’t mean that the goal of being married to a man is a bad goal. It’s a perfectly reasonable goal! There are far worse goals in this world, like the goal to have the world’s largest collection of Good Morning, Miami memorabilia (bad goal! But if it makes you happy, then please go for it.) And the hundreds of years of cultural reinforcement that marriage (between a man and a woman, OBVIOUSLY) is desirable makes it a relatively easy goal to achieve and a relatively easy goal for which one can find support from one’s family and friends. No one gets too creeped out if that’s what you want. But I’m just saying we agree that some women don’t necessarily want that. Even, if you can believe it, some pretty, intelligent, confident women. Obviously, the fat, lonely, Haagen-Dazs stained women all say they don’t even care, but we know they care, RIGHT, LADIES? Lonely people are so fat and funny! Here’s the thing, though: even the women who DO want AS MUCH AS ANYTHING ELSE IN THIS LIFE to be MARRIED TO A MAN, they also want other things. Right? Like, they want to, I don’t know, go on a trip somewhere, or go see a play that their friend is acting in to support their friend, or rent a house off Craigslist for a holiday weekend. WHATEVER. They might want literally ANYTHING in addition to wanting to find a loving and cherished partner with whom to spend the rest of their life, or at least a few years until they get ding dong divorced.

Unless, of course, you are the two main characters in Bride Wars, who really want to get married and that’s all they want the end. Ladies, stop burning your bras and start burning COPIES OF THIS MOVIE!

As Bride Wars opens, we learn that two best friends, Liv (Kate Hudson) and Emma (Anne Hathaway), have dreamed of their weddings ever since they were little girls. Now they are all grown up, and they both still basically dream of their weddings. Sure, Liv is a high-powered attorney, and Emma is a beloved schoolteacher, and they both live in New York, which is an endlessly fascinating city of infinite possibilities, but mostly they just really want to get married. To men. FAIR ENOUGH. Luckily, they both have serious boyfriends, and as it turns out, they both get proposed to around the same time. Actually, first Kate Hudson finds a Tiffany’s box and tells everyone that she is engaged even though her boyfriend hasn’t actually proposed to her. Cool. Cool girlfriend. A man would be lucky (so lucky) to have such a wonderful girlfriend. In the meantime, Anne Hathaway gets actual engaged, at which point, Kate Hudson has a melt down and bursts into her boyfriend’s office in the middle of the day and basically bullies him into proposing to her on the spot. Like I said, VERY COOL GIRLFRIEND. If you like it, and why wouldn’t you like it, then you should put a ring on it, etc.

The two women go to their favorite wedding planner’s office to plan their weddings together (because OF COURSE they have a “favorite wedding planner”? Because that is a real thing and these are real women and this movie is about real human beings who do the things that human beings do) and it seems like everything is “perfect” when they both get to have their wedding at the Plaza Hotel in June, two Must Haves on both of their Dream Wedding Bucket Lists. But then there is a mix-up, and now both of their weddings (at the Plaza, because who WOULDN’T want their wedding at an overpriced tourist trap in midtown?!) are scheduled for the same day. And thus begins the Bride Wars. Anne Hathaway sends secret cookies to Kate Hudson’s office to make her too fat for her dress. Kate Hudson changes out Anne Hathaway’s tanning salon misting bottle with one called “Blood Orange” because that’s definitely a color people would actively select at a tanning salon and definitely exists. Anne Hathaway something something dyes Kate Hudson’s hair blue and she has to wear a wig. Basically, these two women who have been best friends for their entire lives spend months engaging in actual criminal activity against each other in attempts to ruin each other’s weddings. Blah blah blah, they almost make up finally, and then instead of making up, they get into a fistfight DURING their weddings, and that is when Anne Hathaway realizes she shouldn’t get married anyway (wait, what?) and Kate Hudson has a beautiful wedding. Suddenly, a gunman bursts into the Plaza and murders everyone. Then we fade out and then we fade back in and oh, wait, nevermind, Anne Hathaway got married to Kate Hudson’s brother and now they’re both pregnant. Oof. Sure! BRIDE WARS 2: THIS TIME IT’S BABY WARS.

WHERE DO WE EVEN BEGIN WITH THIS MOTHERFUCKER?

How about we begin with the fact that I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a movie with more two-dimensional characters, which wouldn’t be a problem with a stupid “comedy” except that this particular stupid comedy centered on two women who we were supposed to believe had convinced two grown men to marry them. Uh, how? BY TALKING ABOUT GETTING MARRIED ALL THE TIME? These women literally do not have ONE SINGLE conversation that is not about, or does not eventually return to, the subject of the weddings they wish they were having. Hot. No wonder their boyfriends fell in love with them. I’m sure the guys were lining up to date these two winners. And once they finally got a date, I bet these guys couldn’t wait to go on a second date. And so on and so on. I’m more willing than some people might expect to enjoy a romantic comedy about True Love and Romance and Weddings, but you have to give me something to work with for why the people are together in the first place. “They both hailed the same cab in the middle of a terrible rainstorm.” OK, I’M ON BOARD, THAT’S FINE. But this movie doesn’t even have them hailing cabs in rain storms. It’s just them carrying around oversized bridal magazines and being real cunts to each other. Cool, so just to recap: they are both wonderful women to be in love with, and wonderful women to be best friends with. Let’s enjoy their adventures for two hou[GUNSHOT].

To make matters worse, Anne Hathaway’s boyfriend/fiance who she dumps on their wedding day is played by Chris Pratt, who also plays Andy on Parks and Recreation and is THE BEST. And I don’t just mean that he is the best on Parks & Recreation, I mean that he is the best in this, too, and also just in general. At one point they have a “big fight” which is supposed to pave the narrative way for their relationship falling apart. Sure. Would you like to know what the fight is about? The fight goes something like this:

Chis Pratt: You know, you’re being a really terrible person to your best friend, and I think you should stop.
Anne Hathaway: I’m a woman, Chris Pratt! Sometimes I’m going to be a terrible person to my best friend!
Chris Pratt: Seriously, just stop being such an asshole. When we fell in love you weren’t an asshole, but now you’re an asshole.
Anne Hathaway: What are you trying to say?!
Chris Pratt: Ugh.

After the fight she takes a bath full of lemon slices? You know, lady stuff.

But, so she leaves him? Because he told her the truth about her INSANE and UNACCEPTABLE behavior in an entirely rational way? Sure. She actually says to him, “I think you’re still in love with the girl you met 10 years ago, but that girl doesn’t exist anymore.” No, because she has been replaced by a sociopathic cunt nightmare. Like I have been saying the whole time: what a lovable wonderful woman that any man would be so lucky to spend the rest of his life murdering I MEAN MARRYING. (And I know there is a common feminist complaint that the women in movies are shrews while the men are endlessly charming, and that’s a reasonable complaint, but one solution would be NOT TO MAKE MOVIES LIKE THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE.)

This movie is CLINICALLY retarded.

Oh, there’s another part when Anne Hathaway runs into Kate Hudson’s brother, played by Bryan Greenberg, who asks her to come with him to his tuxedo fitting. Much like the aforementioned fight with Chris Pratt, this scene is meant to establish that Anne Hathaway and Bryan Greenberg are the ones who are really meant for each other, and pave the narrative way for it to make sense to us when they eventually become a post-script romantic couple. Would you like to know how they create such a subtle suggestion in the audience’s mind? Like this:

Anne Hathaway: You look really great in your tuxedo and you’re going to make a very handsome mumble mumble nervous for no reason.
Bryan Greenberg: Thanks. And you’re going to make a beautiful bride. I always thought so.

That is an actual IMDB Memorable Quote from the movie: “you’re going to make a beautiful bride. I always thought so.” I ALWAYS THOUGHT SO! You know how young men are always sitting around thinking about how women would make beautiful brides. ALWAYS DOING THAT. What the fuck does that even MEAN, Bryan Greenberg? (I’m assuming Bryan Greenberg wrote all his own dialogue, the way that all actors do in all movies.)

Besides being lazy and unfunny and poorly written and impossibly unrealistic, Bride Wars is just a terrible depiction of womanhood. It comes, of course, out of the Bridezilla era of reality television in which women are reduced to cruel caricatures for wanting something that doesn’t really exist but is based on their preconceived notions based in movies and TV, and going about it in less than flattering ways. The unfortunate truth is that in some ways the characters of Liv and Emma are probably A LITTLE realistic, at least of a certain kind of woman. We live in a big world, and there are self-absorbed nightmares who would absolutely try to ruin their best friend’s life in order to get something that they want for some poorly thought-out reason. Those people DO exist, and they probably DO really want to get married at the Plaza in June to a dude who runs a Hedge Fund and that’s the only thing anyone knows about him. (Not that the movie doesn’t try to cover its bases by including women who take pills and eat an entire pint of ice cream when they find out their friend is getting married because of how women be jealousin’.)

But this isn’t a documentary. It’s a make believe movie. And as such, it does what make believe movies do, which is wink and nod to the viewer, as if to say, “Hey, you know you’re kind of like this, right, ladies? We all are! This is you! It’s good to laugh at yourself.” Well, no one is laughing.

And go fuck yourself.

Next week: The Pursuit of Happyness. As always, please leave your suggestions in the comments or in an email. And if you haven’t done so already, please consult the Official Rules.

Comments (143)
  1. Bride Wars II: FETAL KOMBAT
    Release Date: 2012

    • “It is actually impossible to dye your hair to a normal hair color. Looks like you’re going to have to just wait this one out.”
      - that hairstylist.

    • Ugh, fozzy, I want to downvote this on account of I be hating her face, but I appreciate that you’re supplying us all with a visual aid as to why this film/kate hudson is terrible, and for that, I must of course upvote you.

      But damn, I do not like her.

    • This reminds me of the opening scene in Whip It, where Ellen Page dyes her hair blue, but because she wants to, not because her awful friend tricks her into it. Remember that? And how nice it was?

      (And then THAT reminds me of Ghost World, where Thora Birch dyes her hair as an ironic po-mo commentary on punk culture, but no one gets it.)

      And now I’m thinking that I should dye my hair blue whenever I end up getting married. It would actually be kind of hilarious, because while most people in the room would find it super-transgressive, my boyfriend is color-blind and would probably not notice.

      Also, I nominate Ghost World for WMOAT. (I adore that movie, but god knows Gabe could use a break.)

      • So, you could say that Ellen Page blue herself.

      • Well, then all you would need is something old, something new, and something borrowed.

      • That was an AUTHENTIC 1970s punk look.

        Also, all Ghost World references get upvotes from me.

      • Actually, Ellen Page’s friend MAEBY! (Alia Shawket) dared her to dye it blue and then it came out reallyreally blue and then she tried to strangle her friend. … but it was cute! Like normal girls punching each other in the arm – not trying to sneakily give the other one intestinal issues or whatever.

    • I can actually hear her saying “It’s blue!” in my head, very loudly, and it is awful.

  2. I knew this movie was coming up in the WMOAT, and I saw that it was on cable all week, but I kept finding something more appealing to watch. Like an hour long infomercial for Forearm Forklift Lifting Straps.

  3. If anyone was still on the fence about Casey Wilson being fired from SNL, this movie is my argument in favor of her dismissal.

    CASE CLOSED.

  4. Sorry, Gabe. As much as I enjoy these, I just feel bad for you after this one. Thanks for enduring.

    • Chin up chippers, tomorrow’s a new day! I’m really hoping Gabe posts something about Christine O’Donnell’s “I’m not a witch” ad; I’ve got booku bon mots!

  5. damn it, I had put bride wars in the netflix cue to watch so that I could savor this worst movie post, but I was too late and now will not have to watch unless I want to spend another weekend alone freeze framing anne hathway’s pretty face and staring at her like a dog who just got shown a card trick.

    • She’s movie pretty. Good make-up, good clothes, good lighting, good camera angles. If normal anne hathAway (you spelled it wrong, no Spelling Nazo) walked past you, you probably wouldn’t think much of her.

  6. I wish I could hate this movie to death.

  7. I would like to submit 2001′s ‘The Fast & the Furious’ for WMOAT
    There a a multitude of reasons that it is bad, but here is a sampling of some of the witty dialogue, courtsey of IMDB’s memorable quotes page

    In this scene our protagonist, Brian has just looked at band of car tuners the wrong way in a sandwich shop/garage(?) and enters into fisticuffs with them:

    ****
    Vince: Why don’t you try Fat Burger from now on? You can get yourself a cheese and fries for 2.95, faggot!
    Brian: I like the tuna here.
    Vince: Bullshit asshole, no one likes the tuna here!
    Brian: Yeah well I do.
    ****

    Raw, Gripping Stuff

    • What’s weirder/worse: that I don’t remember that dialogue, or that I am aware of enough dialogue that I DO remember from that movie that I know I don’t remember THAT dialogue?

      • What’s worse is that I actually DO remember that piece of dialogue. I signed in to comment and show you that someone is always worse off than you.
        …And now I will tell you where that took place so that we can settle how sad my life is. It was a scene in the restaurant (obviously) in the beginning. Vince wants Paul Walker not to come back because he’s a super macho man and sees Walker as a threat to his master plan to get with Jordana Brewster. It happens when Walker’s walking back to his truck…There may or may not have been a fight after that.

        Once upon a time I was 14 and in love with Paul Walker. They say it’s an impressionable time in your life. My developing brain clung on to that scene for reasons that are probably too scientific for all of you to understand.

    • Also, this movie made $207,283,925

      … so there’s also that.

      • this is pretty much the most depressing thing about hollywood. you watch some sort of nightmare garbage film and are like “what a piece of nightmare garbage. thank god it didn’t make any money,” cause you assume that it didn’t make any money, “and therefore hollywood will not be able to justify making nightmare garbage part two, or from the producer of nightmare garbage, or something else that’s nightmare garbage-y.” but then you look at the wikipedia page for nightmare garbage and learn that it was, in fact, quite successful. and it’s often thanks to the international dvd market. thanks a lot international dvd market, you jerk.

        oh, also this re: bride wars “In its opening weekend, the film grossed $21,058,173 ranking #2 at the box office. As of May 26, 2009, it has made $58,715,510 in the United States and Canada, $55,982,521 in foreign countries and a total of $115,049,554 worldwide — a success given its largely negative reviews.” UGH.

    • Maybe Bride Wars and Fast and the Furious should date. They seem really compatible. They both have stories built upon bad caricatures of the genders, they are both about pulling ridiculous illegal stunts in the heat of competition for nothing, they are both clearly at the same reading comprehension level… Yeah, this could totally work.

    • Fast and the Furious is so terrible. Paul Walker is terrible. Michelle Rodriguez is at her most terrible. And don’t get me started on Paul Walker doing his worst Keanu in Point Break impression. Just awful.

    • I was working at a movie theater when that was released. Car clubs would buy out the 7 p.m. show, so the civilians who tried to buy for that show were referred to the 9 p.m. show. Which meant that the 9 p.m. show sold out by 8:15 and the folks who showed up at 8:35 were incredulous when they were referred to the 11 p.m. show. We had to actually argue with people who didn’t believe we were sold out.

      People expect your LOTRs and your Harrys Potter to be circuses. They don’t expect to have to wait in line for The Fast and The Furious.

    • They are currently filming yet another sequel here in Atlanta. Knowing this gives me the :( s.

  8. for another disgusting portrayal of women, please see the main character in ‘he’s just not that into you’ – i nominate this for the hunt.

  9. Full disclosure: I haven’t seen this movie, but they filmed it in my town, and Kate Hudson is the worst in real life.

    The next day, there was a picture of her in the paper holding a baby, and I was like YEAH RIGHT KATE HUDSON don’t try and pretend to be likable. I know she might have been having a bad day or month or something, but based on the evidence of all her movie choices, I don’t think so. Case dismissed, your honor.

  10. This girl


    would look at this girl


    and chop off her head.

    • Hey first Kate Hudson, why did you only show up in my life once and get me hooked, only to leave and be replaced by the worst thing ever

      • No kidding. I used to tell people that Kate Hudson got a permanent pass from me because of her role as Penny Lane. But no more! She’s abused that privilege far too often.

        • I’m sorry, but I have to disagree. Penny Lane was such an awful shallow self-absorbed nit-wit of a character. Hated her then, hater her now, terrible start to finish. She gets a tiny bit of credit for not cutting off her son’s hair despite all the pressure from everyone in the universe who doesn’t have more important things to worry about, but other than that, yuck.

          • I’m with you, hellohello.

            Goodbygoodbye, Kate Hudson. Do not write or act in front of recording devices.

          • The thing is, though, I was 14 or 15 when that movie came out and I thought it was the best movie in the history of movies. So, I mean, maybe she was but it didn’t matter. The nostalgia factor outweighs any inherent character flaws. And also, I think it was kind of the point that she was super self involved? I mean, the movie isn’t really about her, it’s about Patrick Fugit’s character growing up, and she was a major catalyst for that.

        • The idea of permanent passes has lost all meaning now, thanks to your capriciousness.

  11. I forgot how Bride Wars totally wasted Chris Pratt, the lone voice of reason in the entire movie (who was vilified for being a voice of reason). This movie is terrible.

    • I like when he says the one thing in the movie that is supposed to make you dislike him and it is the most obvious thing that is supposed to make you not like him which is “wow, he can’t even control his own girlfriend” (or something to that effect). And then we are like “wait, if we are supposed to not like him for saying that, why would would like any of the other characters based on any of the things they said in the whole movie?” and it is ruined. Just kidding it was already ruined.

  12. Gabe, you completely ignored the most important part of the movie. Anne Hathaway is nice to look at. FACT.

  13. Does this movie count as misogyny?

  14. As I nominated this movie and the whole wedding-movie genre, I’ve checked viedogum at least 545834905 times today and I am not disappointed. Well done! I don’t know what I can say to add to this.

    But the movie pisses me off so much that I can’t stop myself. Really, poorly done media industry for creating a genre like this in the first place. Bridezillas and Bride Wars and all movies in this same vein are terrible, terrible examples of women. And it just perpetuates crazy behavior! I have a roommate who watches Confessions of a Shopaholic and 27 Dresses in constant rotation and then complains about how she can’t find a decent guy. Um, BECAUSE YOU CONSTANTLY WATCH FILMS THAT TELL YOU THAT IT’S OK TO BE A SELF ABSORBED SHALLOW NIGHTMARE. Not that all women who watch these films become awful shrews, but they’re just a little drop in the culture ocean that subliminally reinforces terrible notions in women’s minds about what qualifies as acceptable behavior.

    In conclusion, thanks Gabe. And also: sorry.

  15. I signed up on Videogum way back in the day for the sole purpose of nominating The Quiet for the worst movie. While I do not have a Werttrew-level ability to pursue this goal with all available resources, I shall continue to nominate it at every opportunity, until my suggestion is followed. So, for what is certainly not the first time, and what most likely won’t be the last time, I would like to officially nominate The Quiet.

  16. And now I go into my cave of shame for actually enjoying this movie.

    Feminism! Not in Meowtown!

  17. “I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a movie with more two-dimensional characters”

    Two words: “Couples Retreat”

    I am seriously intrigued by how awful Kate Hudson is in this movie – not to imply that anyone in this movie is remotely good – but Kate Hudson is so unlikable and horrible and wooden and un-human-like that it is a wonder she still is allowed to make movies. The only way this movie could have been worse was if Katherine Heigl played the Anne Hathaway part. Had that happened, we could have put in end to WMOAT because GAME OVER.

  18. I had kind of an epiphany around the time this crapfest came out; I was watching the Super Bowl with a crowd that included my girlfriend and a good friend of mine from school who is also a girl. At the end of one of the blocks of commercials, it was like something suddenly clicked, I turned to them, and said something along the lines of “Oh my God, if I were a woman, I would just feel completely insulted all the time by almost every single aspect of popular culture.” Luckily they said I was right. I don’t know what I would have done if they had no idea what I was talking about.

  19. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNGON9NYFBA A sequel has been in the works for about a year now so dont worry.

  20. Can I just step over the bloated corpse of this awful movie to say that “Eastbound & Down” is so unbelievably killing it right now? Watching last night’s episode is the eye wash station to “Bride Wars” chemistry explosion of horribleness.

  21. read this as THFTWMOAT: Birdie Wars.

  22. What, was Katherine Heigl unavailable for this movie? Such a feminist gem seems right up her alley.

  23. Wait! Pause the game!
    Are you telling me that in this movie, the BLONDE is the attorney, and the BRUNETTE is the schoolteacher? Revolutionary! Subversion of traditional haircolor-roles!

  24. The first time I saw this movie preview my brain basically came to the conclusion of this WMOAT in about 3 nanoseconds. I’m so glad to read this to see I was right. Also, the lol’ing. I think this movie should be renamed Cunt Nightmare.

  25. So I’ve actually seen this movie, despite knowing it was outright garbage from the get-go, but for SOME reason a lot of gay guys seem to think this movie is hilarious and they told my gay boyfriend to watch it, so I had to watch it with him.

    And now? I’m pretty sure most gay guys just hate women is all and they were definitely laughing AT the movie, not with it. And if I wasn’t totally gay before I’m like 5000% gayer now for having watched it. I don’t know what all the Prop 8 fuss is about. If this is what marriage makes you become then no thanks. Do not want.

  26. My college roommate was a total, unstoppable bitch. The description of the lovely characters in the movie sounds just like her–she bought bridal magazines once a week, despite not having so much as a boyfriend, let alone a fiance and a wedding date, etc. When she finally did get a boyfriend, she honestly made him stay in her room when she wasn’t home. They also ate dinner in her room, and the one and only time they were in the living room for any length of time my friend and I invited them to come grab a beer and play pool, and she told us no, because he had to do the dishes (from the dinner he had cooked for her). The look on his face was like a prisoner gazing out at the sunlight.

    Needless to say, they didn’t date long.

    Epilogue: she is the only unmarried one at this point of my circle of college friends (male and female). I’m just sayin’.

  27. I just took this out of my Netflix queue because I couldn’t remember why I wanted to watch it because it looks so terrible…but now I remember that Bryan Greenberg is in it and I lurve him so. Maybe I shouldn’t sully those feelings by ever watching this.

  28. I’ve never been a fan of the “OMG I’m planning ma wedding!!!!” genre. From The Wedding Planner (I forget the general consensus for this movie) to Made of Honor (there’s some part of my life so, so wasted), it’s been “pass, no thanks” for me-possibly because as a kid I could be found saying “I’m never getting married” on a regular basis…until I developed my 1st crush on the old guy from Baywatch, but that’s a story for my therapist for another day.
    Now that hormones have softened my heartstrings, I’ve put some idle thought into what I’d like my wedding to look like-nothing too fancy, nothing too cheap, just right down the middle road of sanity and love. Pretty much the opposite of everything I’ve ever seen on Bridezillas and other terrible shows like that.
    The people on those shows may actually be nice, intelligent, fully-functional people, but once an engagement ring was placed on their finger and a camera shoved in their face, they lose all rationality. The symbolic message of what a marriage should be-making vows to love and care for another human being for the rest of your life/what’s convenient for you-becomes a sad display of trying to be the best, have the best, and because you are the best, everyone must treat you as such. I get so sad when I hear them say stuff like “I want everyone to leave my wedding thinking how they’l never be able to top mine” as if I’m watching My Super Sweet Sixteen (another topic of discussion).
    I wish this gene would look up to the show Platinum Weddings, where the women have unbelievably spectacular weddings, but still maintain a level head and class that seems to be a “rare” thing to find on TV, especially when money’s involved (Real Housewives, anyone?).

    Sorry to be #seriousgum #essaygum and #diarygum on you guys, but I feel you guys get it, and my opinion won’t seem as out of place as it usually is these days (#acceptancegum?)

  29. *sigh* took some time out to write a fairly long but thought-out opinion/analysis on what’s so wrong with the “wedding planning” genre, but it somehow vanished :( I guess if I must sum it up, my main point was that I wished that there could be more shows and movies based on Platinum Weddings, where the brides-to-be have an endless budget, yet keep a level head and are astonishingly classy, and remember that they’re getting married because they love their significant other, not to have an unbeatable ceremony.

  30. Has anyone really bathed with lemon slices? It seems like that would be really acidic and burn-y in places that are not polite to scratch.

  31. Can I nominate Almost Famous? Is that okay? I actually don’t know why people like that movie.

    • YES oh God please yes. A few comments up people are fondly remembering the official Disneyfication of Rock ‘n’ Roll, but I stand by you.

  32. does a movie where the ladies spend their time talking about weddings pass the Bechdel test?

    Also, I’m still disappointed because my initial impression from the trailer was that these two ladies were getting married at the same time and place to each other and were really impressed they were taking on such a mature subject in a comedic way with big names.

    PSYCHE!

    • I was wondering if the Bechdel test stipulates a specific amount of dialogue that does not involve men. Is it all the dialogue? Can you fail the test so badly you loop around to passing with flying colors? It seems like that’s the only hope for this movie. I think talking about traditional marriage counts as talking about men.

      Incidentally, someone pointed out that Sex in the City 2 passes the Bechdel test, which is why I am nominating that Bechdel test-passing abomination for the WMOAT.

    • What I’ve learned from Wedding Sunday on the WE channel is that the wedding is THE BRIDE’S DAY, so it passes because as soon as the man buys a ring, he’s out of the picture until the day of the wedding, when he is expected to show up. In fact, weddings may be the only conversation topic that passes the Bechdel test.

  33. OH SHIT! Has anyone suggested Sahara for WMOAT? I think it’s time for me to dedicate a werttrew-level campaign to have Gabe sit through and dissect Sahara.

    That movie came out back when I was an RA at my college, and the first year kids who were under my ward would make fun of mercilessly for my personality or my quirks, and I would punish them by seeing movie trailers on tv and announcing dormitory ‘movie nights’ for the ones that looked particularly ridiculous. I wouldn’t be a monster about it or anything, I didn’t have the power to MAKE anyone go, but I would hype the shit out of the release date. Sahara was my most successful movie night, with 4 (out of 10) students coming with me to see it. Bad movie night, what else are you gonna do?

    I also worked at a Borders when the film came out on dvd and I came home one night with lightbox posters of Sahara for everyone who went.

    Seriously though, Gabe, SAHARA. Think about it.

  34. While I very much enjoy Gabe’s bleak and most assuredly fair & accurate dismantling of “Bride Wars,” a part of me can’t help but wish Lindsay was still around to add her two cents about a movie like this. I guess I just still miss Lindsay sometimes, that’s all. Lindsay, wherever you are, I hope you’re well! If you can hear me, how much do you hate “Bride Wars?” Thanks.

  35. My sister (who is actually a Kate Hudson in the birth certificate sense) got married last summer, which means she was planning her wedding as this movie came out. She and my mom saw it together. I said, “No thanks, but I’ll totally meet you at The Cheesecake Factory afterward.” At which point I got to hear about what an awesome movie I missed: “It was so funny when they were like: ‘Your wedding better watch its back!’ ” I was all, “Sorry I missed it, guess I’ll have the Spinach Apple Sun-Dried Tomato Ancho Chile Salad with a side of SHAME vinaigrette today.”

    But seriousgum, this movie sounds like the worst, and I hope when I get married there is someone there to remind me that I will NOT REMEMBER any part of my wedding day, because I will be EXHAUSTED and also TANKED.

    • I felt the same way after watching a commercial for J.Lo’s “The Back-Up Plan,” and my niece said, “OMG! That movie looks so funny! I wanna see that!”

      I’d say I died a little inside, but I’m already dead. Folks like us who hate mainstream crap like this already had their souls chipped away every time someone squeed with delight every time Kate Hudson does a rom-com.

      • It’s not even that I despise all “mainstream crap” – see my not-so-secret love of The Proposal – but I can tell when I’m going to be able to suspend my disbelief and when I’m going to spend an hour and a half railing against the wedding-industrial complex and ruining my family’s nice afternoon out. Bride Wars was clearly one of the latter types of movie.

  36. I hate this movie just as hard as anyone, but it did have ONE funny line: “The international butter club? You mean you’ve been sitting around eating sticks of butter from different lands?”

    That’s just a stupid thing to do anyway you look at it.

  37. when life gives anne lemons…she makes hathawade

  38. I do wish Gabe wouldn’t use the See You Next Tuesday word to describe women, because I’m a humorless feminist and it’s offensive. Sorry.

    • In the past it’s bothered me when he’s said it, but I’m actually okay with it here. Carry on, Gabe.

      • The thing about offensive terminology is that it’s offensive no matter how awful the person being reviled actually is.

        And on a site where the writer is pretty free with calling people racists and anti-Semites, it would be nice if the offensively sexist terms were gone, too. Just sayin.

  39. Bride Wars is easily the least flattering movie role Anne Hathaway’s ever had. And she did that movie where she no clothes-hugged a gangbanger.

  40. WHERE DO WE EVEN BEGIN WITH THIS MOTHERFUCKER? = best line ever

  41. Worst Movie Of All Time: PAY IT FORWARD.
    Watch it. See why.

  42. I’m a little late to this game but was using a horribly hateful word like “cunt” multiple times entirely necessary?

  43. I hated everyone in this film and the obvious attempt to palm off a sequel at the end with the pregnancy bit. Ugh, I don’t mind women being all about a wedding, but jeez, don’t be such mega bitches about it. No, the wedding day is not just your day despite what WE says. This is why I told my family, I would be eloping if I got married. Fast, quick, and they can donate the money to me and the hubby. Easily Anne Hathaway’s worst film. Made me hate Kate Hudson more that ever, I think I’ve only liked her in Almost Famous, and by the way, please don’t do any more film with Matthew McConahey (whatever on the spelling, I hate him too, sorry folks).

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