Sad Keanu Cupcake

OK, I was wrong. Sad Keanu wasn’t just fucking with us at this point. He is just fucking with us at THIS point. And I love it! Very few things have made me happier this year than Sad Keanu. Of course, it saddens me that my pleasure has to come at the expense of someone else’s pain, but it doesn’t really sadden me THAT much. Also, let’s be honest: Sad Keanu is doing great. Dude’s got a cupcake! Yum! If I knew how to actually use the Internet (I’m currently on WebTV and I think I have three months left on my subscription) I would make a Sad Keanu Sadness Generator website where users could suggest what they think Sad Keanu should do sadly next. But since I don’t know how to make a website like that, we might as well just pretend that this website is that website. So, what should Sad Keanu do sadly next?

-Sad Keanu should go to the petting zoo
-Sad Keanu should attend a morning screening of I’m Still Here
-Sad Keanu should circumnavigate the globe in a hot air balloon

Click through to enlarge and/or make your suggestions for the Sad Keanu Sadness Generator. (Via Dlisted.)

Comments (102)
  1. Sad Keanu should visit all the Senators who voted down the bill repealing DADT.

  2. Sad Keanu should stand around a garbage-can fire, sharing a bean with sad Topher Grace.

  3. Sad Keanu visits the Vietnam War. (Too soon? Too bad.)

  4. Sad Keanu should find that double rainbow guy, and console him about his 15 minutes being up.

  5. Sad Keanu should head down to Battery Park and hang out with Sad Panda.

  6. Sad Keanu should play badminton with Steve Winwood

  7. Sad Keanu should prank Eminem.

  8. I recognize that cupcake place which makes me feel very creepy, but also hugnry since cupcakes are delicious and Sugar Sweet Sunshine’s are particularly good

  9. Sad Keanu should eat a happy cupcake to cheer him up

  10. Sad Keanu should go on an excellent adventure.

  11. Sad Keanu visits Mardi Gras.

  12. How can anyone be sad while eating a cupcake?

    Sad Keanu petting kittens and puppies.

  13. Sad Keanu should coach an inner city baseball team

  14. Sad Keanu should read “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” and then complain about the movie.

  15. Sad Keanu should eat a clown for breakfast, since that cupcake’s not doing it for him.

  16. Sad Keanu speaks with your Christian God.

  17. Sad Keanu realizing that the greatest professional success he’s had in the 10 years following the release of “The Matrix” is being the subject of an Internet meme.

  18. Sad Keanu should cut down on carbs.

  19. He should find out how magnets work.

    • I’m here to say we’re done with ICP jokes.

      • And that is why Keanu is sad. He enjoyed the irony that was the internet’s fascination with ICP and now that it is gone, he does not know what else will bring him the same amount of joy. Not knowing if he will feel the joy he was did only drives him so much deeper into depression that even a cupcake can not cheer him up.

      • I retired the ICP jokes around the time Amanda Bynes stepped down from being a star, we both decided that it was unfair to the world however.

  20. This is probably a good place to announce the update In-joke and Meme list:
    New additions: Double rainbow, Sad Keanu, Nickelback lyrics, TCOAT, and more.

  21. Sad Keanu accidentally attends a 10-year-old’s birthday party. Gets handed one balloon by a doe-eyed girl.

  22. I think this is all just publicity for his next project; I’m still Cheer, where Keanu Reeves comes out and shows the world that he wasn’t actually sad and that it was a joke.

  23. Sad Keanu attends a Justin Bieber concert.

  24. I find the idea of crying while eating, both the actual act and the website, to be immensely disturbing, and yet this picture, which is obviously not exactly that, makes me so happy. Figure that one out, doc.

  25. Sad Keanu and Strolling Leo should go bowling.

  26. Cheer up Keanu. Maybe trade in you motorcycle for on of these:

  27. Sad Keanu should go to Italy to eat, India to pray, and Indonesia for love.

  28. Sad Keanu should get a haircut he looks like a girl?

  29. Sad Keanu and Sad Alex Winter go an Excellently Sad Adventure

  30. Sad Keanu and reclusive novelist Harper Lee share a park bench, quietly discussing Life.

  31. Sad Keanu should check his bank account.

  32. Sad Keanu should give Ryan Gosling his boots back, and Ryan Gosling should, in turn, give them back to Johnny Depp.

  33. Sad Keanu visits Disney World’s Magic Kingdom and goes for a spin in the Teacups.

  34. Sad Keanu attends Jon Stewart’s Rally to Restore Sanity.

  35. Sad Keanu should be making sure his personal Dorian Gray portrait is in a secure place. Seriously, that dude is 46?

  36. Oooo zagat rated cupcake…impressive…figured it would make him happier

  37. Sad Keanu should visit a series of remote rural delicatessens and order the olive loaf.

  38. Sad Keanu goes on a lovely vacation at a legit and non-magical lake house with no Sandra Bullock anywhere.

  39. I PASSED HIM ON MY WAY FROM SCHOOL! He was pacing up and down the block. It was very sad.

  40. Sad Keanu should take a weekend tour of an ante-bellum plantation on a non-holiday weekend.

  41. for tons of sad Keanu sightings go to Vandam between Varick and 6th ave.
    Sad keanu smoking cigarettes, Sad keanu finishing his HonesTEA.

  42. 18 months from now Keanu Reeves will appear on Videogum to apologize for fucking with us. Somehow I suspect Casey Affleck is involved.

  43. Sad Keanu should get a friggin job already!

  44. Sad Keanu watches watches children play on a jungle gym. NO PEDO!

  45. I’d like to see Sad Keanu at a sexy party, surrounded by scantily clad babes. And he’s all like “Yeah, whatever, you’re very attractive. I’m still sad.”

  46. Sad Keanu goes on a date with Kim Kardashian.

  47. Sad Keanu watches Airplane, feels nothing.

  48. The funny thing is that this isn’t even an authentic Sad Keanu sighting. He’s filming for a new movie.–gets-day-job.html

    So really it’s just art imitating life.

    • I love the way this is written:
      The actor who has become notorious for the many pictures of him chilling on his own has finally left his solitary existence behind him – aided in part, by his return to work.

      ‘Keanu Reeves would like to thank all of his fans for their concerns regarding his happiness and wants to assure everyone that all is well,’ his spokesperson said.

  49. Sad Keanu should appear in the new Videogum feature “Hey, What’s Up With Sad Keanu?”
    (And of course, cupcakes remain popular in syndication)

  50. Sad things are afoot at the Circle K.

  51. I know cupcakes are small to begin with, but Keanu’s seems abnormally tiny. And it only has a tiny bite taken out of it. A tiny little Keanu bite. I’m sure if Keanu wanted to, he could easily eat it in one bite. But he didn’t. So whether this is for a role or not, we should still be worried about him.

  52. Sad Alicia Silverstone understands.

  53. sad keanu should narc on his murdering friend.

  54. Sad Keanu gets a shoe shine.

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