Photos
You know that part at the beginning of Fight Club when Ed Norton is talking about what it tastes like to have a gun in your mouth? That’s what this feels like! “It tastes like crying.” Isn’t that what he says? Someone check IMDB Memorable Quotes. I’m pretty sure the verbatim quote is: “Having a gun in your mouth tastes like crying, like the tears you cry when you realize you’re about to have to watch a bunch of terrible movies on some kind of self-imposed dare you already feel like you have lost many times over. I’m Tylar Dordand, guys!” I remember.
So here we are. After hundreds of nominations, we now have our next eight movies. It used to be that each round was, like, 14 movies or something ridiculous. That’s ridiculous! So ridiculous. That is too many! The new system will have rounds of 8 movies, that way every two months I get a quick break in between, LIKE AN ADULT DESERVES. What do you think this is? ACTUAL PRISON? This is not actual prison. This is just VERY MUCH SIMILAR to actual prison. This guy knows what I’m talking about.
After the jump, the next eight films to be reviewed in the Hunt for the Worst Movie of All Time:
- • Amelia
• Bride Wars
• The Pursuit of Happyness
• Nothing But Trouble
• Couples Retreat
• (500) Days of Summer
• Eastern Promises OR: A History of Violence (see below)
• American Beauty
After pnut earned the Lowest Rated comment of the week last week for his/her nomination of Eastern Promises, I was tempted to automatically include it in this round as a reminder to you guys that the whole point is that anything can be nominated, even something that you LIKE. But further in the comments, Steve Winwood nominated A History of Violence, and that set off an even longer pat of in-fighting between people who liked and people who did not like that movie. I’m guessing that the only reason he didn’t win Lowest Rated comment was because of people’s well-honed aversion to giving him attention. All of that being said, I will do one or the other, but YOU must CHOOSE. Which one would you rather (or better yet, which one would you rather NOT) see a post about? It’s like Sophie’s Choice! Minus the Nazis and the total annihilation of a sane person’s belief in the world as a livable society of human beings capable of rational and emotional thought.
Next week: Amelia. As always, please leave your suggestions in the comments or in an email. And if you haven’t done so already, please consult the Official Rules.
 |
 |
You Might Also Like
 The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Summer Mix |  The Hunt For The Worst Movie Of All Time: Summer Series |  Verily, Thor Was Ridiculous! |  The 2011 Razzie Award Nominees Are Announzzzzzzzzzzz |
Leave a Reply
Sign inSign in with FacebookYou must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.
Congrats Wertrew:
But now I’m sad we wont see anymore Amelia nomination posts.
You got 106 upvotes for a little box with a red X? Good job!
It’s how I tell ‘em…
“No.. there is another.” (Yoda voice)
“THAT is why you FAIL.” – Yoda
She’s LITERALLY the worst maid ever. (See what I did there?)
Amelia Bedelia reference?
But where are the BONNIE BEDELIA references?!
You did it, werttrew!
Faceplant or no, that kind of rotation just launching off a rock is pretty impressive. Shame he didn’t open out earlier.
I like to think of it as the joy we all feel because of the return of WMOAT, and the pain that Gabe must inevitably endure. There is no avoiding the faceplant. The rock Gabe has made for himself to jump off of is just. too. powerful.
I did that once off of a diving board and got the same number of rotations. the resulting belly flop made my stomach temporarily turn purple and for me to cough up blood. Fun times
What? Jesus, how is that even possible?
Also: Cool! Did you take pictures?
Well, these are all nominees, there has to be a final winner right? The worst of the worst? Keep it going werttrew
The Absolute Worst Movie of Literally All Time is scheduled to be announced in December of 2012. There’s a lot of oscar-gilded shit to wade through until then.
RIP Terrible Movies 1879 – 2012
I am so bummed Amelia made it.
So psyched Nothing but Trouble made it! I guess!
I am glad Amelia made it! I’ve been so tempted to watch it, just to see what all the fuss is about. But now Gabe can watch it for me! Thanks Gabe!
because no more werttrew submissions right? also, get back to work! (your work story made me so sad)
Yes, because no more werttrew submissions. I have NO DOUBT that Amelia is atrocious. But a part of me has died today. The part that looked forward to werttrew’s case-building for Amelia.
I’m glad you’re sad about my work story (I mean, thanks for the sympathy?). I was sad too, and now I am just fried. I stare at videogum and drool. It is all I can do. Look! I am posting. Somewhere, a deadline howls in the wilderness; somewhere, a boss weeps, and reloads her shotgun. Her work shotgun. (It shoots work.)
Agreed re: Amelia.
Not to get all sportsgum on everyone, but it’s like rooting against the Cubs: it’s more fun when their fans are miserable, and they’ve been at it so long you get the sense they secretly enjoy losing a little too in some odd masochistic way.
We don’t enjoy losing. That’s just daft. But it’s nice to know you’ve got us Cubs fans to look down on to feel better about yourself.
So psyched about Nothing But Trouble too! I feel like this balances out all the tips I send to Gabe that he promptly ignores.
I hadn’t even seen it mentioned before but now that I do, I can’t believe I hadn’t thought of it.
It may literally be, based on certain standards, the worst movie of all time.
I remember a friend seeing it in the theater and telling me: “‘Nothing But Trouble’ is the worst movie ever.”*
*Paraphrasing, because the exchange happened 20+ years ago and I haven’t thought about it since.
This shouldn’t affect anyone’s vote, but I was Viggo’s body double for Eastern Promises, so I’d have to recuse myself from commenting if it’s that one.
Hm, I fail to see an actual conflict of interest here, Patrick. But you must be hot!!!
Hot, and a passable Yoda impression!
Seriously? What other bodies have you doubled? Now I am trying not to picture you naked…let me try again.
So…. they were your dangly bits?
That wasn’t Viggo’s vege?
Which movie will wertrew throw under the bus next?
Better not be Gummo.
My money is on Gooby, Gooby looks pretty bad.
Apparently Viggo Mortensen didn’t share Gabe’s views on Flannery O’Connor.
FYI: I am a huge Flannery O’Connor fan. Have been for years. Her best story is The Enduring Chill. It’s a rad little piece of irony. There is also another good one about an atheist girl with a prosthetic leg and a traveling Bible salesman. Can’t remember the title of that little number but do recall it being quite rad to the hella.
That was “Good Country People” Steve-O. Also one of my favorites.
Really, really good. That one I found more upsetting than some murdery ones, oh man.
YES to all of the above. You guys have named two of the O’Connor stories that totally scrambled my brains as a kid. I’ll quietly add “Temple of the Holy Ghost” to the list, if there’s anybody here who hasn’t read it.
Steve, I don’t know if your nightstand has any room on it but if it does, I recommend to you Brad Gooch’s Flannery O’Connor biography called Flannery: A Life of Flannery O’Connor.
Rad rec.
I’m amazed that the list doesn’t contain a single Tyler Perry movie.
That is because everyone who hates them is vaguely afraid of being called racist.
Well, that’s a valid concern on this website.
(just joshin’ ya Gabe!)
I am going with Eastern Promises simply because I have never seen it, and I have seen A History of Violence.
Do NOT make me pull out my Dirty Dancing TRUMP card…
Bride Wars made the cut. I feel victorious. And, as a bonus, (500) Days of Summer is up, too!
Ok, I am going to say I want Gabe to review Eastern Promises. I liked that movie, but if I have to pick one, that is my pick.
Gulp.
Forget The Hunt, I want to hear Steve Winwood’s review of that first Bing! link. “Pretty” or “NOOOOOOOO!”?
Winwood has good radar for what is pretty. I am more curious as to how his Katy Perry dilemma will shake out in the end, and we may have to wait years.
And now, irrelevantly, I will say I haven’t seen Eastern Promises, but when History of Violence ended I was like, “Wow! That was great! According to Everybody! And I guess I thought it was good! But… it was also kind of wooden and hard to believe! Except for the sex scenes?? Which is a weird reaction to have. Huh.”
Can I abstain? Democracy — how’s that work?
Gabe has cleverly picked a bunch of movies that many people (most people?) actually like.
I know, right? I haven’t some of those nominated (yet), but the ones I have seen were mostly enjoyable. While I agree Nothing but Trouble is terrible (I’m pretty sure most of my troubled childhood was caused by that movie. Most of it.), I thought the Pursuit of Happyness was an overly sentimental but decent movie, American Beauty was good Oscar bait and 500 Days of Summer was lovely -true, not nearly as good as all the hype, but that’s another feature altogether- nowhere near the Worst Movie Ever.
What I’m trying to say: do you want us to have a constructive debate about what merits good filmmaking and/or the role of perception and personal taste in the viewing experience? Because I would like to see what comes out of these discussions, but I also like seeing terrible movies torn asunder. So conflicted feelings right now!
Maybe Gabe is trying to make things easier on himself by picking movies he might kind of enjoy. Like when I was five, and I could tell my mom was getting more and more annoyed at me and was getting ready to send me to my room, so I would start quietly moving my best toys into it. So that when finally I was banished, I only had to pretend I was sad, and then I’d just keep playing with the door closed.
I did a version of this: I would sob hysterically when being sent to my room, leading my parents to believe that it the punishment I deserved when I had been the worst, when in reality I loved hanging out in my room (all of my books and cassettes were in there!) and was a fantastic fake crier.
I recently informed my parents when my father was talking about how much I hated my room as a kid. The looks on their faces effectively communicated their horror, followed by relief that I could have been a complete monster had I applied these skills towards something less banal.
Yea, I agree half the movies on the list aren’t really “Worst Movie of All Time” calibre. Where’s the August Rush of this round?
Though Bride Wars is pretty damn terrible
I, too, don’t think half of these movies deserve the scorn of The Hunt. However, I’m comfortable knowing “Bride Wars,” “Couples Retreat” and most assuredly “Amelia” are bad enough to carry the slack. “Nothing But Trouble” is also a contender, maybe even the favorite to win it all.
Nothing But Trouble is so heavily the favorite, it is like if the Lakers played your high school. Look: American Beauty is miserable and NBT will eat that Oscar-winner for breakfast. NBT actually made me ill whenever I thought of it for a solid 10 years. I am not sure I will even be able to read the review of it. I mean, I will read that review — I will read the hell out of it — but it might well induce psychotic flashbacks; I might have to lie down; I might need to drink heavily starting at 2 p.m. that day (PST). Yes: even a vicarious viewing of NBT will take a devastating emotional, psychological, and physical toll, I am sure. Yes: it is the worst.
Gabe, I am sorry. And thank you. Thank you.
Eastern Promises or History of Violence? Both would yield a funny blog post for me to read. I didn’t dislike Eastern Promises as bad as I disliked History of Violence, but that doesn’t mean that I am so in love with Eastern Promises that I go to bed every night with copies of the blu ray disc in bed with me and smear them all over my body, gettin’ all sexxxxaaaayyy with Eastern Promises, so feel free to hate on that and get to work on the next Hating the Movies blog post series, my favorite videogum series. (Least favorite would be Topher Grace, second least favorite LOST recaps, which are now thankfully RIP).
So, I ALSO nominated A History of Violence, (You never notice me, Gabe. This is just like when you couldn’t come to my baseball game.) and I’d like to renew my nomination for it’s consideration against Eastern Promises.
I didn’t like either movie very much, but I think the former has more ridiculous dialogue, lamer acting, a more ridiculous premise, and also (if I remember) a weird violent cheerleader sex scene on a staircase.
Those are two scenes. The cheerleader scene involved some simultaneous mutual oral action, the staircase was later and was more rapey and non-consensual.
I got a wicked case of the Church Giggles and almost got kicked out of the theater at A History of Violence during the scene that featured the Cheerleader 69ing.
In retrospect, I kind of wish I had been ejected so that I could’ve saved myself from watching the rest of that goddamn movie. (THIS WAS MY SUBTLE NOMINATION FOR A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE. THANK YOU.)
I remember reading somewhere (before I saw A History of Violence) that David Cronenberg likes to graphically demonstrate sex scenes with his wife during rehearsals. Talk about a nightmare boss.
Is it an automatic downvote if I say the staircase scene was good cinema? Because while she hated him for forcing himself onto her and for lying to her, she was also turned on by the fact that her husband was dangerous and masculine? I mean, it was rapey, of course, but probably less rapey than the rape scene in The Fountainhead. I’m not defending myself well.
Imagine, a violent sex scene in a movie called “a history of violence!” I actually watched the commentary on this movie, because it’s that good, and Cronenberg talks about how he wanted to depict all the different types of violence in this one movie, in the most realistic ways possible. That’s how you end up with the horrible random violence of the opening scene, the macho schoolyard violence with the kid and the bully, the gangster shoot ‘em up violence at the end, and yes, the rapey violence in the rape scene.
I’m not sure how realistic a portrayal of sexual violence that scene is. It isn’t, like, a serious depiction of the horrors of rape. It’s a woman getting all hot and sweaty after her murderer husband slaps and chokes her.
But in any case, I don’t think you can just depict realistic violence and call it meaningful, even if you have an interesting perspective on that violence. In any story of any medium, you have to EARN big scenes of emotional gravitas through your characters, and the characters in this film are as flat and over-written as they come.
How is this argument between History of Violence and Eastern Promises instead of eXistenZ and eXistenZ?
That said, I definitely vote A History of Violence for a hatefuck so repulsive and unnecessary that it made True Blood seem positively classy.
Reading Gabe’s descriptions of any number of scenes from both A History of Violence and Eastern Promises would be a lot of fun.
On one hand, we have such memorable scenes in A History of cheerleader roleplaying 69′s, and faces getting all shot off in diners, Ed Harris scary face makeup, or any scene with William Hurt.
Eastern Promises also promises(GROSS!) some good commentary on stuff like the naked bath house fight, the tattoo inquisition, mopey hookers being mopey, and Naomi Watts being innocent and confused in the face of that creepy old man.
Gabe jokes about it being Sophie’s Choice, but really, THIS IS HARD.
I vote EASTERN PROMISES.
I liked both movies, but the fact that William Hurt got an Oscar nomination for such a hackneyed and gimmicky performance made me want to gouge my eyes out.
I’m not so sure about some of these movies!
But also, do It’s All About Love next round! Or Million Dollar Baby
all the upvotes for Million Dollar Baby,
It’s as manipulative and dishonest a film as Crash, and like Crash was absolutely showered in acclaim. Hate that movie.
…And do NOT get me started on Escher. A hand drawing another hand? Fish that turn into birds? Manipulative, dishonest, and PHONY. Try drawing tree by a lake, Mr. “Artist”.
I thought Crash (the crappy Oscar winning Matt Dillon one, not the rad Cronenberg one) was already the subject of a little Worst Movie of All Time in Gabe’s Opinion series. Am I wrong?
Yes, it has already been reviewed and it was hilarious.
Mr Winwood, I am aware Crash has been previously reviewed. I was nominating Million Dollar Baby, you see.
History of Violence
Mostly because I thought it was going to be good, but then the hate fucking started….
Did you mean the ‘hate started’ with ‘fucking’ used as an adverb, or did you mean “then the hate-fucking started”?
eats shoots and leaves
nice.
I only saw A History of Violence. I thought it was a completely [adjective] movie. More like A History of Ambivalence, amirited00dz? I vote for the other one, given that nothing matters, and people seemed to be upset about it.
Click! was the worst movie I have ever seen. I hereby nominate it.
If there is anyone out there who still doubts that Videogum is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of savaging pretentious films is alive in our time, who still questions the power of one sad man’s relentless campaign, tonight is your answer.
It’s the answer told by gifs that stretched around webpages in numbers this blog has never
seen; by rants which went on for three or four pages, many for the very most exhausting time in readers’ lives, because we believed that this time must be different; that our upvotes could be that difference.
It’s the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Latino, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, VforVgummers and not, disabled and not disabled—monsters who sent a message to the world that we have never been a collection of gif-lovers and gif-haters: we are, and always will be, Videogum Monsters who enjoy seeing bad movies disemboweled.
It’s the answer that led those who have been told for so long by so many to be cynical, and fearful, and doubtful of what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a day when Amelia will get the trouncing it deserves.
It’s been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this nomination for WMOAT, at this defining moment, justice has come at last.
I’m torn because you deserved it based on all your hard work, but on the other hand I will miss your pleas
I can’t wait until Gabe gives it a positive review so “Nominating Amelia for the WMOAT” can start again
*Ring!* *Ring!*
(Amelia answers phone)
Amelia: Hello?
Creepy Voice: “Seven days…”
*CLICK*
Werttrew, I read your comment, and then I stood up and began to sing “America the Beautiful,” with tears in my eyes, and then the cat ran into the other room really fast, and then I put some pants on and made a pot of tea.
Damn, is it 9:00 already?
More obligatory congratulations are due!
Oh man, Wert. I’m a little worried right now. What if Gabe actually loves Amelia? What if it becomes his favorite movie and he changes all of his ringtones to quotes from Amelia? This suspense might actually kill me.
I guess it is true what the philosopher says: justice has to come at least once DAMN!
I feel honored to simply be part of these upvotes, sir.
But wait…why is American Beauty on the list? It wasn’t even nominated. Do you hate American Beauty, Gabe? It’s so good, though!
Yup! It was nominated! I think you have to dig a little into the comments to find it though.
my bad…there’s just so many damn comments! my disagreement with this nomination remains, however.
i nominated it. and stand by that nomination.
I second your nomination.
I think this group of nominations is tarnished by the inclusion of Eastern Promises/A History of Violence and American Beauty. Is Gabe really serious about this or is this just a big joke?
american beauty is awful. have you forgotten the bag? or just the ridiculous overwrought-ness of the entire thing? or how kevin spacy is the worst? i get angry just thinking about it.
also a history of violence.
I agree completely.
Nobody who has expressed outrage at its inclusion has given a reason, let alone a good reason, why it’s supposedly a good film.
You also forgot to mention the following:
– It’s about a man who quits his decent job due to what I can only recall being some kind of pathetic mid-life crisis passed off as existential angst and works in a fast food restaurant, where he finds contentment, if not happiness and completion.
– The aforementioned man fantasises about his teenage daughter’s teenage friend but in his fantasies she only seems to dance and get covered in roses because the director wants the audience to like, or even empathise with, the guy… and because this is puritanical Hollywood escapism. ‘American Beauty’ is supposed to be a film for intelligent adults, i.e. people who are mature enough to deal with the idea that middle aged men often have sexual feelings towards teenage girls!! We, the audience, don’t have to like the main character or agree with his choices to watch the film and feel sorry for him (e.g. ‘Taxi Driver’)!! Even the makers of the ‘Baby One More Time’ video treated their audience with more respect with regards to schoolgirl fantasy. And one more thing about this aspect: the correct use of visual metaphors is to communicate what can’t be communicated any other way, not to polish uncomplicated turds.
– Apparently overly-macho, gay-hating men are secretly gay and murderers; it’s as simple as that.
– The kid who makes hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars selling marijuana… Actually, I seem to recall it was some kind of super-special blend.
I could go on but I’m starting to realise that this film would have been a lot better as an 80s Rodney Dangerfield comedy – old man wanting his daughter’s friend and hanging with the kids at the burger place, the weird kid who sells weed, the jock bully, the ‘parents just don’t understand’ vibe, etc.
Ey, I get no respect around here! I rule!
All I remember is Kevin Spacey checking out his not Kevin Spacey’s buffed bicep reflection in his garage window after a “workout”. Do indie budgets not include personal trainers, or even some measly REI handweights? I thought Kev was a method actor…
I didn’t like Eastern Promises but that ASIDE, I think it’s recap will definitely yield more laffs over A History Of Violence.
SUSTAINED.
‘Eastern Promises’ has far worse accents and is extremely xenophobic, for a start.
Also, isn’t it set in London?
I live in London.
I think ‘Mary Poppins’ had a more realistic depiction of the city.
Despite ‘A History of Violence’ essentially being a more highbrow ‘Cool as Ice’ and becoming ridiculous towards the end, at least it started OK… I think.
You live in a Russian neighborhood of London populated by members of the Russian underground and are thus qualified to say how realistic the portrayal of that small segment of the population is? That’s like me saying I live in New York City and how unrealistic Bored to Death, but that’s just because I don’t know what a douchey, pretentious gallery opening in Brooklyn Heights is like.
And it’s xenophobic because it focuses on a small group of immigrants that happens to be violent? Is Gangs of New York xenophobic?
Anyway, I liked both movies. They entertained me. The William Hurt scene was the nadir of the two.
P.S. I don’t mean to sound jerky, but I don’t think one should accuse a filmmaker of being xenophobic without explaining why.
Now, as to the accents — that’s fair game.
I didn’t say Cronenberg is a xenophobe, just that the film is xenophobic. For example, I wouldn’t call Judd Apatow a sexist because I don’t know him but I can see the point of those people who think that ‘Knocked Up’ a sexist film. However, IMHO, it’s also a funny, well-made piece of entertainment, so it doesn’t offend me.
I’m aware that films rely on stereotypes and I can see past the sexism, racism, etc, that go along with this, but I expect more sophisticated ‘types’ from a mature film.
This is why ‘Eastern Promises’ offends me and why I think it’s appropriate for WMOAT. The simplistic, xenophobic stereotypes, poor accents, etc, offend my intelligence rather than my morality/humanity.
Anyway, to address your points.
The film’s depiction of London is unrealistic because, from what I recall, it consists solely of posh English people (e.g. Naomi Watts) and Russian gangsters (e.g. everyone else). In London there aren’t really aren’t such things as small communities of one nationality or social class and if there are, they are so small that you’d walk around a corner and enter a new community.
As for the xenophobia: are there Russian criminals in London? Yes. Are all the Russians in London criminals? Of course not. Are all the Russians in ‘Eastern Promises’ criminals? Yes.
There is a lot of xenophobia in the UK based on stereotypes shown in this film (e.g. foreigners are criminals, they don’t learn English or our culture but hold on to their own as if they have something to hide, etc.). So, to me, exaggerated, extremely negative stereotypes in what is supposed an intelligent film indicate a fear of foreigners.
“Is Gangs of New York xenophobic?” To me, no. The xenophobia within the story is overt and, again, from what I recall, espoused primarily, if not solely, by its antagonist. Also, unlike the UK, the US is a nation of immigrants (i.e. Americans are either immigrants or the descendants of immigrants) and so I saw the film as a comic book-like story of what immigrants had to put up with by people who were essentially immigrants themselves (isn’t Daniel Day-Lewis’ character of Irish descent?).
I hope that answers your questions and yes, you were jerky and contradictory for contradiction’s/your fondness for the film’s sake.
A History of Violence because I HAVE seen Eastern Promises and not the former and the latter is so great.
History of Violence please.
As for some reason Gabe seems to be A VERY BIG FAN of League Of The Extraordinary Gentlemen i’m very happy if he’s gonna do A History Of Violence.
Maybe he considers it to be a popular superhero film? That’s my best guess as to why it’s not included. Alan Moore’s comic is very much like a Victorian age league of literary characters as superheroes.
Was hoping to see “The Invention of Lying” on this list, maybe next round. Also, I nominate Eastern Promises, not cos I didn’t like it, more because its inclusion would make this WMOAT go from having no movies in it I’ve seen to having one. Hooray for me never having seen the worst movies, apparently!
Aw No! “Nothing But Trouble” is the best. Chevy Chase and 2Pac in the same movie!
Where’s the Nicholas Cage movie??? Isn’t it a requirement to have one per round? Maybe we just needed a break. That’s probably it…
Zandalee and Vampire’s Kiss might merit some consideration, sure….then again, they’re riotously entertaining.
Kiss of Death is just fucking boring though; Nic Cage, Horatio Cane and Sam Jackson don’t combine into nearly as much fun as you’d hope. I did also watch Trapped in Paradise recently (Christmas heist movie starring Cage, Dana Carvey and Jon Lovitz as criminal brothers), and that’s pretty awful, though with a little charm I guess.
I’m working through his oeuvre.
I remember watching Trapped In Paradise when my mom was going thru a Nic Cage rom/com movie phase. We watched that along with Guarding Tess, It Could Happen To You, and Honeymoon In Vegas.
I too vote that Gabe eviserates A History of Violence.
It’s a good movie, I liked it. I haven’t watched Eastern Promises yet though, so I vote for that.
Eastern Promises, totally. Because if this blog is lacking one thing, it’s awkward penis scenes.
Nothing But Trouble is utterly unwatchable. I was a projectionist at a movie theatre in my younger days, and was in that job when this movie was out. I would typically watch pieces of movies while they were running to make sure the pic looked good, splices were clean, etc. Over the course of a few days, I would have generally seen all of the 6 active movies. This movie, though… I simply could not stomach more than a few minutes of it. It is just plain ugly to look at. Not the least bit funny. Not a single redeeming quality. Some movies you watch and afterwards say, “hey, that wasn’t very good.” But then there’s other movies, like this dog, that make you truly appreciate just how bad a movie can be. I guess what I’m saying is Godspeed, Gabe. Godspeed. Truly one of The Worst Movies of All Time.
Oh, and I nominate Cool World. That’s another Nothing But Trouble type of doggy.
I agree with your Cool World assessment, but I must also nominate another Ralph Bakshi movie, Wizards. Now thats a terrible movie. I wonder if it fits the criteria though, it does have Mark Hamil in it.
I never heard of Wizards but yeah, Cool World, easily among the worst.
Hey, has anyone nominated Meet Joe Black? That was probably the longest fifteen hours I ever spent in a theater.
Borrow a second TV and DVD player from someone. Set them up a couple of feet away from the first TV. Press START on Eastern Promises and A History Of Violence simultaneously. Document the aftermath.
What if they sync up together like Dark Side of the Moon and Wizard of Oz, thus revealing the true brilliance behind both films? Then again, probably not.
David Cronenberg’s A History of Violence or Eastern Promises?
I vote Spider.
I vote History of Violence. I think it’s flawed in some really interesting ways, as opposed to Eastern Promises, which is just a really good movie with an unsatisfying end.
Since we can nominate anything, I nominate Citizen Kane.
You’re a bit too late.
Hilary Swank looks like if Matt Damon were a horse.
http://storage.imageloop.com/content/4a1a6947-2a03-1289-9c8f-0015c5fcf7da/rw506h380
Thanks a lot, Carrie! Now I need to figure out if I’m into bestiality or dudes.
Man, if only I was a lady horse…
That image is fundamentally incorrect because it portrays Hilary Swank as someone attractive.
She is not wearing pants because she destroys every pair with her razor-sharp kneecaps.
Do you guys ever picture Hilary Swank and Jennifer Garner like, boxing, but using their jaws instead of their fists? Like, jawboxing?
No?
Oh lawd…
Eastern Promises! I love when movies I liked are in WMOAT.
(I also love it when movies I hated are in WMOAT, thanks for choosing (500) Days of Summer!)
Gabe, while I am sad you didn’t include Marie Antoinette, your choice of picture to illustrate this post was a stroke of Einstein-level Genius.
“Smoke Jumpers” — undoubtedly the worst fictional movie of all time.
couples retreat? sweet! i just watched it last night and i’m STILL farting from it.
Schadenfreude!
http://videogum.com/224971/gesundheit-advances-to-the-finals/contests/
Winwood!
How about Super Mario Brothers? Do everyone’s favorite plumbers count as superheroes?
Kinda sad to see 500 days in there. I really like that movie. Oh well.
500 days is too easy.
If Marie Antoinette ever makes it into WMOAT I’m jumping this ship. I can’t even imagine what Gabe reviewing that would be like. “Marie Antoinette was a garbage monarch who deserves to go to Rococo jail.” What? The cinematography of that film is flawless. It does what it sets out to do and there is much to love, both aesthetically and in its content. I hate to be that asshole who is always like “PEOPLE WHO DON’T LIKE IT JUST DON’T GET IT!” but to be honest, most people I’ve met who didn’t like it didn’t really seem to have a reason other than it wasn’t exciting enough for them. Sometimes films just legitimately have an intended audience. If you are not the intended audience, don’t expect to fully appreciate it.
I’ve been onboard for everything Sophia-Coppola-related, but I never watched Marie Antoinette, so I cannot say with any certainty whether it was good or bad. But I definitely would like to see it, as I’m sure there is much to love in it along the lines of what you addressed in your comment, Carrie.
I also liked Marie Antoinette. It was like watching a beautiful moving painting and the soundtrack is so good!
Like a moving painting? Have you seen Kanye West’s moving painting?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L53gjP-TtGE
If Marie Antoinette was anything like that, it should be nominated for WMOAT.
Something with Topher Grace, he is such a douchebag.
Guys, I’m worried about Gabe. He clearly really doesn’t want to do this. I am afraid that in all of the joy and bacchanalian revelry (internet commenting) over the return of a much loved feature, we are missing the intense psychic turmoil he is going through.
This must be what it is like to go to a Radiohead concert and scream and scream for “Creep.” Finally Thom Yorke, with bowed head and the taste of crying in his mouth, consents to the song, and in him a small piece dies.
That said, History of Violence is a really terrible movie.
Both Gabe and Thom are getting paid.
And the last thing I would want is for either to hate what they do and not put as much into it or not do it any more.
I doubt either men are as fickle as you fear they may be. I enjoyed watching history of violence, but would enjoy seeing it get crapped on.
I am sure you are right. My comment was mostly intended for humorous purposes, so continued critical navel-gazing is mostly just for sport. Everyone here is a grown up an is able to make choices about what they want to do with their lives.
But “they are getting paid” makes me feel weird–as though they owe us. Just because someone is getting paid doesn’t mean they lose all rights to have feelings about what they do. Again, this is now purely theoretical and no longer tied to any specific humans in any specific jobs. I’m sure everyone loves what they do.
We’re so fighting right now. I am so totally your boyfriend.
I am going to storm out now, but I will come back later with a puppy and everything will be okay.
I’m getting paid to do menial labor on a construction site. I hate it and put no effort in!
A History of Violence because I want to know what Gabe thinks about the kids. Gabe, what do you think about the kids in A History of Violence?
I’d like to think it was my compelling argument against Bride Wars that convinced Gabe to include it. But I know, in my heart of hearts, that the awfulness is what got it on there. Bravo, Bride Wars. I cannot wait to see the piss taken out of you.
Bride Wars is the reason I could never work up any anger when Casey Wilson was fired from SNL.
But, you’re not really going to do American Beauty…right?
I know, I’m surprised – but the best HWMOATs are the ones where some people like the movie. I love this movie but watching it recently the video of the dancing bag made me feel ashamed. What happened to Wes Bentley? I want him to gently fuck me while he asks if me if I want him to kill my father for me.
I vote A History of Violence because, you know, it’s terrible. If there was no such thing as The Hunt, it would certainly be in my Worst Movies file, along with Couples Retreat & 500 Days of Summer, with it’s twee parenthesis.
Because I truly madly deeply love it, and believe Gabe will likely write a thought-provoking (maybe even positive!) review of it, I choose A History of Violence.
Does Gabe choose these based on NUMBER of nominations? I actually read through all the comments and didn’t remember seeing some of these mentioned often.
In others news, I watched The Love Guru last night. Because it was on Netflix instant play. Fuck you, Netflix.
The Love Guru is the worst movie I have seen, but it is probably too obvious for this search. I’ve given up nominating it myself.
It’s based on up(and down) votes, I believe.
I think it’s mostly based on Official Rule #11:
11. Gabe is the boss.
I say A History of Violence because Eastern Promises was superb in my opinion, I really liked that movie and can’t really see why it pisses people off.
A History of Violence on the other hand, the people I watched that with thought it was shit.
Hello fellow monsters, first post. Good list for this round of The Hunt, I’d say.
Amelia – I’ll sure miss the ‘campaign’ to nominate this movie, but congrats, Wertrew.
Bride Wars – God this movie looked terrible from the commercials and previews. I’m sure this will be an entertaining entry.
The Pursuit of Happyness – I’ve never seen it, but I’ll buy the case that it deserves to be in The Hunt based on that ‘Y’ alone.
Nothing But Trouble – What? Never even heard of this one, and that’s unusual.
Couples Retreat – Some good actors + hot pieces of ass in this, but yeah, it looked pretty bad.
(500) Days of Summer – Oh god, yes. This was cute at first. I really like that dude from 3rd Rock from the Sun and the Zooey what’s-her-name chick is hot. But I hated this one SO much by the end. And that ending, barf.
A History of Violence – I actually remember liking A History of Violence….but there are some legitimate points to be made for its inclusion in The Hunt, I’m sure. I vote for History because I never saw Eastern Promises.
American Beauty – Well done, Gabe. Proves your point that anything can be nominated. The perfect entry, really. What we’re looking for is a movie that is supposedly great, but there are chinks in the armor. Don’t be mad, American Beauty fans. You have to dare to ask questions!
My mom, who stumbled upon Videogum’s Top Chef recaps – independently – a few weeks ago, hates A History of Violence. Since there’s nothing I can do to make her stop reading Videogum, I might as well throw my vote in the hat for that movie.
Hi, Becca’s mom!
My mom reads the Man Men recaps! Our moms are like internet soul sisters!
(500)Days of Summer made it! I feel like a father of a boy who made the varsity basketball team!
I’m proud of you, parenthetical son!
Nominating History of Violence based on the premise and semi-rape scene we’re supposed to enjoy because violence. Eastern Promises left a weird and open ending but the plot and dialogue and level of intrigue was consistent and enjoyable.
We were supposed to “enjoy” it? I liked the movie, and I wouldn’t really agree with that.
Subjective, but I think the intention of the director was to sexy up violence and reconcile his past with his present softness. In no way was his character supposed to seem disgusting. It was fight sex, and the wife sticks around in the end..suggesting we be forgiving as well.
it it’s not too late I’ll vote for a history of violence. it shoulda been called a history of boredom (see what I did there). clever.
I feel like werttrew just won the Monster Oscar. SHOTS FOR EVERYONE!
The earnestness of hatred for this film can only be admired and I shall watch it thus.
I’m getting wicked drunk before that though.
Oh, and I vote History of Violence. Never seen it, but I remember my mother saying, “There is some VULGAR sex scenes in that movie. But it’s Aragon so I was OK with it.”
NEAT MOM.
I too nominate History of Violence, for all the reasons mentioned above and because it’s an overhyped, mediocre movie. At first I thought I should abstain for fear of downvotes, and then I took heart when I saw that other people hated it too! And then I realized that I hated my viewing experience of A History of Violence much, much more than I hate downvotes.
I should have posted this last week, but here’s a list of all films that have been WMOAT-ed.
http://werttrew.tumblr.com/post/273168812/the-worst-movie-of-all-time-the-complete-list
Amelia, I actually got paid to watch that. Still the worst.
Excellent (horrible) selection, Gabe! So glad about Bride Wars and (500) Days of Summer. Suckage indeed.
Oh and watch History of VIolence.
Eastern Promises, because I haven’t seen History of Violence, and I’ll be damned if I have to do homework for a blog.
Nothing but trouble scared the peanut butter out of me all through my childhood. We had it on VHS and it’d get routinely paraded every time we got outta check and needed a bit of soul-raping. If only they had’ve seen that stop sign, I might not have turned into a serial killlllllllllllover of little kittens
Also, whoever nominated A History Of Violence should be married to john-woman-candy-thing forever and ever amen.
Hmmmmm, let’s see. I think I’m gonna go with… EASTERN PROMISES!!!!!! Thank you Gabe, for lending a voice of the oppressed and downtrodden (me).
*to
All jokes etc aside, I am shocked by this list. If we take Eastern Promises and A History Of Violence as one movie (they are of similar quality and style after all), then there are three films of these eight which are actually quite good. I mean, not epoch-shatteringly good, but decently-made, with at least mediocre results. People have started voting well-received films that they think are average for the WMOAT, and that is wrong. This contest should be reserved for the Battlefield Earths of this world (although, of course, I don’t make the rules up, so whatever, let’s get Gabe to watch Se7en or Oldboy next)
Most of them are definitely no where near as bad as Death Sentence, which as we all know is what started this whole experiment!
With no doubt in my brains I can definitely say that A History of Violence, 500 Days of Summer, Eastern Promises, and American Beauty are no where near as bad as Death Sentence. That movie is hurrible. Just gawd offul.
I don’t think we’re actually looking for the worst movie ever, since there are no Manoses or Plan 9′s considered. I think it’s about the worst viewing experience, which has to take into account the level of anticipation and disappointment about how good it could have been, considering the people who made it and the hype around it.
Or maybe KajusX & Chainsaws is right, we stumbled upon the worst movie ever right away, and all the rest of it has just been an exercise in futility. A fun exercise in futility!
Whatever, you guys. I like American Beauty.
…Everything except that bag scene. That fucking bag scene.
I really like American Beauty too… even the bag scene? A little.
I’m imagining the Gabe commentary though and I’m liking the idea more and more.
Oh Gabriel,
your sacrifices for us are Christlike.
Gabe, why do you keep refusing to do Valentine’s Day?!? WHY?!? It’s a slam dunk for WMOAT!!!
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
Let me get this straight, the same people that creamed for a Lord of the Rings giveaway didn’t like seeing Viggo’s ass? Liars. I vote for Couples Retreat. A comedy without comedy is tragedy. It draws certain comparisons to Exit to Eden, which is legendarily scheissen yet somehow escaped nomination.
Oh horrors, Couples Retreat was unbearable. It was playing on a JetBlue screen like five inches from my face. I changed the channel after the first 10 minutes, but the rom-com fan next to me kept watching, and even SHE didn’t laugh.
I’m transitioning from lurker to commenter because (500) whatevers was AWFUL. Whenever next round happens, did anybody nominate My Sister’s Keeper? I admit not actually having seen the movie, but the Jodi Piccoult/Cameron Diazness of it all must be enough to make it to the finals, right? Right?
If it comes down to it, I’m for “A History of Violence.” Basically I just want to see if Gabe is as confused as I was as to why people think it’s a good movie (this from a general Cronenberg fan).
whens the next vote? i wanna vote for glen or glenda
Holy Lugnuts, Gabe…You chose Bride Wars!!! You are awesome and I swear, you will not be disappointed in it’s horrible, mind-numbing crappiness. I am honored, if I was the first to nominate it. If not, kudos to the one who beat me to t. Can’t wait to read your scathing review. Life does have meaning, Virginia.
I’d like to put in my late vote for A History of Violence. I like both those movies, A LOT, but I think A History of Violence would be better for generating discussion.
I nominate “If Lucy Fell,” starring Sarah Jessica Parker.
A masturbatory vanity project masquerading as a romantic comedy whose premise — wait for it — involves a suicide pact. Charming.