Whoops! All the kids are ruined. Oh well. Kids, of course, are stupid, and so they have no way to recognize this is bad for them. They probably think it’s good, those idiots, LOL. Which is why, unfortunately, we have to round up every child who has seen this and throw them in the river. SORRY! It’s for their/our own good, so that they don’t grow up to perpetuate a culture in which Will.i.am is acceptable. It’s a total bummer, I agree. But the cool thing about kids is that we can always make more of them. And it might even be fun to do so! (Gross.) R.I.P. all those kids.

Oh, quick sidenote to Will.i.am: maybe your half-lidded eyes and general air of boredom will fly on the CNN holodeck, but you are on Sesame Street now, sir, so out of respect, how about you stop looking like you’re performing court-appointed community service you fucking cunt. (Thanks for the tip, Scott.)

Comments (43)
  1. C’mon kids, let’s get retarded!

  2. do he and Ernie sing “And what I am is awful”?
    Jim Henson never would have allowed this.

  3. Really Sesame Street? Yo Gabba Gabba had Ladytron.

  4. Holograms can be on Sesame Street?

  5. Today’s program is brought to you by the number Zero!

  6. I was worried about watching this, because in general appearing on Sesame Street is a really easy way for people to make me stop hating them(which is the main reason they all do it, I’m sure). But it turns out I had nothing to worry about. How can you be so bored on Sesame Street, William? Grover is RIGHT THERE!

  7. I can’t wait for the Fergie potty segment.

  8. There is the love.

  9. His eyes keep shifting ever-so-slightly to left of camera, where the BEP-Wrangler is jiggling a baggie of coke attached to the end of a long stick. Very grim.

  10. OK wait but Bert looks pretty good in those glasses.

  11. i’ll let my child hear the song because it is pleasant and upbeat and confirms she is super — i’ll just keep the video out of her eyes

  12. I don’t know who that impostor is, you guys, but I can guarantee you that it’s not me. I sat this episode out. On principle.

  13. I’ve seen more enthusiasm in the coma ward at the hospital (Baby Buster joke please).

    And I like when he air drums in the beginning. The looks on his face says either, a.) “My agent better be waiting in the parking lot with the limo full of ” or b.) “Kill me.”

    And is he auto-tuned? If you can’t sing on Sesame Street with your normal, real voice – then you suck. Don’t sing. And don’t be on Sesame Street.

  14. let’s be honest, it’s probably the best thing he’s done [and will do] in years.

  15. I know Sesame Street sometimes likes to “wink” at the adult viewers with special guests and Mad Men parodies and whatnot, but I didn’t know they also liked to “punch them in the face” occasionally as well.

  16. That was basically just Up Up and Away by Kid Cudi. And like Up Up and Away by Kid Cudi, that shit is my jam,

  17. Imma be wrecking your cherished childhood memories. :(

  18. This is boring. Needs more Bert and Ernie.

    Now I feel better.

  19. The only problem with throwing all the kids in the river is 4chan will track you down and shame you on the internet. You just can’t get away with stuff like you used to.

  20. He sure says the word “high” quite a lot in this song, considering how he can’t open his eyelids up completely.

    A true successor to the Beatles’ “Yellow Submarine”, another drug anthem successfully disguised as a children’s song.

  21. Don’t worry guys, Angel’s on the case. He’s dealt with evil puppets before.

  22. Wow. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Let me share the opinion of my little girl. She loves it. She has no idea who Will.i.am is or what his music. But she does hear the words to the song. Now let me tell you why she loves it: My daughter was diagnosed with a mitochondrial disorder. She can’t walk, has a feeding tube, suffers from seizures, gets tired very quickly and we have been told she wont live to see 10. She is not the only child suffering that has gained strength from this song. But, what does she know, she’s an idiot, will only live for a few more years and we can always make more.

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