We don’t do a lot of giveaways around here, because giveaways can be kind of a hassle, and also how many Bones Season 4 rubber coin wallets do you guys really want? But when the offer came to host a giveaway for a complete set of the Lord of the Rings movies on Blu Ray DVD (available in stores now!), that actually seemed kind of appropriate. You guys are all a bunch of nerds! And nerds love these movies! The prize package includes the full trilogy, as well as a bunch of other junk that you will probably tell your friends you don’t even care about as you secretly get the poster framed and wear the New Zealand jade necklace (?) under your stained Funkin Gonuts shirt. Anyway, here is the complete list ONE lucky winner will receive:

    • The Fellowship Of The Ring Blu-ray disc
    • The Two Towers Blu-ray disc
    • The Return Of The King Blu-ray disc
    • Two Bookmarks
    • One New Zealand Jade Necklace
    • One Navy Blue Ornament
    • One deck of LOTR Playing Cards
    • One Travel Candle
    • One Poster

Neat! Obviously, you’re going to have to rake a BUNCH of extra lawns this season if you’re going to save up for a Blu Ray DVD player, but it’ll be worth it! So, here’s how to win: you know that part in the movie when Legolas is like “You have my bow,” and then Gimli is like “And my axe!”? You know that part? Uh, guess what, I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW THAT PART. Just tell us what you would contribute to the Fellowship. (SEXT your response from inside your locker, where you have almost certainly been stuffed.) Whoever gets the most upvotes wins. Very easy. Very democracy. Winner will be announced in this week’s Monsters’ Ball. Good luck!

Comments (221)
  1. You can have my upvotes.

  2. I would contribute the ability to clean at great speeds, friendliness and loyalty even if you are an evil high school principal, a cheerful yet duo-tone voice and the ability to defeat exam-grading machines in one-on-one combat. What more could you ask for in a robotic butler?

  3. You have my gifs.

  4. You have my generalized anxiety, loneliness, and disdain for the world.

  5. You can have my free time at work.

  6. You have my boyfriends.

    • I know this is going to get downvotes, because apparently you people REALLY HATE BONES (why??), but I will take as many Bones Season 4 coin purses as you will give me.

  7. “You have my downvote.”
    - Every monster who really wants that Navy Blue Ornament.

  8. My glasses!

  9. You have the next 9 hours of my life.

    • 13 hours, if you watch the extended editions, and if on the very last disc your friend’s cheap DVD player gives out and refuses to play any more Lords or Rings or hobbits or whatever, so you have to drive over to your other friend’s house to borrow his parents’ functioning DVD player.

      …not that I’ve ever done that.

  10. “You have my bow”
    ~ Legolas

    “And my axe!”
    ~ Gimli

    “And my PSYCHE!!!!”
    ~Steve Winwood

  11. You have my ability to take the fun out of any movie experience with feminist film theory.

  12. I can proudly say, I have no idea what any of this means, but I will ask my husband…

  13. You can have my weird boner.

  14. my uncanny sense of always getting to the comment section a couple minutes too late to be read by the majority of viewers and therefore garnering the proper amount of upvotes to win a contest such as this.

  15. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  16. And my Fellowship of The ring Blu-ray disc, The Two Towers Blu-ray disc, The Return of the King Blu-ray disc, two bookmarks, New Zealand Jade Necklace, navy blue ornament, deck of LOTR playing cards, travel candle, and one poster.

  17. You have my irrational anger at the Bing search box

  18. You have my desperation cause I really really want a Lord of the Rings themed travel candle!!!!

    • What is a travel candle by the way?

      • i was wondering the same thing. perhaps if i had any recollection of any of these movies, i would know, but i either was too intoxicated or too bored when i watched them to remember what happened.

        also, a navy blue ornament?

      • “Sorry we’re so late, our travel candle went out around exit 90, so we had to pull over, enter a videogum giveaway contest, wait for our new travel candle to arrive, and then walk to the gas station to buy a lighter because Seth refuses to carry one because he’s trying to quit smoking. But in order to make it up to you, here’s a jade necklace in the shape of New Zealand. It could also pass for Japan if you melted it a little.”
        - Everyone, at some point in their lives

        • I believe to melt jade you would need access to the fires of Mordor, but those would probably also be good for lighting your travel candle.

      • “Thats a Fragrance of Love scented candle, Bitch!”

        – Special K (Can’t Hardly Wait)

  19. You have my Lord of the Rings Blu-ray trilogy prize package, as soon as I win it and put it on ebay and you win it.

  20. You can have my garbage! ALL of it!

  21. …and you have my bad puns!

  22. You can have my Sad Don Draper meme. Seriously! Take it!

  23. You have my +1 to next year’s VMAs

  24. And my desire to post for the first time in a month when free Bluray’s are on the line!

  25. You have my secret despair that these films already aren’t aging well and the pain it gives me where my coal black heart used to be.

  26. You can have my apathy and surliness. One does not simply walk into Morder, but one can slouch there resentfully.

  27. You have my ability to bleed at the slightest provocation!

  28. You can have my brotherly love! Everyone can get in on this!

  29. Ive never seen LOTR or Star Wars. I had never seen Jaws or Alien until I joined this site. Also my 42” Bravia just broke. Pityvotes?

  30. And my cornballs!

  31. You have my inability to ever get more than 30 upvotes even though I really like you guys and I try to be a regular commentator and my resignation to the fact that I will never attain the greatness of a Werttrew or Notsewfast.

  32. you can have my MDMA fuelled make-out session with my cousin. no seriously, take it.

  33. You have my Blu Ray player! Can I come over and watch these?

  34. You have my MAAAD Hat…..ter……….imnotgay .

  35. You my sword

    And you have my bow


  36. You have my one-year Sports Illustrated Kids subscription, which is something I “won” one time.

  37. You have my $135 CAD authentic Katana sword.

  38. You have my incessant whining, dirty looks and bad vibes.

  39. “you can have all the shit you want, but none of this matters.”

  40. You can have my Matthew Fox.

    But you can’t take my Josh Holloway.

  41. I don’t know what a fellowship is, but I would probably contribute a Lord Of The Rings Trilogy Blu Ray set.

  42. I think these movies are terrible and the books are terrible too.

    J.R.R. Tolkien? Too many initials. What kind of author has that many initials? A bad one.

    C.S. Lewis books are terrible too and he was friends with Tolkien. Tolkien asked to borrow some of his terribleness. “Thanks, I didn’t have enough for these rignwraiths. I’m mean, what am I talking about.”

    The Hobbit? More like “The Man Who Needed to Shave His Feet” starring Bam Magera.

    Peregrin Took? Should have won Top Art, but sucked as a Hobbit adventurer.

    Gollum is the only cool character and that’s because he looks kind of like me and you can sort of see his butt in the movies.

  43. You can have my Tyler Durden.

    “I am Frodo’s smirking revenge. “

  44. You have my axe as well. You could probably use two.

  45. You have my guild:

  46. “You have my stapler.”

  47. I say we just give it to Keanu to cheer him up. not only will he have that sweet blu-ray set, but he will be reassured knowing that no matter how bad of an actor he is, there is always Orlando Bloom.

  48. You have my actuarial prowess. I mean it. If you need an excel spreadsheet for the time value of money, come to THIS GUY.

  49. And you have my crumbs from the last of the Lemba’s bread, if you want to pick them off my cloak.

  50. Gabe,

    you can have my evening tuxedo,

    but I want to keep

  51. “you can have my two bookmarks… i have a kindle” – nerd

  52. You have my remote to skip to where we don’t need your swords, axes, and bows anymore. There, problem solved.

  53. you have my ability to give my girlfriend something i could otherwise not afford for her birthday. or i would have the ability to do that. or something. but she would have the blu-rays. (am i doing this right?)

  54. Scratch that. You can have my Chuck Norris pecs.

  55. you can have my

    but fair warning, he may never give me up…

  56. You have my tickets to the 2011 Gathering of the Juggalos. Which you totally want to attend, because it will be the last one ever, obviously.

  57. If I win, I’m going to sell the whole package on Ebay and use the procceds for a charitible cause. The Leave Facetaco Alone Coalition.

  58. You have my schadenfreude.

  59. You can have my hardcover first edition of The Fellowship of the Ring, in which I’ve highlighted passages and made improvement notes.

  60. you can have my elvish tattoo that brings my mother shame every time she sees it. Actually, I’d like to hang on to that. You can have my collection of LOTR themed bookmarks instead.

    • Not that cool Rohan leatherette one with the horse medallion on it! Which is totally not sitting in a book on my husband’s bedside table.

  61. Actually, on second thought, I don’t really want the Videogum prize, but can I have all the stuff the rest of you are giving away?

  62. You can have my skinny ties.

    (Why doesn’t anyone ever want my skinny ties?)

  63. “…And my Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle with a Compass in the Stock!”

  64. … And my giant eagle that will fly you right over Mount Doom, saving us all a lot of trouble and plot holes.

  65. You have my undivided…something

  66. You have my…no one is reading this far down the board. I suck!

  67. You have my HD-DVD Player

  68. You can have my One Ring that I bought for my nine year old son from the Noble Collection, gold plated over silver, which he wore without taking off while he grew and had to be cut off at the mall earring kiosk, which I’m pretty sure is what Sauron wants.

  69. You have my winking b-hole.

  70. You have my fun at dinner.

  71. What are Blu-rays? Whatever, I love Lord of the rings.

  72. You can have my uncanny ability to tolerate Steve Winwood!

    Yay for 5 minute photoshop skills!


  74. You can have my Swedish made penis enlarger pump…

  75. You have my job because apparently nobody else here has one*

    * – typed during lunch break

  76. “Dude, you have my Koran”
    ~Boromir the Boyfriend

  77. AND MY ABS.

  78. True story: when the ring wraith character says to the pretty blonde girl something about how he is magically protected and no “man” can kill him, and the girl’s all like “PSYCHE! I am NO MAN!” and takes off her helmet revealing her pretty blonde hair and then she kills it. I got emotional and teared up. Seriously, for reals. Even though I had read and hated the books. Good manipulative drama action.

  79. You have my Narnian Side Hug.

  80. “You have my Gossip Girl recap.” –Gabe

  81. “And my shaber!!!!!” – Sean Connery

  82. You have my manly manly girl-beard.

    Lord of the Rings lacked bees. This is what I have noticed.

  83. You have my LOTR fan fiction writing skills. (Psyche! I don’t write LOTR fan fiction. I’m too busy writing Harry Potter fan fiction).

  84. “You have my flaming Qur’an”- Religious zealot
    “Dude, you have no Qur’an”- Frodo

  85. You have my peacock, Argus.

    “This might sound crazy… but I think there’s a man inside of you…” – Gandalf to Frodo

  86. you have my loving embrace.

  87. You have my seemingly insignificant Master of Arts in Media Studies degree from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee.

  88. And you have my tums, and my tissues. Never more will a member of this fair Fellowship travel with hands unclean or stomachs upset. I have gum too but it really upsets the stomach sometimes so I wouldn’t recommend it too much.

  89. you can have…
    My Architect
    My Best Friend
    My Best Friend’s Girl *
    My Big Fat Independent Movie
    My Bloody Valentine
    My Boss’s Daughter
    My Date with Drew
    My Favorite Wife
    My First Mister
    My First War
    My Five Wives
    My Girl
    My Kid Could Paint That
    My Life in Ruins
    My Life Without Me
    My Mom’s New Boyfriend
    My Mother Likes Women
    My Mother, My Bride and I
    My Neighbors the Yamadas
    My Own Private Idaho
    My Sassy Girl
    My Sister Eileen
    My Sister’s Keeper
    My Son, My Son, What Have I Done

    …and my copies of these blu rays when an inevitable new special-er version comes out
    My Suicide
    My Summer of Love
    My Super Ex-Girlfriend
    My Winnipeg ~

  90. You have my post that’s 4 hours too late to have a shot.

  91. My wife! My daughter! My wife! My wife! My family!

  92. And you have my unused condoms, because there will definitely be a lot of times you’ll need them on this quest especially at the end of the quest. Jeez just bone already.

  93. …and a partridge in a peeear treeeeee!

  94. and my too late of a post to possibly win at this point

  95. I don’t have a blu-ray player whatever that is, so I’m just gonna throw some support up towards the top at Werttrew. I do love these special sets for some reason though. I bought a VHS collectors edition of Being John Malkovich purely for the Malkovich themed nesting dolls. I can only imagine the jealousy a New Zealand Jade Necklace would cause.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.