Country Strong trailer, you guys:

Haha. Look, whatever. I’m sure that when it comes time for Gwyneth Paltrow to disguise her fake English accent with an even faker southern accent that she hires the finest dialect coach that money can buy. Tracy Anderson is probably her dialect coach. Every day she wakes up, squeezes a grapefruit into her hair, and then spends the rest of the day at Tracy Anderson’s $10,000-a-month dialect gym. She probably got so comfortable in the role that she never even accidentally used the word “stone” when talking about someone’s weight (this movie does have a lot of conversations about weight, I bet). But the thing about these movies that is always the funniest is how dramatic and victorious they are acting about an incredibly famous and successful egomaniacal woman-who-looks-great-for-her-age-but-is-still-subject-as-are-we-all-to-the-passage-of-time’s rough patch. OH, I SURE HOPE THAT BELOVED MUSIC STAR WITH NICE CLOTHES AND HAIR AND A COMFORTABLE HOUSE AND LUXURY TOUR BUS CONTINUES TO BE FAMOUS AND DOESN’T GET OVERSHADOWED BY A YOUNGER WOMAN WHO ONE DAY WILL SHARE IN ALL THE SAME PRIVILEGES THAT SHE ENJOYS! I know that addiction is a serious disease, and I’m sure the public humiliation of being a celebrity who goes to rehab is extremely difficult, but also whoops these are all make believe characters so what am I even talking about, and you know what else is extremely difficult? Not being a fucking millionaire. Yuck.

Comments (44)
  1. Country Music

    Gwyneth Paltrow

    Fake accents

    It’s like the perfect storm of things I avoid. With any luck, I’ll have a month of missing time in January!

  2. ‘Don’t take someone out of lorry before the LORRY’ – UK release of Country Strong

  3. I WAS prepping myself TO DO some defending AGAINST KNEE-JERK reactions towards COUNTRY (seriously, listen TO SOME VAN ZANDT you fuckers and TELL ME he isn’t A DAMN master) and TO ARGUE THAT attempting to fulfill your dreams–REGARDLESS OF race–is A CONSTANTLY difficult, often DISAPPOINTING, and sometimes DESTRUCTIVE path and sometimes WE ALL have major life obstacles THAT BLOCK out any sense of PERSPECTIVE and force OURSELVES TO LOOK inward and push ONWARD.

    But then I WATCHED that trailer.

    HOLY.
    FUCK.
    That looks LIKE SOME goddamn horseshit. THAT’S A deal breaker.

  4. Dear Hollywood:
    Enough is enough. I cannot take any more co-opting of my Southern culture (despite popular opinion, this is a real thing). You always get it ALL WRONG. Along with the accents. Dear, sweet Lord, the accents. Give it up.
    Sincerely,
    Baby Friday
    Southerner-at-Large

  5. by the way, Faith Hill looks awful

  6. I give up, Hollywood.

  7. On the plus side: “Country Strong” feels like a good name for Best New Party Games so, uh, there’s that.

  8. I only made it through 54 seconds. Also, I find it hard to believe that while I couldn’t stomach a minute of this nonsense, GWYNETH PALTROW was able to film the entire movie without going into some bizarre (but very refined) white-woman-spaz-attack.

    • You really missed out on the moment at 1:12 where one of the characters actually tries to wrestle a bottle of vodka out of Paltrow’s hands. Very drama. Very what alcoholism is actually like.

  9. I for one look forward to the day when Casey Affleck makes a documentary about Gweneth’s attempt to become a rapper and join Uncle Jay’s posse. This film seems like the first step down that rocky path.

  10. Didn’t Gwenyth promise on GOOP that she was retiring from acting to raise an Apple farm, or something?

  11. If only wanting to watch movies about drunk millionaires is wrong, I probably want to be right (except in the case of “Arthur.” But not the sequel).

  12. “Don’t you DARE make me leighton, Meester!”

    That name is stupid.

  13. Also, does Gabe hate white culture? I think Gabe might have a deep-seated hatred for white culture.

  14. I’m sure that scene where the Gwyneth and the country kid are riding on an open boxcar train makes total sense within the context of the film because that is totally a thing that people do often in real life.

  15. what’s wron with the original title, All About Eve 2: Crazier Heart

  16. Even after I realized that it didn’t say “Betty White is Hard” I was still surprised when Betty White wasn’t in the clip.

    • It took me watching the video, reading the post, and making it to this comment before I realized it does not, in fact, say Betty White is Hard.

  17. “Screen Gems proudly presents…”

    Ha! No it doesn’t. Come on. No one is proud of this.

  18. Gabe only likes the movie Precious and that is it damnit. Why are you writing that script about a rich person. Stop stop stop Don’t make me slap the pen from your hand. There are poor people in this world you know. Like the people I photoshopped Don Drapers head in with.

  19. And the Oscar goes to Tim McGraw’s scalp for having the good sense to keep hidden throughout this atrocity.

  20. Did they just pull a “Free Willy” (gross-sorry) and reveal the whole movie in the trailer? I mean I know were not expecting a Michael Clayton-esque plot here but unless there is a firey tour bus crash it looks like everything works out for Gwen/whaterever-her-character’s-name-was-i’m-not-sitting-through-2:30-minute-trailer-again-to-find-out.

  21. I need a bigger shut the fuck up, Gwenyth Paltrow

  22. While I was watching this, my roommate started playing the Night Man song really loudly and it made this trailer 937598475 times better.

  23. Oh my achin’ ass….this movie makes me want to crawl under a southern rock.

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