Phil Davison Stark County Ohio“If you ask me, I think that both of the parties are corrupt and more interested in playing politics with each other than they are in making this country a better place for regular Americans like you and me. Now, what I’d like to see is someone who really speaks his mind. Someone with a fragile, broken, possibly diseased mind, really speaking it. Hopefully his face would get all red, and he would be screaming, and people wouldn’t know why he was screaming, because it wouldn’t seem like screaming was necessary, but that’s just it: he has to scream, because his brain is broken! That’s the kind of guy I’d like to send to Washington. Or, not Washington exactly, but the Stark County, Ohio, Treasurer’s office.” — You

While Phil Davison did not win the Republican nomination for Stark County, Ohio, Treasurer, he did win the bi-partisan nomination for Mayor of RELAX! Town. (Thanks for the tip, ohthehorrorofitall.)

Comments (58)
  1. I’m not sure I could vote for someone who gets his speaking tips from the episode of “The Office” where Dwight won Salesman of the Year.

  2. There seems to be somewhat of a disconnect between tone and content here.

  3. I’ve never been so scared of anyone telling me they had a Master’s Degree in Communication before.

  4. PICTURED: The mental capacity of a person who would vote for Phil Davison

  5. IT IS OPPORTUNE TO BE DIFFICULT.
    LET ME REPHRASE THAT.
    IT IS DIFFICULT TO BE AN OPPORTUNIST.

  6. “I’m going to repeat myself so we have clarity tonight!”

    Ummmmmm….

  7. I just wanted my candidate’s message to get out there, because he is also my boyfriend.

  8. Needs more cursing.

  9. I LIVE IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER

  10. Here is a big stick:

    Now please speak softly.

  11. Here’s how Phil dresses when he’s not at a big meeting:

  12. He is my least favorite server at the Stark County Shoney’s.

  13. I thought Steve Ballmer was still at Microsoft.

  14. This man sounds like Bill Murray. Angry Garfield?

  15. It’s a good thing Joe Swanson got his ability to walk back and decided to go into politics.

  16. For being his favorite quote in the history of the spoken word, it sure don’t come out of his mouth too good.

  17. The most amazing thing about this is that a majority of the people had the sense to not nominate him.

  18. Stop making fun you guys. Phil Davison suffers from voice immodulation disorder.

  19. WHEN YOU’RE LIVIN’ IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!!!!!!

  20. Tell your friends, tell your neighbors cuz I’m getting the nomination tonight.


    Now, Run and tell dat!

  21. I laughed out loud when he paused for 3-5 seconds then screamed that he had a masters in communication.

  22. How many fingers equals thirteen?

  23. I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE! I DRINK IT UP!

  24. Treasurer…if he gets stressed about getting nominated what will happen if the budget goes into the red? I vote most likely to go postal in the first year.

  25. Soo, here’s my idea: Basil Marceaux Dotcom, Phil Davison, Chris Young, Pamela Gorman and Alvin Greene are all in a big house in like Scottsdale or someplace and they all have to campaign for city comptroller. Each week, they have a new challenge, like “Come Up with a Campaign Slogan that mentions America, the troops, and at least two corporate sponsors” and at the end of each challenge, we convert the collective head-shaking of the viewers into cheap, clean energy and then someone uses the energy to burn Korans because everything is getting worse and more stupid. 
    © 2010 Patrick M Enterprises

  26. Treasurer of the Department of Dainty Enunciations of The Word “Political” over here.

  27. This is one of those times where I just saw this somewhere else and ran here to comment, knowing it would have to be up.

  28. PS – I was gonna say this guy reminded me of that Chris Farley sketch where he was the motivational speaker. Has anyone else mentioned that yet? I’m the first, right?

  29. “Tell your friends, tell your neighbors, tell Randy Gonzalez.”

  30. Whoever typed up his speech for the teleprompter left their CapsLock on.

  31. That’s my home state. For realz.

    “DRASTIC TIMES REQUIRE WHAT?!??!?!?!?! YES!!!!!! WHO SAID THAT?!?!?!?! DRASTIC MEASURES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

    Also, is he about to cry?

  32. It’s like a deleted scene from a Parks & Rec episode, if Parks & Rec was kind of terrifying sometimes.

  33. It’s not what you say, but how you yell it.

  34. I cannot believe that no one has said this yet.

    Look at what county this gentleman is running in, and realize:

    He’s gone STARK RAVING MAD.

  35. I’m utterly fascinated by the fact that he has SCRIPTED this rant. The whole concept of a rant is that a raving lunatic is letting the crazy spout from his mouth. This guy actually wrote it down first. Somehow that’s way more disturbing.

    Oh, and MASTERS IN COMMUNICATION!

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