WHOA! These motherflipping baby carrots are all up in your motherflipping grill, boys! Obviously, the whole point of these Crispin Porter + Bogusky + Draper & Price commercials, part of their $25 million campaign on behalf of America’s carrot industry, is to mock well-known advertising tropes, because as we know, pop culture is an ouroboros and it’s almost full. Nevertheless, I obviously support this campaign. Basically, I’m just waiting until our culture gets to a point where everything is an episode of Disney Blam!, at which point I can finally climb into that hole in the forest and let the dirt cover me for good. Not surprisingly, our culture is SO CLOSE to the point where everything is an episode of Disney Blam! So close. I should probably start walking out to the woods now.

Two more baby carrots ads after the jump that let you know that these baby carrots are NOT your daddy’s baby carrots. (Your daddy’s baby carrots were just regular carrots, because your daddy grew up in a world of ADULTS.):

“Baby carrots are da bomb!” — Your Mom (Via AdFreak.)

Comments (46)
  1. OPTION A: Feel bad for the rest of the day about the constant decline of popular media and the soul-sapping greed of odious advertising companies
    OPTION B: Post pictures of carrots that look like babies, and encourage other people to do the same

    You know it makes sense

  2. BRB, gonna buy five bags of baby carrots.

  3. There’s a horrifying episode of The Magic School Bus wherein Arnold turns orange from eating too many carrots.

    Kinda put me off the stuff.

  4. Eat them like junk food? So I put on some jogging bottoms, listen to Elliot Smith – ‘Needle In The Hay’, eat a whole bag of baby carrots, be sick on myself, while constantly weeping?

  5. Yiksers. It’s getting to the point where my dad’s decision to move to South Dakota and live in a yurt is less insane and more what I would do, if yurts had wifi.

  6. needs more skateboards.

  7. The “Indulge” one is disturbing–what with all the sexualization of the carrot, I can’t help but think of it as a tiny, orange penis. Yuck.

  8. You guys Know What a Culture is? Correct?
    And Do you Know Where you Grow a Culture?
    In a Medium, or in plural, Media.
    Basically – We gettin STRAIGHT PLAYED

    But Yeah, baby Carrots, Totally Love Em.
    Feckin Sad we gotta rebrand em so fatties eat em. Brawndo and President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho here we come.

    • That looks like Funfetti cake icing, which is junk food, and now we’ve come full circle. Plus, it’s making me really hungry.

    • if you don’t eat baby carrots… f*ck you!

    • Actually baby carrots are already just regular carrots rebranded for yuppies. Turns out Americans don’t like irregular shaped carrots, so the carrot industry takes all of those millions of pounds of deformed carrots, puts them through massive water sanders and whittles them down to ‘baby’ carrots. They’re actually really bad for the environment due to all the wasted energy and extra carbon involved in the process, and they end up being kind of bland versions of the original carrot. So there you go, turns out none of us are better than the fatties.

      • the amount of water used in food processing factories is unbelievable. it’s like being in a smellier, noisier water park.

  9. I didn’t know baby carrots are that extreme! How long until we got a Mountain Dew: Carrotsplosion flavor?

  10. Powerthirst did it better.

  11. That first video is actually a classified military video made available by WikiLeaks that shows the abuses of the Military Carrot Complex against indigenous Pterodactyls.

  12. Also, bullet time brought to you by 1999!

  13. Well technically I stole a baby carrot, but I left $43 in his crib, so I think I’m good.

  14. I already eat my baby carrots like junk food. It’s a little thing called “dipping them in a heated-up mixture of cream cheese and cheez whiz.”

    You could’ve saved yourselves lots of money, ad guys, by just filming me eating dinner alone on a typical Tuesday night.

  15. Here’s a sneak peek at the full-size carrot ads, guys

  16. we all know that baby carrots will never be more than a ranch delivery system.

  17. Have you seen the bath tub full of rach those kids are eating out of on the Hidden Valley commericals? SICK/DELICIOUS

    • this has also always bothered me – as well as the disgusting amount of ranch they pour on the salad at the end of the commercial

  18. Does this mean I can’t eat baby carrots anymore now that they’ve gone all mainstream? :(

  19. i just bought some baby carrots, but they were not extreme… just a sad, cold bag of frozen carrots. hand me a werthers, i’m getting old.

  20. how prescient the simpsons is…

  21. So I’ve only now begun watching Mad Men, and I lament that era’s advertising charm. I feel like if that show was set in present times it would be called Meh Men.

  22. Oh jeez you guys-
    I work in advertising.
    We edited the commercials that the second two baby carrots commercials are making fun of (Wrigley’s Cobalt/5 Gum, and Dove Indulgence).
    I’m emailing everyone.

    • How dare you! You helped Big Carrot take over sarcasm? Sarcasm is only for the Internet, hopefully spelled out with a JK or a LOL.

      Anyways #realtalk; my girlfriend used to draw Chester Cheetah on Ziploc bags full of baby carrots, when I used to work in a lumberyard in my early 20s, so I can’t really judge.

  23. I’m just impressed they used the apostrophe correctly.

  24. For Halloween this year, we’re handing out JUMBO-sized Baby Carrots.

  25. I don’t mind the ridiculous re-branding of healthy food. At least that money’s not going toward Cheetos!
    I just recorded a children’s song called “Carrots of Love.” Check it!!

    http://maximumfreshness.com/post/1082176680/carrots-of-love-i-made-this-song-with-the

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