Kathy Griffin made a video to both welcome you to her MySpace page and remind you that she is the worst.
I’ve said this before, but just so that there isn’t any confusion, Kathy Griffin is the worst because she’s a fucking liar. I personally don’t like her humor, but that one is up to you. We’re all unique snowflakes in God’s magical kingdom, and we can make up our own beautiful minds about what we laff at. But whether you think she’s funny or not, one thing is not subjective: the number of lies she tells. The most egregious of course is her contention that despite tons of money and a successful TV show, that she’s still struggling on the “D List.” More like the “Deese Nuts List,” RIGHT GUYS? But even in this seemingly benign video, such a liar! KATHY GRIFFIN KNOWS HOW MYSPACE WORKS. She’s one of the most self-promotional people on the planet. Kathy Griffin signed up for MySpace in the early ’80s when the internet was still a secret military program to allow commanders to communicate with full radio silence on the battle field because she thought just maybe those military commanders would want to check her out at Caroline’s that weekend. Also, I’m not a comedy professor who can hold Kathy Griffin back a joke semester, but there’s nothing worse than when ending a joke with “no, but seriously.” Kathy Griffin, please see me during office hours to talk about how you are the worst.
All of this is to remind you that our Please Don’t Make Me Meet Kathy Griffin Contest is still open. We’ve already received two entries (TWO ENTRIES!) but we anticipate that by the time this thing is done we will have received as many as three entries. (THREE ENTRIES!) Please consult the Official Rules.