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By now, you have probably heard about the incredible traffic jam occurring in China right now, but in case you haven’t, get ready to tear your face off just thinking about something. From NPR:
Bumper-to-bumper gridlock spanning for 60 miles (100 kilometers) with vehicles moving little more than a half-mile (one kilometer) a day at one point has improved since this weekend, said Zhang Minghai, director of Zhangjiakou city’s Traffic Management Bureau general office.
Some drivers have been stuck in the jam for five days, China Central Television reported Tuesday. But Zhang said he wasn’t sure when the situation along the Beijing-Zhangjiakou highway would return to normal.
Can you even imagine? What a fucking nightmare. And I don’t mean that in the casual, colloquial use of the term nightmare to mean “unpleasant thing that we all agree is unpleasant but that we also all recognize is ultimately reasonable and nothing more than a mild irritant and complaint-fodder for the day,” I mean nightmare like I can imagine falling asleep and having a dream about spending five days stuck in traffic and waking up and immediately making a doctor’s appointment for BRAIN MEDICINE because I’m drenched in sweat and my head fell off in the night. No more shellfish before bedtime, THAT’S FOR SURE. The point is: the world is expanding at a rate that the world itself cannot maintain, and the line between a civilization that laughs at 60-mile, five-day long traffic jams on the Internet vs a society that is currently stuck in an actual for real 60-mile, five day long traffic jam is razor thin. So we might as well find some happiness in this world wherever we can. For example, in dressing up chickens in tophats and coattails for the family calendar:
Your family better step its calendar game up. The Woodwards are making the Yous look the fool! (Thanks for the tip, Ben.)
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Somewhere, Thomas Friedman sighs longingly, dreaming of the efficiency of Chinese autocracy.
Alternate joke: A red phone rings, waking Michael Stipe from his slumber; he is needed in Zhangjiakou City.
Thanks Metacafe, that two faced cat was right up my alley (Barf)
The chikens gave me so happiness, but then Bing took away all of my happiness and left sad in its place.
Should I be more mad at Bing for thinking this makes all of the sense, or at Buzzfeed/GumWorks/Etc for their need to put food on their blogs?
Once I stop crying for all of the sad and sick cats in the world, I’ll tell you.
me too.
Wasn’t this [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gridlock_(Doctor_Who)]an episode of Doctor Who?[/url] Though, to be fair, in it they only used to dress up in Cat costumes.
Oops. I thought that’s how you embedded links here. I’ll go stand in the corner now, gently clucking to myself.
http://www.w3schools.com/html/html_links.asp
I do love it when Who comes true (and when I become Dr Seuss, something something deuce).
I can’t prove that this is a viral video for the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, but this is definitely a viral video for the Tonight Show with Jay Leno.
Dr. Sweetpea Von Hooters is amazing.
“Nice Rack Penny,” Dr. Sweetpea Von Hooters, aka Your Doctor
That chicken wants to be formal, but he’s here to party.
According to AP, it was caused by a firedrill that went awry
That is one dapper cock.
ATGSTTS?
This news reporter is way too straightlaced. No puns. No Benny Hill music. Nothin!
china needs some better public transportation!
Oh god, that traffic jam. How much of the gridlock is due to people saying “fuck it” and abandoning their cars and/or running out of gas and/or dying of dehydration and sleep deprivation.
I’ve been in 20 minute traffic jams and wanted to abandon my car.
One time while on a family nightmare vacation we were stuck in an infamous Ohio Construction traffic jam. I asked if I could get out of the car and just walk. My parents caught up to me an hour later.
Insert Asian driver joke.
Q. Why are Asian women such poor drivers.
A. Because being abandoned by your family makes you downvote hilarious, appropriate racism.
Also Topher State of Grace Jones deserved better.
Monsters, Indeed
“And I thought the DC beltway was bad!” – Jay Leno
That chicken in the dress at 0:37? I want to go Anastos on that chicken.
No pollo.
This is his “I can’t believe I actually called this one” expression.
It’s really bookgum up in here today.
Bookgum days are my favorite days. Because dork.
I just saw a group of protestors outside of a grocery store asking to have all eggs recalled. So it would make sense that these chickens will need to find a new line of work.
Come on, buddy! *HONK* I needed these eggs laid YESTERDAY! Literally!”
Whutinthe, Ah say whutinthe Sam Hill is goin’ on with these chicken suits?!
A year or two ago, I read a lengthy article about one man’s journey to return home after blizzards or something hit a large swath of China right before their New Year. It was absolutely terrifying. Since New Year is the biggest holiday and most people get off from work, the whole situation was pure carnage.
There was one point where he came upon a huge pile-up on a bridge and he got out of his car in order to try and aid those who were injured or stuck in their vehicles but more and more cars kept coming. The poor visibility combined with the ice meant that these new vehicles just kept crashing into those in front and the man had to chose between being crushed between cars or jumping off the bridge. He jumped. Luckily (?) because so many people jump off bridges in suicide attempts in China, there was a net. In the net were others who had to jump; they helped each other climb out and the man eventually made it home after several days.
Top Tip: never drive anywhere in China.
I’m just waiting for this traffic jam to turn into the classic scene from Weekend
“As long as you’re holding them and their feet ain’t touching the ground you can do anything you want to it.”
–Steve Winwood
They look delicious
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.clampettstudio.com/images/opc/nov2008/Chicken%2520Boo%252062462.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.clampettstudio.com/opc/nov2008/wb.htm&usg=__sgaH36Y7gmMTWzcztSoLjVp6nAE=&h=278&w=400&sz=258&hl=en&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=bmdOs6Vi9MNwdM:&tbnh=139&tbnw=180&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dchicken%2Bboo%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26safe%3Doff%26client%3Dsafari%26sa%3DX%26rls%3Den%26biw%3D1258%26bih%3D624%26tbs%3Disch:1&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=839&vpy=119&dur=802&hovh=187&hovw=269&tx=110&ty=54&ei=b9F1TOb0OoXuObjNyPAF&oei=b9F1TOb0OoXuObjNyPAF&esq=1&page=1&ndsp=18&ved=1t:429,r:4,s:0
Wears a disguise to look like human guys…
i love chickens