Photos
For the past couple of days, I have been at a rented vacation home with my family along the shores of one of America’s premiere lakes. I will tell you this much: being in a place where you can literally here the lapping of waves from the open windows, which are always open, because it is summertime and you are along the shore of one of America’s premiere lakes, REALLY helps to put the Internet into perspective. I’m a little worried about us, you guys. We spend too much time here. And it warps our perception of what is and what is not important. Oh well, don’t worry about it. Come Monday I’ll be right back where I belong: with my neural jack deep-socketed into the back of my neck, with my virtual reality googles bolted to my eyes, dripping sauce stains all down the front of my meme-based Threadless t-shirt. Don’t worry.
After the jump, the five Highest Rated comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated comment, the winner of this week’s Jay-Z Hugging Gwyneth Paltrow Caption Contest, and the Editor’s Choice:
This Week’s Highest Rated Comments
| #5 |  |
krasdale | Aug 18th | Score:116 |
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What? First Comic-Con, now a beach house? I’m beginning to think Gabe doesn’t love us anymore. “Hey guys, I’m going out for a pack of cigarettes. Be good to your blog” – Gabe |
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| Posted in: Hello, Inmates, Welcome To Your Asylum | |||
| #4 |  |
Hi There (face here) | Aug 16th | Score:121 |
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The London Symphony Orchestra came and played in my city and I put a rock through a cello, but to be fair Sir Colin Davis’ interpretation of Tchaikovsky was downright unsavory. So this could happen at any concert really. |
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| Posted in: Juggalos Throw Feces At Tila Tequila | |||
| #3 |  |
whoa! | Aug 18th | Score:137 |
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PRO TIP: Gabe, if you are truly going to a Lake House, just head to the mailbox and send some blog posts to today. Problem solved. |
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| Posted in: Hello, Inmates, Welcome To Your Asylum | |||
| #2 |  |
concert_addict | Aug 17th | Score:144 |
| Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Jay-Z Hugging Gwyneth Paltrow | |||
| #1 |  |
werttrew | Aug 17th | Score:192 |
| Posted in: VIDEOGUM DARE: Name A Movie That Looks Worse Than Love And Other Drugs | |||
[Ed. note: If you guys have not already, make sure to RSVP for the Videogum "Back to School" Comedy Show and Party. It will be so fun! It will be so FREE!]
This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment
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Steve Winwood | Aug 18th | Score:-48 |
| It’s like Anna Paquin is on the rag and she just let her pussy bleed all over those gay vampire douches | ||
| Posted in: Hello, Inmates, Welcome To Your Asylum | ||
[Ed. note: Gross, Steve Winwood. Welcome home.]
This Week’s Caption Contest Winner
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huckabeast | Aug 17th | Score:261 |
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And, just like that, Jay-Z has 100 problems. |
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| Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Jay-Z Hugging Gwyneth Paltrow | ||
[Ed. note: Congratulations, Huckabeast. You earned it!]
This Week’s Editor’s Choice
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GradStudentsAreTheWorst | Aug 17th | Score:6 | |
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I feel happy now. |
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| Posted in: Operation Watch This: Marcel The Shell With Shoes On | |||
[Ed. note: I know, right? That was a great video. Nice change of pace!]
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Hey guys, I posted this last week too, but it was kind of late, and I think I might have missed some of you. For you creative Monsters out there, we’re getting an Etsy Monster Team together, and I need to know who’s interested. If you have a shop on Etsy, shoot me an email at JCarlisle729@yahoo.com with the link, and I’ll add you for when I submit the team for creation this weekend. And if you don’t have a store on Etsy, make one. Contribute something to society!
Yay all my work paid off! Pasting Keanu onto an image finally earned me my first Monsters’ Ball placement.
I won! I haven’t been this happy since…
I gotta say huckabeast, and I don’t say this lightly, but that comment was the funniest thing I’ve read on this site. My co-workers were concerned I would would drop dead from laughing.
EXCUSE ME?!
Haha! Gabe Mad!
Awwww, you’re all catatonic with delight!
“I’m sick. But I don’t know why.”
After nap time my teacher said “Arts and crafts time!” so I made you a “Greatest comment in the history of the Internet” medal out of construction paper and macaroni only I can’t send it to you because you live in my computer and it doesn’t fit into my floppy disk drive.
P.S.: 261!!! That must actually be some kind of record.
261 puts it third all-time, second since the registered-commenters-only voting started. I’m working on a list of the top 10 most upvoted comments and the top five most downvoted comments that I’ll be posting soon.
Cool, man, hey I was going to ask you, do I have six or seven weeks as worst commentator? I lost track. I would have called but I can’t find your number
I haven’t updated for this week yet, but you’re at seven. http://werttrew.tumblr.com/post/270476062/complete-list-of-videogums-monsters-ball-commenters
I’m getting sick and tired of being hated on all the time here.
aw. I don’t hate you, I just think sometimes you say really gross things.
As someone who regularly upvotes Mr. Winwood, I believe really gross things can be funny. But this comment of Mr. Winwood was really really really gross and definitely over the line.
I can think of at least one surefire way to avoid that.
yeah it’s hard to believe euphemisms about menstruation didn’t go over better
Euphemisms?
Slammers?
Aww, Steve. You make me laugh even when you are saying gross things. Anyway, I thought you didn’t care what people thought?
That’s right, nightmare I was JUST KIDDING!!! PSYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYCHE!!!!!!!!
I should have known…The greatest trick Winwood ever played was convincing the monsters he had feelings.
The greatest scene in Usual Suspects is Steven Baldwin looking at the camera and saying “Oswald was a fag.” while pursing his lips and furrowing his brow in fake sexy bad boy sex face. This scene literally takes place in Usual Suspects.
I got your back, Stev-o! You can still be my huckleberry!
Well then maybe you shouldn’t post such disgusting things? Seriously, maybe take ten seconds before you hit “submit” and ask yourself: “Is this misogynist, a personal attack, unnecessary rudeness, or just plain gross?” And if the answer is “yes,” sometimes don’t post it.
That should cut down on some of your problems.
OR print it on a T-Shirt and make millions at next year’s gathering of the Juggalos.
T Shirts of Steve Can Be Pretty, even on my grotesque form.
I assume this must be the uniform for those Chicago monster meetings one hears so much about?
Woah woah woah… wait a minute … hold on a second here, time out, back up … beep beep beep (sound of a truck backing up). I did NOT authorize this violation of my right to publicity. Cease and desist from this copyright and trademark infringements now or you will find out what it’s like to get your ass trolled in federal court
There are Chicago meet-ups? Twilly wants to come. I love meeting strangers from the internet.
Kob – no not the uniform lol Mr. Chris Trash hooked it up as a gift at the Lolla Meetup.
And Twilly – SERIOUSLY? You’ve never been annoyed like your fellow monsters have? You’ve never seen me or chris trash or shellbomber or even Werttrew that time, publicizing and pimping our alcohol fueled good times?
YOU’VE NEVER SEEN THE DAVE DELAHAYE FAN PAGE?!?
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=105547626135055
So many questions come to mind, but the one that seems most pressing is CAN YOU COME TO LINCOLN KARAOKE TONIGHT?
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=111445705578024
It’s ok Steve, at least you are pretty.
Any one who says a woman’s period juice is “gross” is obviously a misogynist.
If you’re sick of being hated, stop being so goddamn hateful.
Steve: “SOmething Gross and/or annoying and/or hostile to other people!”
Monsters: “Downvote!”
Steve: “BOO I DON’T UNDERSTAND CAUSE AND EFFECT”
HA HA HA HA I was just joking, Napolean Complex. You Mad!
You produce a not overwhelming but pretty significant level of irritation in me that is akin to stepping in dog doo.
HA HA HA HA HA LOL!!!!!!!!!!
I thought all the commenting this week was particularly spirited and good. Also, I am thoroughly relieved that the Mosque at Ground Zero post has been bumped down below the fold.
What’s the matter now, racist? Need a more appropriate distance from the ground zero mosque post you liberal hypcrite?
Someone’s grouchy.
I think he’s finally accepted the fact that “Hey, What’s Up with Jessica Alba?” will not be happening.
Cheer up, Steve. It’s not so bad…
Sigh… that is a visual reminder of how I will never know true happiness
I’m just gonna say it: she’s not that hot.
She isn’t ugly. She isn’t blah. She is hot. She’s just not THAT hot you know? She has a pretty face and a good body, but I can think of many people that have a higher hotness quotient and I don’t see why they don’t also have millions of dollars and garbage movies? Like, I have friends that are hotter than her.
“I’d like to GET TO KNOW your friends then!” – Everyone
“Shut up. Just. Shush.” – Me
I actually agree with you, Napolean Complex. I have known many women who are far prettier but they are actual real persons unknown to various commentators throughout the lands. So we use celebrities as a point of common knowledge and association. I have no doubt that these so-called “friends” of yours would satisfy me deeply.
“They would satisfy me deeply,” says the man in the trenchcoat on the corner. His eyes bloodshot from years of furious pursual of what he needs, needs and can’t get.
“I’m calling the cops,” says the teenage girl. And runs.
Fin.
I don’t even know what you’re talking about, Steve. Have a great weekend! See you Monday!
Well, I hope you all have fun at the party. I guess I’ll sit over here in the Land of Enchantment… by myself… enjoying the cool, desert air.
These guys know what I’m talkin’ about.
I’m 505 too! I thought I was the only New Mexican Monster!
Hey! Go us! Green chile and huevos racheros shall be our comfort food as we miss out on Videogum parties and getting to live in NYC…
can we meet in the four corners!?!? I’ll bring carne asada and my ma’s salsa. AZ in the hizz-ouse. Ahem, sorry, house.
AZ in la casita?
That’s very true, except I’m more of a X-mas man, myself. Maybe someday we’ll have a big enough NM Monster community to meet up at the Frontier.
I love everything about that idea. Especially the Frontier part.
wwooooooaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.
that is only like two seconds from my less than spacious apartment.
OH SNAP! More New Mexicans! I mean I live in NYC now, but am from the 505 (currently 575 to my pleasure as several of my high school classmates got 505 tattoos).
sweet jesus i live in la burque as well!
I’m an almost NM monster! I’m from El Paso, but I could walk to New Mexico from my house with very little effort. I mean, I’m not going to, because it’s like 10:00 at night and the only people I know who live there are all dudes I used to be in love with, but if I WANTED TO, I could.
I quit my job today.
Congrats? Your avatar makes me think you are less than thrilled
that’s just the way my face looks
“unless you jumped down an airplane’s safety slide, or just pretended to do it with a slide show and hot girl, i don’t want to hear about it. its awful out there.”
-America
i need to remember to do that.
I think the highest praise that I can give krasdale’s comment (5th place) is that when I read it just now on Monster’s Ball, I instinctively went to upvote it again, until my brain caught up a second later and reminded me that I can’t do that anymore. Oh man, Gabe, I think you are losing track of what is really important here (krasdale’s awesome comment, duh).
Would this “premiere lake” happen to be Lake Michigan? If so, lucky you! I was camping on the beach there a few weeks ago and it was GLORIOUS.
hey gabe, give a pelican a hug while you’re out at the beach. they’ve had a tough summer. i’m gunna have some friends from upstate over to eat salad.
I felt that my “Sad Keanu at the Gathering” picture should have performed better this week, but oh well. I’m not going to be as active a commenter once school starts next week, so everybody spare a kind thought for me every now and then.
I read that as “Sad Keanu: the gathering” and then I thought, THIS CARD GAME WILL MAKE US ALL RICH.
P.S.: Aw damnit, why’d you have to remind me that school starts next week.
Have fun in third grade, “Godsauce” [snide guffaw]. Am I right everybody? LOL!!!
Requiem for Godsauce, all the way. I’m a fan. Good luck in escuela, amigo.
“I’m a little worried about us, you guys. We spend too much time here.” –Gabe
“And let it be known far and wide that when I return tomorrow morning, I expect to see two billion comments on this thread. TWO BILLION. Make it so.” –Gabe
Now I don’t know what to do.
“I hate that Benjamin Button movie.” – Gabe
“I think LOST is a terrific show.” – also Gabe
Verdict: Hypocrite.
Case closed.
Amen.
Sleep tight.
“I’m getting sick and tired of being hated on all the time here.” – Steve
“Verdict: Hypocrite.” – also Steve
I’m just trying to help you out here, friend.
I don’t get it
Look who spelled hypocrite correctly THIS TIME!
It must be due to the distance from the post about the distance from the Mosque post.
Look who is an insane asshole spelling nazi. “Oh you spelled a word correctly for once and I’m little Ms. Perfect panties with perfect nipples for you to twist as I seig heil blah blah” shut up
PSYCHE!
I think Gabe might be right. I met someone yesterday who mentioned going to Comic-Con, and I said, “Oh, my friend went to that.” Before I could stop myself, I was complaining about the lines my internet-friend Gabe had to wait in. Soon, I’ll be setting up imaginary play dates for my dog and Birdie.
I think I need a vacation from my problems (internet addiction/unemployment), What-About-Bob-style. Are you at Lake Winnipesaukee by any chance, Gabe?
I think he’s at stalker lake. That’s ten minutes north of Facebook Terrace.
Is that in New Hampshire? I’m on the trail.
This was my first time in the top 5, which I was excited about until I tried explaining it to my brother:
“Yeah it’s this internet commenting thing, see like every week 5 people are chosen, so its not like permanent or anything and actually there’s a pretty healthy rotation in and out of the top 5, but anyways I didn’t win it but did get 4th soo…… well no its not actually a big deal in my life necessarily i just thought it was fun… yeah I know you were district champion in high school, but thats not even the point here…”
if i were you, i would announce it from every internet outlet available.
And while you’re busy announcing that be sure to also announce that you have still not won a Videogum EGOT* but I have, and not only that but I was also … wait for it… FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!
* I don’t even know what that is
I totally can relate to what you are saying. Ironically, WE care, even though we ARE your fellow internet Monsters.
Oh wow! I’ve made it into the Monster’s Ball! Thank you!
I think I’ll celebrate by going outside. And by ‘outside’ I mean ‘watch re-runs of The Dog Whisperer’.
Dude, Wife Swap is on.
He’s clearly at Lake George.
This, everyone.
http://www.villagevoice.com/slideshow/juggalette-cuties-30844161/
Ok, throwing out number one cause that’s clearly the lie to get you in the door, if you had to…
6 Never!
8, oh god no!
9 is Lohan…
I have to give this the consideration it deserves. Back soon.
15 takes the lead
I just made it to 60. *wipes brow* 60, whew.
http://www.villagevoice.com/slideshow/naked-juggalettes-nsfw-30847080/4/
Brittney Spears?
Ok, fuck this.
http://www.villagevoice.com/slideshow/naked-juggalettes-nsfw-30847080/19/
Kill it with Fire!
Looking at all that was a major boost for my self esteem.
I Know, Right?
I feel better about my breasts now than I ever have
You might want to correct the ‘here’ here to ‘hear’:
“you can literally here the lapping of waves…”
hello babies! who wants to tell me all the new in jokes? i cannot possibly read 3 1/2 weeks of vgum backlog and suss out all the funnies. make it easy for me. let me cheat. i’m in grad school now, i hear that cheating is expected.
The main thing to know is that the juggalos really let us down by not living up the high standards of human decency and sanitation that we’d come to expect from them.
All the rest has just been variations on “That’s racist” and “She’s pretty.”
Oh, and there is a new chatroom because the old chatroom got hacked.
Yep, http://tinychat.com/videogum
It’s got videochat capabilities but it’s not vid-chat only. We’ll be in there during Mad Men tonight, incidentally.
Like Gabe I was on vacation all week and just got home to check my email and videogum and whatnot. It was awesome to see that the tip I sent in about boomer the dog was put on display up in this, but like standard bushleague nick madsonesque behaviior I was not credited. Yeah Im over-reacting and yeah life is more than the internet or whatever but fuck this. I want my bone.
I don’t know whose is that, but if you have any knowledge about that, so please give me some suggestion about this, because i am so excited to know this, thanks for sharing this nice info.
http://acaiadvancedcleanse.org
Holy crap guys, I made it! I made it to the Monster’s ball. This is, at least during the hours of 9-5, Monday through Friday, my dream come true.
you ain;t true to yourself, you ain’t really living