As someone is bound to tell you at any decent funeral, life is for the living. And so, this morning, I am on an airplane. And this afternoon I will be in a car. And this evening I will be in a house by a grand and beautiful lake, spending some time with my birth family. Tomorrow and Thursday we will be back to normal, sort of, although one might be sympathetic to the fact that when I am at a beach house, I am far more interested in the actual for real flesh and blood (ew) beach than I am in the Internet’s infinite JPEGS and other FAKE and GAY simulacrum of beaches. ANYHOW: for today, you be the blog. There’s certainly plenty to talk about. For example, the trailer for the new Darren Aronofsky movie, Black Swan, starring Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis. Finally, The Wrestler 4 ladiez! Or: did you know that the Cartoon Network is debuting a Mad Magazine cartoon show this fall? Does “Spy Vs. Spy” really have a place in the post-9/11 cultural landscape? DISCUSS! Meanwhile, this is barf and this is cute. The point is, there is plenty to be shared and turned upside down. Lord knows, no matter how hard you guys work while I am away, we will still be no closer to understanding what it all MEANS. But I urge you to try! Please post interesting links, jokes, thoughts, critiques, and cetra in the comments. We have nothing if we do not have each other. And let it be known far and wide that when I return tomorrow morning, I expect to see two billion comments on this thread. TWO BILLION. Make it so.
















Oooh! Ooh! I am on a joke e-mail list that I never actually read but don’t dare unsubscribe from! I have particularly unfunny jokes to share! Here’s today’s:
Why did the blonde nurse carry a red magic marker at work? In case she had to draw blood!
Haw, haw! Get it?!
I LOL’d.
One my dad sent me today, even though he’s literally down the hall from me as I type this:
A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his 50th birthday, so during this party he grabs the microphone and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. ‘I will give anything they desire of mine, to the man who swims across that pool.’
So the party continues with no events in the pool, until suddenly, there is a great splash and all the guests of the
party run to the pool to see what has happened.
In the pool is a man and he is swimming as hard as he can, and the fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going and the sharks are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and he gets out of the pool, tired and soaked.
The millionaire grabs the microphone and says, ‘I am a man of my word, anything of mine I will give, my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?’ the millionaire asks.
The guy grabs the microphone and says, ‘Why don’t we start with the name of the jerk that pushed me in!’
Even worse is that I typed “corny jokes” into google to find one to send back and found that one he sent me almost immediately.
This guy walks into an empty bar, just him and the bartender, and orders a drink.
The bartender gets him for him, and walks back to wash glasses.
A few minutes later the guy hears a voice, “I really like your haircut”. The guy looks around, but doesn’t see anyone.
A few minutes after that he hears “That’s a great tie you’re wearing. You’ll go places looking like that”.
He spins around 360 degree, and it is just him and the bartender in the place.
So, he yells at the bartender “Did you say anything to me?”, the bartender says “No. Why?”
The guy says “Well, first I heard somebody say they liked my hair, and then they said they liked my tie” and then the bartender says “Oh, that’s the peanuts in the bowl next to you”.
The guy says,”The peanuts in the bowl said it?” and the bartender says “Yeah, they’re complimentary”
A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, “Hey, don’t you start anything.”
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks down at him and says, “You know, we have a drink named after you”. The grasshopper looks up excitedly and exclaims, “YOU GUYS HAVE A DRINK NAMED FRANK?!?!!”
thank you thank you.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says “Hey, why the long face?”
CLASSIC
your avatar walks into a bar. everyone leaves that bar.
prances into the bar, you mean
Hilary Swank (or SJP, depending on your horse face preference) walks into a bar and the bartender says. “Hey, why the long face?”
Tori Spelling also walked into that bar.
Ric Ocasek doesn’t go to bars.
bacon and eggs walk into a bar and the bartender says “i’m sorry, we don’t serve breakfast here”
I love complimentary puns.
It’s nearly impossible to keep Great White Sharks alive in captivity, only the Monterey Bay Aquarium has ever done it. Therefore, this joke is wrong!
I’m glad that the joke clarifies at the outset that the millionaire is in fact rich.
A New York stock broker by the name of Jerry gets tired of the hustle and bustle of the city and decides to move to the Australian outback where he can be alone in peace and quiet. A year goes by and Jerry begins to get a bit lonely, longing for some kind of human interaction. Fortunately, it is not long before he sees a car approaching his house. The car pulls up to the front, and a man gets out, walks up to the front door and rings the bell. Jerry opens the door and the man says in a thick Australian accent:
“G’day. I’m Nick. I’m your neighbor, just 20 miles that way.” Nick points due west.
“Oh, hi Nick. I’m Jerry. I moved from New York about a year ago.”
“Well, good to meet you, mate. Listen, I’m having a bit of a party tonight, thought you might like to come.”
“Love to,” Jerry says.
“Bonzer!” Nick replies. He starts to leave, but stops and turns around. “Oh, I should tell you, they’ll probably be a good bit of drinking.
No stranger to booze, Jerry says, “Oh, that’ll be fine.”
Nick pauses again. “And maybe a fight or two.”
“Well, like I said, I’m from New York, so I think I’ll be able to handle myself.”
“Fantastic,” Nick exclaims. “Oh, and one last thing. I can almost guarantee that they’ll be some pretty wild sex going on.”
Having not slept with a woman since New York, Jerry is elated. He laughs, “I think I can handle that.”
“Great! See you tonight then.”
As Nick is getting back in his car, Jerry calls out, “How many people do you think will be there?”
“Don’t worry about it, Jerry. Just the two of us!”
FAKE and GAY … In Australia we call miles “lorries”.
Every time i read a comment of yours, I get Son of a Preacherman stuck in my head. Except I change ‘Preacherman’ to ‘Teacherman’.
TOTALLY INTERESTING STORY OF MINE, RIGHT?
Me too!! I think I even posted a comment once that said as much, and it was equally interesting.
Great mindz, lilbobbytales.
Plagiarist commentate.
Preacher, teacher; tomato, tomahto
So this guy walks into the doctor’s office, he says “I’m a wigwam, I’m a teepee, I’m a wigwam, I’m a teepee,” and the Doctor says “relax you’re two/too tents/tense.”
that joke doesn’t really work written out because its all about the sound of those words.
That was my dad’s favorite joke to tell us when we were kids, and we didn’t even know what wigwams were.
My mom’s favorite joke (and, honestly, probably the only joke she knows) is:
What’d the monkey say when the train ran over its tail?
“Won’t be long now!”
Or “AHHHH, that is a part of my body that I can FEEL. I am in incredible PAIN and SUFFERING”.
My mom said it was an allegory for how people will try to fuck you over in life.
Q. How do architects keep monkeys from climbing on their buildings?
A. With precise de-tailing!
(ouch, poor monkeys)
upvotes for the adorable puppy
Why aren’t there any monkeys on the moon?
Because there’s no bananas!
My absolute favourite joke as a kid. Apparently it’s not quite as cute when I tell it now.
Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buffalo_buffalo_Buffalo_buffalo_buffalo_buffalo_Buffalo_buffalo
these are fun!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_linguistic_example_sentences
Mind=Blown
Thank you.
My favorite one of these I got from the novel, “Then We Came to the End.” Which is a very enjoyable book about advertising “creatives.”
“Creative creatives creating creative creative.”
I bet the monsters could come up with an incredible thread of interesting wikipedia links. Here’s my contribution: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hardest_Logic_Puzzle_Ever
I want to upvote you for the rest of time.
Shut up, just shut up… you had me at ‘buffalo’
Something something famous French painter goes into a tailor’s shop. Tailor says: “Too tight, Toulouse?”
Famous Greek playwright goes in to get a tear in his pants fixed.
The tailor recognizes him, and says, “Euripedes?”
And the playwright says, “Yeah, you mend a these?”
My dad’s favorite joke was told every time he went across a railroad crossing:
Dad: A train just went by!
Passenger: How do you know?
Dad: It left its tracks!
This happened with alarming regularity, since Dad is a behind-the-wheel instructor and pretty much everyone I know, including me, learned to drive with him in the car. Fun.
This women walks into a grocery and picks up cucumbers, bananas, and carrots.
She walks up to the check out counter and the cashier says to her “you’re single aren’t you?”
The women responds ” how did you guess?”
The Cashier responds “because you are ugly”.
A guy at a newsstand goes to pay for a stack of 10 porno magazines.
The cashier says, “just another night for a bachelor, right?”
The guy says, “no, I’m married.”
I’m here all week, guys.

Q: What did the snail say as it was riding on the back of a turtle?
A: Wheeeeee!
awwww this somehow reminds me of Marcel.
My dog Minton ate two shuttlecocks yesterday.
“Bad Minton!”
“BEEEEAAAAAANS!” –Vegetarian Zombie
Beans Baxter. Remember that program? On FOX around the same time as that terrible Werewolf tv series.
Totally. Afterschool cold war propaganda.
You’re aces Winwood.
“GRAAAAAINS” – another vegetarian zombie
You made the joke funny!
I hate it when people do that.
This just makes me think of ‘Beans’ the rotund, scantily-clad hipster that does strange dances: http://www.latfh.com/search/beans
A whale walks into a bar and the bartender hands him some fish. The bartender asks, “how do you like your fish, whale?” The whale says, “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOO” The lady at the next table says, “I’ll have what she’s having.”
hee hee hee
This joke is way funner to tell because you get to make a whale sound…
Whoop

Ya Got Me
HA ha ha she broke her neck!” – America funniest home video audience member
That’s what ya get for wearing a bandana
It’s also probably funny when you can read the whole joke. Woops
A limo pulls up to a bar and a whale dressed up in a tux walks out of it. He walks up to the bar and the bartender says “I’m sorry but we don’t serve whale here. There was a sign on the door on your way in, there is even one in the bathroom if you made it that far. I’m sorry for the inconvenience.” The whale looks at the bartender confused and watery eyed. Finally the bartender says “you know what, I can see this is a special night for you. You came in a limo, you’re all dressed to the nines. Tonight, I’ll make an exception. What’ll you have?” And the whale says “OOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEE….”
Whales can’t talk silly…
I read about this guy who had the entire left side of his body basically torn off in an accident. He’s all right now.
Did you hear about the antenna wedding?
The ceremony was okay, but the reception was great!
(This works better spoken than typed, but fuck it.)
Q: What do you call the protuberance in the middle of a Dr. Seuss character’s face?
A: Who knows?!?
The Dalai Lama walks up to a hotdog vendor and says, “make me one with everything.”
Maybe it’s all the lack of needed drugs in my system but none of this article made any sense to me.
But I am just one commenter, how can I make a difference?
You just did!
How much can one upvote really matter?
…and then, the old man saw that Jesus had been carrying the boy on the beach picking up the starfish the whole time!
And then Chris Hansen showed up and had Jesus arrested.
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand on it’s own?
Because it was too tired!
It works on so many levels!
Turned out it just needed to get some air. After that it stood on its own just fine.
Looks like you SPOKE too soon.
I can’t stand it….he he
I can post links, but interesting links? You ask too much!
I’m frantically sifting through my YouTube favourites wondering if anyone else will enjoy 80′s commercials from the Soviet Union as much as I do.
Aw, what the heck.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTpfR_Ec9pA&playnext=1&videos=e_zrS4ImaaQ
My favorite part is the guys in suits. It’s like “Soviet Suits: Now with pockets!”
Oh, man. The guys in suits are the reason the Internet needs to exist.
The part with the light dimmer was buck wild! If I was high and watched that it would’ve broken my mind in half. When crazy lights jump across the screen, the words pop out of the screen, the woman watches HERSELF advertising the product?
In Soviet Russia, lamp lights you!
just kidding guys, I hate those jokes.
Yes, yes, a thousand times yes
THIS TOOK FOREVER!!! MY FIRST GIF!
What the what? What is going on with gifsoup.com?
Entourage.
Oh, is anyone else going to see Black Swan? I have a feeling I totally am.
The trailer didn’t give the whole movie away per usual, so I think I’ll see it. Unless Jackson says it’s awful. Or crazy good. Actually, if Jackson is indifferent to Black Swan, then I will know it is a movie worth seeing.
I am going to pre order it on blue ray. Natalie Portman? Check. Mila Kunis? Check. Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis kissing? DOUBLE RAINBOW!!!!!!!!!
Black Swan kinda looks like Single White Female. Except with lots of camel toe. HOT camel toe!
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I think you deflected all my downvotes, Steve.
Vincent Cassels is there and Natalie Portman is there and Mila Kunis is there. Which means I am going to spend time lusting after Vincent Cassels (don’t you mock my taste in men) and wondering how the hell Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis are so damned pretty.
This couldn’t have came at a better time as I’m planning on watching Marcel The Shell Will Shoes on a loop for a good 3 or 4 days.
Have a nice make-up weekend with Gwyneth.
*With Shoes.
Ugh, I just now I’ve made a typo I feel I have to address the fact that Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis kiss in the Black Swan trailer, and although the film looks brilliant the kiss is all I can think about. I AM BASICALLY STEVE WINWOOD.
I haven’t seen it yet, does Natalie Portman use her giant mutant mouth to swallow Mila Kunis whole?
Leave my fiance out of this!
No she gets Vincent Cassel to wear headphones and listen to Sunset Rubdown and goes; ‘do you think Black Swan is as good as Stadiums and Shrines II?! Either way, this band will change your life.’ Vincent Cassel then gets excited about ballet and maybe/hopefully steals a diamond?
What? First Comic-Con, now a beach house? I’m beginning to think Gabe doesn’t love us anymore.
“Hey guys, I’m going out for a pack of cigarettes. Be good to your blog” – Gabe
“Be good to your blog” slays me.
Double rainbow all the way.
Gabe is my Web Technologies (wtf university courses and who gets paid for this shit?!) lecturer?
Its pouring outside and my life is in ruins, now how am I supposed to keep my mind idle all day? Can I get a pity Birdie video at least?
I could Birdie-sit! I once owned a tarantula that mangled itself to death between rocks while shedding its skin, fish that succumbed to flesh-eating bacteria, finches that committed ritual suicide, and a chameleon that died of heat shock so I think I’m more than qualified to have a go at a dog.
“Barf,” is indeed a fair assessment of Rolling Stone’s True Blood cover, Gabe.
Question is, is it more barf or less barf than this one?
Oh, barf. You are truly underrated as an adjective.
Wow, somebody really hates Phish.
Ooh, that Phish. Their crunchy grooves make me so mad…
They’re hot.
The word you are looking for is “pretty”
Damn…. you’re right.
Their Sweaty Complexion and Fascination with ice cream indicate ‘HOT’ is the correct descriptor.
I am not a fan of sharing dairy…
Me neither. I saw them open for Tripping Daisy and Letters to Cleo once. Totally blew.
PRO TIP: Gabe, if you are truly going to a Lake House, just head to the mailbox and send some blog posts to today. Problem solved.
I hope he remembered to pack his turtleneck.
I hope he remembered to eat his clowns for breakfast.
I hope he remembers to watch out for that bus!
I still have no idea what the heck that movie is about.
It’s better that way.
It is mostly about turtlenecks.
Wait, is it a Lake House or a Beach House? I know lakes can have beaches, but a house near a lake-beach is still a Lake House. Is this house by the water where the mountains meet the sea? Enjoy your time with the elves, or at least with the elfman.
I am the Elfman. Woooo!
I dunno, let’s ask the man. Gabe, beach house or lake house?
I’m going beach house.
YAY
Jenna Elfman?
I love this comment and I’m going to buy it chocolates on Valentine’s Day (starring Topher Grace).
This is my new favorite thing in the internets:
What American English sounds like to non-English speakers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZXcRqFmFa8
that song fucking rocks.
I’m stealing that song and making real words for it
Damn, American English sounds awesome!
Edward James Almost, amiright?
How has that beat not been sampled by anyone yet? Awesome.
Cocteau Twins made a career of sampling these lyrics.
Best. Song. Ever.
You, my friend, have a new place in my <3.
it you watch it right, he claps in time with the song. what does it mean?
We have all your upvotes, youtube.
From my experience, all teaching in Kentucky is done in a non-sense, semi-language while thrusting a crotch at the students. It’s in the Kentucky Education Refom Act.
I thought it would be the Crotches Organized to Celebrate Kentuckians, or C.O.C.K., if you will.
I love this because it’s more or less what I must have sounded like as a kid, sitting in the back of my parents car, trying to sing along to songs on the Golden Oldies station, not even realizing I didn’t know the actual words.
Poke something!
Prisencolinensinainciusol!
I’m genuinely excited to see that new Aronofsky. Natalie Portman is sufficiently pretty, the premise seems appropriately creepy, and adverbs can become really annoying.
I will see it too! I think it looks quite good, and the title reminds me of Thom Yorke, which is good.
Absolutely.
Wasn’t Black Swan used during the closing title sequence in a movie?
Starring Sad Keanu! Even sadder in rotoscope.
“Analyse” was during the end of The Prestige, I know that. I think “Black Swan” might have been used in A Scanner Darkly.
He’s so sad.
This Little Kid is My shit, anyone that likes drum and bass (or lorry cars with the kids in the drivers seat)
Peep This
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRUS5VfkJls&feature=player_embedded
http://www.youtube.com/user/orbojunglist
DnB’s got to be bad for a developing brain.
Here’s a headbanging baby. He is asleep and wakes up to rock out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6pYtxD92SpY&feature=player_embedded
Okay, Gabe … how’d you ever miss this one?
http://therecshow.com/star-trek-fans-are-fucking-retards/
I’ve seriously always hated Star Trek and their fans, but this just really takes the cake.
Trekkies are a bit obnoxious, but that guy is just an asshole
I scored 80%.
http://mentalfloss.com/quiz/quiz.php?q=623
you kick my ass at Oregon Trail knowledge. I salute you.
That was fun! I got a 70%.
I got -10%. How’d that happen?
60%. I thought for sure that Broderbund made that game. Unless I’m thinking of every single other game that was installed on my middle school’s computers.
50%. Which is pretty good considering that everyone in my party all got sick and died within about ten minutes.
I got disentery.
I got 100% but I could only carry 30% back to the wagon.
If you’re prone to liking ambient music or just willing to get your mind blown bu J-Biebz:
http://gawker.com/5614579/how-to-make-justin-bieber-sound-incredible-slow-him-down-800-percent?skyline=true&s=i
23467826387364587346583745341231238!!!!!!!!!! HOLY SHIT
Whoops I just listened to that whole thing and now it’s on my iPod.
I voted Fang-tastic!
Some funny* Gathering of the Juggalos photos:
http://www.thedailyswarm.com/swarm/exclusive-scenes-gathering/
*sad
Makes me want to watch this show less? Also, I want to shower in bleach?
Why does Blood look like Chocolate Sauce on this Show?
That is neither blood nor chocolate sauce.
?
Molasses?
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
It’s like all you know about female anatomy you learned from weird Japanese anime.
that’s a great elvis costello record.
Okay, type type type…subscription canceled.
fixed it.
A thousand times upvote…
Better Fixd

WHOOPS

(Literally) fake and gay.
TRIPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!
goddammit. today is just not my day. this is the original image:
You need to fox with TinyPic, like a pro

What in the world is Floyd doing up there? Things in Cleveland have taken an interesting turn…
thanks, mans.
A million comments isn’t cool. You know what is cool? A BILLION comments.
Let’s upvote them in FEDERAL COURT.
your best friend is suing you for 600 million upvotes
As for the charges, I believe I deserve some upvotes from this board
I can’t wait to stand over your shoulder and watch you push the thumbs up
I think we need Judge Judy.
Holy shit, you guys, Claire’s bone baby is going up for auction. Who’s in???
http://www.profilesinhistory.com/items/season-6/claires-squirrel-baby.html
I have 15 dollars for the cause!
I think they only take take “Dharma bucks”*
*Absurd plot twists and unneeded characters.
I believe they called in the “squirrel baby.”
*pushes up glasses*
I will chip in $20. Gabe can keep it at his house in a bassinet just like any normal person would.
Apropos of Nothing

Aww, i wanted to see what you was postin….
rad gif
I’m seriously tearing up over this laughing so hard…i wish i could upvote it but the thumb is pushed off the page by hilarious penis man
I think if everyone took the time to look at this it would have a million upvotes. Still laughing.
Here’s more apropos of nothing:

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Guys, don’t forget about the new chat, too. http://tinychat.com/videogum
Videochat is optional.
I recently went on vid-cam, and I’m not afraid to let you guys see what I really look like!

Its true, He’s Pretty.
Oh, hey!

Sigh… Ellen Page gif… WHAT DOES IT MEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAN?????
It means hide your kids from Steve Winwood.
ELLEN PAGE IS AN ADULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sigh… Jessica Alba gif… what does it meeeeeeannn?
sigh….
I’m only going on if Silas, Guardian of the Forest is there to gay chat. (only some people will get this)
Oh Silas. I’ve been watching out for wemons all day.
Scott Stapp’s theme song for the Florida Marlins is REAL and it is HILARIOUS.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdEqQpm9Gus
That is phenomenal.
FUCK YES! Go Eagles -er, Marlins! Soar!
This MMA Fighter seems to have a leg up on the juggalos. He at least has a basic understanding of how Quantum Physics Works.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCNTzSLyazI&feature=player_embedded
Oh man, I’m pretty excited I get to drop this link. I still laugh when I listen to this.
http://www.myspace.com/peytonjenkins
This is the myspace of a musician named peyton jenkins, a kid out of orlando. go to the second song, “The Hardest Conversation”. It is still one of my favorite things on the internet.
That was pretty bad. I mean, he’s competent at guitar, but his singing brings to mind sick goats.
Sounds like early Conor Oberst.
Conor Oberst? UNSUBSCRIBE!!!!!!!!!
oh man, its all in the lyrics, that’s where it’s timeless. “I see you walkin down that road, that lonely road that you have walked… Slowly slipping into addiction, my god that is so o non-fiction!”
I couldnt hear past the bleating to focus on actual words
YOU THINK THAT IS BAD?
Listen to “Koala Bear” the second song here: http://www.stevemazza.com/#/music-donate/
This song was the inspiration for my handle, no lie!
That cute video is child abuse… speaking of abuse. Check out these pictures from gathering of the Juggalos.
http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/50059165.html
Adult content? Are you trying to trick me into juggalo boobs, jwormyk?
I will confirm this link contains pictures of both juggaLO and juggaLETTE boobs. I will also confirm jwormyk’s claims of abuse.
Come on wwwest. You’re from West Virginia. You have seen worse at a 2:00 am Super Walmart parking lot party.
http://feedingobjects.com/
This is a weird site where people feed food to inanimate objects.
rad link
if that’s not a sign that the end is coming, i don’t know what is.
How about swelling music and a slow fade to black?
I read The Black Swan and this is not how I remember it.
Where is the discussion of the economics of the financial collapse and the role of fat-tailed distributions in social processes? Hollywood’s always screwing everything up.
I’d rather watch Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis kiss. Do you think that scene will last 90% of the movie? THAT’S WHAT I’M HOPING!!!!!!!
that certainly would have improved the book
LOL cakes for everybody, nice work, “tizzdog”
And it’s illustrated…

That sound you just heard is the sonic boom of my skull imploding
Brilliant. Beyond brilliant.
Barkeep! A round of lols for all my friends.
I’m sure most of you have seen this by now. But it’s certainly worth seeing if you haven’t:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/bfeld/justin-bieber-slowed-down-800
From Another Green World 2.0
Biebur Ros
I want to like this because you can sort of appreciate the purity of the instruments. However, around the 20:14 mark you can clearly see that the song would benefit from a key change and a slow progression into a 9/8 tempo. If Bieber had done that I could listen to that re-imagining for at least 50 minutes. So you know whatever.
In case you guys are wondering why Gabe is always so cranky, it’s because he recently had a very bad trip to New Jersey.
http://jalopnik.com/5596909/gabe-is-having-a-really-bad-day
Cue that stupid song from ten years ago: “So you had a bad day / a neener neener neener…” I dont know the lyrics, I just know that first part of the You Had a Bad Day song.
And here we thought you had photographic memory.
hey, friend what’s with the pissy attitude?
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I’m starting to wonder if Steve is trolling himself… *universe begins collapsing on itself*
I’m not. The “eric clapton” development is as lame and boring as the twitter impersonator development. Not my thing.
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How did you know “love pillow” was the pet name I gave your mother?
AW SNAP! I just got the final word in this epic troll fight.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
I guess I can give up on a Blind Faith reunion?
Trolls troll trolling trolls trolling tolls?
Jesus, Mans. I’ve been waiting for that all day. Thank you. Now I can go to sleep.
Gabe would never drive a Mustang!
These penguins found something in this world that makes them happy and it’s chasing a butterfly.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMeee9bgP8o&feature=player_embedded
Whoa! They are so cute I could die!
This is for you

Well thanks DS3M! I will grant you a wish now:
Mecca lecca hi, mecca hiney ho….
New video from North Korea’s first official, state-sponsored YouTube channel:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nf27UiJvByQ&feature=player_embedded#!
you guys, we should buy more North Korea.
I’m enjoying this list of interesting links to intelligent and, in one case, pantsless* writers:
http://werttrew.tumblr.com/post/731411103/videogum-tumblrs-and-blogs
* mine. It is my case.
I made this Monday then I forgot to post it.
Oh, now i remember why i didn’t post it, ‘cuz i didn’t finish it.
Hey it’s my birthday. My only birthday wish is to be in Monster’s Ball. CUHMON!
My birthday is tomorrow! But you can be in the Monster’s Ball. I just like telling people when my birthday happens.
Happy early birthday!
Happy birthday!
TWO BILLION COMMENTS. Mission: Accomplished.
This Videogum thread is just like the graphic novel Arkham Asylum.
You mean COMIC BOOKS?!?!?!
PSYYYYYCHE! I was just playin’. Of course it’s a comic book. “Graphic novels”… Pfffftttttt! So stupid
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
The moment you revert to Nazi accusations is the moment where you realize you have already lost the debate. Sleep tight, “eric clapton”.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
This guy is semi-famous in my friend’s town. His wife makes all his clothing. Me friend’s cousin(?) wanted to have him play at her wedding as a joke, but he declined because he did not get a month’s notice.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEkYUxAncXg
He had me right about here…
Is he going for an 80s aestetic or is this from the 80s?
guys, in all earnestness, this is my favorite thing on the internet. i actually teared up the first time i saw it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_YrJABjYBE
He’s so good. Also: Mexican Home; also: Christmas in Prison; also everything except maybe Sam Stone, and even that, kind of.
wait, you like john prine but NOT “sam stone”? to each their own but dang, “sam stone”, is just about the most heartbreakingly beautiful song, ever. swamp dogg’s version is pretty killer too.
http://s0.ilike.com/play#Swamp+Dogg:Sam+Stone:691159:s41350782.10963286.18452825.0.2.2%2Cstd_b9ec1a8a897b481897d1f2bf7cc84f00
It’s a good song, I just hate our nation’s veterans.
(it’s laid on a little thick, for me, I guess? What if we replaced “Sam Stone” above with “Hello in There”, would that work?)
absolutely, i even like the bette midler version, but we gotta find room for “billy the bum”. john prine is the best! high five!
These always make me laugh.

Holy giant image! Sorry about that.
I thought Shield was canceled.
he reminds me of this guy
or this guy

DS3M, why do you delight in my terror?
Mwahahahaha
AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Holy shit dude this is terrible, like watching 1 million birth videos in a row.
This is funny and very cute: http://www.wimp.com/fatherprank/
Warning: if you think eating flan is sorta gross (like I do!), you will be a little grossed out (cos a person eats flan. I’m starting to think most people who aren’t mean don’t find this a concern.).
Flan is delightful.
I think flan is sort of gross, but only because it reminds me of crème brûlée, from which I got such severe food poisoning I was hospitalized. It’s so delicious, but I still cringe whenever I see someone crack the top. That scene in Amelie is harder to watch for me than any horror movie.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSNxfBPZWgM
In the spirit of Kenny I am gonna try for the same format of presenting my link. Here goes:
http://www.wimp.com/magnetswork/
Anyone watching Project Runway this season?
I am, but I missed last week, so that is only one episode that I’ve seen, so not much to say yet.
As an aside, I would watch a television show or movie with Tim Gunn and Simone from Top Art fighting crime and bigotry. That would be the best show/movie.
Can Nina Garcia be their first target?
Kors would have to be the gadget specialist. No matronly weapons there.
Oh yes. And I say, even though Gretchen is getting the bitch edit, she is still eminently slappable.
I think everyone knows a Gretchen and hates her.
I am. What’s up with Gretchen’s ‘tude? So far I have no early favorites, but a lot of early dislikes!
So much boring and apparent ineptitude. Like this season of Top Chef but with way better-looking contestants.
Project Runway has been a huge disappointment to me these last few seasons. I’m trying to watch the full season this time, but they already sufficiently pissed me off in the first episode.
I think the show needs more Michael Costello. Not his designs–the runway is a snooze parade AGAIN this season–but he brings some much needed snark…
This blog is in dire need of more writers.
Oh man… Not this again. Guys, my heart cannot take the stress of seeing that dog F up what should be a nice lawn. GET THAT DOG OFF THE MOWER.
Just wait until he runs over that poor British guys foot.
Woah how did the cast of Mad Men get front row seats to Anna Paquin’s Rolling Stone period stain cover shoot?
“Deal with it.” – that dog
I think the gif provided it’s own retort to you, krasdale
Here are some scary stories:
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/bhbyx/reddit_what_is_your_creepiest_most_unnerving/
John Wayne Gacy: The man comes around.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yonaguni_Monument
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Centralia,_Pennsylvania
My personal favorite entry in the WTFpedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voynich_manuscript
I was going to post that one, but you beat me to it.
This ones good:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bloop
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tunguska_blast
So I am reading these, thinking, no way are they going to creep my out.
Now I am making the attorneys take turns hugging me.
I read a bunch of them too. I can’t stop thinking about being abducted by someone faking a car accident!
Right??? My takeaway from those stories is:
Always
Be
Cruising past seemingly injured/dead people on lonely roads
ONE OF THE scariest internet THINGS i’ve come along IN AWHILE is Slender Man. SHIT IS so good!
http://image.wetpaint.com/image/1/klpyQcVeSd01u16vuLGf4A8841/GW640H480
These are fun, as are the Marble Hornets videos.
http://www.dionaea-house.com/
Oldie, but so so good.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antikythera_mechanism
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baghdad_Battery
Cool stuff, Mans! Thanks for sharing. (You don’t happen to host a cryptozoology museum in your home, do you?)
Not yet. So far, all I have a is a cat.
But does your cat have thumbs?

(and is his/her name Cats?)
No, just a polo shirt and an attitude.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quetzalcoatl#Latter-day_Saint_Movement
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/St._Brendan#Possible_link_to_Columbus
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vinland_map
Why do I feel like these are all Nic Cage movies waiting to happen?
At the time in my life when I thought I’d get an archeology Ph.D., I thought I’d write my thesis on the Vinland Map and L’anse aux Meadows.
I’d probably be much cooler now if I’d done that.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oak_Island
Good lord, Mans — these are all so fascinating and I’ve never heard of most of them. Thanks for credits earned towards my major in Obscure Awesome Things here at Videogum U.
Whenever I’m bored, I head to My Life Is Twilight
Sadly it looks like no tweens have had lives like Twilight since May.
“Today my boyfriend touched my face, and for the fisrt time i didn’t flinch at how cold his hands were. He looked at me and said…………”your pretending i’m Edward aren’t you?” I blushed as we both knew it was true. I can offically say MLIT!!!! ”
What a curious site.
You guys, we’re not even CLOSE to 2 billion. LET’S GET TO WORK! I want this to be Gabe when he comes back:

I think you mean, “this is Gabe”
That too.
i was surprised and a little refreshed when i saw that mila kunis is finally allowed to be in a, well, real movie. and i’m pretty “meh” about natalie portman, but i mean, yeah, i’ll probably see this.
ballet’s fuckin’ scary.
plus, basically, darren aronofsky scares the shit out of me. the end.
we could play “build a title”
Field of Dreams
Angels in the Outfield of Dreams
you get the idea
Requiem for Angels in the Outfield of Dreams
Aliens Vs. Predators: Requiem for Angels in the Outfield of Dreams
Monsters vs. Aliens vs. Predators: Requiem for Angels in the Outfield of Dreams
Monsters vs. Aliens vs. Predators: Requiem for Angels in America in the outfield of Dreams
Monsters vs. Aliens vs. Predators: Requiem for Angels in America in the Outfield of What Dreams May Come
Monsters vs. Aliens vs. Predators: Requiem for Angels in the Outfield of Akira Kurosawa’s Dreams
Oops. Shoulda refreshed. I’ll add on to yours then.
Monsters vs. Aliens vs. Predators: Requiem for Angels in the Outfield of Akira Kurosawa’s What Dreams May Come
Monster’s Ball vs. Aliens vs. Predators: Requiem for Angels in the Outfield of Akira Kurosawa’s What Dreams May Come
Gods & Monsters Vs. Aliens Vs. Predators: Requiem for Angels in the Outfield of Dreams
Gods & Monsters vs. Aliens vs. Predators: Requiem for a City of Angels in America in the Outfield of Dream Girls
Gods & Monsters vs. Aliens vs. Predators: Requiem for a City of Angels in America in the Outfield of Dream Girillas in the Mist.
you okay with partials or sound a likes?
Gods & Monsters vs. Aliens vs. Predators: Requiem for a City of Angels in America in the Outfield of Dream Girls Just Want To Have Fun
Gods & Monsters vs. Aliens vs. Predators: Requiem for a City of Angels in America in the Outfield of Dream Girls Just Want To Have Fun with Dick and Jane
Gods & Monsters vs. Aliens vs. Predators: Requiem for a City of Angels in America in the Outfield of Dream Girls Just Want To Have Fun with Dick and The Jane Austen Book Club
City of Gods & Monsters vs. Aliens vs. Predators: Requiem for a City of Angels in America in the Outfield of Dream Girls Just Want To Have Fun with Dick and The Jane Austen Book Club
City of Gods & Monsters vs. Aliens vs. Predators: Requiem for a City of Angels in America in the Outfield of Dream Girls Just Want To Have Fun with Dick and The Jane Austen Book Club
The Gods & Monsters Must Be Crazy vs. Aliens vs. Predators: Requiem for a City of Angels in America in the Outfield of Dream Girls Just Want To Have Fun with Dick and G.I. Jane
Sex and the City of Gods & Monsters vs. Aliens vs. Predators: Requiem for a City of Angels in America in the Outfield of Dream Girls Just Want To Have Fun with Dick and The Jane Austen Book Club
Sex and the City of Gods & Monsters Must be Crazy vs. Aliens vs. Predators: Requiem for a City of Angels in America in the Outfield of Dream Girls Just Want To Have Fun with Dick and The G.I. Jane Austen Book of Eli Club
Gummo.
The Private Lives of Elizabeth and Essex and the City of Gods & Monsters Must be Crazy Heart vs. Aliens vs. Predators: Requiem for a City of Angels in America in the Outfield of Dream Girls Just Want To Have Fun with Dick and The G.I. Jane Austen Book of Billy Eliot Club Dread
The Saving Private Ryan Best Years of Our Lives of Elizabeth and Essex and the Dancer in the Dark City of Gods & Monster’s Ball Must be Crazy Angel Heart vs. Aliens vs. Predators: Requiem for a City of Angels in America in the Outfield of Nightmare Before Christmas on Elm Mean Streets 3: Dream Girls Just Want To Have Fun with Dick Tracy and The G.I. Jane Austen Jungle Book of Eli Billy Eliot Club Dread Warriors
good game.
I never get tired of the fat man skateboard gif
Man, I gotta hold in all the good gifs, otherwise they get stoleded.
Did you make this? You have brung me (brang me? bringed?) such joy. Too much joy.
“Gifs ain’t got no owners, only posters.”
-Lmar Oitlle
“Good giffers pwn. Great giffers steal.” – Pablo “Asshole” Picasso
Dude must have so much momentum to not be able to stop…
Umm this weatherman either does not grasp the idea of flipping someone off or is having a stroke. either way its funny.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svt6MTmTAKQ&feature=player_embedded
this is the most fun I’ve had on Videogum in a long time.
In order to hit 1 Billion comments, I say we start our own BNPG for today. Anyone got any suggestions?

If not, we can always just post cute animals after bathtime. I’ll start on the latter:
Just be careful what you google.
Best New Party Game: Name Dr. Laura’s new blog post radio show career
Adding “In Your Pants” to the end of film titles.
My suggestions inlcude “I Know What You Did Last Summer” and “There Will Be Blood”
Honey, I Shrunk the Kids
I’m Not There
The Expendables
My fave.
WHERE MY PRINCE GIFS AT!!??
NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What if you just pretend it’s Mila Kunis?
Behold, HERO BABIES, guys. America is so rad.

Abortion is the final solution to this menace.
We get it, Steve. You’re PRO-CHOICE. Kudos. But HERO BABIES are miracles and deserve to live FOREVER, bobsled.
“Let the party begin! Oooh you look like you’re fulla life” – Bill Hicks to the Pro Life movement in 1990
Hero Babies ARE the solution to this menace:

Believe me, we tried:
Dag. I am completely zoned out at work today and I finally realize it’s because I usually interrupt my work via Videogum. In the absence of regularly scheduled posts, my productivity goes right down the shitter. Is this healthy?
completely normal. Here, watch this, could help.*

*probly not
It did not help, but it is awesome. Maybe I’ll watch it until I get fired!
You guys don’t get fired, the only jobs left are in the bedbug-extermination industry, and that does not allow for much sitting-at-the-computer-reading-Videogum time.
I hope so, because I am going through the same thing.
Terrific work so far, Monsters. If anyone else is having a stressful day at work (like me!), I hope this video of a kitten with a theremin helps: http://www.viddler.com/explore/cheezburger/videos/584/
Dead Cat Asked to Join Foreign Legion:
http://unusualkentucky.blogspot.com/2010/07/dead-cat-asked-to-join-foreign-legion.html
A rap song about hot dog eating:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAS8hHJK_zo
That wasn’t supposed to be a reply to you, Mans, I’m not sure what happened.
Hope I’m not too late to the party, because I really want to share this clip with THE WHOLE WORLD! I went to high school with the son of this Father-Son duet team, no lie. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_VWUIKWLj8
This is like the best thing ever ZOMG
This guy singing a song about Facebook and love:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFxSAN3ZbcQ&feature=player_embedded#!
Him and Dizzee Rascal need to team up with ya boy Bangs soon.
In keeping with Gabe’s request that there be a billion comments on this post, I thought I’d add a bit of good news: my liver results came back yesterday and THEY ARE FINE! I guess I AM supposed to live another year. (That is if the damn mosquitos here in WI don’t give me malaria or something – lol).
Also thought I’d post another great thing that happened in my life, only it happened a few years back when I was avidly painting, the following was the painting that got the most attention at auction and garnered the most money to date:
It looks like shit in this picture, but I usually don’t do realism and this turned out really great where the door handle actually looked like you could walk up to the painting and turn it. Anyway, really proud of it and I try to remember these things when things get tough.
Hope it posted okay – now I gotta shower and go grocery shopping!
God, that was really too big. So sorry! Perhaps I’ll get points for bandwidth hogging!
yay for you, nakedpainter!
Joseph Gordon-Levitt is better than you
Repeat, Joseph Gordon-Levitt is better than you
So jealous of Ellen Page.
I can’t believe I just typed that, but dammit, it’s true!
I can’t believe Justin Bieber is gay
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
It’s ok, Ellen Page has already been ruined for me by numerous “Looks Like…” pictures. I will have to make do with this:
Upvote this comment if you’re about to reply with the words “She’s pretty”
Siiiigh…
Calling her pretty doesn’t do her justice.
Rap song about the best board game in the world: Axis and Allies?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ip15g1SrwY
This is a chimp that looks as if it’s operating a motor vehicle:

Pandas on slides

Panda panda Panda panda panda panda Panda panda!
there have not been enough cat videos/gifs in this thread. thank you and keep them coming.
This is a video of adorable animals attacking each other! I don’t know if I’m an asshole, but it’s the funniest thing i’ve seen in years!
http://www.lemondrop.com/2010/08/18/pet-expert-mark-morrone-video/