This week’s episode was directed by John Slattery, who plays Roger Sterling on TV’s Mad Men! Why? I don’t know! In any case, here we are. Don Draper and Roger Sterling are on the phone with a closeted homosexual talking about cigarettes. They are explaining to him the new rules about cigarette advertising. “No more advertisements featuring Michel Phelps smoking a cigarette,” they explain. They’re getting so angry! They hate this phone call! They keep looking at the secretary that Don Draper gave the business like “can you believe this guy?” and she can believe it, because she’s listening in on the conversation and typing up her notes. No one ever said starting your own advertising company was easy, but this is ridiculous! Is what they are probably thinking. Don says that there is a fire and that he has to go. Well, that ought to work. The man is only the head of a multi-national corporation, and you’ve only been speaking to him with an increasingly agitated tone. I’m sure just saying “fire” and then “click” is all it takes to bring the meeting to a reasonable and agreed-upon close. “Good meeting, everyone. Big business. Back slaps.”

Meanwhile, do women buy Pond’s Cold Cream in order to get married to a man who hates them? Detective Peggy is on the case!

Of course, in detective work, you meet all kinds of characters. Detective Peggy, for example, meets a lesbian who works at Time magazine and is friends with a photographer. They go to a party and get high on funny cigarettes. Then the police come and they hide in a closet. Peggy cheats on her boyfriend. She’s out of control! But that is the life of a detective. ALWAYS SEARCHING FOR ANSWERS. Peggy and Don and that fat old man sit behind a two-way mirror and watch the secretary pool have a discussion with a doctor they don’t know is a doctor (“the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the secretary pool that this lady isn’t a doctor so we can figure out why women buy Pond’s Cold Cream”–Memorable Quotes) but then Allison starts crying. Women, am I right, fellas?! She has to be excused from the room, and Peggy goes to comfort her, only to discover that Allison thinks Don Draper has given everyone the business. Peggy is like “you need to relax, slut.” The old fat man is like “women be cryin’!” That guy is so fat and so old.

Don goes into his office and finds Allison and gives her the Classic Don Treatment. “If you (sex) wrestle with the Draper, you’re going to get wet with tears.” She says she is quitting. He pretends like he’s sad about it. She asks for a letter of recommendation. He says she should just write whatever she wants and he will sign it. Oh, boy. That is NOT what she wanted to hear. She throws a thing at his things, everyone is like “out in the hall, let’s check it out.” The thing is, though, Allison, Don Draper has a brand new advertising agency to run! He can’t be typing out letters of recommendation to everyone who had too much punch at the party!!!! WHAT ABOUT THE CIGARETTE ADS?! “If you enjoy the refreshing taste of a good cigarette, hire Allison.” That’s not going to work, honey.

Pete has to tell his father-in-law that they can’t do the Clearasil ads because it’s a conflict with Pond’s Cold Marriage Face Cream For Single Women. Pete is NOT happy about this. Although, in his defense, Pete is way less whiny these days, wouldn’t you gentlemen agree with me on that? Much less whiny. Congratulations, Pete. You are no longer a little bitch. You are just a regular sized bitch now! He goes to meet his father-in-law to break the bad news, but before he even has a chance, Mr. Trudy Sr. tells him that he’s going to have a baby. Oh, Pete is so excited! He is so excited that he forgets to talk about the business at hand. Whoops! The next day everyone is like, Whoops! But instead of telling him the business, Pete pulls a switcheroo and gets his father-in-law to agree to give him the whole account, EVEN THE VAPO-RUB! His father-in-law seems mad? Like he got ambushed? I’m kind of confused about what’s going on between them. But what I am not confused about is HEY, LOOK EVERYBODY, KEN COSGROVE!

Ken Cosgrove, makin’ copies! The Groveinator-6000!

The next day: a fresh round of back slaps for Pete from all the top brass for pulling in the 6.1 million father-in-law-medicine-and-creams account. And isn’t Don’s new secretary hilarious? It would be funny if he fucked her one night and she got mad.

The doctor comes in to tell Don that women buy Pond’s Cold Cream to get a husband who will never appreciate them, and Don gets mad and she is like “whoa” and he’s like “I’m definitely going to give you the business before this season is over. Don’t doubt it.” Everyone else goes out for a celebratory lunch with Pete’s father-in-law to welcome Vapo Rub to the fold. Peggy goes out for lunch with her new hippie friends. She is upset about Pete having a baby, because one time she had a baby inside of her that Pete put there, but she got it taken out by a doctor and thrown in the garbage. They give each other some pretty intense looks. Pete is moving on into the world of grown ups, while Peggy is stuck downtown with the lesbian drug addicts in hemp jackets. The world is changing in big ways and in small ways. Don comes home to see two old people. It probably means something, who can ever know. We’ll discuss it inside.

Comments (94)
  1. I guess we know who’s going to be trying acid first! (The answer is Peggy.)

  2. I think Mad Men is just baiting the GIF community now. Peggy’s head popping over the wall is the stuff that simple, soundless animators dream of.

  3. In related news, the new Weezer record leaked!

  4. dr miller is here. it’s a SHE

  5. why did peggy tell that guy that she was catholic?

    • Because she is Catholic, even if Father Colin Hanks is disappointed in her worldliness.

      • Didn’t his movie have some catholic terminology in it? I thought it said Eucharist somewhere in there, but I’m also not religious, so I don’t know what any of that means.

        • “Hi I’m Peggy and I’m a Catholic.”
          “Did you like it?”
          “I don’t think I’m supposed to like it.”
          “I’m a pretentious dick.”
          “I’m used to it, I work on Mad Men.”

          whoa! JK MAD MEN I HEART YOU.

        • Yeah, maybe like half of the text was Catholic vocabulary. Plus in general Catholics aren’t supposed to like anything counter-culture-y, it’s probably sacrilegious.

        • Yeah it said Holy Eucharist, which is the Body of Christ, the wafers/bread the priest blesses and we believe is transfigured by God into the actual Body of Christ (it’s one of those magical religion things). The artist was probably just putting it in there to be a dick, though. “Look at me, I think I’m being blasphemous by juxtaposing names of churchy things with other stuff like mushroom clouds and old people! It’s so daring and creative :P ain’t I a stinker?”

          Did I mention I really hate hippies/”artists”?

    • It must have been Peggy’s boyfriend who broke up that party

  6. I like to think that Don Draper is still alive and well in 2010, ( Hugh Hefner style ) aged 81, running things behind the scenes, living in a penthouse in the Dakota building in New York, looking incredible for his age, silver hair gelled back, decked out in Ermenegildo Zegna suits, shacked up with a Brazilian supermodel, never for a single moment reminiscing about the 60′s…

    • Me too but in an effort to maintain balanced commenting on this website I will present an alternate theory posited to me by my friend a couple weeks ago via text message:

      Him: “Just poured myself three fingers of Glenlevit for the highlight of my week.” (Mad Men)

      Me: “Don drinks Canadian Club.”

      Him: “Fuck you, Don didn’t make it past the 70′s because he succumbed to his lifestyle.”

      • I like to think that he got really into coke in the early seventies, burned out from overworking and substance abuse, then became disillusioned with the whole lifestyle, pulled a Beatles-like Maharishi sabbatical in India for a couple of years and then returned to N.Y on the turn of the 80′s a wiser man and assumed a new role in the industry as the shaman of advertising.

  7. I loved Don’s new secretary. She is straight out of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

  8. I’m not going to say that Don’s new secretary IS played by David Cross, I’m just going to point out that there is no evidence that she isn’t.

  9. I hate these, like, meta-commercials – last week it was Breyer’s and this week Suave. That makes two consecutive weeks I’ve been tricked into stopping my commercial fast-forwarding because goddamn scenery similarities. When is it going to stop/how can I express my anger? I’m going to remember these products the way I remember chlamydia and cooking bacon without a shirt on (bad things) and avoid them* from now on!

    * Full disclosure: I steal my girlfriend’s Aveda in the shower and I’m lactose intolerant BUT STILL

  10. Did you get it? Pears/pairs. You get it.

  11. “She is upset about Pete having a baby, because one time she had a baby inside of her that Pete put there, but she got it taken out by a doctor and thrown in the garbage.”

    -Gabe Delahaye, 2011 Pulitzer Prize Winner for Distinguished Commentary

    • Not to nitpick, but didn’t she give the baby up for adoption?

    • Except that by “garbage”, he means “another family”, because didn’t that baby get adopted? And now he’s probably biding his time until he can reveal his identity to Pete for that vast Vaporub fortune that is sure to be rolling in. Or he’ll deliver a box of old photos and hang himself, whichever comes first.

    • This is a strange way of saying that her family is caring for the baby she had while she lives in the city.

      • That was her sister’s baby, Peggy’s baby was given up for adoption.

        Though “garbage” would be one way of describing Peggy’s family.

      • I am with you on this one. I have been under the impression this entire time that her sister was caring for the boy. It has been driving me crazy that they completely dropped this story line, until now, I guess. What happened to Peggy and Pete’s spawn?

        • They never really specify whether Peggy’s family is taking care of the baby or if it was given away. They say that Peggy was deemed unfit to be a mother and there’s all those lingering shots between her and the youngest baby in the household, so who knows? Either scenario could be right, except for the garbage one, that is not.

          This review feels like Gabe hates Mad Men, which makes me sad. Although, I guess that’s why Lindsey used to review it.

          • In the Season 2 finale she tells Pete “I had your baby, and I gave it away.” That could be read ambiguously, but it probably meant adoption.

    • I feel like this review was written with hatred. For us. Because of the way we treated Benji. I must say I never commented on Benji’s reviews. But I also never read them.

    • Chillout, I was just trying to poke fun. Gabe and I are like Pete and Ken: we’re pals and all but I’m (Ken is) jealous of Gabe’s (Pete’s) new Birdie (baby) and Gabe (Pete) is jealous of my (Ken’s) article in Boy’s Life.

      But yes, fuck Benji.

  12. Let me just go on record as saying that if I slept with Don Draper, I wouldn’t be mad again, ever.

  13. This episode taught me that drunk texting was easier to avoid in 1965.

  14. “He doesn’t own your vagina.”
    “But he’s renting it.”

  15. This episode had lesbians and black people. Something Mad Men hasn’t seen since season 2.

    Slattery did a really good job and I really enjoyed this episode so i don’t have anything better to say.

    Secretly I’m harboring a severe crush on Lane Pryce and I’m trying to figure out how wrong the relationship would be with my age (answer: VERY.)

  16. I liked when Cosgrove got all up Pete’s face about how Jay 420 told him the shit he’d been saying about him.

  17. You forgot to mention that Malcolm X died and white people are only vaguely aware of who he is! Sad!

  18. yo can I please bring to attention how joan was smoking hot this episode. all the erections of the world have been waiting for her to get some more screen time

    /penis

  19. Did I see Cooper sitting in the reception area reading a magazine when Joyce visited Peggy? It was a quick shot but I thought I saw him…

  20. I am wondering if McCann Erickson killed Matthew Weiner’s mother or something because seriously, Mad Men tore that agency APART last night. “There are more retards there than in the mental institution.”

    Also, DID SHE OR DID SHE NOT GET ANY PEARS? That cliffhanger put me over the edge. I had to go smoke a cigarette while bowling (bowling is a sport, guys.)

  21. “Pete is moving on into the world of grown ups, while Peggy is stuck downtown with the lesbian drug addicts in hemp jackets.”

    I totally agree with this if by “grown up” we mean “normal sized bitch” while by “stuck” we mean “being awesome.”

    I want a cookie.

  22. LIFE Magazine. Not TIME Magazine.

  23. I was almost sure we’d get a shot of a guy’s ass after the viewer discretion warning. Happy to say I was surprised indeed. Cheers to you, Matt Weiner and AMC.

  24. The pears were actually a purgatory that Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce created in order to move on.

  25. Whenever someone wants a recommendation from me I always have them write it and then I just fix it up a little and sign it. Isn’t that the way these things are done?

  26. I think the real question is: what kind of cold cream does Peggy use? I mean, that’s what we’re all wondering, right?

  27. SOCIAL COMMENTARY:

  28. I’m just glad Clarissa’s Dad has a steady gig now.

  29. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • This silly bitch spammed by vintage blog too!

      Also, great episode of Mad Men. It had a lot of really hilarious moments. I want to think that those were Slattery’s doing.

  30. That “so fat and so old” guy is Bill Murray’s brother.
    http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0615063/bio

  31. Will someone please make a GIF of Peggy hitting her head on the desk repeatedly?

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