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As someone who genuinely loves a good feud (“RIP EACH OTHER’S FACES OFF WITH YOUR MOUTH!” — Gabe), especially a good Coconut O’Reilly feud, because he really lays it all out on the banana line, I cannot tell you how disappointed I have been this week following along with the Jennifer Aniston vs. Bill O’Reilly “feud.” For those of you who have not been paying attention to this one, Aniston is doing press for her upcoming movie, Jennifer Aniston Is Lonely: The Movie, and had this to say about making human beings inside your body:
”Women are realizing it more and more knowing that they don’t have to settle with a man just to have that child. Times have changed and that is also what is amazing is that we do have so many options these days, as opposed to our parents’ days when you can’t have children because you have waited too long”
Sure. We get it. YOU’RE LONELY. Enough with this. The worst part about the “Jennifer Aniston Loneliness Perpetual Motion Machine” is the fact that I don’t even buy it. Princess is a millionaire and looks good. She’s doing fine, I’m sure. It’s just a cottage industry. The actual “sadness” of her barren womb and ringless finger is about as real as the “homelyness” of your local multi-million-dollar franchise Cracker Barrel. Anyway, Bill O’Reilly got mad about this quote, because it was a Tuesday, and what was he going to do, NOT get irrationally mad about some stupid thing*? So he said this:
“She’s throwing a message out to 12-year-olds and 13-year-olds that, ‘Hey you don’t need a guy. You don’t need a dad.’ That’s destructive to our society.”
Huh? “You don’t need a guy” and “You don’t need a dad” are two INCREDIBLY different messages, Bill. Which one is it? I also like the idea that 12 and 13-year-olds are reading Jennifer Aniston’s press junket interviews for a movie that holds absolutely no interest to 12 and 13-year-olds whatsoever, and feeling flush with empowerment and ready to get out there and START THEIR OWN FAMILIES. What a fucking idiot.
But so now Jennifer Aniston has responded with this:
“Of course, the ideal scenario for parenting is obviously two parents of a mature age. Parenting is one of the hardest jobs on earth. And, of course, many women dream of finding Prince Charming (with fatherly instincts), but for those who’ve not yet found their Bill O’Reilly, I’m just glad science has provided a few other options.”
At which point you remember that this whole feud is about SINGLE PARENTING, and that it is the year TWO THOUSAND AND TEN. I’m pretty sure we’re all familiar with the concept of a mother or father raising a child on their own, and the fact that it can work out just fine, and that we are all adults here, and sometimes things get complicated, and life is hard, because God is precious, and the bible, and we are not seriously going to sit around with our red faces and our meat hands and suggest that we’ve been living under a rock for the past 40 years during which the institution of marriage has proven itself to be IMPERFECT, to say the least, are we, Bill O’Reilly? And you, Jennifer Aniston, need to WORK ON YOUR COMEBACKS.
What a snore. I rate this feud 1 out of 5 FINISH HIMs.
*Yikes. I did not realize that when you pointed a blog at Bill O’Reilly, there were four blogs pointing back at yourblog.
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Let’s skip all this back and forth. We all know they’ll get married in the finale.
))((
?
I agree with that question mark.
foiled by html!
But seriously, those re-runs of Friends really hold up. They’re still really funny.
Just sayin’.
I am unashamed to admit that I agree 100%. I will watch a Friends re-run like no one’s business. And do you know what other show is aging really well? Frasier. That show is hilarious.
I’ll take Frasier or Roseanne before Friends, but Friends never really made it into my syndication circuit.
I am with you on Roseanne, but I also love Friends.
Shows that age well:
MacGyver
Star Trek: The Next Generation
Star Trek
Time Tunnel
See also: Quantum Leap.
Immediatly after I posted, I realized I had made this oversight but didn’t want to post again right away, so thank you for taking up my slack.
Shut up. I’m from Minnesota. We take our MacGyver very seriously.
Don’t even think of fucking with Prince. Winwood, I’m looking at you, here.
And Don’t Step to Morris Day And the Time Either
Gon’ Send Jerome after That Ass
Who’s shutting up? I take my MacGyver seriously too.
I got into a heated argument with some girl because she spoke negatively about his attitude with women.
The only reason I know how to fix anything at all is from watching MacGyver.
I think he is part of the reason I don’t like violence.
He manages this wonderful mix of self-aware humor and attitude, but never mocking. It’s sort of bizarre and awesome.
No offense intended – it was more a proactive ‘you don’t know me’ shut up aimed at the MacGyver haters out there.
Not offense so much as worry that you thought I was mocking. Tricky internets.
…dad?
I fell asleep just reading about this feud. Let’s hope Aniston takes shots back like Ludacris did.
I agree – this is a lame feud. I’m waiting for the great Glenn Beck/Lisa Kudrow showdown of ’11.
Then we get to see how Smelly Cat was a Nazi via chalkboard.
Murphy Brown better watch out! (I’m so old.)
Dan Quayle’s a-comin’ for her.
I think he is going to let Ben Quayle take this one.
Gabe, I don’t think you’re in tune with what 12- and 13-year-olds are into. All the predictions for the 2011 Teen Choice Awards winners count The Switch as “Choice Medical Drama Movie” and Jennifer Aniston herself as “Choice Single Parent Role Model” and not need a man/not needing a dad as “Choice Wisdom We’re All Taking To Heart After Seeing, Understanding, and Really Enjoying The Switch.”
Gabe, I present you with a Lady of the Manor Engagement Broach for this fine piece of journalism… Good Work!
Couldn’t “The Switch” just as easily be called “The Jizz”?
or “All That Jizz” (sorry)
you give me those chocolates they’re rightfully mine!
“That’s destructive to our society” ha ha ha – some innocuous thing that somebody said or did is always destroying society isn’t it? DESTRUCTION. Watch it Anniston, or we’ll all be pushing our shopping carts full of our shoe leather dinners down the ash roads of this scorched earth before you know it. For real.
My boyfriend and I have this joke that whenever somebody wrongs us in some minor way, like messes up an order at a restaurant or cuts us off in traffic, we yell, “They’re trying to destroy me!!!!” It’s a really funny joke that you should probably tell all your friends.
Hey!! My husband and I do that too, only we usually yell “whyyyyyyyy??? They’re TRYing to RUin my LIIIIIFE” in a whiny weepy voice. We learned this from watching the show “Pretty Wild.” Those bitches, you take their last saltine and they fall apart in the loudest way possible.
I think ours totally stemmed from reality TV, too. Most likely something like Project Runway, where if someone loses a bobbin they also lose their shit.
Everyone knows single parents get welfare and raise amoral pinkos like Obama. Where will you go when all the good Christians are Raptured?
Into their houses to look through their stuff!
just so excited for The Switch you guys! less for the theatrical release and more for the dvd director’s cut with the extended 15 minute version of Jason “The Master” Bateman drunkenly j-ing o into a cup. it’s hard to drunk JO!
but seriously, did you guys know this movie is based on a Jeffrey Eugenides story? from the New Yorker magazine? HIGHBROW!
Obligatory:
Alright, I give up. I don’t think there is a single time I have attempted to post a picture here and it hasn’t failed in some way. I know you are supposed to simply place the URL in the comment field, but somehow it still manages to fail every time.
Unless the image simply isn’t showing up because I am at work and on Internet Explorer, which is the Nickelback of web browsers; with every new release, its just the same crap rehashed over and over again.
Don’t feel bad, blame this guy. I don’t really get what he has to do with anything, but I’ve read other people here blaming the Lawnmower man, so.
(I don’t think anyone else likes this joke, but it kills me.)
Him?
I dunno, my guy looks more like a Lawnmower man to me that that weirdo. Though he looks too sad to be messing up peoples Internets.
Dude (Or Dudette, hard to tell, since Avatars
Always
Be
Confusin)
Don’t get too down.
You tried to link using the imageshack Page Link. You need to use the link in the DIRECT BOX
See?
Also, when you try to just copy a URL from some pages, those other pages often don’t like it. It takes up the teeniest tiniest bit of bandwidth from the initial host page/server to access the image, in order to display on some one elses page view. A lot of sites don’t allow hotlinking of their images for that reason. Also a lot of them want their own credit and page views. So yeah, keep using imageshack (or photobucket or tinypic), download and save your funnies to your drives and direct link URL’s into your image dumps also, and we will all have a fun, fulfilling internetting experience.
I thought the Kathy comic strip was over?
While I don’t agree with Billo the Clown, I will concede him the point on youth, role models, parenting roles, etc: My gf works with Learning Disabled kids in 5th and 6th grade. She has regular contact with the 7th and 8th graders in her school (a few she has helped teach). There are too many instances of 5th-8th grade (and I am sure beyond) girls glamorizing pregnancy or ‘wanting a baby doll of their own’ (however you wanna frame it), and worse, children literally having children.
When asked about the logistics behind their desires, and in some instances, their choices, the girls respond that they don’t need a man, don’t need a husband, they have their families, their friends, etc.
They take for granted how much work and resources go into a child.
There is a complete lack of awareness of real world concerns on the part of youth, and while they may not be listening to Jennifer Aniston, they are paying attention to someone, even if it’s the Maury show, because this attitude seems to be more pervasive than ever.
That is definitely a valid point, but I think that the issue here is more that a grown woman doesn’t necessarily need a man to raise a child (provided that she has her life together–or even a female partner). I mean, the kids wouldn’t be better off if they were getting married and starting families at 14. The issue there is more teen pregnancy in and of itself, I’d think.
I agree. Kids aren’t getting the message that it’s okay to have babies from movies like The Switch. I’d way rather a kid be born to a single parent who had kids in a loving, intentional way than to a couple of people who hate each other and just had kids because they were supposed to.
And on the issue of teen pregnancy, it’s impossible to reason with kids why it’s not a good idea to have babies so young, because kids are unreasonable. The best we can hope for is to let them know of all of the factors that go into it, all of their options for alternatives, and all the risks involved and hope that they don’t fuck up too much. And also hope that before too long puppies or robots replace actual babies as coveted playthings.
Teen Pregnancy would be the primary issue, yes, but secondarily is the mindset that STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMEN can have it all, except, you know, they probably need to have the kind of money Aniston does in order to be afforded the luxury of devoting oneself full time to their children.
Seriously, how many nannies and helpers and blah blah blah will Jenny Aniston have?
And Even in Adult Women, Single Mothers have it Rough. There are so many random obstacles that pop up when you juggle family and work, and to have to face it alone or with little to no backup is daunting. To just say, “Oh it’s the modern age, women have options thanks to SCIENCE” is to ignore the facts regarding two parent households and the health of a child, and to ignore the realities facing 75% of the worlds potential parents.
But the two parents in that household could feasibly both be women, right?
No one said they couldn’t be same sex, all I said was two parents. THANK YOU FOR THE DOWN VOTES!
I didn’t downvote you! I’m enjoying the discussion! I think it’s an interesting issue.
“…but for those who’ve not yet found their Bill O’Reilly…” = Total zinger, great comeback IMHO (that’s what the kid’s are saying right)
loofah.
ACK! ACK! ACK!
Homelyness? You calling cracker barrel ugly or that it looks like a place of abode?
This feud would be so much better if the topic of the feud was whether O’Reilly was “On A Break” or not.
Am I just dumb, or is the first Aniston quote moderately unintelligible? Her grammar in the second sentence is all over the place! She doesn’t need a man, surely, but she does need a strict English governess to get her grammar in check.
The One Where They ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
These two are perfect for one another. No one cares about them and yet THERE THEY ARE, ALL THE TIME.