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Between America’s Stewardess, Steven Slater, with his “triumphant” (or not) exit from an airplane/lifelong career, and that girl with the wipe boards, which to be honest, I do not even know what that is all about because it was boring when it was “real” and it’s even more boring as a “hoax,” and then also the most recent dismal jobs report, people got work on the brain! Quitting work! Fake Quitting Work! Dreaming of even just getting some fucking work! Either way: this calls for a party, right? If you just quit your job in a melodramatic self-righteous outburst of self-indulgence, have a party. If you just got a new job, have a party. And if you’ve been without work longer than 92 weeks and are on the verge of losing your unemployment benefits, girl, you have got to do something to take your mind off things! Here is a game you can play at this part you are definitely having, we just agreed:
-
• A Few Good Pens
• Collate Damage
• From Desk Till Dawn
• Boss of the Rings
OR:
- • “I want you to three hole punch me as hard as you can.”
• “I drink your milkshake using your mug, which you accidentally left on the dish rack in the kitchenette.”
• “The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t have to go to the 5PM Q2 input analysis meeting.”
• “My name is Inigo Montoya, you worked with my father, prepare to give me an internship I don’t deserve.”
I’m going to write a best-selling book about how to get ahead in games called WHO MOVED MY POINTS? (Good grief. Do you ever just exhaust yourself?)
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You can’t handle the truth that we’re going to have to move our staff meetings to 8am Monday mornings.
The Wurst is FIRST!
Whiteboard Jungle
I’m king of the southwestern region of Idaho’s fastest growing rubber band conglomerate!
“I’m the king of the Office World!”
I’m Larry King in Ghost World!
I have a business trip tomorrow? “Where?” you might ask? IN BRUGES.
The Human Resources Centipede
How about tv: Time and a Half Men
You’re Fired Walk With Me
Good.
HAHAHAHA! The parental encouragement is priceless. “Good job, Steve! Way to be funny/not an asshole.”
Luke, I am your new Director of Office Operations and we’re going to have to ask you to downsize your office.
Nick and Norah’s Infinite TPS Reports.
Break Room 2: Electric Hullabaloo
Don’t know why that was a reply.
Scott Pilgrim vs. the Tempermental Xerox Machine
That’s the best I could do, people…Please accept my apologies.
Great minds…
Reception
Yes.
goddamit! I should have hit refresh.
Say hello to my General Manager
“A-B-C. A-Always, B-Be, C-Collating. Always be Collating”
Actionable Benchmarks and Core competencies.
Scott Pilgrim vs The Photocopier
Face Time Cop.
YOUUUU SHALLL NOTTTT park in the designated spot unless you have the proper authorization.
Reception
“PLAGARIST COMMENTATOR!” Steve Winwood
I got your back, only cuz I have a longstanding crush on your avatar.
Also, “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.”
SO easy.
Why thank you!
How about “Ferris Bueller’s Pre-Approved Day Off”???
Sticking with the theme of your avatar…
“No one puts baby in the corner office!”
Ferris Bueller’s PTO
The Minority TPS Report
The Minority Quarterly Report
Jingle All The Way Down the Emergency Slide
“The good news is: You’re Fired! The bad news: you’ve got – all you’ve got – just one week to regain your jobs. Starting with tonight. Starting with tonight’s sit! Oh, have I got your attention now? You’ve got leads. Mitch and Murray paid good money to get those leads to sell them. You can’t handle the leads you’re given, you can’t handle shit. You ARE SHIT! Hit the bricks and beat it, pal, cause you are going OUT!”
STAPLLLLLLLER!
“You’re gonna need a bigger conference room”
I didn’t refresh or get the quote right. I’m fired!
Office Space.
Done, I win, let’s go home.
Pretty in Pinkslips
401K Weddings and a Funeral
I’m going to make him an offer letter he can’t refuse
Before The Boss Knows Your Dead
Bloody Payday
American Pie Charts
X in triplicate
The Sorcerer’s Apprentice
The Magician’s Assistant
9 1/2 Weeks Severance Package
You know, mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it. But a kiss can be deadlier for your career here if it’s with a coworker as interoffice romances are strictly forbidden according to the employee handbook. I’m sorry.
I’m going to need a bigger unemployment check. (No, seriously…shit is getting real over here.)
Even without a job, I didn’t make the joke first. I always was more productive in an office.
Sensitivity Training Day
No Cubicle for Old Men
How about Half-Day Friday starring Ice Cubicle?
No Pensions for Old Men
Zack and Miri make a PowerPoint
The Social Network Solutions
I love the smell of fluorescent lights in the morning.
Dammit I was gonna say that but I couldn’t think of any office smells.
“Don’t ever ask me about my business! Because I quit that job!”
Arthur Miller’s The Cubicle starring Daniel Day Shift Lewis.
We’re going to need a bigger desk!
Follow the money, to Accounts Payable
There Will Be Paperwork
“It’s Friday. You got a job. You got lots of annoying shit to do.”
Today is actually Thursday.
Raiders of the Breakroom Fridge
Revenge of the Shift.
There Will Be a Meeting tomorrow at 9am so please mark your calendars, everyone.
Circle Back to the Future.
Mememo
In The Company Picnic of Men
True Office Romance ,starring Steven Slater and Patricia TelemArquette. Written by Quicktime Tarantino and directed by Tony Scottrade.
Notable quotes:
“If you gave me a million years to ponder, I would’ve never guessed that TARP and Detroit would ever go together.”
thats a lot of track to lay.
but worth it
I do not know the movie, but your hard work deserves recognition.
The Copy Machinist
Sorry, E.T., no personal phone calls on the job.
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stapler
“I’ve altered your business model, pray I don’t alter it further”
The Metrics Trilogy
Harry Potter and the Printer Cartridge of Cartridge World
Harry Potter and the Pensioner of Azkaban
Harry Potter and the Half Day Saturday
Harry Potter and the Order of Two Decaf Cappucinos, a Non-Fat Latte and a Double Espresso for the Boss.
Rosebudget.
Point Coffee Break
Back to the Future Planning
Harry Potter and the Chairman of the Meeting
The Social Network Blocked
District 9 to 5
Despicable Meetings
Fuck it Dude, let’s leave work early to go bowling.
Bill and Ted’s Microsoft Exel Adventure
Sex, Lies, And Videoconference
The Notebook
The Last Corporate Jingle
Wayne’s Water Cooler
Harry Potter and the Paperclips Dish of Fire
Regular Business
“I love the smell of bagels that somebody brought in because it’s Wednesday in the morning!”
The Substitute
Harry Potter and the Order Some More Sign Here Tab Stickers
I thought it was spelled b-o-r-e-d.
Norm MacDonald for the win!
Harry Potter and the Half-Empty Water Cooler
The Machinist
Mission to the Supply Closet
Harry Potter and the Goblet of You’re Fired
The Italian Job?
I’m not doing this right.
Gummo.
Nobody puts Baby in anything other than a corner office.
The Wizard of Ozecutive Decisions
eh?
All the President’s Memos
Harry Potter and the Diversity Training Seminar Hallows
Harry Potter and the Half-bright Temp
Hustle and Flowcharts
Green Time Card
“We’re gonna need a bigger binder”
Damn, just saw notsewfast beat me to the “were gonna need a…” line. Sorry Winwood, I called it out myself.
Casual Friday the 13th
relevant!
The Texas Chain-Mail Saw Massacre.
Indecent Budget Proposal
Once Upon a Time in Heidman Insurance
Jacob’s Corporate Ladder
Super Downsize Me
Synergize Me
Step Up 2 The Team-Building Exercises
The Last Afirmative Action Hero
The Phantom Pen-ace
Downsize with Love
Attachment: the clones
The Flash and The Firefox 2: 2 Flash 2 Firefox
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’s Multiple Accident Reports
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory Layoffs
“I’m going to make him an office he can’t refuse.”
popinitiative FTW