The Romantics trailer, you guys:

Here’s a fun new game: it’s called “SPOILER ALERT” and the way you play is you guess how the movie ends based on the trailer. Here are your choices:

a) Someone jumps out of the wedding cake and detonates a dirty bomb
b) Cloverfield 2, basically
c) Everyone is shot in the face repeatedly
d) Everyone is shot in the face repeatedly and then drowned in the lake
e) Katie Holmes and Josh Duhamel get back together and then are shot in the face repeatedly and drowned in the lake
f) Zombie virus? I don’t know, but like something really bad where they’re all forced to tear each other’s throats out with their teeth

Have fun! Good luck!

Comments (92)
  1. That trailer was so literally dark (no metaphor). What happened to their lighting budget?

  2. Sookie hatefucks Eric and Tara is still horrible?

  3. g) Vampire Bill comes back for Sookie and kills the rest of the wedding party?

  4. The hydrogen bombs planted in volcanoes blow up and the soul of Katie Holmes can go see that Xenu guy?

  5. Candice Bergen gets accosted by Dan Quayle for the last third of the movie. They are both shot in the face by Dick Cheney.

  6. who decided that malin ackerman is the charming blonde girl of our time? she is always playing these characters we are supposed to believe are perfect seductresses and everyone wants to be like but she’s totally boring. even though she technically beautiful, it’s still a boring kind of beautiful.

  7. What a cast of foxxy dudes!

    *Why is Drew Barrymore the female version of Benny from Benny and Joon in this?

    • which person did you think was drew barrymore? because she is not in this trailer.

      • Oh der, you are totally right. The blonde girl at the very begining who I saw while 1/2 assedly working and was distracted by her outfit. I still don’t know who she is, but she is obvs not Drew Barrymore.

  8. SPOILER ALERT: All the cars are transforming robots and Anna Paquin’s dental bridge is the Allspark.

    SPOILER ALERT: Katie Homes wins the dance competition and the bank does not foreclose on the wedding.

    SPOILER ALERT: Josh Duhamel learns that the whole wedding is fake and that they are living in a wildlife preserve.

    SPOILER ALERT: Flying zombie piranha in 3D skeletonize the cast and crew in 4 minutes. The rest of the movie is a single shot of a poorly lit yard.

  9. Spoiler Alert- everyone in this movie is pretty

  10. Everyone lives happily ever after.

    And by happily ever after I mean they all jump off a bridge into a volcano. Except Adam Brody. He stays. In my bed.

  11. F. Oh I would pay money to see this movie if the ending was F.

    As it stands, I figure either Katie Holmes and Josh Duhamel will get back together and have the super happy TRUE LOVE CONQUERS ALL ending, or he will get married to the fiance lady and Katie Holmes will be sadder but wiser.

  12. Woah Woah Woah, Tom Cruise let Katie Holmes be in a movie again? What is this world coming to?

    Also, Elijah Wood goes all Sin City, on Anna Paquin and everyone cheers, hooooray!

    • Or paid for her to be in it, who in hell’s name would hire her – other than Christopher Nolan and that’s only because he was waiting for the jump.

  13. SPOIKER ALERT: This movie needs a lot more Topher Grace.

  14. ::looks down and says in a meek voice:: I think this looks good

  15. SPOILER ALERT** Anna Paquin’s character goes rogue and flies off from the wedding.

    SPOILER ALERT** Josh Duhamel’s character is forced to choose between his military career spent fighting evil alien robots, and his marriage to some chick with no blood type and psionic abilities.

    SPOILER ALERT** P. Diddy moves into the estate next door, throws his annual white party, and these Romantics get all upset, resulting in mass suicide.

  16. 1. Are all these people actually in the same age bracket?
    2. My friend and I have an incestuous dating history too, but we’re not called “The Romantics.” We’re called “A group friends from college”
    3. Didn’t I see this trailer on here already?

  17. The wedding goes on with all conflicts resolved. Dancing goes on throughout the night and everyone is happy. Then the camera zooms out and we see horribly disfigured men and women standing on a hilltop looking from afar. One of them says, “I guess even the ugly-stricken can find happiness.” Twilight Zone ending.

  18. At some point they will make dinner together while listening to “Aint Too Proud to Beg.” Kevin Kline kills a bat in the attic. Meg Tilly behaves strangely. By strangely, I mean she falls in love with John Hurt. Glenn Close asks her husband to have sex with Mary Kay Place. Something, something…Jeff Goldblum. Oh, sorry, spoiler alert.1983.

  19. SPOILER ALERT: It does indeed rain.

  20. Casting Spoiler: Diane Keaton was busy and Candace Bergen needed to renovate her home in France.

  21. SPOILER ALERT: I don’t waste my money to see this

  22. It is hard to be white, always being thrust into romantic dramedies. However it is much harder to be black. For example, in Bow Wow’s new film, he must compete with a varying cast of characters (Mike Epps, Ice Cube) who have competing agendas regarding his lottery winnings. The hard hitting social commentary in The Lottery Ticket reveals whitepeoplefilms like The Romantics to be self indulgent, melodramatic, emotionally manipulative waste. Clearly we need more blackpeoplefilms because they are Important and deal with Real Issues.

    • I saw that trailer this weekend and SPOILER ALERT: Bowwow keeps the ticket, the bad guy gets knocked out by Ice Cube dressed as a old man. (Bigger SPOILER ALERT: No one, but no one, stands over him and says “you got knocked the fudge out” – hey it’s PG-13, people)

  23. SPOILER ALERT: Steve Carell meets Juliette Binoche in a charming bookstore, Zach Braff sits on a doorstep, and the wedding goes on for DAYS despite Anne Hathaway’s outbursts.

  24. SPOILER ALERT: Gabe weeps several times while watching this movie, and then composes himself enough to tweet something snarky during the closing credits.

  25. Movies like this make women crazy

  26. SPOILER ALERT: she ends up with pacey.

  27. Either Katie Holmes or Josh Duhamel is actually dead, and the other goes out into the woods to play catch with them.

  28. I just hope they release a 3D version too so I can really experience this incredible fictional world they created.

  29. i never want to see katie holmes act ever. EVER!

  30. SPOILER ALERT: Everyone dies of AIDS.

  31. You know the Germans always make good stuff.

  32. I know this is supposed to be hot young white people delve inside themselves (because they don’t have to worry about the economy) but the only one I’d delve inside is Candace Bergan.

    Woman can do no wrong which is pretty good because this movie, woof.

  33. So Katie Holmes is relevant again? Oh boy.

  34. Man, I wish they made a movie about how Elijah Woods threw this movie into Mount Doom.

  35. The movie ends and it turns out to have been one long episode of “Kathy Griffin: My Life On The D-List.”

  36. Spoiler Alert! Somebody eats a clown for breakfast.

  37. I couldn’t make it through this trailer so I have no right to make a funny comment. I’d rather rip my eyes out than watch the rest of that thing.

  38. SPOILER ALERT: Elijah Wood reaches for the ring during the ceremony and realizes he cast it into Mt. Doom days before.

  39. SPOILER ALERT: Through a colossal failure of their private schools, none of them can read; so to overcome this shortcoming they all have learned to play the drums really well. The morning of the wedding, they drive to the band competition and perform. Their performance impresses the judges and the wedding party who showed up on a whim. They win the $100,000 first prize which enough to save Elijah Woods’ loft and pay the caterer.

  40. conclusion: my friends are not all as gorgeous as these characters, but they are certainly more interesting, exciting, fun, and less annoying than all of “the romantics” combined. (thanks friends! boo movie!)

  41. Is that Todd Hamilton/Mr. Ferg I see? Needs more Topher.

  42. SPOILER ALERT: So everyone’s standing around by the water and the lighting is very dim, and someone’s like, “Hey Elijah Wood, when exactly did you become such a douche bag? Because I liked you when you were a kid actor but now I just don’t know you anymore. You seem to be trying to do an accent of some kind? And you’re always wearing tight vintage sweaters and skinny jeans and you look like a poser kind of? I mean you were pretty good in ‘The Good Son’ and ‘Huckleberry Finn’ and you’re really good in ‘The Ice Storm.’ And then what happened? Did pretending to live in Narnia or whatever for 10 years do something to you? What I’m saying is: I want the real Elijah Wood to come back. Is he in there? Please, are YOU still in there somewhere?”

    And then he’s all: “I…I…?” and he swallows his tongue and dies right in front of everyone. And then when Katie Holmes is like, “Hey, mojitos!!” everyone gets distracted and forgets about poor Elijah.

    AND THEN, (and maybe I’m borrowing from John Carpenter’s “The Thing” here) dead Elijah’s head separates from his body and grows spider legs and crawls into the darkness. All the cool kids are partying and decide to go inside to play Boggle or whatever and the last person forgets to shut the back door. We watch as Elijah’s Spider Head crawls through the backdoor. We hear awful screams as the screen fades to black.

  43. Spoiler Alert: Mrs. Tingle rises from the dead and give Katie Holmes an ‘F’ in love interests and then shoots everyone with a crossbow.

  44. Spoiler alert: Katie Holmes breaks up the wedding and Sookie sues her in federal court!

  45. Spoiler alert: Katie Holmes was dead the whole time.

  46. SPOILER ALERT: The cast of the Big Chill shows up to add a generational gap to the sexual tension.

  47. I have a dyslexia that causes me to read Josh Duhamel as Josh Duncehammer. Literally every time.

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