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BLING BLING!
Hey cool teens, if you’re cool and you’re a teen, you probably already got a data blast on your Microsoft Kin about last night’s Teen Choice Awards, but maybe you’re grounded because your parental units are total lame-o “squares,” in which case we’ve got the neat info you need. After the jump (word up!) we’ve got the FULL rundown of last night’s winners in Movies and TV and Music and Sports and Other. (Congratulations to Shakira for winning “Best Activist.”) Of course, if an adult were to see this list, he or she might think that an awards show that is able to present Channing Tatum an award for Best Actor with a straight-face has no serious reason to exist (and on that note, do teenagers actually want to watch awards shows? Don’t they have at least 1,000,000 more fun things to do with themeselves? Like playing XBOX and fucking? These are questions some stupid adult who doesn’t know ANYTHING and who certainly doesn’t “get it” might ask). But that same adult might notice the qualifier that Channing Tatum won the award for Best Actor in an Action-Adventure, at which point the adult might momentarily relent and think “fair enough,” only to find that the winner for Best Actor Full Stop is Sam Worthington for his performance in Avatar, which seems like an action-adventure or is the adult missing something, the adult thinks. And then they go on some super boring rant about how it’s insane that Katy Perry is eligible to and does win an award at the awards show she is hosting and the whole time their breath just smells like death. UGH YUCK AREN’T ADULTS THE WORST?! It’s like, shut up, grandpa. Why don’t you go to your room?! LOL.
DOWNLOAD THE FULL LIST DIRECTLY TO YOUR FACE AFTER THIS JUMP. SoBe.
MOVIES
Choice Movie: Action Adventure
“Sherlock Holmes”
Choice Movie Actor: Action Adventure
Channing Tatum, “G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra”
Choice Movie Actress: Action Adventure
Rachel McAdams, “Sherlock Holmes”
Choice Movie: Sci-Fi
“Avatar”
Choice Movie: Liplock
Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, “The Twilight Saga: New Moon”
Choice Movie: Fight
Mia Wasikowska vs. The Jabberwocky, “Alice in Wonderland”
Choice Movie: Hissy Fit
Miley Cyrus, “The Last Song”
Choice Movie: Chemistry
Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, “The Twilight Saga: New Moon”
Choice Movie: Male Breakout
Liam Hemsworth, “The Last Song”
Choice Movie: Female Breakout
Taylor Swift, “Valentine’s Day”
Choice Movie: Male Scene Stealer
Kellan Lutz, “The Twilight Saga: New Moon”
Choice Movie: Female Scene Stealer
Ashley Greene, “The Twilight Saga: New Moon”
Choice Movie Actor: Sci-Fi
Sam Worthington, “Avatar”
Choice Movie Actress: Sci-Fi
Zoë Saldana, “Avatar”
Choice Movie: Fantasy
“The Twilight Saga: New Moon”
Choice Movie Actor: Fantasy
Taylor Lautner, “The Twilight Saga: New Moon”
Choice Movie Actress: Fantasy
Kristen Stewart, “The Twilight Saga: New Moon”
Choice Movie: Drama
“The Blind Side”
Choice Movie Actor: Drama
Robert Pattinson, “Remember Me”
Choice Movie Actress: Drama
Sandra Bullock, “The Blind Side”
Choice Movie: Romantic Comedy
“Valentine’s Day”
Choice Movie Actor: Romantic Comedy
Ashton Kutcher, “Valentine’s Day”
Choice Movie Actress: Romantic Comedy
Sandra Bullock, “The Proposal”
Choice Movie: Comedy
“Date Night”
Choice Movie Actor: Comedy
Ashton Kutcher, “Killers”
Choice Movie Actress: Comedy
Tina Fey, “Date Night”
Choice Movie: Horror/Thriller
“Paranormal Activity”
Choice Movie Actor: Horror/Thriller
Leonardo DiCaprio, “Shutter Island”
Choice Movie Actress: Horror/Thriller
Megan Fox, “Jennifer’s Body”
Choice Movie: Animated
“Toy Story 3”
Choice Movie: Villain
Rachelle Lefevre, “The Twilight Saga: New Moon”
Choice Movie: Dance
Sandra Bullock and Betty White, “The Proposal”
Choice Summer Movie
“The Twilight Saga: Eclipse”
Choice Summer Movie Star: Male
Robert Pattinson, “The Twilight Saga: Eclipse”
Choice Summer Movie Star: Female
Kristen Stewart, “The Twilight Saga: Eclipse”
TELEVISION
Choice TV Show: Drama
“Gossip Girl”
Choice TV Actor: Drama
Chace Crawford, “Gossip Girl”
Choice TV Actress: Drama
Leighton Meester, “Gossip Girl”
Choice TV Show: Fantasy/Sci-Fi
“The Vampire Diaries”
Choice TV Actor: Fantasy/Sci-Fi\
Paul Wesley, “The Vampire Diaries”
Choice TV Actress: Fantasy/Sci-Fi
Nina Dobrev, “The Vampire Diaries”
Choice TV Show: Action
“NCIS: Los Angeles”
Choice TV Actor: Action
Zachary Levi, “Chuck”
Choice TV Actress: Action
Yvonne Strahovski, “Chuck”
Choice TV Show: Comedy
“Glee”
Choice TV Actor: Comedy
Jonas Brothers, “JONAS”
Choice TV Actress: Comedy
Selena Gomez, “Wizards of Waverly Place”
Choice TV: Animated Show
“Family Guy”
Choice TV: Reality Show
“Keeping Up with the Kardashians”
Choice TV: Reality Competition Show
“American Idol”
Choice TV: Male Reality/Variety Star
Lee DeWyze, “American Idol”
Choice TV: Female Reality/Variety Star
The Kardashians, “Keeping Up with the Kardashians”
Choice TV: Villain
Ian Somerhalder, “The Vampire Diaries”
Choice TV: Personality
Ryan Seacrest
Choice TV: Breakout Show
“The Vampire Diaries”
Choice TV: Female Scene Stealer
Hilary Duff, “Gossip Girl”
Choice TV: Male Scene Stealer
Chris Colfer, “Glee”
Choice TV: Female Breakout Star
Nina Dobrev, “The Vampire Diaries”
Choice TV: Male Breakout Star
Paul Wesley, “The Vampire Diaries”
Choice TV: Parental Unit
Mike O’Malley, “Glee”
Choice Summer TV Show
“Pretty Little Liars”
Choice Summer TV Star: Male
Ian Harding, “Pretty Little Liars”
Choice Summer TV Star: Female
Lucy Hale, “Pretty Little Liars”
MUSIC
Choice Music: Male Artist
Justin Bieber
Choice Music: Female Artist
Lady Gaga
Choice Music: Group
Selena Gomez & The Scene
Choice Music: Rap Artist
Eminem
Choice Music: R&B Artist
Beyoncé
Choice Music: Rock Group
Paramore
Choice Music: Male Country Artist
Keith Urban
Choice Music: Female Country Artist
Taylor Swift
Choice Music: Country Group
Lady Antebellum
Choice Music: Single
“California Gurls,” Katy Perry
Choice Music: Hook Up
“Airplanes,” B.o.B featuring Hayley Williams
Choice Music: Breakout Artist – Male
Justin Bieber
Choice Music: Breakout Artist – Female
Selena Gomez and The Scene
Choice Music: Love Song
“When I Look At You,” Miley Cyrus
Choice Music: R&B Track
“OMG,” Usher
Choice Music: Rap/Hip-Hop Track
“Love The Way You Lie,” Eminem featuring Rihanna
Choice Music: Rock Track
“Ignorance,” Paramore
Choice Music: Country Song
“Fifteen,” Taylor Swift
Choice Music: Album – Pop
“My World 2.0,” Justin Bieber
Choice Music: Album – Rock
“Brand New Eyes,” Paramore
Choice Music: Album – R&B
“Jason Derülo,” Jason Derülo
Choice Music: Album – Rap
“Relapse,” Eminem
Choice Music: Album – Country
“Fearless,” Taylor Swift
Choice Summer Music Star: Male
Justin Bieber
Choice Summer Music Star: Female
Lady Gaga
Choice Summer Music: Song
“California Gurls,” Katy Perry featuring Snoop Dogg
SPORTS
Choice Athlete: Male
David Beckham (Soccer)
Choice Athlete: Female
Serena Williams (Tennis)
Choice Action Sports Athlete: Male
Ryan Sheckler (Skateboarding)
Choice Action Sports Athlete: Female
Maya Gabeira (Surfing)
FASHION AND BEAUTY
Choice Male Hottie
Taylor Lautner
Choice Female Hottie
Megan Fox
Choice Red Carpet Fashion Icon- Female
Selena Gomez
Choice Red Carpet Fashion Icon-Male
Taylor Lautner
Choice: Celebrity Fashion Line
“Miley and Max,” Miley Cyrus and Max Azria
OTHER
Choice Comedian
Ellen DeGeneres
Choice Twit
Ellen DeGeneres
Choice Web Star
Shane Dawson
Choice Videogame
The Sims 3
Choice Smile
Taylor Lautner
Choice Activist
Shakira
Choice American Idol Alum
David Archuleta
Most Fanatic Fans
“Twilight” Cast
Awesome list of awesome winners for an awesome awards show that is for awesome teenagers ONLY. Adults KEEP OUT. (Via ONTD.)
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I’m glad Nickelodeon has conveniently aggregated a list of things for me to avoid.
Incidentally, none of this is even related to Nickelodeon.
Nickelodeon is owned by MTV, which is owned by Viacom, a subsidiary of the Sheinhardt Wig Company…which I believe is owned by Nabisco.
(10 points and my undying love for the person that knows the second sitcom reference.)
Oh, those tweens and their love of Ellen Degeneres. She is definitely the favorite comedian of the 13-18 demographic!
A double win, even! Although Choice Comedian and Choice Twit might cancel each other out. I don’t know the rules. Kids?
I thought “choice twit” had something to do with twitter. Or was a misspelling of “choice twat”. Both options seems equally distasteful to me.
Oh my! A google search tells me you’re right, facetaco.
A google search for choice twat? Um….NSFW, methinks?
Can the Nielson Ratings Board use Teen’s Choice Awards to track pedophiles?
Didn’t you see the live segments where Chris Hansen (choice male: investigatory journalist) showed up at viewers’ houses? Except instead of an oversized check, he brought oversized arrest warrant.
Choice Puke
Lysdexia in his office
I’m suprised to see that Paramore edged the Shaggs out this year for Teen Choice: Rock Band. Maybe next year!
Don’t bring up the Shaggs, Gabe still has gotten over his love triangle with Dot and Betty.
choice videogame is sims 3? really?
JUST GO AWAY, DAD.
*slams door, weeps into Twilight pillow*
Sure, didn’t you know, teens are always sitting around playing Sims 3 and watching The Ellen Degeneres Show! Very realistic teen behavior!
Oh my god there was so much to worry about! Miley Cyrus and Megan Fox won awards for their acting! So did Taylor Swift, for a bit part in Valentine’s Day! If it wasn’t for Topher Grace I wouldn’t know that movie EXISTED. Kim Kardashian won two awards, for best reality show and best female reality star! There were award categories for reality shows!
But what kinda makes me feel OK: there were categories for “best hookup song”, “hissy fit”, and “chemistry”. When did teenagers become so self-aware and self-deprecating? They’re totally in on the joke.
are some of these categories made up so that taylor swift and vampire diaries can win awards? i mean, the majority kids haven’t always been into country music and sci-fi, right? taylor swift and vampire diaries – opening minds everywhere.
There is an award for best hissy-fit. There is one thing that this knowledge makes me want to do.
Let’s be honest though…Miley Cyrus definitely nailed that hissy fit. ACTRESS OF OUR GENERATION.
You guys, I really hope she doesn’t retire soon, and then renege on it a month into her retirement, because that’d SUCK.
Pshh, i can do way better
You talk the talk, but can you pitch the fit?
I’ve always thought the fact that the term teenager includes 18 year olds. They’re legal adults. They shouldn’t like twilight/be lumped into a group that loves twilight.
So many choices! Don’t teen’s like things other than TV shows, music, and movies?
Choice food: Go-Gurt
Choice air travel: Skate-boarding on rainbows
Choice President: Ash Ketchum
Choice of Choice: “Choice fart noise”
*teens. Grammar!
Or teenz.
Choice drink: Purple stuff, in an upset.
Sunny D was so robbed.
The Sunny-D is right behind it, tho.
I love all of you. To this day, that conversation is the conversation my best friend and I have when one of us opens a fridge for a drink.
You’d think they could’ve picked a model who didn’t appear to be recovering from stigmata. Yikes.
That’s the winner of Choice Male Breakout right there.
I’m pretty sure that the winner of Choice Male Breakout would be in all of the guys on Jersey Shore.
How can Nickelodeon afford to give out so many awards, I thought we were still in a recession?
Oops, never mind. Apparently this event(?) was on FOX. I guess that would explain how they found the money to broadcast something so terrible.
YIKES!
Mel Gibson and voice mail were totes robbed in the Choice Movie: Chemistry category.
I didn’t know the kids loved Sandra Bullock so much
They Forgot Choice Transportation: Razor Scooter (just edged out Heelies! I was so pissed you guys!)
And try as they might, Nickolodeon will not be able to bring ‘choice’ back into the lingo of youths
Stop trying to make ‘choice’ happen, Nickelodeon!
but it’s like slang from like….England.
This has more genres than netflix. Choice actress (Critically-acclaimed cerebral foreign comedy): Emma Watson
Why are all the awards preceded by “Choice” except the last one, did they forget the formula?
Fred is going to win ALL of these awards next year. Every fucking one.
At least Choice Web Star wasn’t Jesse Slaughter. Not all hope is lost.
But Basil Marceaux-dot-Com wasn’t even nominated? Bullshit.
shit’s rigged
Was this awards show three days long? BECAUSE THAT IS SO MANY AWARDS.
Between commercials, attempting to sedate the crowds and what appears to be roughly 600 awards … was this an award show or an all day wankathon?
What? No Human Centipede?!
I DEMAND A RECOUNT!!
It won “Choice Centipede” at the Tatum O’Neal Tech Awards the previous evening.
how long is that taylor swift album going to be eligible for awards? it came out like two years ago.
And “Date Night” winning multiple awards? The kids relate to how hard it is to keep sparks in your marriage!
“This is getting out of hand.”
Choice music: Hook Up? Did Chris Hansen present that one via satellite from someones kitchen?
Man! The Harry Potter kids got robbed!
I don’t want to be a cynic, since I respect Award Show Season, but it seems like they give an award to anyone who’s willing to show up to this thing in a marketing ploy.
TL;DR
“Why do you think we don’t let kids vote or work in coal mines? Because they’re stupid”
At least these stupid kids are smart enough to recognize Zachary Levi and Yvonne Strahovski for Chuck. Lesson: 12-year-olds are smarter than Emmy voters.
Sandra Bullock? Eminem? The Sims? KEITH URBAN?
Choice impending global disaster: Y2K.