Naomi Campbell today gave testimony at the War Crimes Tribunal of former Liberian president Charles Taylor at the Hague. You know, just normal stuff. Super models and genocidal dictators. Blood diamonds. Mia Farrow. International human rights. Secret midnight deliveries of velvet pouches filled with dirty stones. Hair up in poofs. It’s called planet Earth. Look it up. (Via Dlisted.)

Comments (72)
  1. I’d love to see her secret night pouch!


  2. She’s probably hiding the diamonds in that thing growing from her head. Snooky called, she wanted her disaster of a hairdo back.

  3. gifts all the time, at any hour of the night!?

    they’re just like us

    also: “dirty stones gift in the middle of the night joke” – dane cook

  4. Despite her, perhaps, peculiar bedfellows, the girl looks fabulous! So, all is forgiven.

  5. Ahh……ummm… ohhh….the thing about that is…uhh…hyrax pictures?

    • They are very distantly related to elephants!

    • At this lovely Zoo I love they have the Hyraxes (which I would call Hydrox when I was little because cookies) on this fake cliff face with holes and nooks and such…in front of this there are boar or wild pigs or something and then just a ways away diagonally and in full view of the furballs and porkchops are a few pacing pumas. And all I’ve ever seen those poor pumas do is pace and glare at the meal they are denied by their thin little cage. Just pace and glare, pace and glare…. BUT I’m sure it’s fine. I’m not professor zoos!

    • Thanks for this! I just went down a huge Wikipedia rabbit-hole, reading about the descent of mammals and recent extinctions. SO GOOD.*

      *Extinction is not good.** Learning is good.

      ** Extinction is good when it involves diseases and arachnids, but only then.

  6. She then threw the diamonds at her housekeeper

  7. “Then I fucked the dirty stones at his head and said ‘DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I AM? COME BACK WITH SOME CLEAN FUCKING STONES!’” is what she said next, probably.

  8. *Naomi fires her RAZR across the courtroom, striking opposing counsel in the head*

    Counsel: “Your Honor, this is highly unusual!”

    Judge: “No it isn’t.”

  9. like mama always said, when you lie down with dictators, you wake up with diamonds. duh!

  10. My Chuck Taylors don’t give me dirty diamonds, just dirty stinky feet.

  11. Oh Naomi Campbell. There is nothing about your testimony that doesn’t make me want to slap you. And then clockwork-orange you with documentaries about African child soldiers, you big jerk.

  12. On a side note: I am thankful that I don’t practice before the Hague War Crimes Tribunal:

    Looks like someone ate lunch at Red Lobster and forgot to take off their bib!

  13. Do you remeber when Naomi Campbell showed up for her trash collecting community service sentence in some super expensive one of a kind ball gown? You guys remember that?

  14. Blood diamonds are a girl’s best friend.

  15. This testimony makes her seem dumber than a bag of dirty stones.

  16. Secret Night Pouch of Dirty Stones is one hundred percent my band’s name.

  17. Quincy Jones was there too? Sure, why not!

    The world is way, waaaay weirder than I had imagined.

  18. Haven’t had my coffee yet, but WHAT IS GOING ON IN THAT VIDEO???

  19. is it perjury that she says she’s never heard of Liberia? because even if she doesn’t know what/where it is, she’s definitely heard of it. they mention it in school, several times (and more if you take world history, geography, and blood diamonds 101).

  20. Somebody hold my stones.

  21. Listen, as someone hailing from a country where most TV channels have been providing detailed, biased daily coverage from the Hague Tribunal (on account of so many of our countrymen being war criminals and such), Naomi’s pretty face is a pleasant change, and she wouldn’t even be in the running for the stupidest things said on that stand – just check out some of the stuff Vojislav Seselj, who’s currently being tried there, spouts while testifying and/or defending himself.

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