Sure, biopics are the worst, but how about a 3D biopic? ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND?! From DeadlineHollywood:

Paramount Pictures has made a deal to turn Justin Bieber’s life story into a 3D feature biopic. Davis Guggenheim, the Oscar-winning director of An Inconvenient Truth, is negotiating to direct. The film doesn’t have a title, but Bieber will play himself in the film. The pic will be sprinkled with performances from his current concert tour. The film will come out February 11, 2011 on Valentine’s Day weekend.

Cool. Cool idea for a cool movie about a cool dude. Quick question: how long is a biopic about a 12-year-old? Four minutes? Less? He isn’t even old enough for his brother to have died in a tragic drowning accident yet (Ray humor, 2010!) Is this going to be a Direct-to-Zune release? ANYWAY: what should the tagline be for this neat project that is real? Here are a couple of ideas:

• The True Story Of A 12-Year-Old Girl’s Two-Year-Long Career
• See Justin Bieber Like You Have Never Seen Him Before: In A Terrible Movie
• She Was 12 But She Got Better
• There’s Something Wrong With Bieber
• Justin Bieber 3D: To Catch All The Predators
• Baby: The Justin Bieber Short Story

Nailed it, I’m sure.

Comments (99)
  1. Justin 3ber

  2. Eenie Meenie Minie Movie: The Justin Biebopic

  3. Sliding Doors- The Justin Bieber story starting Gwyneth Paltrow

  4. Justin Bieber will play himself? But Ellen Page never even got a chance to audition!

  5. So real, you’ll want to reach out and touch him — then go to jail.

  6. First, the Mayan calendar predicted it…Now, science has confirmed it…but we never imagined it could literally happen.

  7. Sometimes, A Little Baby is All You Need to Justify Making A Movie

    • if someone sees this on my screen i am afraid i will be fired at work for child pornography.

    • For the love of God, you’re going to give his producers the idea of interpolating Seal’s “Crazy” into some stupid song about how a girl is making him crazy.

  8. JUST IN…your face!!!

  9. Justin Bieber?: I hardly know her!

  10. Kid Stays on the Scooter

  11. What’s Eating Justin Bieber?

  12. 2012 pt. 2

  13. Don’t go in the water Justin Bieber (without the appropriate parental supervision)

  14. In the theater at least you can’t hear them scream.

  15. “From the mind of M. Night Shymalan…”

  16. The horror…the horror.


  18. Pr3ciOMGz: Definitely NOT Based on the Novel “Push” by Sapphire

  19. No One Will Care in Three Years: The Movie

  20. Through the Revolving Glass

  21. Why didn’t we get this for Hanson 15 years ago?

  22. This VD see JB in 3D

  23. Don’t get him wet, keep him out of bright light, and never feed him after midnight.

  24. …and remember, the next scream you hear may be your own!

  25. Another Inconvenient Truth

  26. Good girls want him bad. Bad girls want him worse.

  27. From Fetus to Fame in just 12 years


    • when i was younger, my dad would sit on my chest until i said uncle in order to toughen me up or whatever. i would scream “I CAN’T BREATHE DAD. I CAN’T BREATHE.” his response was typically “if you can’t breathe then how are you yelling? you little shit!” your comment brings me back to those better times.

      also, this one time i found a fifty dollar bill at the park and he made me give it to him so he could “turn it in to the authorities.” true story.

  29. Available in entertainment cartridge form and direct download to videophone the Summer of the Year of the Depend Adult Undergarment.

  30. Out of the Mouth of Biebs

  31. Hair Too: The Life and Styles of Justin Beiber — “The Dawning of the Age of Hilarious.”

  32. No. NO. I am NOT sharing my 21st birthday, a milestone in my young life, with a goddamn Justin Bieber biopic. That cannot happen.

    On the other hand, I can just legally get way too drunk and forget it ever happened.

  33. Didn’t they already make this movie? The one where Sandra Bullock plays Usher, and Quinton Aaron plays Justin Bieber, and she takes him into her home and even though he is of a different skin colour and background than most of the other people in his situation, he eventually learns to be wildly successful at what he does and makes lots and lots of money doing it before writing a book and selling the rights to his biopic in order to make even more money?

    Are we thinking of the same movie here?

  34. Justin Bieber: Riding on a Segway. Bam bam bam bam bam bam.

  35. The Kids Aren’t All Right

  36. “We’ve got 3D birth footage.”

  37. “Davis Guggenheim, the Oscar-winning director of An Inconvenient Truth, is negotiating to direct.”

    The Justin Bieber Story, in breathtaking PowerPoint 3D.

  38. Full-on 3D Bieber all the way.

  39. Justin Time!

  40. “UnbeBieberble!” – Roberto Benigni

  41. Outbreak 3: Beiber Fever.


  42. “Fuck Doors.”

  43. While reading this story, I am on BART behind 3 teenage girls and one 20-something professional male discussing Justin Bieber’s Segway video. Man to girls: “axe should literally make him a spokesperson”. I want a shower and I want off this train.

  44. Sweeney Toddler, the Bieber of Fleet Street

  45. O Bieber, Where Art Thou?

  46. Luckiest unwed teenage mother ever?

  47. Bieber Blowout, starring Montana FIshburne.

  48. Bieber Boo: Electric Boobaloo

  49. Starring P Diddy in the “Punk’d” for a new generation.

  50. Congratulations Piranha 3-D, You Are No Longer As Ridiculous Seeming (little wordy)

  51. Biebception: Your Hair is the Scene of the Slightly Effeminate Bowl Cut.

  52. Bieber vs. Bieber, starring Biebl Streep and Dustin Hoffbieb.

  53. The Curious Case of Justin Bieber

  54. I was going to make a joke about a sequel to Sliding Doors, but then i got sucked into reading the plot synopsis on wikipedia and now my sense of humor has been wiped out. I wonder what life would be like if I hadn’t read that wikipedia page…

  55. A Litllte Lez Conversation – The Justin Beiber Story

  56. All the PG 13 parts will be delegated to Ludacris.

  57. Leave It to Bieber

  58. “The fact that this movie will make millions–probably even more than Jonas Brothers: 3D Concert Experience–racks us with shame.”

  59. The Bieber Locker
    The Big Le-Bieber
    Bieber Juice
    All That Bieber Jazz!
    She’s The Bieber (starring Amanda Bieber)
    Bieberly Hills Cop II: 2 Fast 2 Bieber

    You’re welcome, Hollywood.

  60. But the sequel is scrapped. Variety said: 2 Bieber not 2 Be

  61. Bieber: The Final Chapter

  62. There’s something wrong with Justin Beiber. But he’s over it. Because he is Set For Life.

    Ech. Ugh. I am not clever or witty about these things. But I love the videogum comments. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Videogum commenters are awesome.

  63. Justin Beiber’s “This Ain’t It”

  64. Really guys?! Like all of you?! Justin Bieber is an amazing singer and should not be put down like this! Alright lets say you guys were him… what would you do.. and dont say like i would kill myself or anything he is a normal boy and this is harsh!! Just cause he hasn’t hit puberty yet (i think he has though!!) doesn’t mean that he is a girl. He is a guy, FOR SURE. And, i know a lot of guys that age that don’t have a very deep voice!! He still has growing and whatever else to do!! I am a Belieber soo you guys just put yourself in his position, k? Bet you wouldn’t like to have all these haters! And most haters are jealous of him because he has the good looks, girls, and is very VERY talented at singing dancing playing gutair and piano!! so think before you say things and it doesnt mean you have to like him just stop hating it is soo soo ANNOYING.

    • Please tell me this is satire. I mean you even have the angled “omg this one makes me look skinny!!” picture that 99% of all teenage facebook users have.

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