Oh brother. His face barely even looks dry from the last time. Well, here we go again, I guess. Internet, START. YOUR. PHOTOSHOPS. The helmet is a nice touch, though. If nothing else, it will allow the Internet to place Sad Keanu in increasingly dangerous situations without any danger of Sad Keanu injuring himself or his meme. Also, far be it from me to judge, but apparently not too far: what is going on with his outfit? Blazer over t-shirt, fine, whatever. Blazer over t-shirt with baggy mom jeans, OK. Keanu Reeves is a 52-year-old man, he has earned the right to be comfortable. But blazer over t-shirt with baggy mom jeans and brand new cross-trainers? Did he just get divorced or something? If he is a newly divorced dad out looking for studio apartments in the Loneliness Estates and Single Towers complexes out by the airport, then ignore my line of questioning. But if he is a very successful movie star with millions of dollars who knows that he is being followed by people with cameras hoping to catch him on an off-day to continue feeding the vagina-dentata of our celebrity culture, then, you know, whoops.

Anyway: click through to enlarge, and then get to work. This meme isn’t going to wear itself out. (Via TheHighDefinite.)

Comments (104)
  1. I hope this end up being a series of pictures of Keanu looking sad in increasingly ridiculous outfits. Hopefully we’ll work our way up to the grand finale of “sad Keanu dressed as a Teletubby.”

  2. Bring it on, bus. Lakehouse Keanu is prepared for any eventuality.

  3. Look at Professor Jeans over here. One Gap ad and you think you know everything about jeans.

  4. “Did he just get divorced or something?”

    Actually his girlfriend was killed in a car accident after giving birth to a stillborn child.

    Wah- wah sound effect,

    - Debbie Downer

  5. I believed you for a second that Keanu Reeves might be 52 and I just about had a panic attack. But then I looked it up and he’s only 46. Which is much better somehow?

  6. What else are you supposed to where while riding this?

    • Where’s Chaka Khan’s Mom? We need to discuss the outragous per capita presence of scooters in Burlington, and the other things that can be worn, such as a small dog, an absurd amount of make-up and a bee-hive hairdo, a leather jacket, or a navy hat.

      • I’m here! I think Gabe canceled my Videogum for a bit, since my comments were disappearing into space – we’ll find out soon if it’s still happening.

        Such RELEVANT timing, however, as I was recently stuck on Battery St. behind a scooter, and spend 5 minutes discussing the etiquette with my passenger – it felt wrong to just zoom around but…mom’s got places to be, ya heard?

        The worst, however, was when I got stuck behind a fucking tandem bicycle going down Maple St, and I was in the hugest rush and they were just cruuuuuiiiiising, slowly, down the middle of the road, and they made me late to pick up my CSA and subsequently late to kickball.

        “There is nothing easy about my life.” – me

        • The etiquette is fuck them, cause you know they are just being lazzzzzy (seriously, I know some of the massive amounts of people on scooters in this town need them, but damn, I know some of them are just lazy, like that old dude who got a new one that is wicked fast and he rides while half-standing).

          Also, I think I hate the people who bike and interfere with traffic more than the people who bike on the sidewalk, and I yell at people who bike on the sidewalk ALL THE TIME. Two of my favorite incidents: Yelled at some kid who was hippie-rude in asking me to get out of the way as he biked by, so I told him to ride in the street, we argued. Minutes later, after he stopped at the Bean, he passed me again, this time riding on the grass, and glaring at me. I slow clapped him. The other one: Random dude bikes by a couple, the boyfriend yells at him, he yells back, the girlfriend tries to exctricate from the argument. I joined in on boyfriends side, from like four houses down.

          Random, unrelated question being asked for NO REASON. Are you a Burlington Young Professional on top of being a kickball aficionado?

          • I assume you mean a member of the official group? No. I have social anxiety. The words “I’d like to meet new people” give me hives, and then I get anxious and drink too much. Some have described me as “abrasive” in said situations.

            I do have a job.

      • Um, nothing I post shows up any more? Am I that boring? Gabe can you help me? How do I communicate these things to the right people?

        • That happened to me earlier this week, which is totally not fair what if I had a Monster’s Ball-worthy comment (maybe least-liked comment, but still!)? But I can read this so I think you’re good?

        • Now my response has gotten shunted to moderation. I think the Videogum Automated Defense System (VADS) has picked up on our Burlington-centeredness…But it’s funny VADS! Because our town is sorta ridiculous, especially so when you only talk about the ridiculous aspects of it.

    • “wear” (I hate myself.)

  7. I think he’s sad he just paid $6 for that Odwalla.

  8. This is the first thing that popped into my mind:

  9. He’s sad because he doesn’t have a pair of GAP 1969 PREMIUM JEANS

  10. i wonder if he’s wearing those new 1969 Premium jeans from Gap.

  11. Why hasn’t anyone sent him on his very own ReevesQuest yet? I mean that would surely cheer him up. The proof? Well I haven’t seen any upsetting pictures of Brody and Statham in recent days, have you?

  12. The Short Bus was late today, so Sad Keanu waited with his Odwalla juice drink.

  13. I don’t know how to do photoshop. So here is a Helmet Keanu video instead. Almost a ReevesQuest.

  14. [IMG][/IMG]

  15. Keanu Reeves should know better than to sit ANYWHERE until this whole thing blows over.

  16. Also, I was originally going to post something else, but “continue feeding the vagina-dentata of our celebrity culture” completely derailed my train of thought. This may be your magnum opus, Gabe.

  17. Now I want to see the movie “Teeth” again.

  18. Best thread ever.

  19. Oh man, this thread is beautiful. You are all beautiful.

  20. “Keanu in increasingly dangerous situations”, huh? I give you this:

    Sorry I don’t have access to PhotoShop at work. I’d like to continue a series of Keanu in various locations.

    Keep in mind that I have not forgotten Gabe’s add-on of “without any danger of Sad Keanu injuring himself or his meme.” Keanu’s helmet has space glass we cannot see and he is wearing an invisible protective spacesuit over his bare hands/mom jeans/blazer/trainers combo.

  21. Keanu was wearing almost the exact same outfit to a 21+ screening of Idiocracy at the Arclight movie theater in Los Angeles a few years ago. I was sitting a few rows ahead of him and he actually walked in the theater with the cover over his face (you know, the tinted glass part ). Nobody had any idea it was Keanu Reeves. It wasn’t until the movie started and I looked behind me to see he had lifted the cover off his face that I realized it was him. I thought, what a great way to call attention to yourself while trying to (presumably) do the exact opposite!

  22. I hope I’m not too late for this party, I brought this new Odwalla flavor:

  23. [IMG][/IMG]

  24. [IMG][/IMG]

  25. seriously, what is not happening here?

  26. Sorry I’m late.

  27. Should have had it while skydiving in Point Break. Just sayin.
    Amazing internet juice all over this website, by the way.

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