Titanic II trailer, you guys:

Obviously, this movie (which is REAL) is going to be OVERFLOWING (get it?) with Memorable Quotes, many of which didn’t make it into the trailer (not to mention, you don’t just give the Memorable Quotes away, they have to be earned). Here are a few that I definitely didn’t just make up at all:

  • “Welcome onto the Titanic.”
  • “This isn’t a floating boat. It’s a floating coffin.”
  • “I’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t serve Diet Red Bull on this ship. May I offer you a vodka and regular Red Bull?”
  • “Iceberg II!”
  • “I’m Twittering from the top of the worlllld! — sent via TweetDeck at 6:45PM.”
  • “You blow me first, BEFORE the jaccuzzi. THEN the midnight buffet.”
  • “Get me Bourne.”

Good quotes from a good movie. (Trailer via BuzzFeed.)

Comments (113)
  1. JACK I just became the king of the world on @foursquare! http://4sq.com/tITaniC less than 20 seconds ago via foursquare

  2. “You are tearing me apart, Iceberg!” The Hull that dripped people on the Atlantic.

  3. “You know, I don’t like the way these deck chairs are arranged at all!”

  4. BUT WAS IT THE SAME ICEBERG?!?!?!
    Inquiring minds want to know.

  5. “Iceberg Right Ahead! Recalculating. Recalculating. Recalculating.” – Captain TomTom

  6. “Hey, my ringtone is also ‘Nearer, My God, to Thee’!”

  7. “I want you to render me in photoshop the same way you render those other girsl in photoshop, Jack.”

  8. “It’s the most sophisticated ship ever created, but for some reason we still get passengers’ attention by just ringing a big bell.”

  9. “From the people who brought you Transmorphers, Paranormal Entity, and The Da Vinci Treasure…”

    • Has anyone here ever watched the production team’s magnum opus, “Snakes on a Train”? Because don’t. If you haven’t seen it, don’t. I had to be brought back to life Marcellus Wallace’s wife-style about halfway through because my heart just gave up and didn’t want to go on anymore.

  10. Oh man! ANOTHER iceberg?! WHAT ARE THE ODDS?!!!!!
    Seriously, is any one a scientist? Can i get a 95% confidence interval on this thing?

    • “Look, we’ve already gone and named the damn thing TITANIC II. Cn we at least make its maiden voyage a Caribbean route.” — Titanic II Cruise Line CEO

      “Don’t worry about it, pops. Its cool, its cool.” — Brash young Titanic II President. Also, the CEO’s son.

  11. “I just want my kids back.”

  12. I’m confused. Why wasn’t Rhianna in the trailer?

    another memorable quote:
    You sunk my Titanic II

  13. “You’re as cold as ice/You’re willing to sacrifice 1,517 people”

  14. I’ll have a Titanic II on the rocks

  15. “I’m getting too old for this ship!”

  16. Tommy Ryan: That’s typical. First class dogs come down here to take a shit.
    Jack: That’s so we know where we rank in the scheme of things.
    Tommy Ryan: Like we could forget……9/11

  17. “I’ll never Unfriend you, Jack. I promise.”

  18. why wasn’t this titled BNPG?

  19. Icrbergs, How do they work?

  20. Text message: “heded out on titanic 2, brb.”

  21. “Ship just got real.”

    I got a strong case of second hand embarrassment after watching this trailer.

    • You gotta be shipping me!

      I am so excited about this movie, and jealous of those who lived the dream of making it.

      It is exactly the kind of cheese I love. Or think I will love, and then am disappointed in, every single time. But the anticipation is so much fun! MAYBE IT WILL BE A BRILLIANT AND FREE-SPIRITED JOYRIDE OF A MEANINGLESS REVISIT TO A TERRIBLE TRAGEDY!!! i am so on board.

      • I’m not saying I couldn’t ever love this movie, I mean I probably could love it the same way you would love your kid at their kindergarden graduation after they throw up on the little girl standing next to them….. You know? You still love them but you are also extremely embarrassed.

    • Titanic 2: I Could Give Two Ships

  22. Titanic II – the birth of Titannica

  23. “Double Icebergs, all the way!!”

  24. Titanic 2: TWSS

  25. #Every night in my dreams, I poke you, I tweet you#

  26. “It’s so brave of Nickelback to continue playing.”

  27. Titanic II: 2TI2TANIC

  28. A string quartet will play their rendition of the classic “Tik Tok” as the ship is sinking.

  29. we’re gonna need a bigger boat…

  30. You can be blasé about some things, Rose, but not about Titanic II. It’s over a hundred feet longer than the Titanic I and far more wi-fi enabled.

  31. SPOILER ALERT: Because of global warming the Titanic II makes it across safe and sound.

  32. “You better CHECK your steamship before you WRECK your steamship.”– Zach Galifianakis

  33. “There are four billion people aboard this ship, but only enough Razor Scooters for four thousand?!”

  34. “Looks like history is repeating itself.” <—– GET THIS GUY AN OSCAR, A-SAP.

  35. i thought this was the trailer for Battleship: The Movie

  36. I heard that Celine Dion is revising her hit and “My Butt Will Go On” will be the theme song for this movie.
    #changehearttobuttsongs

  37. needless to say, Titanic II is going to make Titanic look like the actual Titanic.

  38. Titanic II is going to – metaphorically speaking – blow Titanic I out of the water, in terms of box office receipts.

  39. Is this movie going to end with everyone getting a life jacket and life boat because that is pretty much the FIRST thing you would make sure the Titanic II had if you built it right? Giant iceberg or not you wouldn’t be the owner and say “you know Titanic I didnt have enough life boats, DAMNED if the TII will either” amirite?

  40. ICEBERG, STRAIGHT TO DVD!

    No?

  41. “now ladies and gentlemen I’d like you to have your attention pleeease”

    A+ job Titanic 2. Now when can I buy tickets? (because you forgot to include a release date whoops!)

  42. What’s odd is that I hardly recognize any of the actors!

  43. My roommate was the set decorator for Asylum for a hot minute before they broke her spirit. I happen to know that the director of this movie has white boy bleached dreads, and insists on working in a pair of roller blades. Just know that.

  44. This post deserves a Bruce Davison tag. You are likely to find that guy in ANY film. (Or TV show — Hi, Lost.)

  45. “Oh man, I can’t fucking believe this. Another ship, another iceberg. How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice?”
    -John McClane

  46. Just glad to see Senator X-man is still getting work.

  47. “if that asshole Elisabeth Hassleback is on this ship,I wouldn’t call our eventual deaths a complete loss”

  48. There are are too many mother effing icebergs in this mother effing ocean!

  49. “Where we’re going, we don’t need roads!”

  50. “From the mind of M. Night Syamalamalan”

  51. “Titanic I, right ahead!”

    The Titanic II crashes into the side of the original wreckage of the Titanic, which James Cameron had finally just recovered from the ocean floor. The Titanic II both figuratively and literally demolishes Cameron’s hopes of making a sequel himself.

    • He would have called his sequel “Titanic: Gulf of Desire”. The restored Titanic (Cameron was going to fully restore the original wreckage of the ship for the new movie) goes on a (second) maiden voyage across the Caribbean (“No iceberg will make a mockery of the Titanic again!”) until it crashes into an oil derrick and oil starts spewing out into the gulf (insert extensive footage of the oil spill [topical and realistic!] captured by Cameron himself back when he went down to help fix the disaster). The young lovers that had just discovered one another despite coming from different worlds (they were on opposing teams for cruiseship trivia) may have something pseudo-political to say before the whole thing goes down in a black sticky mess.

      • It would star Katherine Heigl as Prudence (“I am not a foreman in one of your mills that you can command. I am your fiancée!”), Joseph Gordon Levitt as Oliver (“I’m the Pirate of the Caribbean!!”), and John Rhys-Davis as the snide and cavalier ship’s captain Hector (“God himself couldn’t sink this ship… again!”).

        • The movie would have been shot in mind-stunning 4-D, in which the audience could interact directly with the film (if enough of the audience braces the ship in the third act, they could keep it from breaking apart, though Oliver and Prudence are still separated in the end when Prudence tries to break up a group of bullies picking on a kid and gets stabbed).

          Everyone involved in making the movie will win one Oscar apiece (except for Heigl, always the bridesmaid) and awareness raised from the movie will finally motivate people to actually fix the hole in the ocean once and for all, using a 3-mile-long gold statue of James Cameron (“to scale, ladies!” [-James Cameron - 1920-2012])

  52. Word association has proven quite telling yet again. This really does look like the piece of crap my brain fired back with when presented with “Titanic 2″.

    My first thoughts upon reading this were “Um how does a ship sink twice? Does Leo wake up and say ‘psyche!’? I gotta know what soap opera ‘he’s dead-oh wait; he’s not’ they got their idea from to do a sequel.”

    (In the interest of full disclosure… I love soap operas. I have horrible taste in movies/tv. Intellectually I will shun this movie, but ultimately I will most likely end up watching it and secretly liking it as I love all things horribly cheesy. In fact, I may even cry. Do I get any points for realizing that I like crap? At least I’m aware right?)

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