Holy moly. Look, we all know that Elisabeth Hasselbeck is an idiot. Your mom knows that. There is not a single person in all of America, I’m sure, who is not baffled on a daily basis at why this painfully stupid woman continues to be allowed on a popular, nationally-syndicated talk show featuring OPINIONS. I’m not saying that dumb people aren’t entitled to have their dumb ideas about the issues of the day, they just don’t actually need to have a giant public forum through which to inarticulately voice those impossibly stupid opinions. Someone give this lady a livejournal and let’s be done with it. The people who must be the most proud and excited about Elisabeth’s highly visible role in the public debate are WOMEN. “Finally, someone who represents US.” Yikes. ANYWAY: despite the fact that we all know that Elisabeth Hasselbeck is a moron, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t still maintain the ability to surprise us! On a recent episode of The View, when the conversation turned to the increased number of older women engaging in homosexual relationships, Hasselbeck, the one-woman Genius Bar, declared boldly and with an inordinate degree of confidence, that this is because there aren’t any good men around!

Oh good grief. What a stupid asshole!

“This show is a lot of fun, and VERY interesting.” — Women

The best part of this clip is when Sherri Shepard jumps in to help Elisabeth. Perfect. I’m sure Elisabeth sent her a giant Harry & David gift basket as a sign of her gratitude after the show. “I really appreciated someone with your gravitas and well-known intellectual abilities standing behind me and my interesting, thoughtful, and important opinions.” That’s what the card said. In crayon. Just kidding. Elisabeth Hasselbeck would never send Sherri Shepard a Harry & David gift basket. TOO JEWY. (Via ONTD.)

Comments (79)
  1. At least she’ll have angry lesbians to answer to when she’s bitter and alone in middle age.

  2. I officially declare her opinions to be fake and gay.

  3. If a third runner-up on a 2001 reality show can’t express her opinions to a national audience, who can? Fourth runner-ups? Not in this America, buddy,

  4. Man, I used to have a big crush on her when she was Elizabeth Filarski on Survivor: Outback. You know back in the dark ages, she was good at wearing a bathing suit, but I guess not for much else.

  5. Oh, dear. There are too many things wrong with this clip to even start. Instead, here is a gif expressing my thoughts

  6. This sounds like the punchline on a really bad sitcom:

    Grumpy Older Married Woman: What made you realize you were a lesbian at this point in your life?

    Grumpy Older Single Woman: There were no good men around!

    *LAUGHTRACK*

    Grumpy Older Married Woman: The ironic thing is, if they weren’t so busy chasing young girls around, they might actually be turned on by your new found interests.

    *LAUGHTRACK*

  7. Sometimes, late at night, when I’m feeling lonely, I can’t resist the urge to buy ‘The Complete Cher’ on iTunes, and put in a loan application for an antique shop in Palm Springs.

    Just me?

  8. Elizabeth Hasselbeck: Stupid thing!
    The lesser half of my brain: She’s pretty!
    The better half of my brain: Who gives a care! She’s dumb! Really, really dumb. Pretty does not outweigh dumb, we’ve been over this.
    The lesser half of my brain: You’re right. You usually are.
    The better half of my brain: Thank you. Sometimes you have it though, like being homeless in a foreign country of your own free will, that was rad.
    The lesser half of my brain: Thanks friend. (beat) I think we’re letting Steve Winwood have too much an influence on us.
    The better half of my brain: You’re right.

  9. It’s amazing that people still believe homosexuality is just a change of address card that you can fill out at any point in your life.

    • “We’ve done studies”
      - Hasselbeck Laboratories

    • People pretty much tend to think that of women (as opposed to men, for whom homosexuality is indicative of a disease or a dirty soul) – they being people who think that female sexuality is only and entirely dependent on the quality and number of men around.

      I wish there was a joke in this (other than what passes for some people’s opinions).

      Righteousangergum over here.

  10. Elisabeth Hasselbeck is 11 years old.

  11. The part that scares me isn’t Elisabeth’s ridiculous opinions.

    The part that scares me is that Elisabeth’s ridiculous opinions as presented in a national public forum are entirely relevant. Because she represents millions of Americans who share the same points of view as her. It’s only devastating to watch her sit up there and spew inanely stupid bullshit without repercussion because of the scary reality that a huge part of the show’s demographic doesn’t see it as inanely stupid bullshit.

  12. needs more high-pitched yelling.

  13. I mean…. to a certain extent, this isn’t just blather. Human sexuality is fluid and complex, and it doesn’t seem unreasonable that an older woman would find herself wanting a female companion that shares the same interests, and it doesn’t seem unreasonable that someone who has identified as straight could discover a new avenue of sexual fulfillment that she had heretofore never thought about.

  14. Ugh…MEN! Don’t you hate when they turn you into a lesbian and then you have to go out and buy a whole box of chocolates and sit in bed and eat all of them in one go? I really do hate that.

  15. She’s so antiquated it’s almost* cute. Men can’t fulfill women emotionally! I find her comments more insulting towards men than lesbians. FACT: there are mature, emotionally intelligent men who are capable of having healthy, meaningful relationships with women. SHOCKING.

    *not in any way shape or form.

  16. Elisabeth, can you DM me your parents’ address? I need to smack them SO many times.

  17. Also, I think we can all agree that her nonsense got an discomforting amount of applause.

    • I took it as anticipatory applause, like: “Yay! I can’t wait to see this on Videogum!”

    • I don’t think that was “we agree with you” applause, I think it was more like “pretty lady made a joke we think, though we don’t understand it which is why we’re not laughing, so to cover up this uncomfortable silence we should clap” applause.

      I notice audiences do this a ton. Just watch Bill Maher’s monologues on Real Time to get tons of examples of this. He makes a joke that doesn’t quite work, pauses for the expected uproarious laughter, the audience giggles a little, Bill stares into the camera, audience gets nervous at silence, starts applauding, Bill criticizes audience by saying something like “Sorry, I didn’t know that was such a touchy subject with this audience” as if they had acted offended by not laughing hysterically, when in fact the joke just wasn’t very good.

  18. Yeah, but that’s a nice jacket! JK, sure it’s a nice jacket, but it doesn’t excuse her (lack of) brain. Sherri, though, IMHO, is truly the dumbest one. And go Joy!

  19. I blame ABC for creating a forum for loud-mouthed idiots to spew their ill-thought-out opinions spontaneously on national television for millions of viewers. Also, I can’t believe “The View” is going to be the first daytime talk show to have a sitting president on as a guest. Can’t wait to see the informed and articulate conversation that takes place tomorrow!

    • I’m just wondering what Barbara Walters (she started the view, right? Hold on…right, thanks Wikipedia!) has on the president to get him into that rich stew of stupid.

  20. jesus, this show sounds exactly like my mom and her 3 sisters after a whole shitload of wine except minus the intelligent opinions, humor, and, presumably, alcohol.

  21. i found it unbearably funny that the only things Sherri Shepherd was allowed to say during all of that before she was cut off each time was:

    “So your saying all along – so your saying aaaaaaall along”
    “Woman get older, its just like a been there done that kind of thing”
    “Companionship”

  22. I’ve done studies on Elisabeth Hasselbeck and found that she is a dumb twat.

  23. While I think her views are ignorant and misguided, I don’t think they are necessarily homophobic. In my opinion the reason “right wing” Christians have so much trouble with homosexuality is not the “homo” part as much as the sexuality part. I have Christian friends whose parents try to shield them from talking about sex, so when homosexuality comes up, it is simpler to demonize gays than to have a frank an honest conversation about something that God gave us all. Ironically, Christianity is supposed to embrace everyone and the Bible itself mentions that we are ALL sinners. Without going into further religious discussion I want to summarize this by saying that outright homophobia is a sin.

  24. when I used to reside Down Under,they played this every weekday at 1pm.Then,I was a uni-going rut who preferred to eat takeaway lunches over afternoon shows,but now that I’m over that phase and somewhat a functional human being,I have to wonder: who has the time to watch this show? Do offices in the US have special TV’s meant for people to gather and watch The View,or do they specifically cater to bored housewives and lazy school-goers? Another story is that for a while,where I live now,they used to play this show at night,and all that brightness and screaming and cheering makes for a horrible evening show,like watching Ellen after midnight.

    • I believe you’ve answered your own question, it’s aimed at housewives or people, specifically women, who don’t work full time during office hours throughout the week. Hence the hosts are all women, the audience are almost all women, they discuss and promote things which probably appeal to or interest most women, etc.

  25. These ladies don’t give women a bad name… they give HUMANS a bad name. Don’t be sexist, people.

  26. Girl has a straight up crazy eye. It’s hard to take someone’s political views seriously when they look like they could just as easily tell you that their cat Mittens just graduated from cat-iversary with a Bachelor of Cuteness

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