paltrow_bieber

Gwyneth Paltrow has released an honest to goodness musical single, “Country Strong,” from the soundtrack to her upcoming movie of the same name. It features her singing very earnestly about, like, dusty roads and cross-country bus trips, with a thick southern accent. Cool. Cool single. “Hi, where do you stock the cool singles?” That’s a question being heard in record stores across the country/WORLD. Of course, not EVERYONE is a fan. Justin Bieber, upon hearing the first few bars, jumped onto his Segway scooter and attempted to escape through the parking lot, being chased by dozens of screaming Gywneth Paltrow fans who wanted him to stay and listen to the rest of the song. Some of you might argue that these are two completely separate incidents, and that Justin Bieber’s Segway scooter escape through a parking lot has nothing to do with Gwyneth Paltrow’s weird new single that is just like, what? What is this? Who wants to listen to this? Someone smash that person’s Zune. (And thanks a lot, England, she was supposed to be yours now.)

But I think you will see, if you check out the surveillance tapes, the corollary relationship is distinct and real and incontrovertible:

VS.

I rest my case. (Via Vulture/Vulture.)

Comments (63)
  1. Does this mean that Justin Bieber is our generation’s Paul Blart?

  2. While I have zero interest in any song that sounds like this, GP’s version doesn’t sound too different than one of those other ladies that does this for a living’s versions. This isn’t like when my dad tells me that “all rap sounds the same;” I’m just giving a half-hearted defense of Lady Gweneth.

  3. That’s the laziest mob I’ve ever seen. They had several opportunities to tackle and assault him and missed every single one. Kids today…sigh.

    • My question is…Where do they all come from? And what do they hope to accomplish by mobbing him? At one time, I was a 12 year old girl, and I would have chased down JTT, et al, but I have no idea why I would have done that.

    • I love how some of them even slow down while pretending to be running at full speed in order NOT to catch up. “It’s not your sorry-ass PG-13 Segway, Justin. It’s us! See?”

  4. From the ‘Things i wish I’d Made Up’ File:

  5. Honestly, I like it better than Scarlett Johansson’s attempts at singing.

    Please note: that is not strong praise.

    • it was pretty ballsy of scarlett to make a tom waits cover album.. even if it did suck.

      http://www.vimeo.com/5530578

      that man is a genius.

      • the only good thing to come of that debacle is when i saw tom waits the glitter doom tour he actually played “falling down”, and it was beautiful and amazing, and i feel like he did it out of mortification that he let scarjo do that album and had to remind everyone that he is the best.

    • Boo! I like Scarlett’s voice. Granted, I never heard the Waits album, but I loved her collab with Pete Yorn, and she just covered a Steel Train song and I dig it.

    • The internet ate my comment?

      I really loved Scarlett’s duets album w/ Pete Yorn last year, and I like her cover of the Steel Train song that just came out. I’ve never heard the Waits album, but in general I pretty much dig SJ.

      • The Pete Yorn/SJ album was short,succinct and totally and absolutely wonderful.Their live performances however,are deathly boring,so its unfortunate that Youtube only has this to offer.But seriously,that album was incredible.

  6. Maybe it’s an homage to Meryl Streep singing a country song at the end of Postcards From the Edge, but when Meryl Streep did that stupid song, my brain didn’t automatically fill in images from truck commercials.
    Automatic deduction of one million points.

  7. Gwyneth Paltrow: champion song-namer.
    Seriously, “Country Song” is, like, the best name for a song i never want to listen to ever again.

    • Oops — probably want to give that title another once over. (Yeah! Good job, teacherman. Way to help this poor monster realize the actual name of this Gwenyth Paltrow song. Lives are better for it!).

  8. I have an irrational affection for her. It’s not strong enough to make do something as rash as watching her movies or listening to this song, but for some reason I don’t want to believe that she’s a terrible nightmare person. It’s puzzling.

  9. I look forward to the video of Justin Bieber being mobbed by teenage girls, and then brutally disemboweled by them. When is that video coming out?

  10. Wait, wait, why isn’t Chris Martin singing in this song? (or is he, the video wouldn’t load)

    Also, Justin Beiber trying to get away on a Segway, amazing, he really needs to go back to school and learn about German and stuff.

  11. Someone certainly puts the first syllable of “country” into “country.”

  12. Give her a break. This is miles better than her last single, “Money Can’t Buy You Class”

  13. i actually had to stop listening to levon helm’s rendition of “wide river to cross” to listen to “country song” by a new york woman with a british accent ape a shitty style of southern music. sad.

  14. I haven’t listened to it yet, but I’m guessing “Country Song” is a typical country song about how hard it is to have a website with shitty food, a rock star husband, shiny oil legs, insufferable insufferableness and yoga tips. You know, normal country music themes.

  15. Why can’t Justin Bieber fall down and get trampled like REAL musical artists with questionable haircuts, or rather, haircuts that were certainly questionably at the time but not so much now, although they do resemble in a way the hair of Justin Bieber?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkKra3_pfBY

    The Beatles are who I am talking about in this comment.

  16. Country music? So pedestrian. Doesn’t she have a singing guru/specialist/friend who make her an opera singer?

  17. When you’re escaping a mob of squealing tweens, Segway is pretty much the classiest way to escape, so Bieber gets a point from me for that.
    And a point from this guy:

  18. i everything want you see go to ready love you keep yourself said hot sex 90 vh1 joy watkins pokemon red and blue versions.

  19. “Aren’t I awesome?”
    -Gwyneth Paltrow

  20. Country WRONG. (I was going to make a play on the first part of the title, but Mel Gibson has us all trumped on c-word references with his classic “Smug c*nt”.)

  21. Gwenyth Coldplay’s song won’t load. I will take it as a sign from the Internet Gods that I ought not watch/listen to it.

  22. As if country music wasn’t bad enough. Thank you, Gwyneth.

  23. Who knew preteen girls are like a shrieking fast-moving zombie swarm.

  24. I was really scared that I might like this, because I have this deep primordial affinity for banjos and fiddles, there’s really nothing I can do about it, but thank god my annoyance at the Chevy commercial lyrics and stupid accent won out.

    I swear not all country is this stupid, you guys.

  25. We’re watching these videos together, right? With the volume on the Great Bieber Escape turned down a little, so the Paltrow Country Ballad is like the soundtrack to his shining moment? It’s better that way.

  26. Country strong? COUNTRY STRONG?!?!? Are you kidding me? What an absolute skank. I think Gwyneth Paltrow (aka Gwyneth Paltrow) being featured in a Jay Z song (they are besties after all) would be more believable than this.

    More like Cunt-ry Strong, am I right? No?

  27. I’m coming out of lurkergum to share the fact that many moons ago I had a dream where a witch-thing put a curse on me and I could only listen to screamo music or else I would die. Then I found out Gwyneth Paltrow released a country song, and dream version of me was really excited about it for some reason, but then I realized I would die if I listened to it. Then I woke up and was all “LOLZ, Gwyneth Paltrow singing country music?”

    And now this happens, and I believe I have ESPN or something. (Are Mean Girls references considered humorous still?)

    I fear this post isn’t witty enough to belong here. I’m going to return to my cave now with the other lurkers.

  28. She is married to my husband (who is a bit of a douche, i know), so she pretty much needs to be dropped to the bottom of bitch ocean.

  29. Disney channel’s version of The Walking Dead

  30. Sometimes you gotta go country.

  31. What did they use AutoTwang on her vocals?

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