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Throughout the convention, we will be reporting on our Harry Knowles sightings, in addition to updating you when we see someone we THINK is Harry Knowles who turns out NOT to be Harry Knowles. Starting…now.
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Off-topic: Monsters, we’ll be chatting during the new episodes of Mad Men, starting this Sunday, so if you want to join us then: http://videogum.com/chat/
I’ve got some catching up to do then, still only halfway through season 2
i watched the last six episodes of season two last night. let’s just say, shit gets real.
Off-off-topic-topic: POWDERED WINE.
http://shop.katadyn.com/product/8016427?catalog_id=5&language_id=4
Change “a special moment at night camp” to “mid-day at your desk” and I am SOLD.
Even FURTHER Off-Topic –
Great proper usage of the word further (vs. farther). A person who worries about proper grammar usage on the interwebs would be very satisfied.
Thanks, Dirty!
On-topic: Harry Knowles is both a terrible writer and a terrible person. But I would no joke like to go to Butt-numb-a-thon, so if you see him, put in a good word for me please. Tell him I loved his disgusting commentary on the sexuality in Twilight: Eclipse!
Definitely agree on the terrible writer part, but what are you basing the terrible person thing on? Just curious.
The fact that he gives positive reviews to terrible movies that offer him perks, and also that trying to insert that much sexuality into a movie for children is sort of sickening.
I thought it was widely accepted that the Twilight series is a bizarre abstinence parable? Doesn’t the last book (SPOILERS FOR GARBAGE AHEAD) contain mopey and sparkly getting married, doing it resulting in sparkly breaking mopey’s pelvis with the power of his vampire loving, and then later biting open mopey’s abdomen to extract the monster baby? And then a grown man falls in love with the infant?
Yep, sounds like Mormonism to me.
Harry Knowles is a terrible person because he’d rather piss and shit himself in a movie theater than leave to use the restroom. Multiple friends who’ve worked at the Alamo Drafthouse (and had to clean said theater) confirm this.
Some might call that “dedication defecation.”
He’s in a wheelchair by choice. He’s just gross, ok?
I once saw Harry Knowles in the absolute LAST place you would expect to find Harry Knowles: THE GYM.
I AM SERIOUSLY NOT KIDDING.
Aren’t Beyonce and her dad estranged now that Harry knocked up his assistant or whatever? I can’t keep all my crazy celebrity parents gossip straight.
I go to get my Harry Knowles laser hair-removed once a month.
*totally positive this is the first time any joke of this nature has ever been made. nailed it!
Don’t you hate it when you think you see Harry Knowles and it turns out that that’s just your boyfriend?
I just read his Wikipedia page. His life got pretty hilarious in the 90′s
“With money from his mother’s life insurance, he purchased a top-of-the-line computer and a friend arranged for Internet service allegedly so they could play Doom online together. After teaching himself how to navigate the Internet…”
WHOA, you mean he didn’t go to internet school or anything? Not even a certificate from Sally Struthers ICS?
To be fair to Knowles, back in the 90s you had to spend alot of time avoiding the Lawnmower Man when you were online.
“Teaching himself how to navigate the internet” probably involved figuring out how to email someone a link to hamsterdance.
Also, no one “allegedly” played Doom. If you had a top of the line computer in the 90′s, you played Doom. And you are not ashamed.
I think that’s a cover-up for the fact that he only had an average computer that couldn’t handle Doom, and he was forced to play Ken’s Labyrinth instead.
I just started an internet tailspin of googling computer games I played as a kid and started wondering if it was a good decision for my parents to let me play Wolfenstien 3-D when I was 9 years old.
9 year olds don’t know what Nazis are, do they?
He seems like more of a Lemmings guy to me, or Jezzball, hooray Jezzball
all jokes aside, Doom is a fantastic game.
This thread contains way too much sexual innuendo re: Harry Knowles. Way too much.
Once Harry Knowles was in the lobby of my office building, waiting for some sort of family function. I was pretty excited (he’s one of those “Internet celebrities!”) and said hello. I think he thought I was a stalker. That’s right, I creeped out Harry Knowles. #truestory
I saw Harry Knowles at my gym once. It was…unsettling.
What was it like waking up next to him the following morning in his bed that you shared?
Pretty much just what you’d expect.
Please tell me which gym it was, so that I can avoid it at all costs.
Wait, I forgot, I avoid every gym at all costs.
Why do you call your town’s arcade “my gym”?
My town has like 15 gyms and 0 arcades, which is pretty sad.
I think you’re the second monster to have a Harry Knowles gym-sighting. You should probably form a support group or something.
I will look into that! It was fairly traumatic, even though, thankfully and also unsurprisingly, I never saw him there again.
I don’t know who the H Harry Knowles is. Even after googling.
He’s hard to miss!
I went there.
I had to google him, too. Does this mean we’re not as good at the internet as we thought we were? Will Gabe still love us?
Think of a real-life Comic-Book Guy with more hair and more inappropriate sexual comments, also he has his own website.
Up until this point I thought this was about Beyonce’s dad and some videogum joke I missed…. you can imagine my surprise when google images corrected me.
I read that as the HMS HARRY KNOWLES.
Look up “name dropper” in the dictionary. There’s a picture of him.
You guys remember Phantom Menace? Back when we still thought Lucas could do no wrong and anything Star Wars would be great?
Early in his Internet career, Harry had a contact in the Lucas camp and spilled a lot of early details on Phantom Menace. That’s how he got Internet famous. He even guest-hosted an episode of Siskel-Ebert back when Siskel was having health difficulties.
I used to read his site aintitcool.com religiously until it slowly dawned on me that HK was the king of hyperbole. Everything was either the best ever or the worst ever. As usual, films tended to be more in the middle than he said. But he’s whip up a frenzy for a film, any film, and often enough it’d be for films that he had received swag for, or got a buddy-buddy call from the director, or some other type of perk. I don’t know if he’s corrupt as much as he susceptible to anyone remotely famous who acts half-way nice to him.
I met him once back when I lived in Austin. He was hosting a screening for the film Man of the Century (incidentally a good, original comedy that I want to rewatch one of these days). Before the film, he chatted with some of us.
What was remarkable was that every other sentence was a name drop. “Oh, I spoke to ACTION DIRECTOR on the phone the other day and he said…” “I happened to be at a screen for Romantic Comedy and saw the very lovely TALENTLESS ACTRESS there…” It was somewhat amusing at first but then it became pretty obvious that he was desperately trying to impress us. It was a little sad.
Anyway, that’s Harry Knowles.
I care less who he is after googling him.
Does Gabe have a crush on Harry Knowles? Move over, Lisa Lampanelli, make way for something equally meaty and delicious!
you must have had a V8 or something because you are killing it this morning.
Lisa Lampanelli is performing at my school’s PAC this weekend. I’m looking forward to being anywhere but there.
Guys, if you’re so hungry for new Videogum stuff that you’re willing to accept a silly soy-based substitute:
http://werttrew.tumblr.com/post/842021675/fauxteenkorner
Plagiarist commentator? That’s not your commentator meme so stop it? Help me out here, Steve.
Either way, awesome Teen Korner, great job!
I just realized that there are exactly zero original thoughts in that post.
I’m pretty sure asking Steve for help is a pretty original idea.
OK, as long as videogum isn’t posting anything, can we just link to good stuff? Here is something great and TWSS-y:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCe6NOBUut0&feature=player_embedded
go go go!