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For the first time since the April 20th explosion aboard the Deep Water Horizon oil rig, BP is reporting that oil is not gushing out of a fucking hole in the ocean. This is great news! Sort of! I mean, who knows what is going on down there. Also, it seems like any second that bottle cap is going to pop right off and it’s going to be All Oil All The Time. But for now, a momentary reprieve! It’s going to make the barbecue taste THAT much better this weekend. “How could barbecue taste any better than it already does?” “By removing the guilt-based seasoning of a world in perpetual collapse, that’s how!” Yum. Enjoy!
After the jump, the five Highest Rated Comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated Comment, the winner of this week’s Orlando Bloom Honorary Degree Caption Contest, and the Editor’s Choice:
This Week’s Highest Rated Comments
| #5 |  |
stonemill | Jul 14th | Score:84 |
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Being bored to sleep by The xx isn’t just for humans anymore. |
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| Posted in: Birdie Falls Asleep | |||
| #4 |  |
itsahotdog! | Jul 13th | Score:84 |
| Posted in: I Spit On Your Grave Poster Is Strictly 4 The Ladies Assholes | |||
| #3 |  |
facetaco | Jul 15th | Score:84 |
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“I’ve got 3.2 million dollars.” - TomatoBank CEO |
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| Posted in: Thank You, Danny Masterson, For Providing Us With This New Inside Joke | |||
| #2 |  |
spiff huxtable | Jul 14th | Score:85 |
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One can only assume that by “Mrs. Delahaye” you are referring to Gabe’s great-granddaughter on the couch. |
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| Posted in: Birdie Falls Asleep | |||
| #1 |  |
topknot | Jul 14th | Score:94 |
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I’m very disappointed they didn’t call this “Devilevator.” |
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| Posted in: So Just To Clarify: “From The Mind Of” Means “Garbage”, Right? | |||
[Ed note: Very very good commenting this week, everyone. You are the mayors of commenting! #videogumsquare.]
This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment
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thegreatsatan | Jul 14th | Score:-78 |
| i was waiting for tosh to come and smack that fucking dog in the face, and it didnt happen.
failgum |
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| Posted in: Birdie Falls Asleep | ||
[Ed. note: Oof. thegreatsatan got 4 out of 5 Lowest Rated Comments this week. So close to a full sweep, thegreatsatan. Between you and that commenter who kept changing their name very five seconds in the I Spit On Your Grave thread, the trolls came very close to running the asylum this week. A quick note on that thread, by the way: the people who are arguing that there is nothing offensive about the hyper-sexualization of rape are being ridiculous and cannot seriously think that.]
This Week’s Caption Contest Winner
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paperstreetsoap | Jul 13th | Score:112 |
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You have my sword. And my and my axe. And my Honorary Bachelor’s Degree from the University of Kent in Canterbury |
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| Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest: Orlando Bloom’s Honorary Degree | ||
[Ed. note: Congratulations, paperstreetsoap. You earned it!]
This Week’s Editor’s Choice
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kob | 10:56am | Score:5 | |
| Posted in: This Picture Of Chace Crawford Is The Funniest | |||
[Ed. note: Yes.]
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So, a Google Images search for “Gabe’s granddaughter” results in the following image, which, frankly, raises more questions than it answers.
This one too.
WHAT IS HAPPENING?
R(uff!)OFL
?
Its mark RUFFaLOl, derp a diddly
Congratulations on getting through a beast of a week, everybody. Let’s pat us on the back, and then go hug a puppy (or cute animal or baby of our choice). We earned it. Youch.
Man, you know, I was just WAITING for you to say something about the cap on the oil spill, I had this whole thing I was gonna write! But then I saw that I made it into Monster’s Ball for the first time ever, and I can’t remember whatever it was I had to say. High fives all around!
I’m upvoting you as a proxy for clapping for all the winners, because in internet, no one can hear you clap.
congrats!!! i know someone famous.
Congrats facetaco. Us faces have to stick together.
I can’t wait for the remaining 20 minutes of Mel Gibson tapes or the next Double Rainbow. This week confused me sooooo much.
I read an interesting article on Cinematical.com about the Spit On Your Grave poster controversy, where they compared the new poster to the original, and how stripping the contextual elements from the original poster was a bad move for the remake of this exploitative film. http://www.cinematical.com/2010/07/14/fan-rant-why-i-spit-on-your-grave-controversies-miss-the-mark/
INCEPTION this weekend! YAY!
Holy shit. I didn’t even check out the Spit post until just now. I had no idea so much shit was getting hashed over there. Please dismiss my last comment and just look at this instead-
Have a good weekend everybody!
Spidercat, Spidercat, does whatever a Spidercat
can he swing/ from a web?/ no he can’t/ he’s a cat.
“Are you a spidercat or a spidercan’t?”- Johnny Depp
No spoil-o, but to everyone who goes to see inception this weekend, theres a Devil preview trailer that induces a truly priceless, collective sigh of disappointment by the audience when the name “M. Night Shyamalan” appears in the last few seconds of the clip.
Hopefully you all get to experience it before people actually become aware of this movie.
Whew, almost read that comment! Spoiler avoided!
I didn’t get to see that trailer at my showing. I did, however, get to watch inception while sitting next to a bunch of Eastern European dudes who thought it was totally cool to answer their un-silenced cell phones (one of whom had, I shit you not, “Miracles” for a ringtone), and discuss the movie, sans definite articles, as it played out on screen, like some kind of horrible Ukrainian commentary track.
“see you all next week!”
fun mel gibson fact: so i follow gary busey on twitter (this is not the fact yet, just wait a minute, okay?) and he had the following to say.
“I’ve worked with Mel Gibson. Is he really that big of a racist A-hole? Yes. Yes he is.” -http://twitter.com/gbusey
that’s right, mel gibson. between you and gary busey, he thinks you are the crazy one.
“(this is not the fact yet, just wait a minute, okay?)”
LOL!!!!!!!!
Has any body seen the film Paparrazi? It’s from the mind of Mel Gibson…
Who to believe- Whoopi or Busey? I’m going with Busey on this one.
Always bet on Busey.
also, this:
That’s hot.
To be fair, that’s not really Busey on the twitters, but nevertheless, funny stuff (Probably true though, fake Busey or no).
And also, It’s funny that the printing behind Mel from Hell says “Control Whore”*
*Loosely Translated from the French Hors De Controle.
HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND
This made me extremely queasy.
This made me extremely Busey.
To be fair to greatsatan, it did really seem like Daniel Tosh was going to walk into frame and hit your dog.
topknot, congrats! those donuts are for celebrating tonight!
You know it. I’ll have a double chocolate just for you!
You know that song, “Everybody’s Working For the Weekend”? Well, it’s kinda like that, but totally opposite.
Have a Good One, Bros and Bras! *Douche 5*
Heeeey, monsters, I almost forgot to mention! This has nothing to do with anything, but my wife is totally giving away a free purse that she made this week, and it is most definitely a thing that you should all be interested in, as discriminating people with discriminating tastes! So, you know, if you’re the sort of person who likes both free things and purses, you can read the details here: http://www.facebook.com/bambuca.atx
And if you’re not that sort of person, that’s cool too, we can still be friends!
speaking of, let me tell you about how i met my black boyfriend on this great site…
Very nice! Does she sell in any local shops or is it strictly Etsy?
http://image.blingee.com/images18/content/output/000/000/000/6cf/652278394_1191578.gif?4
Dear Monsters, I would like to announce that the 1st Annual NE Monster Meet Up has been SET! For more information go here!
I’d love to see some of y’all there!
Sincerely,
Josh is Like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood
I’m not invited! (Unless I sell my soul to Facebook, and I ain’t turning on Steve like that.)
I WILL BE MISSING THIS BY 4 DAYS.
what. the. fuck. UNACCEPTABLE! I DEMAND A RECOUNT.
Cool! I invited myself and then put down “maybe”.
Hope I can make it!
“I WILL BE MISSING THIS BY 4 DAYS.”
Pimpery pays.
And I bet you didn’t know it / she go both ways.
That’s Preeettttyyy Close To Plagiarist Commentating and Lyricising, yesno?
It’s not plagiarism if it’s an homage
Did you Like my Homage? “That’s Preeeeettttyyy” and “Plagiarist Commentating/Lyricising” is a clever thing to do, right Steve?
I’m holding out for the Albuquerque meet-up.
http://images.damncrows.com/image/pizza-on-roof
That’s like 3 days before I move to Boston! Gah!
Then again I’ve only been commenting here for about 3 days, so it might be a little weird if I showed up.
Every time I see NE I think of Nebraska and my hopes get all up and then dashed quite quickly when I realize you mean “North East.” (#duh)
ANYWAY, I’m not coming. You can be disappointed now.
Not to be an ass, but doesn’t the annual NY Monster Mash (or whatever, sue me) constitute a Northeast meet-up?
New England > Northeast
I don’t have Facebook. What day is this?
Here are the details for Mans/ptsmith/ other non-facebookers:
Date/Time: Saturday, August 14 at 8:30pm – August 15 at 2:00am
Location: Anthony’s T Pizzeria Restaurant
1016 Commonwealth Avenue
Boston, MA
If you RSVP on this thread, I can RSVP by proxy for you via facebook comment.
And nobody will know what that last sentence means 25 years from now.
Thank you. I probably won’t be a Boston resident yet, but my wife might, so maybe I will be able to make it.
This pizza place isn’t in the one square mile with all of Boston’s bank robbers that I learned about in the trailer for “The Town”, is it?
Thanks for that. If I can find a way down to Boston that weekend, I’ll be there.
So I guess this is as good a time as any to announce my new living situation: DS3M, Napoleon Complex, Godsauce and I are all moving in together. Should be fun times. We have worked out a dish washing arrangement, common area clean up schedule, etc, so we won’t get all pissy and psycho about who is carrying their weight and who is the worst, and we will have weekly meetings to address situations ahead of time to avoid any cliques and bullying, etc. Hopefully this will be a rad living arrangement. (As you can tell we have all learned from past mistakes).
PSYCHE! My bad just kiddin’! I’m actually moving in with Norm MacDonald, Andy Rooney and Bodie (that one black kid from the Wire). We’re going to solve crimes for people who feel they can’t turn to the police for help. Should be rad times. I’ll keep you guys posted about this with updates here. I don’t like social networking like twitter, facebook, myspace, livejournal, geocities, angelfire or friendster so don’t bother looking for me on those platforms.
Have a terrific weekend and I will talk to you guys next week on the videogum commentator forums.
Me calling Steve after he forgot to do the dishes:
He sure is a stupid cunt!
I’m not gonna lie, Steve, it took me a while to get used to your Open Door/Robe Policy but once you get into the Swing of Things, it’s Not So Bad…
I just feel bad for Napoleon. A child shouldn’t have to see such things!
Apparently you guys didnt read the entire comment: I was JUST KIDDING about us moving in together. Not gonna happen.
Joke’s on you, asshat! DS3M is Andy Rooney!
You gotta admit it’d be interesting, to say the least.
Think of it, all of us fighting over internet bandwidth so we can fight via internet. And then fighting when the bill arrives bc OBVS SW is dling way more porn and everything else so why should I be asked to pay for so much internet when I barely use it, etc.
Also, Drugs.
As if it there would even be a QUESTION about who would be The Worst between you and three of the best commenters here.
DS3M?
HA You would like that wouldn’t you.
who are you kidding, we all know you are topher grace’s cabana boy
Wait, is that job open?
You can move in with me Steve *wink wink*
I’m still lolling over ‘that one black kid from the Wire.”
Thanks everyone for the honor of being #1! i think it’s my duty to watch ‘Devil’ now, isn’t it?
This marks the occasion where you tell us what your avatar is…
taste of tea
That’s right! Katsuhito Ishii’s brilliant movie “Taste of Tea.” Everyone should watch it!
You know a certain Australian actor has been in the news recently for saying some nasty stuff but remember Australia also has cute animals
That one Kangaroo is like “Don’t worry, bro, there won’t be a sixth tape.” And the other Kangaroo is like “Man, I hope not. My pouch is already overflowing with
“
“We can ride this out together, mate. Mr. Gibson is Australian, but not all Australians are Mel Gibson! G’Dayweekend!”
I’m Australian, mate!
She’s pretty
I thought I had a shot of making the Ball this week. I’ll show myself out.
On the other hand, it is Friday!!! Have a great weekend, Monsters!
did someone say poultry party?
Awww, I miss my old moving avatar
I see your AD gifs and raise you 3 Parks and Rec!
My daytime during the week was made tolerable by all of your hilariousness. Happy Weekend Pee-wee / Grace Jones Dance pls
Today I saw knock-off Cream of Wheat at the discount grocery store. It had a picture of a white cowboy on it and it was called “Cream of the West.”
(Good, but not as good as the Hamburger Helper knock-off “Panburger Partner,” which is a real thing, I am not even lying.)
Its not total knockoff! It’s just Montana throwing its giant fields of grain into the ring for your creamy wheat dollar.
Fun fact (and the only reason I’m saying anything at all about this), my dad worked with the guys who did the CotW 70s art campaign and may have been the model they used for the drawing on the packaging (he won’t confirm or deny). We had the Cream of the West poster hanging in the basement with all the toys when I was growing up, so now I associate it with how I used to get to just play with dinosaur toys all day.
OK, that’s actually an awesome story. As long as your dad had nothing to do with Panburger Partner, all is forgiven. I might even try this strange Montana-based breakfast cereal.
Upvoted for “your creamy wheat dollar”. Nicely done.
I feel so left out because I went on vacation this week. Never again!
you went OUTSIDE?!?!? we can do that???
yeah, ditto. I still managed to do minimal vgum reading though
Have a good weekend, guys.
mom?
I will never get tired of this.
I got a personal record this week of +51! Really, all I care about is upvotes.
i’m glad i took a break from grad school and spend a lot of time with the videogum community this week. you are all very loving!
my friends forgot to buy me tickets to see inception tonight (assholes), so i will be settling down with a half-empty bottle of pinot noir and a dvd of valentine’s day.
It’s fun to read your posts while picturing Dr. Girlfriend saying them.
“Well, I’m NOT GONNA BEG!”
that makes me happy that you do that! i have a high-pitched voice IRL though.
This sounds gay, but I just wanted to say that I really enjoy reading the comments here at Videogum.
You monsters are awesome!
This sounds gay, but I am really attracted to members of my same sex. Like… really, really.
This sounds boring, but I enjoy the works of Mikhail Bulgakov, eating Cocoa Krispies, and listening to Walkmen records. And hand-jobs from whoever’s game.
i’m the best mane. I deed it.
Wow. I just re-registered here. I got lost in the wilderness when Vgum went to 2.0, and it took me a LONG trail of Reese’s Pieces to find my way back. It’s good to be back. Now I can upvote again!
Welcome back!
I just got back from seeing Inception. It was ridiculously good. Basically the opposite of Sex and the City 2. Well, I assume. I mean, I didn’t see that movie. What do you think I am, some kind of masochist? Or is it sadist? Whichever category of mentally unbalanced individuals it is that derives pleasure from harming themselves, I am not.
What I am trying to say here is that I greatly enjoyed watching Inception.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
Don’t worry about it, thegreatsatan is already the new Steve Winwood. You’re in the clear. Unless you keep making posts like this.
just realized what should have been my caption for the the bloom-photo
http://www.imnotobsessed.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/main_pic/images/Kim_Cattrall_01_wenn2922573(2).jpg
“There seems to be some mistake: this Diploma is addressed to ‘Mike Hunt.’ OOOH…funny. You Liverpudlians are quite funny” – the lady who plays Samantha.
Take Two: “I’m Fifty-Three Years Old!”
Pictured: Rabbit and Friend.
(ugh. THIS DIDN’T SHOW UP UNTIL TODAY (monday)! It should NOT HAVE! the one below is WAAAY better… also lame Caption Contest, weekend monsters. I think I win by default. Go me.
…Go away! LOLAMIRITE?)
Pictured: Sexual Aid and Friend.
I can’t believe I was chosen by the editor! Wow!
Have a great weekend, guys!
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see
good one, “Josh Renneke”. (Wait, do I still need quotes if it’s this dude’s real name? “Winwood”?)
My Land! I picked the wrong week to go on vacation.
The wife and I drove down to the Gulf with her family. I will say this: Alabama is very beautiful and the only place where I have been able to buy pre-packaged eating-clay.
We stay at the same condo every year. There is a short wooded path from the condo to the beach. on the path we found a condom, condom wrapper and bikini bottoms. At the beach, I would only let the water touch my feet, but the wife stood in it nearly knee deep becuase he is much braver than I am. We swam in the pool when it was dark and child free, but the sound of the water being slurped by the intake valve sounded too much like what we all imagined alligators must sound like slipping into the water for a snack, so we went in and watched America’s Got Talent.
Most of the time I spent inside studying for the bar examn next week, but on the last day, I sat in a chair on the sand, fully dressed, reading and the wife stood in the distance and looked at the water. On the horizon there was a black column of rain slowly approaching and a massive freighter that looked like a city.
Now I am home alone (the wife is still in Florida) for one last week of study, which would be fine, but I can’t get any sleep–the cat is just too excited to see me.
I Write Like thinks you write like Cory Doctorow!
#tmyk