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After a brief lull, the two best news stories are back in the press this week, both with wonderful and hilarious updates. Did you guys hear about Alvin Greene’s plan to resuscitate the South Carolina economy by making action figures? Of HIMSELF? Would you like a warm-up? How’s the pie? SO GOOD! Meanwhile, you can imagine my excitement at reading the following headline: Jeremy London: My Acting Skills Saved Me from Kidnappers! YESSSSS! Now we are cooking with NEWS! From People:
Jeremy London’s alleged abduction by three armed men who then forced him to do drugs seems like a crazy story [Ed. note: yes, it does!]– and the former Party of Five star knows it.
“If I heard someone saying this, I would probably doubt it as well,” London, 37, tells PEOPLE in an exclusive interview.
But he insists it happened, and shares how he survived. “I was acting my way through the whole thing, telling myself, ‘Just play like you are one of them,’ ” he says.
First of all, this still did not happen. Jeremy London was not kidnapped and forced to smoke drugs at gunpoint and buy alcohol for the neighborhood (?!) by a group of men who FIXED HIS CAR AND DROVE HIS WIFE HOME FIRST. But, let us presuppose for a moment that this did happen, and that Jeremy London survived by drawing upon his acting experience (Mallrats, Basilisk: The Serpent King) and PRETENDING TO BE ONE OF THEM? “Just be cool, Jeremy, you can do this. Slowly reach into your pocket…slower…no one’s looking, slower…pull out your tin of shoe polish…good. Now smear it all over your face. Perfect. Now, there’s an old tube of your wife’s lipstick in the map holder, slowly reach down for it. Nice, Jeremy. Now, apply the lipstick in a giant circle around your mouth. Shit. Shit! Don’t panic, but there’s nothing in the car to use for horns. Stay cool. Breathe. You’re an actor, Jeremy, the greatest actor of all time. You can do this. Remember what Scott Wolf always said: the show is go on!”
Oh man, I cannot wait until Peter Travers interviews Jeremy London about this a year from now.
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Read the title, now I have to clean tea off of my monitor.
Seriously, stop playing now, who is this guy?
Besides a guy who loves crack and spins a good yarn.
define good
I think it probably went more like that scene from Blazing Saddles where the sheriff holds a gun to his head to kidnap himself.
i think it probably went more like NPH in Harold & Kumar.
Minus all of the charm, I think you’re right.
“I think it probably went more like that scene from Blazing Saddles where the sheriff holds a gun to his head to kidnap himself.”
Genius
I’m just happy that London can share his experience, strength, and hope with us. If this helps one person who is kidnapped and forced to smoke drugs and give out free alcohol, then it was worth it.
alvin greene and this guy should be introduced to each other… then forced to fight to the death
“Wait, which one of us is the authentic black kidnapper who enjoys drugs and alcohol and which one is the past-his-prime Hollywood actor who enjoys drugs and alcohol?!”
– All the black kidnappers, ever.
This reminds me of the time I used my Drug Taking Skills to save me from a Group of Crazed Actors.
We got fuuuuuuuucked up.
Is Jeremy London wearing a Charlie Sheen-brand bowling shirt for the drug-addicted gentleman?
If he really was acting, then this is easily the best work he’s done in years.
“Okay, okay… I can do this. How does the alcohol go in my mouth? I’m pretty sure I drank something in Mallrats… is this similar?” -Jeremy London
a classic case of method acting.
At first I wondered why he didn’t just use the “I was doing research for a new role” mess of an explanation, then I realized that would have been even less believable than kidnapping story.
That’s what I thought too, but the reality is even sadder than that: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/07/07/jeremy-london-to-celebrit_n_638590.html
I think he has finally found his career-defining role!
I think you mean “meth acting.”
“There’s an old saying in show business: The show must go wrong. Everything always goes wrong, and you just have to deal with it.”
The title for this pic was LITERALLY Actor (“acting”!)
Wait Wait Wait…
“pull out your tin of shoe polish…good. Now smear it all over your face. Perfect. Now, there’s an old tube of your wife’s lipstick in the map holder, slowly reach down for it. Nice, Jeremy. Now, apply the lipstick in a giant circle around your mouth.”
Really? Blackface Jokes? Thass Raciss
“More like Party of Jive, am I right, guys?” – Jeremy London
“Get out.” – Kidnappers
For everyone still curious about who Jeremy London is: He is clearly Roger Sterling’s grandson. He can tell a good lie, he says silly things, and apparently he wears the blackface just like pop-pop.
I like the note at the bottom of the article:
“But London’s family members doubt his story. “After hearing Jeremy’s account of his alleged ordeal, it only brings up a million more questions about what really happened,” his twin brother Jason tells PEOPLE. ”
Why hasn’t Jeremy London tried to claim a case of mistaken identity to throw blame at his twin brother yet? Or am I getting ahead of the script?
I haven’t seen such a stretch since Osho Rajneesh went in for a scoliosis test, okay?
“i don’t get it.”
– me, before reading your avatar.
videogum, not 20% more like monday night football circa 2000.
“Only dead fish go with the flow.” – Sarah Palin
Nice try Jeremy, but if your acting talent couldn’t save you from “Ba’al: The Storm God” it can’t save you from kidnappers.
So, you’re the one that watched that!
In all seriousness, I cut the trailer for that movie, which you can enjoy here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjeY559b6Zs