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Joe Francis, the founder of Girls Gone Wild, is the worst. Hands down. OBVIOUSLY. There should be an entire prison island built just for him. “This planet is a game preserve.” (Predators, in theaters July 9.) But after yesterday’s revelations that Mel Gibson went on a screaming racist tirade over voicemail (???!!!!????), Joe Francis, who is engaged to be married (???!!!!????) has, in a surprising move, become “better” than Mel Gibson after making the following statement (via popeater):
“We have chosen to have a civil domestic partnership because we don’t believe it’s appropriate to be married until our gay and lesbian friends are afforded the same rights as us to legally marry in the United States.”
Whoa. I mean, how Joe Francis chooses to drag another human being down into the wretched despair of his miserable life is BESIDE THE POINT. (And actually, I am not even sure I really agree with these types of grandiose political statements in the fight for gay marriage. Like, I totally understand thinking that marriage itself is an arcane system of wealth consolidation steeped in patriarchal misogyny and as such is a social construct that one might want nothing to do with. THAT makes sense to me. And wanting gay people to have all of the rights and privileges of straight people because of how in both cases they are just people: that makes sense to me. But it’s not like Joe Francis getting a civil domestic partnership is going to move the needle ONE INCH on this genuinely important issue. Just get married, Joe Francis. While someone is willing to marry you.) But you have to admit, “we don’t believe it’s appropriate to be married until our gay and lesbian friends are afforded the same rights as us to legally marry in the United States” is way better than “You look like a fucking pig in heat and if you get raped by a pack of niggers it will be your fault.”
It is but a tiny step up the ladder, but Joe Francis is officially the SECOND worst person on Earth.
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Gabe, another week well done. You are in the prime of your blogging career. If you ever stop writing for three months, I will gladly help you get back in shape.
I think you win the “Free Time at the Office” award for these constantly amusing, ever-impressive GIFs. Please never change jobs, Notsewfast.
Somebody Get This Baby a Webby Already.
This is highly inappropriate.
Babies climb on people all the time!
But not with man bodies!
I’m going to jail for staring at this.
I just want everyone to know, when we all get off the prison transport and are hanging around in the yard for the first time, pumping iron and studying up for our pro se appeals, if you need someone to shiv just to prove you are tough, I’m fine with it being me.
I like the periodic head tilt. That’s how you get from an A+ to an A++
Now I have to resort my TheWorst Rolodex for when I’m scheduling worst lunches.
In other news: Joe Francis Uses Newly Altruistic Political Leanings to Coerce Hot Lesbians into Doing it to the Sound of Steel Drums!
All this means is that three months from now the headlines will instead read “Joe Francis Arrested For Pummeling Civilly United Partner.”
The thing that still confuses me about Mel Gibson’s voicemail tirade is, like, what was the context? Now I can understand saying ‘I hope you get raped by a pack of niggers’. Who hasn’t yelled that an an ex-girlfriend one or ten hundred times?
But the ‘it will be your fault’ part sounds like he is warning her of some imminent bad decision she is making. It’s as if she decided to walk around naked in a ‘lower-income’ part of Rape-town, and Mel is just like “I strongly disagree with what you want to do, your decision now are yours alone to make and you will deal with the repercussions, if any… you fucking pig in heat!”.
So basically what I am saying is that we should wait until we know whether she was walking around Rape-town or not when he left this voicemail. Context is everything.
Context is indeed everything.
Yeah! Fuck how verbally horrible someone is in their personal lives. Especially when it keeps me from seeing a quirky movie I’m eagerly anticipating.
go ahead, mel. blame it all on the beaver.
I’m not sure I “agree” with it as a political statement either, but it sure does make me feel a little less alone in this crazy mixed up world. And now I feel not-alone with Joe Francis, which is weird, but you know what? I’ll take it.
But if they REALLY wanted to be badass they wouldn’t get hitched in any form whatsoever. That would be a significant personal sacrifice that would speak volumes to friends and family — what better way to communicate the impact of discrimination to one’s social circle. Full disclosure: I got married last year and have conflicted feelings about whether it’s moral to take advantage of a freedom while others cannot.
That would lend total credence to the “that guy just didn’t want to get married” accusation, especially considering which guy it is. And gays have access to domestic partnerships, so I feel like expecting straight people to avoid any kind of legal union is a bit much.
And to be clear, I expect nothing! So any show of solidarity really kinda gets me in a soft spot. If the Crazy Christians (TM) come to power and decide to send us all to re-education camps to force us to become ex-gays, then your assistance will be much appreciated, and it will totally be a moral issue.
And the classic refrain: If the same rights were afforded to everyone by the state, and they stopped calling it marriage, and you could still go to your local witch doctor and get whatever marriage your religion called for, the problem would be FUCKING SOLVED ALREADY.
I guess this makes Gabe the third worst person in the world for his inadequate reverence toward that hairy potter nonsense – 10,000,000 downvotes and counting
To celebrate winning this “award” from Videogum, Joe Francis is taking the Girls Gone Wild Bus on a
“victory” tour.
Did he say that before or after he said, “Where do babies feed?”
i don’t know if francis has passed mel. i’d say they’re just tied now for the bottom.
That’s because you can’t appreciate the fine nuance between being the guy who says to his girlfriend “You look like a fucking pig in heat and if you get raped by a pack of niggers it will be your fault” and being the guy who merely reads that shit in the news and thinks, “Great concept for my next video project exploiting young women too intoxicated to consent to participation in my multi-billion dollar cottage industry.”
Did I say cottage industry? I meant garbage industry.
Sounds like someone just found a convenient excuse to avoid getting married.
Bullseye.
“No, honey, of course I want to get married. I didn’t mean that I, uh, didn’t, uh, want to, um, get married to you…nah, no, of course not. What I was saying is that it would be unjust, you know. Yeah. Unjust. To…uh, um…to our gay and lesbian friends……?”
“You really mean it, Joey-poo? That is the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard!”
“Yeah, babe. Of course.”
“We should tell the world!”
“Funny, I was just about to say the same thing…”
There is no way Joe Francis wrote those words.
As the resident “guy-who-makes-up-depressing-theories-about-pop-culture”, what if Joe Francis is actually a totally reasonable guy who has some sort of terrible brain parasite? He’s like a man on an ether binge- he consciously knows he should not be constantly demanding tits, but the parasite FORCES him. And every now and then the brain bubbles clear and he goes, “LET’S NOT GET MARRIED IN SOLIDARITY WITH THE GAYS,” pause, gasp, gasp, “PLEASE, YOU NEED TO KILL ME.”
This is a sound theory. I don’t assume he IS a totally reasonable guy, but it is hard not to imagine plenty of reasonably OK guys saying in their youth “Hey…let’s go to some disgusting spring break spot, film a bunch of drunks with their tits hanging out, and make a few million dollars…” and then just seeing how far the rabbit hole goes.
Oh man, remember when he was getting sued for something a couple of years ago, and he came out with some insane powerpoint defense (SEE: http://www.avclub.com/articles/joe-franciss-powerpoint-defense-is-very-convincing,32189/) including this slide?
Wouldn’t it be great if the next bullet point said “JOE FRANCIS has a MALICIOUS BRAIN PARASITE.”
OK Joe Francis. Now apologize for being a garbage person.
this girl he’s marrying must REALLY want that t-shirt.
Moving up to the second rung on the ladder of life ain’t sooooo bad…
So i guess Mel Gibson’s not looking for an interracial girlfriend. Cuz I know this site he could use, super fun and good looking interracial womens…
Who cares!?
So that’s why Zach Braff played the producer of “Girls with Low Self Esteem” on Arrested Development, they’re total twins!
What if he suffered from crippling depression and anxiety as a younger man, and this is the person he became once he got on a medication that worked for him?
Maybe this is going A BIT FAR, but I feel like JF is still the absolute worst? Like, way worse than Mel Gibson? Mel Gibson’s words (and he, by extension) are ridiculously abhorrent, but he directed those words to one person on a voicemail, whereas Joe Francis has taken great pains to basically destroy men and women as we know them.
Also, Mel Gibson is just “slow” AKA this:
http://www.everythingisterrible.com/2010/04/passion-of-tim.html
Maybe we should be looking at this from a different angle. Where will Mel Gibson be in six years? Where Jean Claude Van Damme is today?
I don’t have a strong opinion on whether or not gay folks should be able to get “married.” Gay people should have the same rights as everyone else, given. But why does it matter, I’m not trying to be a dick (too late) but is there that big a difference between domestic partnership and marriage? Honest question. If they are substantially the same then what’s the big deal? Gay couples should be able to share assets and have visitation rights and all of that. No problem there.
But how is marriage misogynistic? The man is legally bound to be responsible to the woman and any children they might have. (crazy Christians would argue that children and our responsibility to them is kinda the point of marriage). And if he’s a shitbag and screws around she get’s half his stuff and he’s still legally responsible for the kids. So how is this oppressive to women? Seriously, no woman is forced to stay barefoot and pregnant anymore.
If gay folks are committed and want to back it up with legal responsibility? Great! If breeders want legal assurances of responsibility to each other and their kids? Also great!
they’re not the same. there are a lot of little things that come up that make them not the same. one of which i believe had to do with “family” visiting in the hospital, and that “civil partner” doesn’t make the cut. i honestly think we should do away with marriage in the legal sense, and everyone just gets civil unions. you can use the term marriage if it applies to your religion.
Well, one reason people think of marriage as misogynistic is because of how it has been traditionally perceived and framed. Women traditionally give up their surname, and were also expected to stop engaging in entire arenas of life (e.g. work).
It’s not like that quite so much anymore – most of my friends who are married are in relationships which afford both parties a lot of equality, but there is a strong historical undercurrent in which the roles of husband and wife are clearly defined, and in which the woman got the less-actualized end of the stick. So. There.
separate =|= equal
separate ))(( equal
The visitation thing is total bullshit if people can’t designate their partners as having visitation rights. But you don’t need marriage to fix that. We just need the law to recognize that individuals should be able to allow whomever they want to visit them in the hospital. Also I seriously doubt that this is a widespread problem. Same with sharing of assets. Why shouldn’t we be able to share whatever we want with whomever we want? I can get behind changing the laws to reflect that, no problem.
But the “traditionally women are relegated to subservient roles” argument doesn’t wash anymore. Any woman being oppressed by her husband has all kinds of legal options and absolutely zero stigma attached to leaving his stupid ass. Let’s face it women get into bad relationships with bullies, but guess what so do men. Marriage if anything favors women more than men now. (child custody, alimony child support, etc.)
Honestly I feel like the gay marriage fight is more about the gay community and their fellows of like mind trying to force the straight world to acknowledge and approve (not just tolerate but actually approve) of the lifestyle that gay people choose to live. Personally I respect it more when gay people just live their life how they want and say “if you don’t like it fuck you that’s your problem.” Be who you want and who cares if the hicks don’t like it.