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Ed. note: Joe Mande, stand-up comedian and the creator of the popular blog Look At This Fucking Hipster (now a popular book!) is forced to do things that we don’t want to do, for our education and amusement. If you have a challenge/suggestion, submit it to t14tt@videogum.com.
Hi, monsters. So, I’ve done a bunch of these T14TT’s now, but I can honestly say this assignment was the first one that I almost couldn’t handle. I wanted to quit and walk away so many times. But I didn’t. I persevered! My assignment was to read Glenn Beck’s new political thriller, The Overton Window, and then write a book report about it for you guys. Surprisingly, reading the book wasn’t that hard. I mean, it is for dummies. (I can say that, right? That Glenn Beck is a dummy? And anyone who agrees with his politics and/or finds him to be an insightful person is a dummy as well? Okay, good.) I read its 300 pages in a few hours. That was easy. It was trying to describe the book’s psychotic tone that ended up giving me such a headache. At first, all I could think to write was, “The Overton Window is like if a Jason Bourne book was re-written for kids, and then that kid’s book had sex with a ‘9-11 was an Inside Job’ message board.” But that’s not enough. You all deserve much better than that.
Actually, reading The Overton Window reminded of the time I read L. Ron Hubbard’s masterpiece, Battlefield Earth, when I was in high school. That story was similarly so crazy and so terrible. And just like the Glenn Beck book, you knew MILLIONS of people had read it, and had taken it seriously, because they had to. And maybe it’s because I’ve been in LA too much recently, but I thought: What if some tea-party lunatic forced a studio to make The Overton Window into a movie, the same way John Travolta forced Warner Brothers to release Battlefield Earth ten years ago? It could totally happen. Jon Voight probably has a lot of favors he could cash in. All he needs is a screenplay to shop around.
What I’m trying to say is, I’ve spent the last week of my life adapting Glenn Beck’s book into a screenplay. For you guys. And it’s almost killed me. The screenplay might be a little bit of a commitment to read, but I hope you do it. I spent way too much time on this thing, reading and re-reading chapter after chapter of Glenn Beck’s barf-inducing writing, trying to get the tone just right. Now, obviously, I took some creative liberties with the story. Some of the scenes were shortened and some characters were removed. But, all in all, this is The Overton Window. I’d say 85-90% of the dialogue is extracted right from the book itself. And the plot is the plot. I did my very best to get everything out of The Overton Window so you don’t have to read The Overton Window. Instead, all you have to so is read my screenplay, The Overton Window!
(As you’ll see, I’ve gone ahead and cast a few of the roles in film—Jon Voigh, Steven Baldwin, Bobby Jindal, etc.—but I’d love to see your suggestions for other roles in the film. Particularly Noah Gardner and Molly Ross. Enjoy!)
Download Joe’s The Overton Window screenplay here.
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tl; dr
god(sauce) does answer prayers
Looks amazing IN STUNNING 3D!
“i don’t get it. where are the vampires? fuck this.”
– hollywood
Were cut-off t-shirts and/or Avatar makeup involved at any point in this process? Inquiring Monsters want to know…
The soundtrack done entirely by MUSE.
Also, in the spirit of Restoration, could we get everyone in this movie played by
?That sentence totally made the sense.
If you want to read some of the least literate, most anarchic comments on the entire internet, Google any discussion of Muse songs. Hilarious stuff. But also scary, because these people can presumably vote.
*off to read Joe Mande’s screenplay*
All’s I know is the beginning of “Uprising” sounds a whole lot like the opening theme to “Doctor Who”. I am a nerd.
“I think you’ll find this conspiracy theory both engrossing, and HIGH grossing.”
You (overton) win(dow)!
November 4th? That’s a bit late for the ball.
I’m not sure if he’s Jewish, but does the Toph-meister have enough room in his Predators PR blitz schedule to tackle for the role of Noah?
Christopher is a very popular Jewish name.
CHRISTopher GRACE
So you’re telling me he is an Orthodox Jew?
Joe, in this case we would’ve let you get away with a fourth-grade style book report: “The book I read was The Overton Window. It is by Glenn Beck. It was very very interesting and descriptive. There are many many events and characters in this book. The end.”
b+
Show your work.
Jeb,
Not too bad with this book report. You seem to have read at least part of the book and know who the author is, which is commendable. Your remark that the novel was not only “interesting” but also “descriptive” is salient, and you are right to point out the numerous and multifaceted “events” and “characters” in the book. Unfortunately, the book report does not go much beyond these observations. I would have liked to have seen you get perhaps a bit more invested in your analysis and to have provided more textual evidence for your claims. Also, you fall well short of the 750 word minimum. Still, both of your parents are on the board and your father plays golf with the headmaster every weekend. So, overall, well done!
A-
I think Natalie Portman should play Molly like in Ocean’s Twelve where Julia Roberts played Julia Roberts but not actually Julia Roberts
Natalie Portman is so pretty that when I look at her I feel like I will never know true happiness in this life
You won’t! None of us will!
Cramazing.
It’s cool, guys, everybody can stop looking. They finally found The Worst. All it needs is a soundtrack by Mr. Ted Pullman, and we can put it on a pedestal so that everyone can see it, and then shoot themselves.
i think this movie should be filmed using the same techniques as a scanner darkly. also keanu should be in it! also it should be marketed as “a scanner darkly 2: the overton window.” also i’ve never seen that movie.
That movie is not like this book, Philip K Dick is no Glenn Beck
I thought there was going to be sex scenes a la “The Room”. I feel so “pervblocked”.
The nuttiest thing about The Overton Window has to be the missing sex scene. After all that panther-teasing I was sure they’d have time for a fingerbang at least. Every screenwriter knows you’ve got to consummate the leads’ relationship in the third act (tongue is not payoff)!
“If you’re going to write a batshit crazy movie, at least give the audience something to jerk off to” — Robert Towne
I look forward to printing out this clever screenplay and reading it in my bubble bath while drinking whiskey and chomping on a cigar, friend. Thanks for the free gift.
You better be printing on both sides of that paper, mister.
When’s it available on Kindle?
Well, I just printed out all 40 pages. I intend on in inviting all my friends over so we can dramatically read the script together just like we are Glenn Beck and his gang. Can anyone say “SLUMBER PARTY!”?
Can we have a live reading for the next big Videogum meet-up? Filmed for posterity of course.
Oh my god, that’s a great idea! Reminds of the season 2 episode of Party Down “Steve Guttenberg’s Birthday” where they all read Roman’s screenplay!
Of course. Although, I only agree to do this is someone brings props and costumes. And American flags. Lots of American flags.
“Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!” –our alien overlords
Don’t blame me – I voted for Kodos.
You too, friend (see above)
We can eat popcorn and drink grape soda til we feel oh so sick.
It’s called Grape Drank where I come from.
Can the lawyer, Charlie Nelan be played by Gob Bluth in his $5000 suit?
(this is me begging the intewebs for a Gob Bluth gif)
“They’re ILLUSIONS Michael! A trick is a book that Glenn Beck writes for money.”
Kahk-a-KAW! Kahk-a-KAW! (claps hands, stomps around awkwardly)
THANK YOU INTERNETS!
Or cocai–
Oh.
#explainseverythinggum
“And now every college student in the country wears my Che Guevara t-shirts.”
How did Glenn Beck know about UT’s mandatory school uniforms?
Awww that’s a SICK BURN on UT you got going on there, garbage face. High five, bro?
Have you been watching Cash Cab again?
???????????????????
Who’s Nicolas cage play? Is he Noah? Nic Cage is Noah right?
Hope they get Ralphie from A Christmas Story to play Glenn Beck
Nic Cage is Detective Kearns
Wow, that was intense! Plausible! I’m afraid now! To the Tea Party I go!
Joe,
Reading that screenplay was mind-boggling.
At the beginning I approached the whole thing very ironically. I was like, “Of course this is a joke. Joe Mande is making fun of Glenn Beck’s book. So of course he’ll make it really funny and stupid, so of course he’s making it up. Poking fun, taking liberties, and all that. It just makes sense!”
Then as I continued reading I kept thinking about how you said you literally just tried to adapt the book.
I thought to myself, “Well, Joe’s probably loosely following the plot. I can see that if one were to parody something one would keep the plot as a basic story structure and then sprinkle it all in ridiculousness. Makes sense. Look at all those parody movies. So yeah, plot- true. Some of the stuff they’re doing and most of what they’re saying? – Jokes. Right?”
Then as I continued reading I kept thinking about everything I had already thought about, and in addition to that, one final thing nagged at my brain. “Wait- Joe said that large portions of the dialogue were taken right from the book. But not the line I just read, right? That’s a terrible line. Joe probably made that up. Hmm, urrh, I don’t know. I’m feeling very uneasy. I think this is all true! Joe Mande really did just adapt the book! This is the storyline! Those are the characters and these are their motivations and that there is what they’re saying! OH GOD, IT’S ALL REAL!”
So basically what I’m saying is at the beginning I thought it was heavily tongue-in-cheek ribbing of Glenn Beck’s dumb book by creatively poking fun at it. By the end I realized you were sincere in your attempt to adapt the book and now I’m just sad that my parents will probably be reading it pretty soon and that this is the shit Glenn Beck actually writes about.
FUCK.
for the most part this was pretty good, but I keep looking for (and not finding) the scene where the PR company forces soccer on the masses. a rare miss, mr. beck.
Joe, you should get a book/TV writing/movie deal out of your efforts. This is truly a work of art. Also: YIKES.
I just about barfed on page 33. Good job!
I don’t know why, but this line specifically really made me laugh:
I am so much more confused now than I was before I read that. Is that the point? Befuddlement?
fav part: “I need you be the Dr. Phil to my Oprah for some spy stuff I’m working on.”
Just finished. Artfully done. Props to Glenn Beck for being astonishingly dumb and props to Joe for writing the best screenplay I have ever read (because I read screenplays all the time?).
I think Glenn Beck should play all of the roles, a la Eddie Murphy in Norbit. Also, in fat suits.
Actually, scratch my earlier casting, I like Topher Grace for Noah (poor Topher!) and Laura Prepon for Molly (poor Laura!)–Red Foreman for Arthur, Hyde for the youtube guy I can’t remember, and Kelso and Fez as the Militiamen. Then people will see the poster, and get all excited, and be like, hey! It’s a 70′s Show reunion! Cool! So they’ll buy their ticket and go into the theater with their popcorn and then BLAMMO! Glenn Beck word vomit all over everything.
Have your people call my people, we’ll do lunch.
Agent Michael Scarn. Beck Level Midnight.
I’m calling shenanigans — everyone knows Glenn Beck’s favorite Rudyard Kipling poem is “The White Man’s Burden.”
Glenn should be played by the short guy from Princess Bride.
Just read your screenplay. I’m so very, very confused and scared.
That being said, good job! I think it could be the next Da Vinci Code.
Aside from the bat-shit crazy underlying messages Beck is trying to push, he seems to have a terribly boring understanding of relationships and sexual dynamics, especially for something that is fictional and supposed to be entertaining. If I had any photoshop skills I would put “Don’t tease the panther” on that gif of him crying.
I created an account just to say this, but because this quote is crazy:
MOLLY
I saw Episode 4 in college for a
political science class.
For one, it’s crazy that Noah is like “Wait what? You saw ‘Star Wars’? One of the most popular movies of all time? And you remembered words from it? YOU’RE UNBELIEVABLE!” But also, she saw this movie in a political science class? That’s like saying “Oh yeah, I saw ‘WALL-E’ in my mechanics class!”
And also, I’m pretty sure my grandma will make this perpeptually make this face while she’s reading this:
GIFSoup
And yes, my grandma’s Whoopi Goldberg.
Also, posting GIFs looks much easier than it actually is!
Yeah, that scene is pretty ridiculous. Noah apparently has very keen senses and is not only in touch with the black community for their delicious chicken and waffles, but is able to identify the “king” of Star Wars fans by his fat and nerdy appearance from 100 yards away. I guess if they just use a series of stereotypes, they will be able to get past any obstacles that might be presented.
Also, Molly’s identification of the movie she saw as “Episode 4″ is highly questionable for someone who had apparently only seen that one film. And, of course, a girl saying any dialogue from Star Wars will instantly give any nerds within earshot a paralyzing boner allowing free passage through airport security.
As for posting gifs, just post a direct link with jpg or gif at the end. no tags, just the link. I recommend uploading it to tinyurl first, and using the direct link from there.
One other thing with the dialogue Molly uses from Star Wars ,”these are not the droids you are looking for.” If this guy was the king of Star Wars fanboys he would know the context of that line, and realize that they ARE the fucking droids you are looking for.
“Nerd boners cause memory loss.”
-Glenn Beck, making this book logical.
“Writing logical books is hard because OBAMA SOCIALISM.”
-Glenn Beck, forever
Meh, “Glenn Beck Forever” wasn’t nearly as good as “Glenn Beck and Robin”.
This is definitely the best:
“Hey! Cool it, Nelson Mandela! Let’s go eat some pie.”
Is the Al Sharpton part really in the book? Of course it is.
It seems like the lines are simply talking points Glenn Beck would like to voice on his program but thinks that people might find them TOO RADICAL FOR TV.
Looks like we all took one for the team on this one, Joe.
We’re all very sorry you put yourself through that.
-The Team
so I read this:
http://mediamatters.org/blog/201006110032
and apparently Joe did not make up ANY of those plot details, or ANY of the worst dialogue. which, buh????
I am glad that they found “Don’t tease the panther” to be the best line ever, also.
This thing is 40 pages long?!?!?! It’s a good thing I am at work or I would never have the time to read this.
How do celebrities get past airport security in real life? Seriously. Do Natalie Portman or Justin Bieber or Glenn Beck wait in line like everyone else? They don’t, right? Obviously they have to show identification, but do they get whisked past everyone?
i am now working on convincing my friends that we need to MAKE this movie. Someone with more motivation and even less talent than me (i have no talent) should make this movie, or at least a trailer.
Eat. Your. Meatloaf.
Glenn Beck pulls a book from the shelf. “Nicholas Sparks,” he says. “Good stuff. That’s what I write.”
A thousand times upvote!
I got through like four pages of that script before I had to stop. I fail so hard, I know.
But woof. Poor Joe, reading and re-reading the original to “get the tone right”. I think Joe’s next “Taking One for the Team” should be a softball, something like visiting a pet shop or playing paintball with the cast of True Blood or something. Otherwise, at this rate, the series will be violating the Geneva Convention by the end of the year.
ARTHUR
I’ll give her credit, she knew what she was doing. She seduced you using all the information you left out on your facebooks and twitters. And she even knew how to tap into you subconscious by dressing up in hippie clothes, just like your mother used to wear.
What a bitch, right?
I missed this last month — I just read it today, because Gabe went to ComiCon. Joe, I don’t use the word hero very often… but you are the greatest hero in American history.
Kudos and thanks, sir.
Glenn Beck and his teabagger friends make me want to stick pins in my eyeballs. Total morons!
Wait, so where the screenplay ends… Is that it? Is that where the novel ends, too? I’m saying this because I will not read that book for as long as I live, but if there is a continuation of this screenplay, I would like to read it very much.
made the mistake of reading this in a class today
laughed out loud a few times while the rest of the class was watching a video on racism