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I’m not sure if you guys have noticed this or not, but we have entered a sad new phase of the BP oil spill, which is the phase where there is literally nothing much to say about it and yet it continues. Like, it has been bumped from the front page of the New York Times every day this week, and I am not saying that General Stanley McChrystal giving an untoward interview to Rolling Stone isn’t important news (also news: Rolling Stone still relevant?), or that the House of Representatives passage of a finance overhaul package does not merit some discussion. I’m not saying that. I’m just saying that hole in the ocean is still there, and that gusher of black death continues to gush, and there’s just nothing to report. No progress. No end. A quietly accepted fact at this point. Like I said: sad new phase. And yet here we are on a bright sunny day, somehow feeling like making it all the way to another Friday is an actual accomplishment. The world is a big place, it’s hard to wrap your mind all around it at once.

After the jump, the five Highest Rated Comments, as voted on by you, the Lowest Rated Comment, the winner of this week’s Burger King Twilight Caption Contest, and the Editor’s Choice.

This Week’s Highest Rated Comments

#5 teacherman | Jun 22nd Score:110

“Girls, I am the same ACTUAL age of Edward and you are the same age as Bella. Now how do you like your precious pedophiliac vampire trash?”

Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t You Caption It? Contest: Burger King Twilight Campaign
#4 ghostdad | Jun 18th Score:110

I desperately care about upvotes and have never been in any monster’s balls (ATGSTTS). I’m like the opposite of Steve Winwood. A “Losewood”, if you will.

Posted in: Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Best Comments
#3 Kateness | Jun 23rd Score:138

What’s that one where Jennifer Anniston gives an incredible comedic performance?

Posted in: Best New Party Game 26: Do You Mean The One Where…
#2 shellbomber | Jun 18th Score:142

I can’t wait for the new Steve Winwood album.  These songs are already classics!

She’s Pretty

Psyche

Lost Sucks

Lowest Rated Comment

Plagarist Commenter

I Don’t Even Care

You Can’t Spell

If That’s Your Name

Noooooooo!

Godsauce (Is the Worst) feat. Gabe

Trollin’

That’s Not Your Meme

Dated References Give My Age Away (bonus track)

Posted in: Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Best Comments
#1 wrj713 | Jun 23rd Score:165

What’s that one movie when Harrison Ford has to save his family?

Posted in: Best New Party Game 26: Do You Mean The One Where…

Ed. note: Seriously, does anyone own or manage a pizza parlor in San Diego?

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment

MikeyObviously | Jun 18th Score:-57
Upon reviewing your comments I have determined that you are most likely an American. Therefore, I have logged in specifically to downvote you because Americans calling soccer “football” is overt and pretentious.
Posted in: Monsters’ Ball: The Week’s Best Comments

Ed. note: Whoa! Relax, MikeyObviously! I agree with you that Americans calling soccer “football” is kind of pretentious (not sure what you mean by overt, though) but also who cares?! It’s not that big of a deal, ESPECIALLY not in a comment on a blog post. AND, thee fact that you seem to have done some research on the commenter’s past comments to determine whether or not they were American and therefore whether or not they being pretentious suggests that there was nothing actually pretentious about the comment itself, so now you are the one who is actually being pretentious (and overt? Huh?).

This Week’s Caption Contest Winner

torgothewhite | Jun 22nd Score:134

In my day, we weren’t Team Edward or Team Jacob! We were Team White or Team Black and we liked it!

Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t You Caption It? Contest: Burger King Twilight Campaign

Ed. note: Congratulations, torgothewhite. You earned it!

This Week’s Editor’s Choice

Godsauce | Jun 21st Score:82

This is your jail.

Posted in: This Is Your Pizza

Ed. note: “This is your jail” is really funny.

Comments (95)
  1. Make up editor’s choice! Somebody’s feeling guilty…

  2. I can’t believe there is no VMC for Grown Ups this week! What am I going to do this week (from the front of the twilight line)?

  3. Also pretentious: Mark E. Smith avatars.

  4. WHAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTT!!!? I didn’t win a nomination for most important comment of the week!?? Aw man come on guys that’s not fair! That totally ruins my week completely because my entire life revolves around caring about how anonymous commentators get themselves “ranked” on a pop culture goofball blog and I have absolutely nothing else to look forward to in my life ….

    PSYCHE! MY BAD JUST KIDDIN’! You people are crazy how you obsess over these things. Frankly, I prefer to just live in the moment. Enjoy the jokey commentating and seize the humor and joy out of those moments while you have them in this life. Like Bob Dylan once famously wrote, “You shouldn’t let other people get your kicks for you.” He was right. I think that this week everyone wins the coveted “Steve Winwood’s Choice of Best Comment” award because you all crack me up so much. You are all my precious. Have a delightful weekend and I’ll see all yall on tha FLIP SIDE… where I will make you my musical slaves… FOREVAHHH!!!!!!!!

  5. i confess i’ve been on a vgum hiatus so this is new to me but “GODSAUCE (IS THE WORST) FEAT. GABE” is lolololz to the most extreme degree. infinity lols? amazing.

  6. Who cares?? San Diego Comic-Con pizza party! Pfft. Don’t make me laugh. Hahahaha. Blog readers/tweens/pogs these days don’t care about comics or movies or movies based on comics. It’s about OLD SCHOOL. It’s RETRO, yo. It’s about BRANSON, MISSOURI. You’ve got your Andy Williams Moon River Theater and your Yakov Smirnoff Russian Circus plus Dolly Parton’s Dixie Stampede (she’s never there though) and your Liverpool Legends, a Beatles tribute band! Bet they don’t have one of those in CaliBORINGia!

    Come to southwest Missouri and you and me and Max Silvestri can HANG at the trendy local pizza joint (Domino’s) and get the SCOOP in Branson on what’s HIP and HOT.

  7. The next Videogum Pizza Party needs to be at a Showbiz Pizza. Any Monsters in Phenix City, Alabama? Or Lebanon?

  8. At what point does someone post an adorable animal picture?


    Its even better when you play to music

  9. So wait, you’re saying that even with Emily’s song, the oil is still spilling? Well, I’m out of ideas then.

  10. You upvote me, you REALLY upvote me!

    Thanks, you guys.

  11. So I learnt earlier today that there is another commenter here by the name of Mufasa (even though I was TOTALLY here first) who even has a similar picture to mine and a penchant for witty remarks. As you can imagine, I was irked. IRKED.

    I would like to take this opportunity publicly via the Monster’s Ball to challenge this imposter to a martial arts showdown challenge spectacular, a la Jet Li’s The One, and have the loser shackled and placed into an Iron Mask, doomed forever more to mumble witty comments about pop culture, webjunk and Topher Grace where none may hear, forevermore. DOOMED.

    THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE, I’M-A COMIN’ FOR YA MUFASA.

    GAMEFACE!!!!

  12. Don’t forget to watch Grown Ups this weekend, it’s gotten great reviews from the people who matter
    “This movie was so good I had to retire from acting since anything I have done or will ever do pales in comparison” Amanda Bynes
    “Some dude kidnapped me then got me tickets to see this movie, it was good even though there were black people in it” Jeremy London
    “Maria Bello and Salma Hayek are pretty. Also Rob Schneider is hilarious, psyche just kidding” Steve Winwood

  13. I just finished The Wire. My life is complete.

    • But probably a little bit empty too, am I right? I had serious Wire withdrawals for about a month and everything on TV seemed so shitty and Wire-less.

      • Well, I would love it if there was more, but I’m really REALLY satisfied with the way it wrapped up. Seeing how types of characters introduced from the very beginning grew and matured and newer characters fell into and/or avoided the pitfalls that gave birth to their predecessors, it was just tops.

        I agree that all the other shows are “Wire-less” now. I’m not saying I’m watching bad shows, but now when I get the next disc of Mad Men in, or I watch Friday Night Lights like I did tonight, I cathc myself thinking, “What’s that Tim Riggins? You can’t get a job and need money? Well maybe if you were Omar you wouldn’t be having these problems. LEARN THE GAME, dumb-ass.”

        It’s like having the best relationship of your life that unfortunately ended but was on good terms, and now I can’t help but compare my newer, less-interesting relationship to that previous benchmark.

        The Shield comes close though, but I’m glad I watched all of it before I started The Wire. Back to back was the way to go.

  14. Unrelated. Is Cyrus just like Man of the House 2: Book of Men of Houses? (Or 2 Man 2 House or whatever).

    Also unrelated. I think Marisa Tomei deserves an Oscar for continuing to willingly play the love interest of THE MOST heinously unattractive men in Hollywood

  15. VICTORY IS MINE First, I would like to thank my brain for being so smart and funny. I would next like to thank Gabe for his awesome writing on my favorite website, and lastly I would like to thank the awesome monsters who voted me to the top.

    P.S. Shout out to Steve Winwood keep being awesome, some people should really just relax!

  16. I am really wishing I knew what ATGSTTS stands for.

  17. As The Girl Said To The Soldier.

    You should check out the TWSS Archives (that’s what she said).

  18. I was in the Greatful Dead  |   Posted on Jun 26th, 2010 0

    and Traffic!

  19. Gabe. Let’s get serious. I think you need to do a Teen Korner or like a WTVSOAT feature on ABC Family’s Pretty Little Liars. I *happened* to catch episode 3 the other day…on Hulu…well anyways, it actually contains lines such as “Yeah, I’m checking my KIN.” and “We were never close, but…now it’s like The Hurt Locker.” and “Heads up BFFs. It’s open season on liars and I’m going hunting…”

    • Wait, “We were never close, but…now it’s like The Hurt Locker”?!?! What does that even MEAN?!?! No, like, I’m seriously asking what that’s supposed to mean. It’s like a Buddhist Koan or something!

  20. Well, I’m kind of sad that Winwood appreciation week is over, but I will always love you Stevie. Anyways, i am proud to present “Winwood Movie Classics”:

    • Dr. Zaius: This is the planet of the apes.
      Steve Winwood: I don’t give a care.
      Dr. Zaius: PSYCHE!!!! JUST KIDDIN’!!!! It’s Earth, broham.
      Steve Winwood: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

  21. Would you look at that? Sympathy votes work. What a time to be alive!

  22. What is so pretentious about Americans calling Soccer “Football”. The rest of the world does. The rest of the world is also where “Football” is popular. The term “Soccer” is a slang nickname for the sport that originated in the UK anyway.

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