Oh man. I know that this whole Jeremy London kidnapping thing is a depressingly public display of a personal horror, regardless of what is true and what is false, because if he was kidnapped and forced to smoke crack at gunpoint (LOLOL) that is terrible, and if he is lying and using our nation’s long history of racial prejudice to cover up a life-threatening drug addiction that is tearing his family apart that is also terrible. Either way: very terrible! Nevertheless, I cannot get enough of this story, and it makes me laugh a lot. I’m sorry. If I could throw myself in jail for the crime of being a bad person with base impulses, I would. And if I could somehow combine the Jeremy London story with the Alvin Green South Carolina story, I DOUBLE would. Anyway, Jeremy London’s accused kidnapper, Brandon Adams, has given his first public account of what actually happened the night he supposedly kidnapped Jeremy London and Jeremy London’s wife, drove Jeremy London’s wife home, and then forced Jeremy London to smoke crack and buy people alcohol. Let’s just say, Mr. Adams story is very different. From the Huffington Post:

“There was no gun. There was never a pipe,” Brandon Adams said in his first jailhouse interview, to Radaronline.com. “We got drunk and I hooked him up with some Ecstasy and Xanax and we took a joyride and partied for hours.”

Oh boy. Here we go. Get ready, guys, because this is the best:

Brandon said that he did help Jeremy change his tire, but that’s where Jeremy’s story turned into a lie. He said was hanging out near a 7-11 when he saw Jeremy (whom he did not recognize) and his wife pacing around and looking paranoid. A police car drove by, causing Jeremy and his wife to run back into the store then try to drive away with a flat. They parked in a nearby alley way, and Brandon offered to help.

“My uncle and I and another guy went up and asked them if they needed help with the flat. We helped them change it and asked if they could give us a ride home. And Jeremy said yes,” he said. “As soon as we got in the car, Jeremy asked us if we could get him five xanax and five oxycontin. Melissa was asking for xanax too. I told him I could hook him up but that I wanted a couple of beers. He agreed.”

Brandon said they bought some beer and hard alcohol, got f**ked up and started handing beers out to Brandon’s friends on the street. Jeremy kept bugging him for pills and he found some.

“I hadn’t been able to get any xanax or oxycontins up to that point, but I was finally able to get him three ecstasy and three xanax pills. He took all six pills at once. He was out of his mind high,” he said.

The night ended at Brandon’s home, he said, where he introduced Jeremy to his wife and six kids. Then he drove Jeremy home.

Early Tuesday morning cops were called to Jeremy’s home after he had had an all-night fight with his wife, Radar reports. They found him sleeping in his car in the driveway.

Kaboom! Jeremy London’s kidnapper was actually Jeremy London’s drug-procurer and chauffeur. DRIVING (AND DRUGGING) MISS JEREMY LONDON! Wait though: I thought the cops had said they found Jeremy London’s stolen car? Which is it. Did they find his stolen car, or did they find his not stolen at all car with him sleeping in it? Regardless, this story still seems so much more reasonable than Jeremy London’s cookoo lazy drug-fueled paranoid racist version. I will say that while Brandon Adams probably does not belong in jail for kidnapping Jeremy London and forcing him to smoke crack at gunpoint (LOL EVERY TIME!), he probably should be in jail for introducing an incredibly high Jeremy London to his wife and six kids at what couldn’t possibly have been a reasonable hour. Is that a crime? I’m not a lawyer. Could someone confirm whether or not it is a crime to introduce an incredibly high Jeremy London to your wife and six kids at an unreasonable hour? SUSTAINED! I rest my case.

I cannot wait, now, for the other shoe to drop in what is turning out to be the Trial (is this a trial? This is a trial, right?) of the Century. And by “other shoe to drop” I of course mean “for Jeremy London to update his Facebook page.”

Comments (146)
  1. We’re gonna need a bigger SCRAM bracelet!

  2. So that’s how you get Ecstasy and Xanax, I’ve been going about this the wrong way

  3. Can someone get Jeremy London and Chris Evans a reality show? Mandy Moore can be a special guest

  4. So is this racist like how talking about vuvuzelas is racist?

  5. HE WASN’T REALLY KIDNAPPED???

  6. Ah, lives of the rich and famous, amiright?

  7. On one hand, lots of people are drug addicts and will do anything to lie about it. On the other hand, these things really do happen, to Godsauce!

    Innocent until proven guilty, probably.

    • To me and David Fisher. White guys were the perpetrators in both cases.

      I don’t know why we are declaring that the guy who admitting to procuring drugs for Jeremy London is obviously telling the truth, but I’ll agree that this guy’s story sounds much more likely than London’s. Except for the part about London taking three Xanax pills and three ecstacy pills on a gut full of alcohol and being in good shape to meet children. That part doesn’t make much sense, unless it is meant to establish an alibi.

      • I believe the 3 Xanax, 3 ecstacy, alcohol combo. The longer you are an addict, the more it takes for you to get the high you crave…I am not an addict, by the way. Schiz, I think that’s what addicts say…oh gosh, I am digging a hole…I am shutting up now…

  8. I haven’t been following this story mainly because I have no idea who Jeremy London is. Am I alone on this? I just Googled him and I still don’t know who the fuck he is.

  9. “i once had problems with lies, drugs, gambling and my god the lotto too. but now, i’m all better; leading a healthy life and totally wolfing down pizza.”

    – tori spelling

  10. ” i wanna play football next year coach. but i am not gonna sign that agreement to not smoke crack at gunpoint”

  11. Wait, does this mean that it’s NOT a viable excuse to claim your poor behavior was forced on you at gunpoint. Because if that’s true I have a lot of Ed Hardy clothes to return.

  12. I don’t get how this is supposed to be racist. It’s dumb and a lame weird way for him to try to conceal his druggy mistakes, but racist? How so?

    • Is Brandon Adams black? That would explain things

    • My interpretation is pretty much the same as southernbitch’s (above). London accused Adams of kidnapping, forcing him to smoke crack, and forcing him to hang out with his gang, which really couldn’t be a better illustration of the stereotype of black people, black men specifically, all being violent crack addicts who are all in gangs.

      It reminds me a bit of Susan Smith’s accusation that a random black man carjacked her and kidnapped her children.

      #my2cents

      • Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

        • Well, I tried.

        • eh, i’ve been called a “liberal douche” by better people before, so whatevs. we all know you’re just white trash from alabama, so i’m not surprised you’re having problems with this.

        • My point is, we don’t KNOW if he’s racist. We know he’s a drug addict, and was on drugs, and that he made up a crazy story. His story seems to be that he was forced to do things he did willingly. He may not have been with actual gangs, but who could possibly know what his brain was perceiving the situation as? There are just too many definites to mock him for, without adding assumed racism.

          Also, re: he would have said the same thing with white people: not exactly. He would have made up a batshit story about the Klan, or whatever he could think of to blame. It’s not racism. It’s rationalizing.

          • I entirely agree.

          • Word. Ad the Mortal Kombat narrator voice would say: “Raymond’s Mother” WWWIIIIIIIIINNNSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!

          • but if your way of “rationalizing” a situation produces stereotypical behaviors of a maligned minority group, aka black men, then you’re kind of a racist. there’s overt racism, and systemic racism, and then there’s the more insidious type of racism- the kind where, when people say or do fucked up things that have roots in overt or systemic racism, the society or culture as a whole dismiss it as a faux pas, or that they “didn’t mean it in that way”, or what the fuck have you. i know that a lot of people in the vgum community are tired of talking about racism, and it seems to come up a lot, but that’s because there are constant racial dimensions to everything in our society as a whole, and i think it’s hard to ignore these aspects of our culture. fact of the matter is telling the cops that a black man forced you to smoke crack and hang out with his gang is an example of this type of behavior, regardless of whether or not he was grasping at straws, because ultimately he thought people would buy the story, and for a minute there, people did.

          • southernbitch, I mostly agree with you, but think there’s an important distinction to add to your seperations of the different types of racism, and it’s something that I think gets missed or passed over in all sorts of these conversations. There is a difference between being a racist and commiting a racist act.

            We really have no grounds to say that Jeremy London is a racist, and accusing him of that just ends up turning so many people off, including, likely, him, in a way that makes any further conversation impossible. With a drug addled loony like Jeremy London, it doesn’t matter, but with people like Steve and others who agree with him, it really could.

            You’re correct in identifying the insidious type of racism, but what’s a major part of it, is that it’s so unconcious. The people who act on that kind of racism don’t even notice they are doing so. And this is something we all do, a lot, regardless of whether or not you notice it. It doesn’t make you a racist, even if the act or thinking is racist. Now, if someone caught up in that type of act is blatently accused of being a racist, they’re going to deny it, and rightfully, but they aren’t going to see the problem with what they did/said because they are too busy being defensive, but if there’s an actual conversation, with the difference you laid out explained and the difference between being a racist and having a racist thought, or act, or saying something racist, is established, their thinking may change.

            Too long, didn’t read?

          • no, i totally agree with you re: the difference between being a racist and saying something that is racist. that’s just a whole other layer of the discourse surrounding racism.

          • Ugh…white people and your cognitive dissonance denial of racism ie which is bourne of white genetic survival hence where white supremacy comes from so you can maintain your white privilege at OUR (PEOPLE OF COLOR’S) EXPENSE!

        • “I like Jeremy London blame my problems on other people, regardless of race. Why can’t YOU PEOPLE see that?!!!!” Steve Winwood 1968-2012

        • I lived with a drug addict who once woke me up at 7am to tell me he wasn’t the one who rearranged all the furniture into a totally impractical layout; it was a stranger who he found on our couch earlier that morning. Then he described the stranger as short. And green. Then, okay, he admitted it wasn’t the stranger who moved the furniture — he did it himself. BUT, only because he was afraid of the stranger. He then said the stranger was coming back later and I needed to help turn the refrigerator so we’d be ready, and that we should buy baseball bats and have some police stationed outside. THEN, he called the police. And he talked to them for a long time, saying a lot of way, way, way racist shit about the greens.

          I did not make this up.

      • It’s kind of a leap, Steve Winwood, to argue that Jeremy London would for sure have made up an elaborate and insane story about being forced to smoke crack at gunpoint if the person he had bought/done drugs from/with had been white. I totally see your point about how something is not racist just because a black person is involved, and that is a good and true point, OBVIOUSLY. I mean, OF COURSE. But in this particular instance, a white person concocted (probably) an elaborate lie involving guns and crack because the person he bought drugs from/with was black, and I think that is racist. Perhaps if Jeremy London had actually smoked crack (and again, there are still tons of maybes here, and maybe he was forced to smoke crack at gunpoint [LOL] but I really strongly doubt it) and been in the presence of a gun, and then turned it into a like about gun-forced crack smoking, then it would just be a drug addict trying to avoid suspicion/blame/punishment/the world knowing he was addicted to crack. But if it turns out this version of events is true and he just did prescription drugs and drank beer, then, yes, accusing a black man of having a gun and crack is absolutely racist.

        • But how do Vuvuzelas factor in?

        • Although, hilariously, by all accounts, the drug dealer in this story is black. You can’t make that up!

        • Is it really a leap? No its not. Also, where did someone say crack? I don’t ever remember London saying he was forced to smoke crack. I think everyone is being racist by assuming that Jeremy London meant crack when blaming an anticipated failed drug test on being kidnapped by a black man who forced him “to smoke drugs.” You wouldn’t have assumed it was crack if it was a white trailer park person would you? WOULD YOU?

        • It’s just as much a leap to state that Jeremy London concocted (probably) an elaborate lie involving guns and crack because the person he bought drugs from/with was black, when a more likely scenario is that Jeremy London concocted (probably) an elaborate lie involving guns and crack because JEREMY LONDON IS A DRUG ADDICT, regardless of the race of whoever he bought drugs from.

        • Sorry, Gabe, I have to respectfully disagree. It would be racist of me to assume that some black guy who I dont know at all is a lazy thieving crack smoking scum bag who lusts after white women just because he’s black. It would not be racist of me to try to lie my way out of a situation involving my serious drug addiction by concocting some hoax narrative about a black guy I claim had some crack and a gun. That’s not absolutely racist. Go rent the Breaking Bad dvds from netflix and meet me back here later to discuss this further.

          • You are going to use an AMC television show starring the dad from Malcolm in the Middle to defend Jeremy London against accusations of racism?! Jeremy London, you need a new lawyer! This one did not even rest his case!

            The argument that it is not racist to accuse a black man of forcing you to smoke crack at gunpoint because there are white people who use/sell crack and own/force people to do stuff with guns is nonsense. For precedent in this case please see:

            Susan Smith
            Jennifer Carol Wilbanks

            NOTE TO THE JURY: these cases involve real people NOT televisions hows.
            NOTE TO THE JURY: the fact that Jeremy London spent time in the proximity of a black man is insubstantial evidence, sorry everyone. The “I have a black drug dealer” defense is even thinner than the “I have a black friend” defense, which is well known as “the thinnest defense.”
            NOTE TO THE JURY: I rest my case.

          • The issue of whethere Mr. London’s story is racist, or has racist overtones, is a small part of a larger problem, which has been touched on here and there: we live in a society that is certainly less overtly racist than it was sixty or so years ago, but still bears some very deeply entrenched and subconcious racial stereotypes.

            As PTSmith and SouthernBitch pointed out, there is a difference between being a racist and doing something racist and that this whole is very layered. Now, I do not pretend to know what was in Mr. London’s mind (drugs) when he (I assume) made up his crazy story. Steve makes a good point that the man probably was just lying to get out of trouble from his own drug use. But here is the thing, the story, whethere he meant to or not, touches on a number of stereotypes–violence, pipes, guns, gangs, liquour. As jwormyk has pointed out, the stories don’t say crack, but we (culture at large) hear “crack” and make assumptions.

            I am reminded of a time in school when someone said that a black speaker was “articulate.” A fight ensued and this person had a hard time understanding why saying a black person was articulate and well spoken was a problem.

            So what we have is a drug addled person making up a story that intentionally or not touches on racial stereotypes. Maybe he would have made the same story up if the person was white, maybe not. But would everyone have reacted the same way?

          • Um, no, I was seriously just saying you should go rent Breaking Bad because it’s a rad show and drug dealing is involved. I wasnt saying that the show has anything to do with the argument of who hates racism more or whatever the hell it is that we are arguing about.

            Your honor: RACISM IS EVIL!

            Case closed.

          • I agree wholeheartedly with Winwood (about you renting Breaking Bad).

        • This is #killingme. Why does everyone insist on rehashing the same racism debate like twice a week? Going through SOC 102 again and again is really tiresome.

          • You’re a racist. Why can’t you acknowledge that RACISM IS EVIL!!!!!???????

          • I think Mans nailed it. By Gabe’s own logic, he’s racist because he said crack. Honestly, I read about this story from three different places, and this is the only site that mentions crack. The rest said something along the lines of “smoked drugs from a pipe.” Because he’s a rarely-working actor that probably doesn’t have much money, and is white, I assumed it was meth. So, maybe I’M the racist. Fuck, I don’t know anymore.

            I rarely post but I really enjoy reading the comments on this site because the people are more like a family and you don’t get the disgusting comments you run into on other sites. From this post and several of the others I’ve read this week, though, with bickering and whining and overly sensitive comments people have been posting, I’m thinking Gabe needs to hit the Reset Button again.

            Love,
            Creepy Lurker

          • Thanks, but I am pretty sure that I am responsible for many of the whining and overly sensetive comments. I really get my drawers in a bunch about things.

            I will agree though that as much as we disagree, this is a good conversation and I am glad we are having it. These conversations are a lot more though provoking than the ones I have at work. “Oh look, a mechanic’s lien.”

          • HA HA HA HA, “Mans” wrote “though provoking” when he meant THOUGHT provoking, what an idiot LOL

            just kidding, friend

          • True Story: last night while driving, “Make Love in This Club” by Usher came on the radio. My wife turned it up and I said, “Every time I hear this, I think of Steve Winwood,” and she said, “Me too.”

          • Steve Winwood IS Young Jeezy

        • Assuming the Brandon Adams story is true, It is also racist of Jeremy London to figure that this black that is helping is a drug dealer, no?

          • I never thought I would go through a thread and start upvoting Steve Winwood, but here we are!
            R.I.P. My (irrational?) skepticism of Steve Winwood (2009-June 29th 2010), (Probably July 1st 2010-2012).

  13. “Jeremy London likes this.”

  14. I still have no idea who he is…he looks like Boy George without his makeup. Is Jeremy London Boy George without his makeup?

    Also, his kidnapped at gunpoint and forced to smoke crack story seemed shady once the main suspect was named Brandon.

  15. Well this guy’s story is obviously bogus since he claims he didn’t recognize Jeremy London. I mean, COME ON.

  16. You Can Make It Up: Alvin Greene kidnaps 100,000 South Carolinians and forces them to vote for Alvin Greene in the Democratic primaries.

  17. London’s Burning (out)

  18. This story has gone beyond LOLk to LOLOLOLOLk. Some fat deposits in there are making me super rich.

  19. *breaks out notepad to spitball some Jeremy-London-has-a-photo-of-SOMETHING-in-his-wallet joke*

  20. I think the most important thing to take away from this is that Jeremy London, J-Lo for short, is a BALLER!/sick as fuck, I’ll party with him.

  21. Basically, Jerry London and his wife smoked to much crack and were looking for some Zanax or Oxycontin to bring themselves down. Since they are drug addicts, they don’t take care of their car like normal people. While copping they got a flat tire. They saw Brandon Adams who happened to be black and asked him if he could get them drugs. Adams, never one to turn down a chance to get some free beer or hustle white people, decided to get some free drinking and drugging from these cracked out rich folk. He went looking for Zanax and OC’s but could only find some X and a couple of mind erasers. London and his wife took anything they could get. His wife probably only took the Zanax (her DOC) came down a bit then wanted to go home to see if her quack doctor could call in more Zanax to Rite Aid, but Jeremy got high from the X and wanted to party for a while. After realizing the disaster of the situation when he began to sober up, he went home to find his wife in a rage about spending the last amount of money they had on X and not enough Zanax to even get high (her doctor wouldn’t call in anymore because her script was supposed to last her through the month and she had taken them in two days), at which point she kicked him out. He then woke up and realized he was going to fail a drug test for custody of his kids, so he made up this joke of a story and called the cops…….Don’t act like it has never happened to you!!!

  22. i think the only way to find out if he’s racist is to wait until the next time, when he’s “kidnapped” by an asian person, and hear about how he was forced to go to the bubble tea place and be good at math.

  23. I can’t wait for the next time: “Hello 911? You’re gonna kick yourself….Mexicans with glue stick.”

  24. it’s days like this when i really miss norm macdonald doing weekend update.

  25. as videogum’s expert on being black, i will say this. the thought of a crime such as the one jeremy alleges was done to him sounds more believable when the criminals are black. similar to years ago when susan smith drove her two kids into a body of water and blamed it on a general description of a black guy. in their minds, the obvious response to this would be “of course it happened, a crazy black guy did it!” that inherent thought, does, in my opinion, make them racist.

  26. We need to look at the bright side here. Hopefully this whole thing puts Griffin of TV’s Party of Five in the running for TV’s Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew. *Fingers Crossed*

  27. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  28. When SW posted its first asinine comment.

    …because it has a vulva for a face.

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