After losing the Alabama primary for Agriculture Commissioner, Dale Peterson has returned with another campaign ad throwing his terrifying support behind another (presumably less nightmarish) candidate:

It is just like Andy Chekov said, if you put a gun on your shoulder in the first campaign ad, the gun has to go off in the second campaign ad. DRAMA! Dale Peterson may have lost his campaign for Alabama Agriculture Commissioner, but he has definitely won his campaign for Coconut of the Year. Vote YES on Proposition Dale Peterson Getting Some Medicine. (Via TheAwl.)

Comments (51)
  1. He should just change his slogan to “Are you fucking out, or are you fucking in?”

  2. Ahahaha, he said “Ag Commish” AND “give a rip” AGAIN

  3. Like I always say, “The South will rise again … later, probably… just not right now… thanks for asking, friend!”

  4. Okay Dale I’ll vote for him I swear, please don’t shoot

  5. Yes, yes i do want Dale Peterson watching my back. A lot. He’d probably be a better bodyguard than “ag commish” anyway.

  6. john’s a good man. i like john. no homo. – dale peterson

  7. I’m sorry NCIS isn’t new this week, grandpa.

    • As someone whose granddad enjoys “those CIS shows” and romance novels with pretty explicit-looking covers, I wonder if Dale Peterson has been introduced to the Aphrodisia line by Kensington Publishing. It might calm him down a little.

      • Granddads read romance novels? I thought that was a grandma thing.

        Which reminds me, I was at the bookstore today and hiding crappy books in the Romance section, and I decided to look in one for curiosity’s sake [not because there was a half-naked woman on the cover and I expected sex, sex is gross and wrong and forgive me Jesus] and you know what? They’re practically porn! Except they never use the names of real body parts and use convoluted purple prose to get across the idea that someone is having an orgasm. Weird.

  8. “Still Don’t Give a Rip”
    -Dorman Grace

  9. I’d like to see someone run on the “I have a gun” platform above the mason/dixon line. Actually, come to think of it, I’m throwing my hat in the ring for NYC mayor, 2013. I have a gun, and I’m going to use it to change city-hall. Vote Krasdale, 2013, no homo.

  10. “I don’t know if I can trust someone who misses a shot at such an easy target”
    Mildly Offensive Gun-Loving Racist Southerner Stereotype, 1850 – 2012

  11. Alabmans: Eat your salads slowly; there’s buckshot in the lettuce, tomatoes, carrots and, well, everything.

  12. you know, sometimes i feel like guys like dale are what’s wrong with the south, but then i remember how much fun it can be to go hang out with crochety old southern men- they’re usually pretty fun at karaoke, they almost always ask a girl to dance to the jukebox, they’ll open your beer and light your cigarette, they can be counted on to threaten to punch any boy that’s ever hurt your feelings, they usually have either a boat or an atv and will teach you how to drive it, and they love to cook and bring you food. there’s a lot of win goin on with these men.

    • mydaughter'sname69  |   Posted on Jun 17th, 2010 +11

      Don’t forget the yard sign protection!

      • Yes! Dale Peterson can add a new line to his already-impressive résumé:
        “Sign-Guard, 2010-Present. Shot and killed over a dozen sign-stealing immigr…”

    • You just perfectly described half of the people populating one of my favorite bars. I love crochety old southern men at dirty karaoke bars! They give a RRRRRRRIP about having a good time.

  13. Is it wrong that I love this? Like a lot?

  14. “John’s a good man. I like John. He’ll do something about Alabama losing three farms a day. I like being near John. When this runoff election gets sorted out, I think John and I should get an apartment together.”

    - Dale Peterson

  15. going after the ‘swayed by lawn sign’ vote, I see. politics inaction!

  16. John MacMillan:

    • How high a candidate’s pants can sit on his ill-defined waist without cutting into his crotch is a great indicator of political savvy. But I vote based on who holds their rifle at the most obtuse angle.

  17. Holy shit… I am terrified of this man.
    I think I’ll skip Alabama on my next US tour

  18. Too bad he can’t say his name correctly. Must not be that close to John MACmillan.

  19. He really has that rifle because he’s nervous in front of the camera. Which is just the worst marketing solution, give the nervous looking person a rifle!

  20. This ad was basically asking all teenagers in Alabama to steal John McMillian signs.

  21. What’s to stop the younger women and younger men from dating each other? Yikes!

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