As we know, my favorite news story is (and will always be) LINDSAY LOHAN’S SCRAM BRACELET. And my second favorite news story is the current political scandal in South Carolina. But Jodie Foster being accused of assaulting a teenager in a parking lot is definitely in the top three and CLIMBING THE CHARTS! (P.S. It is always important to rank news stories in order of personal preference.)

Comments (26)
  1. “BREAKING NEWS: Jodie Foster Viciously Attacks Teenage Boy!”

    So, she attacked herself?

  2. By attack he means she made him watch Flightplan amirite

  3. How did “Cat Stuck in Window” not even make the top 3 favorite news stories?

  4. Fly away now little starling….fly…fly…fly

  5. Paparazzi are getting younger and younger every day:

  6. Wait, let me get this straight: a 17-year-old boy is BIG FAN of Jodie Foster? I mean, sure, Panic Room was kind of cool and stuff

  7. It is a slow day for non-reset-button-related news.

  8. I don’t know, if I were him I’d probably let it go. Sure, people knowing you got your ass kicked by Jodie Foster gets you so much pussy (all the pussy, really), but when they find out you filed a police report just because a fifty-year-old woman pushed you and left a scratch on your arm, it might not look so good.

  9. I’m Actually surprised this ranked so high. I mean what about the Michael Jordan Hitler Mustache commercial or the January Jones car crash or Lady Gaga flipping the paparazzi off at a ball game or most importantly the Jennifer Anniston dating Jason Sudeikis?

  10. So did John Hinckley notice her this time?

  11. I found this at Huffington Post under “Sports Entertainment” (?).

    UPDATE: Foster has responded to People:

  12. Wow, I already hate this story.

  13. I am so glad i have Gabe to go to websites like for me.

  14. Does anyone else think there is a significant chance this article is fake?

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.