Personally, I like Mark Wahlberg. He has a certain abs I MEAN CHARSIMA. Then again, he also created Entourage. And was in The Happening. I’m not saying he’s without flaws! He’s a human being just like the rest of us (we are all wealthy and attractive human beings with impossibly blessed careers in the entertainment industry, right?). There’s also the whole frat boy hate-crimer vibe he gives off at times, which is way uncool, dude. But for the most part, I like Mark Wahlberg. So why does he hate me so much? From MTV:

“I am more focused on making [an Entourage] movie than my own films,” Wahlberg said. “I just think we can make a great movie. I think people always wanted [it] and have complained that the episodes are too short — they’ve always wanted more. I think we’re going to do it.”

“I think we’re going to do it. We just have to end strong, and this season is, by far, the best season so far,” he said. “We’re going to have six episodes next year and end with a bang and then in the trailer you see [Ari Gold (Jeremy Piven) and his associate, Lloyd] waking up together in Vegas not knowing what happened.”

Oh good grief. This guy knows what I’m talking about. Obviously, the stakes on Entourage are so low, they are covered in oil. Oxygen cannot get to them! But a Hangover-rip-off Ari and Lloyd big-screen adventure in Las Vegas sounds like a new low. “Will they find Ari’s Maserati in time for him to be disparaging to his wife over the phone, or will he unleash a tirade of ever-increasingly despicable homophobic slurs against his embattled but somehow still compliant assistant Lloyd while fiddling with his hair plugs?”

Mark Wahlberg, YOU ARE HURTING MY FEELINGS!

Comments (43)
  1. True story: a friend of mine was a waitress/hostess at a fancy pants restaurant around 1999 or 2000 or so and Mark Wahlberg showed up with his posse on a busy night and demanded to be seated. My friend told him he would have to wait because there were no tables right at that moment and he literally said to her, “Do you KNOW WHO I AM?” and she uncontrollably laughed in his face because that was such a cliche. Eventually he went over her head and got her manager to seat him and his “entourage” somehow, but he spent the entire time silently glowering at my friend from across the room whenever their eyes met. Total douche.

  2. One of the great things growing up outside Boston when I did was that you so often enountered someone whose brother, or cousin, or whatever, beat up one of the New Kids on the Block at someone point — usually it was Marky Mark.

    Which actually leads me to have an answer for you Gabe. The people who made these claims, and the cousins and brothers who may or may not have beat up a young, pre-fame Mark Wahlberg have likely grown up to be the type of people who watch and love Entourage, so he continues it, knowing that he sucks them more and more into a waste of pointless douchery and hatred, laughing all the while, knowing also that those of us who laugh at the type of people who watch and love Entourage are the same people who were laughing at the stories of those people’s brothers or cousins beating him up.

  3. “There is no new vids on the block.” — Solomon on Entertainment

  4. I believe Bradley Cooper will be playing E’s new love interest

  5. The original Entourage Movie where it was more about wrapping up Vinny’s romantic plotline, and not so much about Drama dealing with his menopause was WAY better. Its not that the guys seemed out of place in the Abu Dhabi, its just that LA is a big part of the series, and taking it out of California just so you can show the guys in chic desert wear seems like a bit of a gimmick.

  6. In the grand tradition of HBO shows turned into movies, Entourage will be 3 hours long and so pointless that it will go directly to cable.

    Maybe it will air on, let’s say, Showtime.

  7. I don’t know, I’m picking up some good vibrations about this movie. Get it? You get it. You might get it. You might not be old enough to get it. But Gabe should DEFINITELY get it.

  8. Wait Wait, Lemme guess –
    They make a movie of Vince making a movie, and we get to see ten minutes of supremely poor acting in a mega-meta-movie, sandwiched between 135 minutes of poor acting; Turtle Gets High and Ruins His “Business”; Johnny Drama is a whiny bitch; E is a Whiny Bitch; Sloane is a Nag Wife/Whiny Bitch and Ruins the group and…
    I saved us all at least ten bucks and 2.5 hours

    • Also, the following exchange will take place:

      Ari: I need you to get Vince in that movie!
      Dana Walsh: Damnit, Ari, I am done helping you!
      Ari: Oh really, because in Cabo you weren’t done helping me WITH MY COCK.
      Dana Walsh: I’ll see what I can do.

      • also, at some point somebody (probably e) will worry about money, and all of us saps will sit there in the theater going “i spent 10 dollars to watch dudes smoke better weed than me, have sex with more beautiful women than me, eat better food, drive more carbon footprinty cars, and live in houses that could fit 300 of my apartments in them, and you’re seriously asking me to suspend my disbelief to the point where i’m empathetic to these assholes’ concerns about money?”*

        *except that we won’t because we didn’t go to see this movie because we are not complete and total assholes. or, better yet, in a meta-twist adrian grenier has a massive falling out with the producer and the movie gets sidelined until 2045 at which point they have to replace jeremy piven because he tragically died of mercury poisoning (read: choked on his own vomit) in late 2010.

      • Dana Gordon! Who the hell is Dana Walsh?

  9. “Vegas is just hot right now”

    - MTV Movie Award planners

  10. I would vow not to see this movie, but I know that Wahlberg will just come on television and be all “You guys, I just want you to see my movie, k? I really think you would like it, k?” and then I will be forced to see it because, you know, he seems like a good guy.

  11. That’s a joke, right? It has to be a joke. I just refuse to believe it’s anything more than a joke, for my own personal well being.

  12. Smokin’ Aces 3: Ari Sucks Balls Also The Hangover
    Let’s shoot each other in our faces until we all run out of bullets and can no longer hold the triggers of our guns because our faces are gone and our bodies don’t work properly no more.

    That’s the tag line I would like to see. Pah.

  13. Why am I pretty sure that this edit job by the writer “[Ari Gold (Jeremy Piven) and his associate, Lloyd] ” is in place of “you know, that bald fuck and the asian guy”?

  14. You know, we all loved Mark Wahlberg in Boogie Nights, where he played that dimwitted no-talent (well, one-talent) loser so sympathetically, but I’m not sure how he’s still considered a Hollywood Star?

  15. Spot on.

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