Over the weekend, this photo of Keanu Reeves looking sad on a park bench surfaced and almost instantly became the Internet’s favorite new meme. It’s the new One Doesn’t Just Look Sad on a Park Bench into Mordor, or whatever. People are having a lot of fun with it. So now it is our turn to have fun with it! Write a caption of what Keanu is thinking! Or write a caption of what Keanu is writing on his jeans with a Sharpie when he should be paying attention to the teacher! And in this Very Special Edition of the Videogum Why Don’t YOU Caption It? Contest, you can also post FUNNY PHOTOSHOPS (incredible bonus!) of sad Keanu looking sad in different sadnarios. It’s up to you. Or is it? Have you ever wondered if maybe free will was a myth, that we were all just pre-programed actors performing a play that no one was watching, and that life itself was meaningless, just a swirl of human dust on a giant dead rock hurtling through infinite abandoned space? The whole thing gets so heavy you can barely even finish your sandwich. Barely. Just choking it down.

The winner will receive special recognition in this week’s Monsters’ Ball, which should help turn that frown upside down!

Comments (197)
  1. “Whoa”

  2. “dogstar lyrics”

  3. Hey bird have you seen the Lake House?

  4. “Am i doing ‘sad’ right?”

  5. “I am and EFF BEE EYE Agent. Why doesn’t anyone believe me?”

  6. “Magnets”

  7. sandimashighschoolfootballrules….. [very quietly, almost silently.]

  8. “Turns out I DON’T know kung fu.”

  9. “Bogus.”

  10. “Man. Maybe San Dimas High football DOESN’T rule after all….”

  11. “I’m so hungry I could eat a clown.”

  12. “Grief changes shape, but it never ends.” –Keanu Reeves (KR)

    “I am not handsome or sexy.” –KR

    “I try not to think about my life. I have no life. I need therapy.” –KR

    “I’m sorry my existence is not very noble or sublime.” –KR

    The internet, which has never lied to me before (unlike my uncle and my middle school gym teacher, who are not necessarily 2 different people), told me these are all actual quotes by the man sitting on the bench up there. They all seem very appropriate.


  13. Though he knew they were just a part of the Matrix, Keanu missed Rue and Gary every minute of every day.

  14. I know…existential angst.

  15. “I miss Bill.”

  16. “Take the red pill to have a short lived acting career and the blue to wake up and not remember any of this”

  17. My dog having a bath: as sad, or sadder?

  18. ACTING!!! …… whoa….

  19. “Lori Petty used to be kinda hot in the 90s.”

  20. ssssshhhhhh I can’t hear Keanu quietly weeping

  21. Klaatu barada sandwich.

  22. “Why wasn’t I invited to the MTV movie awards last night? I’ve got inside jokes with Sandra Bullock too!”–Sad Keanu

  23. The Reddit thread, which even if it is second-hand Internet monster rumors does seem to paint a pretty consistent picture, made me too appreciative of the fact that maybe Keanu Reeves really is basically the nicest guy around to make fun of him in an Internet meme caption. #AppreciativeOfFamousPeopleWhoMightNotBeAssholesgum

    So, instead, I’m going to pretend that it’s Nic Cage in the picture:

    “Nicolas Cage reacts to the low attendance as he auditioned volunteers to be sacrificed and buried with him in his crazy-ass Pyramid tomb.”

    • Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  24. Bill S. Preston Esq…miss you bro…

  25. Pop Quiz hot shot: there’s a comment on a blog post. If the comment gets 55 upvotes, the bomb is armed. If it gets downvoted below 55, the bomb goes off. What do you? What … do… you… do….????

  26. I was never hot. It was just the sunglasses.

  27. “I can’t believe Hugh Jackman stole my scooter.”

  28. “The bench will explode unless you sit and look miserable for the next 20 minutes”

  29. Keanu Reeves is just depressed that, in light of Snooki recently discovering the technology to clone herself, is everywhere nowadays.

    He’s more of a JWoww man.

  30. “First bears steal our picnic baskets, now our picnic tables? Damn that Yogi Bear!”

  31. I know exactly what will cheer him up

  32. “I’d never thought I’d have to take the blue pill to have a good time”

  33. “I miss Bill”

  34. “Fucking…”

  35. “What’s this? A letter? What’s it say?

    Dear Summer 2010 Lakehouse Bench me,

    Cheer up!

    Summer 2011 Lakehouse Bench me”

  36. “I knew Kung-fu…”

  37. “I knew I should have eaten that clown for breakfast this morning…”

  38. *Mumbling* “I AM the One. I IS the One. I ARE the One.”

  39. Someone’s been drinking Lipton…

  40. To himself: “Glory lasts forever, glory lasts forever, glory lasts forever….”

  41. “BP called Kevin Costner then James Cameron, but not me! I have ideas, I have good ideas too. Did they even watch Speed 2 Cruise Control?! It took place on the water! Ok, I wasn’t in that one, but I was in the original- that should count for something. Plus the first one’s are always better than the sequels. Well maybe not The Godfather. I heard The Godfather 2 was pretty bitchin’. Also, those new Star Wars movies are crazy amazing, waaay better than those 70′s ones. There was soooo much talking in those 70s ones. I would love a lightsword ZZZZummZZuummm. I bet I would look awesome riding my bike and swinging a lightsword. Oh hey look a chicken!”

  42. Keanu really wanted some ice cream, but there is no spoon.

  43. Sad Keanu Reeves on a Park Bench isn’t much different from Happy Keanu Reeves on a Park Bench

  44. “I can’t believe LOST is over…”

  45. I sorta hear The National’s new song “Afraid of Everyone” playing in the background as I see the photo. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_yskRDrmqI

    • Upvote, because the National is the best ever. Though I think “Sorrow” might be more fitting:

      “It’s in my sandwich, it’s in my drink… don’t leave my hyper heart alone on the park bench.”

  46. Eating that first pigeon was a bad idea, but knowing I’m going to eat the other one is so much worse. *sigh*

  47. I give up. Does anyone know how to post from photobucket onto here?

  48. This is how I felt when I was downvoted for having never seen Seinfeld…

  49. Keanu Reeves looks like an alligator in a intergalactic hot dog eating contest.

  50. Not to rain on the parade, but I’m pretty sure the majority of this is true, which actually makes this legitimately sad:

    That said, this meme is still hilarious.

    • Is that from 4chan? 4chan is a wretched hive of scum and villainy, so don’t be too sad. At least not until you’ve fact-checked somewhere else.

      Or maybe you were being sarcastic, my sarcasmoscanner is not very good.

      • You should start a facebook group to petition Bea Arthur to sing in a 4chan Christmas special (get all the references there, bro?)

      • fact checked, at least his father did ditch the family when he was 3, and has been in prison oh charges involving heroin. now i feel kind of bad for joking him. am i a bad person?

    • Ok so I just read two lines and this was definitely sarcasm. I will leave now, head (and yogurt cup) hung low in shame.

    • This factoid sheet made me ridiculously sad.

  51. Looking at this again, I think it says something about our celebrity-obsessed culture that a picture of Keanu Reeves LITERALLY DOING NOTHING can be the most interesting thing in the world.

  52. “Damn you, Ke$ha.”

  53. Shown here: Keanu Reeves, after being mistaken for a hobo and forcefully removed from a french Mcdonald’s.

    Sources say the infamous hamburger chain is already working to update their new slogan. Among the proposed ideas: “Come as you are, unless you look like a homeless person.”

  54. Not to be all sensitivegum but I don’t want to make fun of him or his movie choices after reading about his life. He’s using his earnings to keep his sister alive, so he can star in all the Constantinople sequels he wants. All I really want to do is Photoshop myself next to him on the bench, giving him a hug.

  55. “I miss Bill.”

  56. Keanu Reeves: “Nicolas Cage. Come in, Nic Cage!”
    Nicolas Cage: “Keanu Reeves? Are we communicating with our minds?”
    Keanu: “Yes. … What is your cell phone number? This would be much easier with our cell phones, do you agree?”
    Nicolas: …
    Keanu: “Hello? Nicolas?”
    Nicolas: …
    Keanu: Probably just a bad connection. I’ll be okay.

  57. “I wish there were funnier things to say about this picture… now I’M sad.” — All of Videogum

  58. I know kung boo hoo.

  59. “All we are is dust in the wind, dude.”

  60. I can’t photo shop but if I could I would have him thinking about himself sitting on the bench the same way…

  61. Reminds me of the last Burial LP

  62. “Woah is me”

  63. “I try so hard to be excellent to everyone.. but no one is ever excellent to me,”

  64. it might have something to do with the dead fetus right next to him.

  65. Die, die, die…I can’t.

  66. “Oh man, am i going to catch cancer now?”

  67. Keanu Reeves – do our bodies control our brains, or do our brains control our bodies?
    Keanu Reeves’ brain – the brain controls the body of course, idiot!
    Bird – It’s right, that’s why helmets were invented…
    Keanu Reeves – whooooa

  68. “I wonder what would happen if I welded the Lake House mailbox to the Phone Booth time machine?”

  69. That’s what I look like when I pause to make a toot. Or, ah, when I “caption” the bench I’m sitting on?

  70. “Why can’t I ever say what I really mean?”

    -Keanu

  71. “why oh why didn’t I take the blue pill?”

  72. [IMG]http://i49.tinypic.com/2crxfn6.jpg[/IMG]
    Really, 2.7 billion?

  73. “I’m so bad at wrapping presents”

  74. “Is my freedom of will limited by my genetic makeup, and is the notion of my will being limited by my genetic makeup a product of my genetic makeup?”

  75. “The life and plight of the banana fruit is so amazing, and so dismaying”

  76. “It makes me sad that i can’t talk to this bird.”

  77. “Why aren’t all batteries rechargeable?”

  78. To continue the joke that he is also AGELESS, I present you, Internet, with this:

    Consume it however you always do.

  79. Just when Keanu thought he had escaped his contractual obligation to “Lake House 2″ by setting off on the bum, his agent’s right-hand pigeon tracked him down. “Do homing pigeons have homing devices in them? How long do I have before they get here? What if I suffocate him with one of my plastic bag suitcases? Wait–do pigeons breathe? Shit–it’s probably too late now. This donut is good. Where am I?”

  80. “I have to restore Stephen Baldwin”

  81. “Roger Ebert… Roger Ebert liked ‘The Box’”

  82. “All nuclear reactors do is boil water”

  83. “Tina Fey’s husband looks like Liz Lemon’s settling soul mate”

  84. ***SAW YOU LOOKING AT ME BETWEEN THE TREES WHILE I WAS WRITING ON THE BENCH 6/1 @BH. I WILL PASS BY THAT SPOT EACH EVENING AT 6:35 AND WE WILL MEET***KRISSY

  85. “You put the lime in the coke you nut…”


  86. We’re gonna need a bigger coat.

  87. This processed food thing/stuff is not sitting well in my stomach. Why did I not look further ahead? They came to me with their ideas and I turned them away. But really, what’s wrong with bio-engineered cakestuff wrapped around bio-engineered chocolatey meat-stuff? It’s the future, you posers! Get used to it!

    Fuck me, why did I turn them down?

  88. “Can’t you find someone else whose girlfriend gave birth to a stillborn child and died in a car accident to get lolz from?”

  89. The mystery of the the “sad” Keanu Reeves photo seen around the world has been solved. Apparently, he’s been having sympathy pains over the loss of his girlfriend, April Sandmeyer’s, ex-boyfriend, poet / songwriter “Jeff Ladd” / Jeffrey Nozilo. Hopefully, she will get over it soon and we will once again see Keanu smile. :)

  90. ‘NOT ENOUGH CREAM CHEESE ON THE BAGEL, YET AGAIN!!”

  91. THE REASON KEANU REEVES WAS SO UPSET IN THE “SAD” PICTURE SNAPPED OF HIM ON A PARK BENCH THIS WEEK WAS THAT HE HAD JUST GOTTEN THE TEXT MESSAGE INVITING HIM TO MAYA CABALLERO’S SHOW AT CLUB CONGRESS IN TUCSON, ARIZONA ON JUNE 29TH AT 8PM, AND PROBABLY WON’T BE ABLE TO MAKE IT! HE JOINS THE LONG LIST OF CELEBRITY FANS THAT SHE HAS.

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