You guys, let’s be honest with each other. It’s a long holiday weekend. We’re all pretty much checked out at this point. Even sad news hardly registers. (No offense!) And if you aren’t pretty much checked out at this point, I’m not sure what exactly is up with you, but I would highly recommend CHECKING OUT. It’s supposed to be pretty nice outside most of the weekend where I am. I hope the same is true where you are. See you Tuesday!

After the jump, the Week’s Highest Rated Comment, the Lowest Rated Comment, the winner of this week’s ‘Gum Bowl Edition Caption Contest, and the Editor’s Choice.

This Week’s Highest Rated Comments

#5 Notsewfast | May 24th Score:76

Can I just comment a little bit about Walt? Early on, he was best friends with John Locke and his flashback lead us to believe he had superpowers, this was a really cool story line, you guys. The first couple of seasons really make you think Walt is going to be pivotal to the whole storyline.

Then, by some huge oversight, Walt’s real-life counterpart aged like a regular human being, but his character did not. How could the producers not have foreseen this problem when hiring a barely pre-pubescent young man? If your show is going to give us 90 days spread out over 3 years, your youngest actors are going to age over that time.

Then the finale comes. I get that you might not want to have your giant manchild actor pretending to be the little boy we all remember, but at least hire another little boy to stand in, we’d have all understood what was up… We were able to follow the LOST storyline for 6 years, we are all adults and understand how television works… But to exclude Walt & Michael from the finale entirely, when I had to spend 24 hours of the 2nd season watching this:

Is just disrespectful, stupid, and lazy writing.

That being said, the finale was pretty good.

Posted in: Lost S06E18: Series Finale. R.I.P.
#4 Patrick M | May 24th Score:81

Disaster strikes at the Friday night kegger:

Posted in: Teen Korner: Our Bodies Our Werewolves
#3 Notsewfast | May 26th Score:86

So they’ve invented jorts that you can poop in? Kevin Smith will be so excited!

Posted in: “The Coolest You’ll Look Pooping Your Pants”
#2 briadru4 | May 24th Score:94

Also, without Lapidus at the Church I’m going under the assumption that he never died, and is in fact the Highlander.

Posted in: Lost S06E18: Series Finale. R.I.P.
#1 DisagreeBert | May 24th Score:96

Ed. note:

Posted in: Lost S06E18: Series Finale. R.I.P.

Ed. note: Good work everyone. Like I said, I’m pretty much checked out. These are great, though! Right? Sure. Probably. The best!

This Week’s Lowest Rated Comment

Hit_Girl | May 25th Score:-22
Are you telling me no one on this web blog has ever plagiarized before? I think most are annoyed that a bratty elite ivy league student is a thief. Representing how there are many rich elite criminals in this country today. Criminals who act all smart and are really ripping the common man off and lying.

Right now, I believe the way we view stealing, plagiarism, and ivy league schools is all changing. I’m not sure I even believe stealing is wrong? I know I don’t think ivy league schools make you smart. And as for plagiarism, it’s been stretched to it’s limits as far as I’m concerned. What does plagiarism mean in a community where art is influenced by other art and everyone is blogging and re-quoting and re-twittering about things every second of every day ect ect ect.

But I’m glad that brat got caught!

Posted in: That’s Nick Madson’s Boyfriend: Brian Corman

Ed. note: This comment barely seems to even necessitate a response. First of all, Hit Girl, I don’t think that a single person in the entire world is bothered by this because of some misguided class issue. Who gives a crap that it’s a kid at Columbia? I mean, the fact that he is the Valedictorian at an Ivy League school definitely makes his theft seem all the more egregious because his school theoretically holds him to a higher standard, but it’s not insulting and obnoxious because of his socio-economic class. Second of all, plagiarism is theft, and it is wrong, period. More importantly, passing someone else’s work off as your own is morally reprehensible, in addition to being illegal, and anyone who has ever created anything in their lives would find your statements to be insensitive at best, and vile at worst. I’ll make an assumption of my own here, which could prove to be disastrous, and suggest that when you say you aren’t sure if theft is wrong, you are talking about, like, downloading music and movies without paying them? In which case for legal reasons as a professional blog writer I am obligated to tell you that you are mistaken and it is definitely wrong and no one should ever do it. But as a human being in 2010 I will agree with you that it feels, somehow, like a gray area even though we know that it is not a gray area, because it is literally not paying money for something that costs money, which is what theft is. But if you’re talking about anything beyond this weird new media loophole, then I have no idea what you are talking about, and you should really figure out the difference between right and wrong quickly before you go to jail, which might be where you belong?

This Week’s Caption Contest Winner

Guided by Vodka | May 25th Score:95

No, old people! The TV is BEHIND you!

Posted in: The Videogum Why Don’t You Caption It? Contest: ‘Gum Bowl Edition

Ed. note: Congratulations, Guided By Vodka. You earned it!

This Week’s Editor’s Choice

Ed. note: This week I choose ALL THE COMMENTS! Lazy? Yes? Holiday weekend? DOUBLE YES! Honestly, don’t tell anyone, but sometimes the Editor’s Choice is COMPLETELY ARBITRARY, because the reality is that you guys post literally thousands of comments each week, many of them very clever and thoughtful and contributive, and I simply don’t have the time Friday afternoon to convene a colloquy of Fair Minded Judges to determine the exact best one according to a subjective set of rules and qualifiers. So for this beautiful long weekend, let’s give it a rest and all just ENJOY EACH OTHER’S COMPANY.

Comments (142)
  1. See, everybody who’s nervous about commenting because you thing you’re not clever enough? Of course most of us aren’t the Videogum Valedictorians. We are still the champions of BEING PALS ON THE INTERNET, which is partly the point. Certainly not the entire point! But partly the point. It’s commenting, jump into commenting.

    • I think “Pals On the Internet” is pretty much going to be the name of my new company. Hello Web 1.2! It can be a safe place for low resolution graphics and music that plays automatically. Don’t worry parents!

    • Hooray!! Hi everybody! I’ve been lurking for at least a year. The real reason I haven’t really commented is work, and not being able to watch videos on company time. By the time I get to them, the thrill of messing around with your pals is gone. So, I’m going to try to shirk my duties and take the plunge!

      • Me too! Except I took the plunge a few weeks back. I’ve been lurking forever, I only even registered so I could recommend “The Quiet” for WMOAT, a recommendation which was originally seconded by Steve Winwood, which, in my ignorance, I did not realize to be the kiss of death around here. Being seen as a Winwoodhead can ruin one’s life. But I have managed to overcome that adversity and still enjoy sort of being here sometimes!

    • This is why meaverly is so popular; you are a gracious and welcoming person and you always make me feel at ease…I really do like you!
      Now if you could only help me be clever…

      • Right? I might have said this before, and if so sorry for being creepy, but I am such a fan of meaverly. If this were Facebook I would so click the thumbs-up button and “become a fan” of her but for now I’ll just settle for upvoting.

    • Speaking of pals: Stop by Chat sometime, Monsters! ( http://videogum.com/chat/ ) Of course, I won’t be there because it’s a hot lovely ass day, but other pals are there…probably. It’s chat! jump into chat!

    • Just a quick My Mom story: my mom thinks “It’s life, jump into life!” is the funniest thing ever, besides the “I Like Turtles” kid and The Room.

  2. Seeing as we don’t have an Editor’s Choice, how about we go for a Monster’s Choice? Where we all just post our favourite comment of the week? I shall start. Why? Because I came up with the gorram idea, dammit!

    ” Narrowstrife: May 27th
    50 Cent: Get me Philip Seymour Hoffman!
    Smithers: He’s unavailable.
    50 Cent: Then get me his non-union Mexican equivalent – Philip Señor Hoffman!”

  3. I hope Gary Coleman didn’t die from a stroke, because the universe is already cruel enough.

  4. Man. Now I’m at work for 2.5 more hours with nothing to look forward too :( .

  5. I am currently in the throes of listening to the Complete Videogum Summer Jam Mixtape, and OH MAN, Money Can’t Buy You Class just started and so did my SUMMER.

  6. the moment I get recognised at the monster’s ball I’m retiring from the site… don’t you guys dare enjoy/hate what I say, I like it here!

  7. Remember monsters when having fun at your barbecues keep safe and always drink responsibility, and also don’t forget to bring your Videogum Miixtape to jam at your parties

  8. Yes! I finally made editor’s choice! I haven’t been this excited since I made TIME Magazine’s Man of the year 2006.

    This is definitely going on my resume’.

  9. I posted this days later in the LOST thread, but considering two of the top 5 are about Lapidus, I’m going to repost this here.


    It was a great week, fellow monsters!
    Have a good weekend!

    • what does david cross have to do with lost?

    • mydaughter'sname69  |   Posted on May 28th, 2010 +32

      I know I’m late to the party, as in I’ve never been so late to any party in my life, but I watched the Lost finale on Hulu last night. This was the first and only time I’ve ever seen an episode of Lost. Oh man, what a strange experience for me, you guys! At first, it was hard just trying to figure out who all the characters were, because everyone was talking about people I didn’t know, and just as I think I’ve learned people’s names and faces, the show would introduce more characters, and this happened over and over. This show has so many characters! And then all these characters would be acting all intense and melodramatic, because when they touched each other they would have 90s-music-video-colored flashbacks of the memories they had with each other, except they weren’t really memories because they happened in an alternate reality or something? Or they were all dead and this was the afterlife? And they all cried and said things super dramatically, except the things they said didn’t make any sense. You know how trailers for Oscar bait movies tend to focus on the scenes of the most dramatic acting to emphasize how the actors are very good, very acting, except you don’t really understand why they’re being so dramatic because all the clips are out of context? This show was like a two-hour-long version of that. Oh boy there were so many lines that didn’t make sense to me. Like near the beginning where that Ben guy said “When you said you were going to destroy the island, I thought you were speaking figuratively!” because why in the world would he think that? Did he think it was a euphemism for pooping? My favorite part was when after Desmond went down in that cave to pull some rock out of some other rock and nobody mentioned him again or seemed to care that he was presumably dead down there, but then Jack goes down into the same cave to put the rock back, and the other guys pull up the rope to find Desmond attached to the end, not Jack, and they’re all, “Oh no! Where’s Jack? This is so sad!” right in front of Desmond, who they absolutely don’t care is still alive. I thought that was pretty bad manners. So in conclusion, I know all these things probably made sense to people who have actually watched the rest of the show, but I don’t care because they provided me with an interesting, baffling experience, and I’d rather be baffled for two hours than understand things for 120 hours or however long this show is.

  10. mydaughter'sname69  |   Posted on May 28th, 2010 +7

    Yeah, it’s supposed to be pretty nice outside, but we all know Gabe’s just in a hurry to hit up the Early Bird Special and get to bed.

  11. are we not chatting? it seems like there’s not chatting. chat?

  12. My avatar just doubled in value!

    Hope everyone has a Happy and Safe weekend:)

  13. Hooray! I made it into the Editor’s Choice! (First time is the best!)

    On a diff’rent note (ha?): I’m leaving tomorrow for Africa! Woohoo! So for two weeks I’ll be without the internet and without the funny and/or thoughtful and/or entertaining comments on this here blog.

    For some reason I just felt like sharing because I’m super excited for this trip. Anyway, keep up the good work VideoGummers!

    Peace.

  14. That’s Webster, right?

  15. I was all sad because of Gary Coleman (no lie, I am really, weirdly saddened), but then I come to Monster’s Ball and see the good news! Woo-hoo! Thanks, Monsters. Everyone enjoy the trendy cocktail of the moment on me this weekend!

  16. when are we going to discuss gary coleman. it’s important.

  17. Yay, everyone! Yay, Memorial Day weekend! It’s pools! Jump into pools!

  18. If you don’t celebrate Memorial Day because you don’t live in the US, here’s a great site I found for watching videos: http://www.hulu.com

    okhaveagoodweekendeveryonebye

  19. There is a serious lack of cute animals on this thread.

    Much better.

  20. If I had a cute animal I would bring him to this wonderful cyber party. Instead I would like to inform you all that David Cross has a new album out! So there’s a gift to get for your goodly wife (The goodly wife statement taken directly from Patton Oswalt. SEE Crediting people is easy!)

  21. Have a great holiday weekend, everyone! And don’t worry about 50 Cent. He’s been eating and will be back in shape in no time!

  22. I had a super bust week at work, so not much time to Videogum lately (not even on the LOST finale post, grrrr). But I still love you all! Happy weekend!

  23. Steve thus far it’s been David Cross talking about the time that he shit himself in his shorts while walking his dog and That One I love that gif.

    • well what ever you do, DO NOT POST ANY OF HIS JOKES because that would be “stealing” according to his holy princess Gabe who is opposed to thievery with militant fervor.

      PSYCHE! Just kiddin’!

  24. Have a great long weekend (those of us who spell color without the u, put a period at the end of Mr., believe in the z over the s, think two ls are better than one, prefer our first set of quotes to be double and the second single, and hold true to the power of the serial comma)!

    I’m off to live up to the addendum of my name and go play some frisbee (amongst other Vermont cliches, no Phisho).

  25. YESSSSS my Lapidapandering paid off!

  26. Damn you Bret Michaels! Heaven couldn’t take you, so they took Gary Coleman!

  27. yessssssssssssssssssss I did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! best of the worst. HOLLA.

  28. stealing for all!!!!!!!!!!!!

  29. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • I can’t tell whether this person is serious or not. Either way, downvote to infinity.

      Also, I like how you said you’ll leave it at that, and then you didn’t leave it at that.

    • So I can totally have your iPod? Sweet! I’ll be by to get it tomorrow.

    • It’s funny you should mention this.

      Today I went to lunch at this little place here in town. I ordered the lobster bisque, a cajun chicken wrap, tater tots and drank 3 sweet teas. It was pretty good.

      I walked back to work. It was really humid out and hot. Lord, like the inside of a jean diaper, if you know what I mean. Close. Anyway, I’m walking and there is this sort of transient/riff-raff looking guy in this parking lot eating a gazelle! Right in downtown [redacted]. I couldn’t believe it. It was by that burger place with the out door seating. Everyone was just sitting there, smoking and drinking $1 draft beers (is that what beer costs? I don’t know) and sort of looking at this dirty guy crouched over this beautiful animal that he was rending apart with his teeth and bare hands.

      So I am walking by and I just can’t help myself. I run up and grab the corpse of the gazelle and take off with it. Blood is pouring all over my suit; the homeless guy is screaming at me; the outdoor stereo is playing that song by the Script, “Breakeven.” I just book it back to work with the gazelle over my shoulder, take it and put it under my desk with this plastic bag of gym socks I found in a parking lot last week.

      Your comment just reminded me of that. I have to day, today was a good day to be a lawyer.

    • Hit Girl might be trying to take a stab at rephrasing the “What Is Property” argument of PJ Proudhon. He was an anarchist and a mutualist, and maintained that without equality there is no trade in capitalism that is not theft. “Property is theft” is his most famous quotation.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_is_Property%3F

      Or maybe she’s full of poop.

    • My kind of gal.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norman_Spinrad
      ‘Child of fortune’, Highly Recomended, Hit Girl. HeavyBookClubGum.com

      A fine, medium-rare taking of the lowest-rated ‘comment’.
      Quite a Woman.

  30. “Hey everyone, I won Monster’s Ball Editor’s Choice!” – Me

  31. If you’re a LOST fan you’ve probably seen this already, but it’s wonderful: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=di3w1yV4Ehg

    Just to keep you occupied when you’re not remembering our troops this weekend.

  32. Remember that Memorial Day is about honoring our war dead, not about engaging in rampant jingoism. Originally, Memorial Day was created to honor the Union soldiers who died in the Civil War. It’s not a celebration of how our military can crush anyone else’s, it’s about remembering that when politics fail, a lot of people end up dead.

  33. Good evening ladies and gentlemonsters, and welcome once again to the Capu Flapu Videogum Awards for Services to Awesome.

    As I am sure you’re all aware, these awards were bred out of one robotic butler’s compulsive desire to list and quanitfy the traits of the things surrounding him. As such, a list was made, determining Capu Flapu’s favourite 10 Videogum commentors. And that is why we are here tonight, to celebrate the achievements of these warmly inviting, smart and humourous users, who have made Videogum one of the last bastions of good conversation on the Internet.

    (I just wanted to give a shout-out to all the people that make Videogum awesome, whether by means of funny comments, or by being nice on chat, or by calling out trolls and naysayers. A million thanks to you all. Though trolls may try to shoot you down, hold your head high and keep doing what you are doing. Because what you are doing is singlehandedly giving me a LOLk tat will last well into the afterlife).

    1. notsewfast
    2. werttrew
    3. I Like A Skinny Tie
    4. Mans
    5. That One
    6. tiredandwired
    7. wwwest
    8. Mr Hausfrau
    9. meaverly
    10. An American Patriot

  34. R.i.p. See you in the big multi-denominational, sideways-temple in the sky.

  35. I probably won’t be commenting for a while (well maybe sporadically from work), just moved into a new place and I’m staying offline for a few weeks/months to focus on some other things… I’ll miss you all (even Winwood), this is turning into a great community. I’ll be back when winter comes.

    • Welllll, I’ve been gone all week for absolutely no good reason! But let’s just say I’m really, really sunburned! Parts is parts, folks….. and maybe being a nakedpainter isn’t what it’s all “cracked” up to be!

      • Unfortunately, I won’t be posting much either. I went into work for my first day on Monday and my computer screen is perfectly facing my bosses office. What a cruel cruel joke. So, basically I’m going to be super late to all the parties.

      • Perhaps a pretty parasol?
        Scandalously sold sundries, or sun-screan?
        Possibly, undoubtedly, an umbrella?

        (polishes back of watch-fob, mounts rickety ‘engine-powerd’ high-wheeler, toddles off)

  36. A shitty week, But, alot of fun too.
    Happy being a monster, hope you monsters,
    be happy too, heh.

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