I haven’t seen Sex and the City 2, and I’m not going to, because I find movies about rich people complaining that they were late to carb-free brunch because there’s no parking to be found for their boyfriend’s Mercedes on the Upper West Side to be unpleasant. “It’s like Confessions of a Shopaholic, except there are four of them, and they’re all pushing 60.” Perfect. “Oh, and their vaginas are super hungry.” But with every Sex and the City iteration, be it the television show, the first movie, or the exciting trivia game, there is one question that the ladies love to ask each other: WHICH HANDBAG ARE YOU? Each handbag has its own unique personality and sense of style. So, ladies, which is it?

HAHA, WE’RE JUST HAVING FUN, RIGHT GIRLS? Seriously, though, Sex and the City is bad for humans.

Comments (93)
  1. I’m the one from the vendor outside the Kinko’s on 6th avenue that 6 months later finds out it’s a Dolce & Gabbana clone.

  2. Roger Ebert’s review of this movie was rad. I highly recommend you read it. Lots of mean zings.

  3. Wait..There is a Sex and the City 2? Its in the desert? GOOD. i hope they stay in the desert and aren’t wearing any suncream.

  4. I am the handbag that looks like a horse.
    Am I doing this right?

  5. Does this mean SATC2 is not this week’s Videogum Movie Club selection? Because I already bought my ticket and got a babysitter for notsewfast.

      • I went to the movies yesterday and there was literally a line of middle aged women at the “Fandango machine” waiting in line to get advance tickets for this abhorrent, couture-porn people call a movie. I said to one of them, “you know you can buy tickets online, right? That’s kinda why they invented Fandango.”

  6. I’m the garbage bag!

  7. Brunch for Gabe means putting a single prune in his total


    • you seem very depressed about modern life these days, that one. maybe you should change your avatar to something more positive- i think death might be having a bad influence on you. might i suggest:

      may the (positive) force be with you!

    • If I set up my own game of Jeopardy, this movie would be one of infinite correct answers to “Why do they hate us?”

      “Our freedom,” would, however, not be correct.

  9. This looks like a gay man’s version of Hidalgo.

  10. mydaughter'sname69  |   Posted on May 27th, 2010 0

    I heard that alligator skin handbags have gotten a lot cheaper recently. The bad news is that most of them have crude oil stains on them. I’m pretty sure that’s the only bad news though.

  11. I’m the handbag that’s full of bricks, so I can bash my head in if I ever have to see this movie.

  12. Everyone has to read this review of the movie. It is one of the best things I have read in a long time. Excerpt: “But very quickly, the SATC brain trust notices that it’s not all swarthy man-slaves and flying carpets in Abu Dhabi! In fact, Abu Dhabi is crawling with Muslim women—and not one of them is dressed like a super-liberated diamond-encrusted fucking clown!!! Oppression! OPPRESSION!!!”

    Full review at http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/burkas-and-birkins/Content?oid=4132715

  13. I am the handbag that I barfed in after reading the reviews for this movie. I am choosing to not think too deeply about how that works.

  14. I am the one full of vomit and shame.

    • True story: one time after staying at my sister’s place in Chicago and drinking way too much gin I threw up into my backpacking while waiting for the train back to Milwaukee. I then took the bag full of vomit and shame with me onto the train because it was my only backpack and I had no money to get a new one. So what I’m saying is that we are old, old friends Asa Hawks.

  15. I am a canvas tote bag containing a bottle of bourbon, Trader Joe’s palak paneer, and a used DVD of something disappointing starring Bruce Campbell. I don’t think this major motion picture is for me.

  16. The last time I bought a racist handbag I got a lot of flack for it, so I’m gonna go with the self-satisfied one.

  17. I’m the leathery one.

  18. I am a pocket.

  19. I saw this movie last night, because I’m a great brother who does awesome things for his siblings, like see shitty movies with them. Full disclosure: I liked the show. It’s not the best thing ever (it’s no Cashmere Mafia, ya know?), but sometimes it could be funny. This movie, and the experience seeing it was one of the more unpleasant things I’ve witnessed.

    Plot: Carrie hates that her husband doesn’t like going out and wants to spend time with her. So, she and her lady friends (including Gracie Law!) go to the middle east and make fun of ladies who have to lift their veils to eat french fries. They have to leave the middle east when the slutty one (Gracie Law) drops her purse and everyone in the spice souk sees her condoms. Men yell at them and they’re saved by veiled ladies who they bond with over feathered shirts and menopause.

    The movie was terrible and the audience was worse. Right when the movie started, a lady walked in and yelled: “Watch out skinny bitches, I’m gettin’ married on Saturday!” Everyone applauded but me. Later, when Carrie leaves her apartment in a thin dress the lady behind me goes “Oooh Carrie, I hope its not cold!”

    The worst.

    • Yeah I totally only saw the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 1 & 2 because my sister wanted to.


      This is actually a serious question, because he’s in it- he’s in the orchestra, and apparently the first shot of Carrie was supposed to pan from him playing to her. I’m wondering if I should buy a bootleg DVD (just kidding!) of it so we can watch his part. Did the camera ever get close up on a brown-haired cellist at the Gay Wedding, before Liza?

  20. Boy, this Prince of Persia movie looks like shit!

  21. It’s not a “handbag”, it’s a carryall, thank you very much.

  22. I wanna be the “European Carryall” that Jerry carries (get it?) around on some episode of Seinfeld…A “manpurse” if you will…

  23. I have successfully fought off 3 invitations to this movie. When asked, I begin making gagging noises until the inviter gives up, leaving me alone.

  24. Whichever I am, i feel PURSE-UED by all the hoopla for this movie!

    • I have to say that it was a really difficult internal struggle on my end to upvote you for making me laugh or to downvote you for the pun. Upvote wins the day.

  25. I thought the girls were all about fashion… Does this movie take place after they become retarded?

  26. My quiz result says “colostomy bag”, so does that mean I’m Kim Kattrall?

  27. i’ll be whichever bag fits most securely over my head when my girlfriend drags me to this thing.

  28. just looking at that picture makes me feel like we’re winning the war on terror.

  29. “Urban Outfitters will start selling shirts that say:
    ‘I’m a Carrie’
    ‘I’m a Samantha’
    ‘I’m a Charlotte’
    ‘I’m a Miranda’
    and if you buy all four you get a bonus shirt that says “I’m an idiot”

    Nick Madson on behalf of Seth Meyers

  30. I’m a ballbag. #dickjokes

  31. I’m the bag of dicks.

  32. im the bag that doesnt care

  33. I’m the canvas bag with the cat in it, sinking in the river.

  34. Sex and the City 2: Sex Harder

    Sex Hard with a Vengeance

    Live Free or Sexy

  35. My comment was awaiting moderation too and it was never posted. I hope its posted soon because I forgot what I wrote. Too bad because I’m sure it was comedy genius.

  36. GABE: HAHA, WE’RE JUST HAVING FUN, RIGHT GIRLS? Seriously, though, Sex and the City is bad for humans.”

    I find the SATC machine vile and what the characters represent pretty loathsome too. I’m licking up the schadenfreude all over the nets.
    But as a target for the sharpest shooting satirical bloggers and reviewers, SATC has a pretty wide ass and I think the reaction to this garbage has been WAY overplayed.
    The heroes of mainstream romantic comedies are self-pitying, ambitionless, overweight men-children. The biggest action movies are three hours of construction machinery grinding into each other.
    Hardly anyone is really making children’s movies for actual children anymore.
    There have only been 2 of these movies. If we’re for raising movie standards, let’s widen the range beyond the Dior stretch pants ass.

  37. I’m really sick of people asking me what kind of bag I am.

    • I always feel like you and Cooperman seem to comment in the same vicinity of each other on most threads, which elicits a lot of “Awwwwssss” from me in your little adore-off competition. Keep up the good work you guys. The work of being cute.

  38. I remember talking about feminism in a history class once, and this kid brought up how Sex and the City is really good at exemplifying all the different ‘types’ of modern women and I was just like, Can you please shut up, or at least go back to using Gossip Girl to illustrate your point?

    UGH. This is supposed to be a WORLD-CLASS UNIVERSITY.

    Oh, sorry, this is supposed to be about handbags. I’m a Kate Spade, for sure!

  39. Is this the final slide of the jihad powerpoint?

  40. Nearly 700 votes. 700.

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