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Late yesterday afternoon, DeadlineHollywood was reporting that Megan Fox had bee dropped from Transformers 3. Speculation was rampant, as speculation usually is, as to why she had been fired, although most people assume it relates to last summer’s press junket for Jennifer’s Body when Megan Fox kept calling Michael Bay “Hitler” and talking about how he sucked at his job. Fair enough. I mean, he does suck at his job, but I can say that because he’s not my boss. If he was my boss I would be like, “You are so good at your job, sir.” And he would be like, “I’m so glad I cast you alongside Will Smith in Bad Boys 5: Badder Boyser. You are a much badder boy than Martin Lawrence ever was.” And then I would bow deeply, and go drive a Hummer through a shanty town, killing all the stupid poor people in it because I have to get to the launch pad before the rocket takes the diamonds into space, or whatever. I haven’t read the script yet, but something like that, probably.
Already by yesterday evening, there were publicized rumors that Gemma Arterton was the front-runner to replace Megan Fox as Shia LaBeouf’s love interest in Transformers 3. That was fast! Although by this morning people are saying that every woman in Hollywood is basically being considered. Congratulations, every woman in Hollywood. I’m sure this is a very exciting time for you. Meanwhile, Megan Fox’s publicity team finally released a statement on her behalf:
From People:
“Megan Fox will not be starring in Transformers 3,” reps for the actress, 24, tell PEOPLE. “It was her decision not to return. She wishes the franchise the best.”
Ha! Right! I mean, come on. That’s not true. I would be willing to believe that an actor would excuse himself/herself from a hugely successful, highly profitable franchise in order to pursue more meaningful projects, but not THIS actor. Sorry. No. I don’t even think Megan Fox decides what kind of vinegar to drink for breakfast, much less to leave a movie. Megan Fox, more like Megan Fired! And also Liar Fox. Good names.
But what no one has been reporting during this media whirlwind is that TRANSFORMERS 3 IS GOING TO BE AWFUL REGARDLESS OF WHO PLAYS SHIA LABEOUF’S LOVE INTEREST. But that is what Duh Aficionado magazine is here for. To report the obvious when no one else will. Isn’t that right, Mr. Haynes?
“No duh.” — Augustus “Gus” Haynes, City Desk Editor, Duh Aficionado magazine (1988-2012)
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Transformers 3: Transformore
3: Revenge of the Vapid
Transformers 3: The Tranny Diaries
Tyler Perry Presents: Transformers 3: Madea Touches the All Spark
It’ll make billions!
Transformers 3: Transfourmore. Cause they ain’t stopping for a while.
Forget Transformers 3, I’m holding out for 4Trans4mers
The face-to-palm inducingness (i am so good at words) of this is that it could actually be the real, and I wouldn’t be surprised.
the real?
shit. i’ve been in russia too long.
Duh Aficionado Magazine: For the Serious Connoisseur of Idiocy
That’s not really fair, Gabe. You make it sound as if it is just this movie that will be terrible regardless of who plays Shia Labeouf’s love interest, when really, ANY movie with Shia Labeouf in it is going to be terrible, regardless of who plays Shia Labeouf’s love interest.
First the racist robots, now Megan Fox? Is nothing sacred?
Just when I put in my backorder for Duh Aficionado: Megan Fox is a Babe (May 2007 edition).
TRANSFORMERS 3: Rosemary’s Baby Robot
Didn’t she make like a million dollars for that Armani underwear campaign she did? I’m sure she’ll survive. Plus, this will give her time to work on her accent, because if that Jonah Hex trailer taught me anything, it’s that Megan Fox is bad at accents.
And also acting.
“That’s a minor detail” – Keanu Reeves
Why doesn’t Shia have a Robot Girlfriend?
I know someone who is interested:
Now that’s a Maid I’d Like to F…ight Decepticons With.
i’m with you. he already got at least to first base on top of his best robo-friend. i figure it’s a pretty short leap into the arms of sweet, oily robo-love from there.
Megan Fox has officially transformed into Lindsey Lohan.
Hold up! It’s not even Freaky Friday yet!
Gus looks cool. I bet he busts out a heck of a Strongbad impression to liven up dull editorial meetings. “After this meeting I’m totally gonna checka the emails!”
“”Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” is a horrible experience of unbearable length, briefly punctuated by three or four amusing moments. One of these involves a dog-like robot humping the leg of the heroine. Such are the meager joys. If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination.” Roger Ebert.
And, he sums it all up rather nicely with: “Like I say, dumber than a box of staples.”
Actually, I believe that they are expanding the search for Shia LeBeouf’s love interest beyond Hollywood. I just got word from my agent* that I am a frontrunner, as are all lady monsters, and gentlemen monsters willing to wear a wig.
*mom.
I read she couldn’t do it because it conflicted with her role in the Traudl Junge biopic.
“I’m so glad I cast you alongside Will Smith in Bad Boys 5: Badder Boyser. You are a much badder boy than Martin Lawrence ever was.”
- with this, Gabe, you haven proven YOURSELF to be the baddest boy.
Really? this is the girl that we’re ragging on? Don’t bite the hand that feeds (your akward monster-boy fantasies).
hmm, well it was a photo of Megan Fox during her SNL monologue in a dress that was terribly sexy and the one time I thought her sex-appeal actually lived up to the hype. Okay, see you all later. I’m heading to my neighborhood lesbian bar for karaoke and girl on girl jello fighting!
Don’t worry, I can see it. I can see it really well.
“giving Shia a new love interest makes more sense for the story,”
Uh, huh. Uh huh. hm. What? Oh I’m sorry. You lost me at Shia, then love, then ‘makes more sense’, and also this curious word “story”. Perhaps add more explosions. Yeah, explosions, that’s the ticket.
Let’s talk more about Megan Fox’s love interest in that photo. A yellow rose? Megan is at the very least a blood-red rose lady, maybe a black rose, judging by that arm tattoo.
Downvote me all you want, but something about Megan Fox piques my interest. I don’t necessarily find her intelligent, or well-mannered, or deserving of her fame, but there’s something about her that intrigues me. Maybe it’s just the fact that she’s a more beautiful woman than I am. Actually, yeah, that’s probably it.
I’m not a professor of Megan Fox Studies, but I get the feeling that she’s a genuinely odd duck. Like, in the universe where she doesn’t look like Megan Fox, she’s diagnosed as a high-functioning Asperger’s Syndrome sufferer. From what I’ve read about her interviews, there’s nothing sexy about them, and she seems to stubbornly not connect with either (a) the interviewer or (b) the public’s image of a sexy starlet. Or a sexy woman rebelling against her sexy image. Or an average girl next door thrust into stardom. Or whatever.
People who are good with people tend to have an incredible radar for how the person they’re addressing will read what they’re saying. Megan Fox doesn’t seem to have that at all; she really cannot imagine how she’s coming across.
Not coincidentally, I doubt very much that anyone suffering from Asperger’s Syndrome would be a very good actor.
I love her (and I’m a woman) but she is weird. Like really weird. And not a good actress at all.
Of course we all know she can’t act so idk why I even said that.
She had to clear her schedule for her next film, “Jennifer’s Body: Revenge of the Rotting Corpse.” P.S. Did you know that “Jennifer’s Body” was named after the Hole song? Of course it was!
Seriously, someone must hate me on this site.
Maybe they’ll link up again, for Bad Boys 7: Baddest Boysest
Can I just say how much I love Clark Johnson? The best.
“Some shameful shit right here.” – Gus Haynes
So does this mean we’ll see Megan Fox in a bunch of art house films? Like ‘Megan Fox in Lars Von Trier’s Antichrist Parte Deux’. She dies in the end. Because Von Trier hates women.
I do have to shamefully admit that I will probably see this opening weekend in the theater, because Alan Tudyk is in it, and I will pretty much watch anything he is in. Damn you Bay! Damn you for exploiting my love of the Tudyk!
I will probably also see this, although entirely against my will. The downside to having a super nerd for a boyfriend is the fact that he’s totally ok with sitting through almost three hours of Michael Bay movie for a few scenes of Optimus Prime fighting. (The plus side: it’s so easy to buy him presents!) Transformers 2 is the only time I’ve purposely fallen asleep in the theater.
You could fall asleep with all that noise? Impressive.
Gemma Arterton is pretty.
I’m glad they made a point to mention her age in the press release. It’s like “hey horny teenagers, remember, she is still young and hot, she has plenty more time to make terrible movies where she wears few clothes and/or is a bi-sexual vampire.”
Personally, I kind of believe that she didn’t want to return. And Jennifer’s Body is better than anything Michael Bay had EVER done.
Breaking Real Thing That Actually Happened:
Heidi Montag ever-so-subtly-but-not-subtly-at-all asks Micheal Bay to cast her in the next transformers movie (via AV Club, via Twitter):
“Michael Bay I love your work! I know what a artistic brilliant genius you are! Cast me in the next Transformers.”
Flattery will get you…[barf]
She makes me legitimately sad.
I have to say I’m with Team Fox on this one.
Mostly because we have the better team name.
Fox is the just first star to refuse to submit to the painful 3D process….She also demanded more money to be visible ‘kinda side-on’.
the