You know how it is. Some days, you can simply shoot a snake in the mouth with a handgun and that will be enough. But some days you can’t get that snake’s head to come off without shooting it right in the face with a bazooka from about three feet away. And it’s not out of the question that you may have to burst through the wall on a motorcycle in order to get to that snake. The important thing, though, is that you do what is required. Maybe today is a handgun day. Maybe you can just roll off the bed and grab your handgun and take care of business. But maybe today is a bazooka day, and maybe the snake is guarding the door, so you better hold on tight and get that motorcycle going from a couple blocks away to build up speed because those bedroom walls are reinforced. Only use as much force as you need to, obviously, but let’s get going, you guys. Let’s paint, exercise, and destroy these snake faces!

Comments (37)
  1. I just politely ask them to leave in Parseltongue.

  2. You know, the wall of windows behind you would have also made a perfectly suitable entrance, Bro.

  3. Hey, dude from The Bold and the Beautiful! Wow, you have had some CRAZY plastic surgery since your snake fightin’ days.

  4. FAKE.
    I haven’t really been here in a while. Do we still do this?

  5. To be honest, I’d probably be a little bit rattled after an encounter like that.

  6. Ugh. I hate snakes.

  7. To be fair, this guy was killing snakes before it was cool. He’s basically Samuel L. Jackson 1.0.

  8. This is actually the tribute film showed at Edward Uhl’s funeral. He helped invent the bazooka and passed away May 9, 2010.

  9. Was this set during the Boa War ?

  10. I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to shoot arrows in the snakes head and neck to pin it against the wall so that your friend, Conan the Barbarian, can cut it’s head off with a few swipes from his trusty sward (sic).

  11. That was one pussy-ass bazooka.

    • Seriously, what did he fire out of it, some fireworks? Although to be fair, the inside of that snakes mouth is apparently coated in Kevlar.

  12. I simply need to find this, on VHS, and host a viewing party. This entire film is a treat.

  13. Doubtless, in all the excitement, you missed what sharp-eyed Youtube commenter deformedchibai noted on this video’s comment wall:

    “she has large breasts too =D”

    This clip just has it all.

  14. First off, I would have started with the Machete I keep under my Pillow, but that’s just me. You wanna jump to 22′s and bazookas at close range, be my guest. Obviously you went to a different school than I did when it comes to bazooka theory and practice.
    Second, I LOVE the part at 0:18 where the snake is like “BWHUHHHH!?!?” and looks from left to right as Motorcycle Madness breaks through the wall! He’s checking, thinking, “What’s he gonna do? Does he have a bigger gun?”

  15. Gabe, are you slowly posting clips from Hard Ticket to Hawai’i as some sort of long-term viral ad for an upcoming remake that you are secretly writing for? Or did you see the film in your youth and it left such a profound message with you that you feel the need to share those lessons with us from time to time?

  16. Why did they keep making movies after that scene? We obviously live in the sad grey post Hard Ticket To Hawai’i era, and I for one, didn’t even know it.

  17. Ironically, my high school nickname was “4-barrel bazooka.”

  18. truly riveting cinema.

    it reminds me of the time i spent in the jungles of south america in the late 70′s.
    i found the minigun to be very effective at removing reptilian heads at close proximity.

  19. No snakes are allowed in Hawaii. Especially an “escaped snake made deadly by Toxic Waste!” (from imdb) Hawaii does not kid around about that shit. They are SO strict about animals. If Gabe wanted to move to Hawaii and bring Birdie along, she would have to stay in quarantine for 6 MONTHS! WHUT?? Yeah, 6 months. Forget it, Birdie. it’s Quarantine-Town.

    Basically, for all you aspiring filmmakers, if you want to have your characters fight an irradiated snake with a bazooka and/or handguns in a tropical locale and don’t want to come up with some elaborate, improbable back story having to do with easily smuggled snakes— say, on an airplane of some sort, for instance— then set that shit somewhere else, like Haiti or something.

  20. This typifies my reaction thus far to this season’s up-fronts.

  21. Busted in there like his mentor the kool aid man.

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